Hung Up (13 page)

James:
What I’m thinking is related to a dream I had. Have you ever heard the saying “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”?

Lucy:
You’re thinking about death?

James:
I just had a dream and I want to talk to you about it before I forget it. I always forget them.

Lucy:
You should get a notebook and write your dreams down in it. Keep the notebook by your bed. A lot of people do this.

James:
I don’t have
that
many dreams.

Lucy:
How would you know? Maybe you’re just forgetting them.

James:
Fine. I’ll buy a notebook.

Lucy:
You could probably just use one that you already have.

James:
Okay. Fine. I’ll find a notebook.

Lucy:
Good. Does this mean you’ll share your dreams with me?

James:
You’re talking too much. Can’t you listen? I have to get ready for school and I feel like I’m forgetting my dream even as we speak.

Lucy:
Yes. I’ll listen. Go ahead. Tell me about your dream.

James:
I dreamed about a slate plaque.

Lucy:
Sounds like a boring night.

James:
It made me think of the plaque maker.

Lucy:
And?

James:
Did you ever call that guy? What happened? I mean, it’s the whole reason our lives ever intersected, and we just stopped talking about it.

Lucy:
We moved on to better things. Hey, I’m wearing a skirt today.

James:
Lucy, I don’t want to hear about your skirt.

Lucy:
Wow. When you dream about plaques, you become a totally different person.

James:
Don’t mock me this early in the morning.

Lucy:
I don’t consider this mocking. Now, if I start emitting monkey sounds, then you can accuse me of mockery.

James:
You’re all weird this morning.

Lucy:
I’m getting ready for school and I’m tired.

James:
Back to my dream. And the slate plaque. Lucy, did you ever call the guy?

Lucy:
Yes.

James:
Really? Because in my dream you called him! Wow.

Lucy:
I don’t think it rises to the level of “wow.”

James:
What happened?

Lucy:
We talked.

James:
Yeah. But what did you say? Did you give him a piece of your mind?

Lucy:
I don’t know. Maybe.

James:
That doesn’t make any sense. Of course you know whether or not you gave him a piece of your mind.

Lucy:
I guess I mean that what I said is personal.

James:
You told the plaque maker personal things?

Lucy:
Yes.

James:
Like the things you tell me?

Lucy:
No. Um, more personal.

James:
Seriously? Why did you do that?

Lucy:
I needed to.

James:
Are you saying this because you’re tired and just being random?

Lucy:
I’m not being random. I’m saying it because it’s the truth.

James:
Did the plaque maker want you to tell him personal things?

Lucy:
Yes.

James:
Well, that’s creepy. Is he some sort of Svengali?

Lucy:
A what?

James:
A villain. Somebody who manipulates other people.

Lucy:
You’re not making any sense.

James:
I’m not making any sense? I’m not the one pouring my heart out to a deadbeat trophy maker.

Lucy:
He’s just a person. You sound so angry.

James:
You sound so different. Sad.

Lucy:
I’m freakishly tired, James. Therefore, I lack pep.

James:
No, this isn’t fatigue. It’s sadness. I can tell the difference.

Lucy:
Are you sure you don’t want to talk about my skirt instead?

James:
Yeah.

Lucy:
I don’t want to talk about the plaque maker.

James:
You know, you don’t want to talk about a lot of things with me.

Lucy:
Did you call me up to point out my flaws?

James:
What’s wrong with you this morning?

Lucy:
Nothing! I wasn’t ready to have a serious discussion yet. That’s all.

James:
Did something happen besides the plaque maker? Something with CeCe?

Lucy:
No. Why would you think something happened with CeCe? That’s weird.

James:
She’s the only person in your life who you talk about.

Lucy:
The only person in your life who you talk about is Jairo.

James:
And Nan.

Lucy:
Right. Nan.

James:
And Bo.

Lucy:
Barely.

James:
And my grandmother.

Lucy:
I don’t have any living grandmothers to talk about with you.

James:
How come it took you so long to tell me Greg Tandy’s name?

Lucy:
I don’t think it took me
that
long.

James:
How come you never told me that you called the plaque maker?

Lucy:
I thought we were trying to talk about things that mattered with each other.

James:
Well, you just told me that you told the plaque maker personal things. So now I want to hear all about it.

Lucy:
You’re possessive.

James:
I’m not possessive. You’re secretive.

Lucy:
Okay. Talking to the plaque maker isn’t a happy story for me.

James:
What did that asshole say to you?

Lucy:
Calm down. He’s not an asshole.

James:
Did you used to date this guy or something?

