I Want to Hold Your Hand (11 page)

“If what’s true?”

“That woman, the one from New York . . .”

“Cameron?” he asked, suddenly not liking where this was heading. “What about her?”

“Tell me she’s not really moving in with him.”

The utter devastation on Megan’s face stunned him. If this whole thing weren’t so ridiculous, it would be funny. Here he was crazy about a woman who was crazy about his brother who was crazy about someone else altogether. Funny, right? Yeah, not so much . . .

“Megan . . .” As much as he wanted her for himself, he didn’t have it in him to break her heart. “What am I supposed to say?”

“So she
is
moving in with him.”

“Yes.”

Her sharp gasp and the immediate flood of tears made him feel helpless. “Thank you for telling me the truth.” She attempted a stoic expression that failed miserably. “I just don’t get what he sees in her. They have absolutely nothing in common.”

Hunter had no clue how to reply. Did he dare attempt to spell out what Will saw in Cameron, or was he better off saying nothing? Before he could decide, she continued.

“I mean, I guess she’s not ugly or anything.”

Hunter choked on his coffee. Cameron was gorgeous and funny and warm and loving and fascinated by the Abbott clan as well as their business. He’d never seen his younger brother so happy or more in love.

“I want to understand, but I can’t. She swoops into town and next thing we know he’s totally
gone
on her? What do we even know about her other than the fact that her dad is totally loaded? Is that what he wants in a woman?”

Hunter could no longer hold his silence. “That has nothing at all to do with it, Megan. She doesn’t live off her father’s money, not that it’s any of your business or even mine. Why does anyone love anyone?”

Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “He
loves
her? Like he’s
told
you that?”

Hunter wanted to shoot himself for throwing that grenade into the conversation. “Not in so many words, but it’s pretty obvious to all of us that he’s . . . you know . . .”

“What?” she asked in barely more than a whisper.

“In love. Deeply in love.”

Moaning, she dropped her head into her hands. “Why
her
? Why not me? What did I do wrong?”

He was stuck in the middle of a nightmare of his own making with no escape plan. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes things just happen, and there’s no explaining why.”

She glanced up at him with a tear-stained face that killed him. As far as he knew, other than a random encounter years ago when they were right out of high school, Will had never encouraged her affections nor had he ever led her on. His brother’s lack of interest hadn’t deterred Megan from carrying the proverbial torch all these years. “Thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate it.”

“I’m sorry it wasn’t what you wanted to hear.”

She shrugged. “I suppose I’ll have to get used to it if she’s actually moving here and he’s in love with her.”

The idea struck him out of nowhere and was pouring from his mouth before he could question the wisdom. “You know what might make you feel better? If you went out with someone else.” To his knowledge, she hadn’t dated anyone else in all the years she’d held out hope that Will might one day change his mind about her.

“How would that help?”

“It might get your mind off Will and give you something fun to do.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll think about it.”

He swallowed hard and went for it before he could talk himself out of it. “I’d be happy to take you to dinner sometime. Any time. You tell me when.” Oh my God! Could he sound any more pathetic?

“That’s really nice of you, Hunter, but I don’t want your pity. I’m not that desperate. Not yet anyway.”

Staring at her, his mouth agape, he tried to get his spinning brain to form the words. “I don’t pity you,” he said, sputtering. “That’s not it at all.”

She shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, but I can’t see how it would be a good idea for me to go out with Will’s brother to get my mind off him. You understand I’m sure.”

He understood a little too well. She’d never go out with him because of who he was to Will. Awesome. “Sure.” Hunter tossed a five-dollar bill on the table. “I understand perfectly, but consider it a standing offer if you should change your mind.”

As he got up, she pushed the five across the table to him. “The coffee is on me.”

While she was still focused on the money, he said, “I don’t pity you, Megan. Not even a little bit.” Filled with despair, he left the bill on the table, walked out of the diner and crossed the street to return to his office above the store, all the while thinking it might be time to take his own advice and go out with someone else.

Except the only one he seemed to want wanted his brother.

Sometimes life was truly a bitch.

CHAPTER 8

How did I spend so much time hating Caleb when he was capable of that?!? Oh my God, it was AMAZING! My friends told me it would be awful and it would hurt and all this other dreadful stuff, but I must’ve picked the right guy because it was none of those things. If we both live to be 102, I’ll never forget our first time together. I’m buying a new, bigger lock for the box where I keep my diary. If any of my annoying brothers ever found this, my life would be over.

—From the diary of Hannah Abbott, age seventeen

H
annah’s lips tingled for thirty minutes after she left Nolan and the garage. That was how long it took to drive to Caleb’s parents’ home on the other side of Butler Mountain. Her emotions were taking her on a wild ride today—the excitement of her new relationship with Nolan, her despair over Homer’s loss, the lingering pain brought on by her dream about Caleb, the tinge of shame at being caught sleeping on the sofa with Nolan.

It didn’t matter that she was thirty-five years old or that she’d been married and widowed before she was thirty. All that mattered was that her parents had discovered them together long before they were ready for people to know there was something to be discovered.

With hindsight it was clear that she should’ve known better than to let him stay, even with his truck tucked in her garage, away from Butler’s prying eyes. But it had felt so damned good to be held and kissed by him, to be comforted at her time of loss by someone who’d loved her husband almost as much as she had.

There was also some guilt mixed into the emotional mess. Yes, she felt guilty for the way she’d kissed Nolan, not only last night but just now, too. She’d practically jumped all over him like a bitch in heat, rather than the respectable widow people in town knew her to be.

