I Can't Die Alone (7 page)

I couldn’t believe he’d kept all of those things. It was unbelievable, and I was touched beyond words.

He picked up a little white box and rubbed the top with his fingertips. His eyes closed and I felt for a moment that I was invading on an important moment that I shouldn’t have witnessed. 

“I want you to have this.” He looked over at me with a small smile on his lips. “I didn’t get a chance to give it to her.”

I opened the lid and there was a diamond ring inside. “Is this a…?” I couldn’t even get the words to come out. 

“Yep. I was going to propose to her, but we broke up before I could.”

“It’s beautiful.” The gold band had one diamond sitting on top. It was round and rather large in size. It shined like it was brand new. “I can’t take this.” 

“I want you to. It was only hers. I never gave it to anyone else. It’s been sitting in this box for over twenty years. I want you to take it.”

“I’m dying.” I choked up. “I wouldn’t get to keep it.”

“You can wear it, and when you see your Mom again –and I know you will, tell her all about it.” 

“I will. Thank you Ben.” I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a big hug, before slipping the ring on my finger. It was a perfect fit, and I’d be buried with this token, a token of true love. 

“Dishes are all done,” Bo interrupted. 

Benjamin patted my arm once more. 

“I guess that means you can give me a lift back to the hotel?” I squinted in Bo’s direction. 

“Nope.” He grinned. “Dad and already discussed it, and we want you to stay here.”

“I couldn’t. That’s too much. No, I’ll be fine at the motel.”

“Um, no. It’s not up for discussion. We have a perfectly good guest room and you can stay until…” Bo stopped midsentence. 

“Until I die,” I reassured him. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m not gonna get any better.”

Bo’s face saddened at my words, but I there was no sugar coating what was going to happen.

“It could be months, or weeks, or days,” I explained. 

“Please stay,” he pleaded. 

I looked to Benjamin for some kind of sign, and he nodded. They both wanted me there regardless of what was going to happen to me. It was so much more than I could’ve ever hoped for. I came here so that I wouldn’t have to die alone, and they were offering me a safe haven, a home, companionship. It was selfless, and it meant more to me than they’d ever know. 

“Lead the way.” 

I accepted their invitation and let Bo lead me to my room, but not before hugging Ben once more. 

“Dad and I both work tomorrow, but I’ll be home around three. The house is yours, so do whatever you need. Make yourself at home, and if you’re up for it when I get home then I’ll take you on that date.” Bo proclaimed.

“Sounds great,” I replied. “Thanks, Bo.” My eyes moved to the floor, as not to make eye contact. 

“Of course beautiful. Sleep well.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek softly, and I still felt the warmth of it even after he left the room. 

There was no way of knowing what was going on between us, but there was definitely something going on. I was falling head over heels for him, and I couldn’t fight it even if I wanted to. 

It felt good, better than good. 

Stop overthinking it Tori.

I went to bed that night with only him on my mind and the way he made me feel. Tucking the cover tightly under my chin, I hoped that thinking of him would bring me good dreams and less pain. 

“Hey, sleeping beauty. You’ve been asleep all day?” Bo ran his fingers along my cheek. 

“What time is it?” I asked stretching my stiff muscles. The rumble in my stomach meant that I must’ve skipped a meal.

“Well, I’m already home from work, and I believe you’re in the exact same position that I left you in this morning.” 

His wit didn’t go unnoticed. Bo was cheeky. It was one of the things that I loved about him.

I rose up off my pillow and combed my fingers through the rat’s nest that was my hair. I must’ve looked horrible. I’d been sleeping all day, literally all day.

“I can’t believe I slept so long. Ugh, I must look a mess.” Leaning down towards my shoulder I sniffed just to make sure that I didn’t stink. 

Bo laughed. Reaching out his hand, he pulled me up off the bed slowly. 

“How do you feel?”

I took a deep breath, but I couldn’t deny it. “Hungry,” I admitted.

He flashed a smile at me, the one that turned my insides to mush. “Good, because I’m taking you out for dinner tonight.” 

It sounded great. “But I don’t have anything to wear. I only brought three days worth of clothing with me, and well, yesterday was day three.”

His eyes moved around the room like he was assessing the situation. There was no solution that I could think of, unless we had time to do laundry. 

He clapped his hands together. “I’ve got it. How about while you take a shower,” he grinned. “I’ll go get take out and bring it back here. In the meantime, you can throw your dirty clothes into the wash.”

“Alright, that sounds good actually.”

He showed me where the bathroom was, and the fresh towels. Then he left to grab us some food, which he said was a surprise. Thank goodness I wasn’t a picky eater. I’d eat almost anything except oysters. Yuck!

After my long, much-needed shower; I put on the same nightclothes from before. So, the shower was useless. At least I was comfortable though. 

I picked a comfy spot on the couch and flipped through the channels until Bo got back. His arms were overflowing with bags, and the smell was unbelievable. It was chicken. I’d know that smell anywhere. My mouth was watering. 

“Thank you, this smells delicious. What time will your Dad be home?” I asked.

“He only works four days a week, so his hours are usually long. He usually gets in around eight thirty or nine.” 

I helped him unpack the massive amounts of food from the bags. There was seriously enough to feed an army, far too much for just the two of us. I didn’t even know where to begin. It looked so good.  

“I didn’t know what you liked, and I figured Dad would love the leftovers.” 

Inhaling deeply, I moaned at the smell. Was there anything that smelled better than fried chicken? 

I couldn’t think of anything.

Funny how you can recognize certain things by smell, like chicken, or gasoline, or even Bo. He smelled like cologne. Not the kind of cologne that was strong, but like the cologne that was just barely there so that you knew he smelled amazing, but it softly lingered. 

Bo was staring at me funny. 

I was oblivious to my surroundings because I wasn’t used to the company. I’d set myself up for embarrassment way too many times with him. Letting my mind wander to far off places, and thinking out loud. Every time he stared at me I’d get tongue-tied and have to look away. I was a social disaster, clearly a loner. This whole sharing my space with others was going to take to some getting used to.

“Sorry.”

“No, continue.” He cleared his throat. “I was enjoying it.”

Again with the comments… Could my face be any redder?

“I want to get to know you better. You don’t have to shy away from me. I like that I keep you on your toes, and when you blush like that I think you’re beautiful.”

Deep breathe in.
Who says things like that? 

Maybe I was being naïve, but I’d never been with a guy before. I’d never been told those things by anyone except my mother. The way he said them was unbelievably hot, and I couldn’t hide the way his words made me feel. 

“You’ll get used to me,” he said.

“Will I?” I smiled. “I know I should be better equipped in this dating process, but to be honest I’m glad I’m not.”

“Why’s that?” He asked. 

“As crazy as this sounds, I want to be able to remember this feeling.” I squinted my eyes tightly because I felt like I wasn’t making much sense. “It’s always been me and my mom. I was almost seventeen when she got sick, and I devoted all my time to taking care of her. I never got the chance to live the normal teenage life. I never really had friends. I guess you can say that I had to grow up quicker than most. Only, what I didn’t realize at the time was that I hadn’t really grown up at all. Maybe my heart was older, but my experiences weren’t. So when I say I want to remember this feeling it’s because I know I’ll never get it again. It’s a little late in life for first time butterflies, but it’s an amazing feeling. Gosh, I must sound so stupid. I feel stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. I get it. I meant every word I said about wanting to know you. I’m glad that I’m the only person to give you butterflies, and for what it’s worth, you make me feel the same way.” 

I looked him in the eyes as he said those words to me. I didn’t want to look away. It was hard, but I found the courage to keep eye contact. There was no hidden meaning or false hope. He spoke the truth, and it was everything that I needed to hear and more. 

“You guys start dinner without me?” 

“Dad,” Bo said giving him an awkward glance. “Perfect timing.”

I smiled and looked away. Interruptions or not, there was no wiping the smile off my face.

The three of us ate until we couldn’t move. There was so much food, but we managed to eat almost all of it. I had two pieces of chicken, which I never did, but this was no ordinary fried chicken. It was amazing. 

“Since your Mom passed away, what’ve you been doing? Did you work?” Ben asked me as we made ourselves comfortable in front of the T.V. We decided to save the dishes until later.