Respectable widow. Were there any two words that conjured a more boring image of a woman in her mid-thirties who was just figuring out that she was, in fact, still very much alive, despite her unbearable loss? What if she no longer wished to be a respectable widow? She’d grown to despise the word
widow
and all it conveyed.

Kissing Nolan was the most exciting thing to happen to her in years, and she couldn’t wait to do it again, even if it made her feel guilty to move on from the husband she’d planned to love forever.

As she arrived at the Guthries’ tidy Cape Cod–style home, she told herself this wasn’t the time to be thinking about moving on or other men. While she might have that option, Caleb’s parents and brother would never get to move on with someone else, because they couldn’t replace him.

A horrible thought occurred to her as she parked the SUV and turned off the engine. Was that what she was doing? Was she
replacing
him? The thought brought tears to her eyes for there was no replacing Caleb Guthrie. He’d been one of a kind, a bright light in all their lives who’d been taken from them far too soon. But as much as she might wish otherwise, he was gone and he wasn’t coming back. Spending time with Nolan wasn’t wrong if it made her feel happy again. Caleb would’ve wanted that for her, or at least she hoped so.

They’d never discussed what she should do if he didn’t come back from the war, because he’d absolutely refused to acknowledge the possibility that something could happen to him, which was fine with her. That kind of reality was one she had absolutely no interest in until it was thrust upon her suddenly and violently on a soft, sweet May day almost seven years ago.

This time of year always brought back the pain of that day. Every time the forsythia bloomed, she was forced to remember something she’d much rather forget. But just as she couldn’t bring him back, she also couldn’t forget the grief or the agony she’d endured for years. Maintaining that level of grief was exhausting.

She’d always been a happy person, content with the little things in life. Joy had come easily to her until Caleb’s death snuffed out the joy and everything else that made her feel young and alive. Being with Nolan made her feel joyful again. He made her feel hopeful, which was another emotion she’d done without for far too long.

A knock on her window startled her.

Her brother-in-law, Gavin, grinned at her. Since he lost the big brother he’d worshiped, his grin didn’t light up his eyes the way it used to.

Happy to see him, Hannah opened the door and let Gavin hold it for her while she gathered her bag and the item she’d brought for her in-laws.

“Caught you woolgathering,” Gavin said, kissing her cheek. Like his brother, he was tall and muscular and wore his dark curly hair much longer than their army officer father preferred. His jaw was covered in scruff, and as always, his startling resemblance to Caleb filled her with yearning.

“Good to see you, Gav.” She hugged him and held on a bit longer than she probably should have. They’d been to hell and back together and had struggled to maintain their close friendship after Caleb died. Whenever they were together, they were reminded of who was missing. “It’s been a while.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Things have been hectic.”

“Don’t be sorry. I know all about hectic.”

“I feel so awful about Homer. That news hit me like a ton of bricks when my parents called last night.”

“I’m sure it did. It was a tough night.” She glanced up at the handsome face so similar to her husband’s that she’d had trouble looking at him for a long time after she lost Caleb. “I dreamed about him reuniting with Caleb.”

Gavin crossed his arms and looked down, but Hannah saw the muscle pulsing in his cheek that gave away his raw emotions. “I bet that was some reunion.”

“Nolan suggested we do what Caleb would’ve done and have a big over-the-top Sultans funeral for Homer.”

He looked up, the smile stretching across his face so much like his brother’s that Hannah had to look away. “I love it. That’s exactly what we need to do.”

“We’re hoping to do it next weekend. You can come, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Good.” She hesitated before she said, “Do you think, maybe, you could say a few words about Homer and what he meant to Caleb and to the rest of us?”

“I’d be honored. Thanks for asking me.” Gavin hugged her again. “I came over to check on my folks in light of everything . . . But I gotta get back to work.” He owned a logging company that had been very successful in recent years. Caleb would be so proud of the brother who was only eleven months younger than him—his “Irish twin” as their mother had liked to say. The two of them had been as close as any two brothers could possibly be, and his grief had been difficult to bear.

“How are they?” Hannah asked, eyeing the well-kept two-story brick house with trepidation.

“Hanging in. Just like the rest of us. What else can we do?”

What else could they do indeed? “I’ll see you next weekend, Gav.”

He kissed her cheek. “I’ll be there.”

Hannah waved to him as he backed his big pickup out of the driveway and drove off. She took a deep breath of the cool early-spring air and headed for the mudroom door at the house where she’d been treated like a member of the family since the day she started dating Caleb. “Hello,” she called out, trying for a cheerful tone even though walking into that house was like a punch to the gut every single time.

“In here, honey,” Amelia called from the family room. On most days, Amelia could be found in her comfortable recliner, needlepoint or knitting needles in hand. Today, however, she gazed out the window that overlooked the mountain in the distance. “This is a nice surprise.” She raised her plump cheek to Hannah’s kiss. “You and Gav in the same afternoon.”

The walls of the family room were covered with pictures of Caleb and Gavin. A shadowbox containing Caleb’s medals was the focal point of a wall devoted to his military career. The picture of him in uniform, a fierce expression on his lean face, never failed to stir Hannah’s emotions.

“We’re both on the same wavelength.” Hannah tore her gaze from the picture she didn’t have at home. It was a painful reminder of how and why she’d lost him.

“Today hasn’t been the best day I ever had,” Amelia said.