“I didn’t have to. After Mom died, I sold our house and my Mom’s car to move to an apartment closer to the city. I had money left from my Dad’s life insurance policy as well, so I didn’t really have to work. I adopted a cat, tried to learn to play the piano, and watched Netflix all the time.” Both men thought that was funny as the room filled with snickers. “I volunteered at the animal shelter occasionally, but I started feeling sick about a month ago. I never got a chance to go to college, and I wouldn’t know what I’d go for anyway.” I shrugged. 

The room was a bit silent except for the television. They were probably pondering over my missed opportunities. I didn’t have time to dwell.

“As long as we are all here together, I was hoping I could go over a few things with you. About the funeral and stuff. If you’re up to it?” 

They agreed, and I was thankful. Tomorrow wasn’t a guarantee and I needed to be prepared.

“I’ll go get my notebook,” I said, as I stood up from the couch.

“I’ll go make popcorn?” Bo questioned and I rolled my eyes. Who has to ask if you want popcorn? Duh.

He smirked.

I grabbed my notebook from my backpack and padded down the hall back towards the living room. I stopped next to Bo in the kitchen. “I know that funeral planning isn’t the ideal date,” I whispered to him. “But thank you. Tonight was wonderful, and I won’t forget it.”

“Me either.”

“Okay…” I sat cross-legged on the couch, with my notebook and pen in hand. “Are you sure that you don’t mind helping me?”

My shoulders sagged because I knew this wouldn’t be easy.

“We’ll do whatever you want,” Ben promised as he patted my knee. 

“Thank you,” I cleared my throat. “Okay… I plan on withdrawing all the money from my account. There will be more than plenty to cover my burial costs and you guys can have the rest.”

“Wait,” Bo interrupted. 

“Don’t argue with me, Bo Cooper.” I pointed my finger. “It’s my dying wish.” And that shut him up really quick. “I only have one living relative that I know or have met. My grandmother is in a nursing home, and she’s not well. She doesn’t even remember me. I’ve paid for her stay and her medication very far in advance. She is more than taken care of, so the rest of my money will go to you guys. We clear?”

They both agreed. 

“I want a white casket just like my Mom, and I don’t need any kind of visitation, because I’m not expecting visitors. Just you guys. There is a plot available next to my Mom, and I have all the info for it in my bag. That’s where I’d like to be. Oh, and I want to wear this ring that you gave me Ben, and blue jeans. No dresses! Also, I’ll leave you guys the address to my apartment and the name of my neighbor. They think that they’re just cat-sitting Duncan, because I didn’t tell them I wasn’t coming back. I’ll write them a letter if you don’t mind giving it to them. You’re more than welcome to anything in my apartment. There is a lot of furniture and stuff, or you can just leave it all there and the management will clean it out. It’s whatever you want to do. Don’t feel obligated to do anything; I just want to know that I didn’t leave any loose ends. Oh, and I hate roses. Crazy right? But I don’t want any on my casket, if that’s okay?”

Bo stood up and walked away quickly.

“Bo,” I called out, but he kept walking right out the front door. 

I exhaled. “I’m sorry Ben, I didn’t mean to upset him. I…”

“It’s okay. It’s just a lot to process. He needs a little time, that’s all. We’ve never had to deal much with death in our family. My Mom passed away when Bo was just a toddler. He doesn’t even remember her, so I’m sure that it’s just hard for him to hear about it. He’ll be fine, though. I promise. Just give him a little time.”

I couldn’t guarantee the time part, but I’d let him process it in his own way. It was just too much too fast. It would be for anyone. 

“Okay,” I said. “I think I covered everything. I’ll make sure I write it all down. Thank you for helping me. It’s not something that you’re obligated to do, and I’d understand if you didn’t.”

“I’m going to be here for you, so you don’t you worry. Okay?”

I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder. For a moment, I thought I should go talk to Bo, but I decided against it. Death wasn’t an easy subject. Like his father said, he’d come around in time. Space and fresh air were probably the best things for him.

I just hoped he didn’t need too much time.

Bo left a set of keys on the dresser in my room and a note that said –Go Shopping.