Lucy:
Did you recently hit your head? I think that guy is at least forty.
At least.
Why are you asking me such lame questions?

James:
So what did you tell him?

Lucy:
I told him a story about my plaque and reminded him that I’d already paid. Then he agreed to ship it to me.

James:
Some guy who quit his company and fled to New Jersey is suddenly going to do the right thing and ship you your plaque? He’s lying.

Lucy:
I don’t think he’s lying. He apologized for his behavior.

James:
And you just forgave this asshole and now everything is fine?

Lucy:
Pretty much.

James:
You omit tons of stuff when we talk.

Lucy:
You’re way too hung up on my slate plaque.

James:
Until I dragged it out of you, you never told me about your diorama. Or dating Greg Tandy. Or calling the plaque maker. And it took you forever before you told me where you lived. Plus, you never talk about your parents.

Lucy:
You don’t talk about your parents either.

James:
We’re talking about
you
and
your
hang-ups.

Lucy:
Everybody has hang-ups. I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect!

James:
When you start crying, it makes it hard to talk to you.

Lucy:
You’re the one who’s making me cry. And I need to get ready for school.

James:
Okay. Fine. We’ll talk later.

Lucy:
Not if it’s going to be like this.

James:
What do you mean? You don’t want to talk anymore?

Lucy:
You’re accusing me of too many things and acting like a crazy person.

James:
No, I’m not. I’m being normal.

Lucy:
I’ll be the judge of that.

May 2, 3:14 p.m.

Lucy:
I never told you about the plaque maker because I didn’t think you’d care. Also, there’s something about my plaque I never told you, but I’m not really ready to tell you yet, okay?

May 2, 4:19 p.m.

James:
Of course I care about the plaque maker. I care
about anything that you care about. And as far as withholding a story about your plaque, that makes no sense to me. But I know how to respect boundaries. So
I
won’t hound you about it. I won’t even bring it up again. I’ll just wait for you to tell me.

May 3, 8:48 a.m.

Lucy:
I’m calling because I want to lighten things up.

James:
It’s Saturday morning. What makes you so sure that I’m awake?

Lucy:
I was so eager to achieve my goal of lightening things up that I overlooked the fact that you might not be conscious yet.

James:
I’m conscious. Lighten away.

Lucy:
I have a pet.

James:
When did you get a dog?

Lucy:
Oh. I don’t have a dog. I have a way better pet than that.

James:
A cat?

Lucy:
No.

James:
A rabbit?

Lucy:
Try again.

James:
Fish?

Lucy:
Closer.

James:
A lizard?

Lucy:
Nope.

James:
Turtle?

Lucy:
Nein.
That means “no” in German.

James:
I know that.

Lucy:
Guess again.

James:
I give up, Lucy. What pet do you have?

Lucy:
You gave up way too easily.

James:
A ferret?

Lucy:
Uh-uh.

James:
A hermit crab.

Lucy:
No way.

James:
Is it a form of insect?

Lucy:
No. Do you give up?

James:
I thought I gave up at turtle.

Lucy:
I have a parakeet.

James:
But when I guessed fish, you told me that I was close.

Lucy:
Right. Because a cat will eat a fish or a parakeet, because it’s a predaceous animal. My pet is a prey animal.

James:
Your logic baffles me.

Lucy:
My logic works.

James:
What’s your parakeet’s name?

Lucy:
Santiago.

James:
You named your parakeet after the capital of Chile?

Lucy:
I’d never thought of that.

James:
Okay. How long have you had Santiago?

Lucy:
Six years.

James:
That’s a long time to withhold your parakeet ownership from me.

Lucy:
I didn’t withhold it. It just never came up.

James:
So when we finally meet each other, will I get to see Santiago?

Lucy:
I don’t think so.

James:
So far, I don’t feel much “lightening up” going on in this phone call.

Lucy:
Well, Santiago doesn’t live with me anymore.

James:
Did he escape?

Lucy:
No. He’s in a box at CeCe’s. We mated Santiago with her parakeet, Paris.

James:
You mated two parakeets named Santiago and Paris? What are you hoping to yield from that?

Lucy:
Baby parakeets!

James:
Aren’t pet parakeets difficult to mate?

Lucy:
Well, they have to like each other. And they need a nesting box, because apparently they need the darkness. It helps Paris’s hormone level and kicks in her parenting instincts. And the cage has to be between seventy and eighty degrees Fahrenheit.

James:
Naturally. So Paris is the girl?

Lucy:
Yes. Paris is the girl keet and Santiago is the boy keet. And for a long time Paris wouldn’t even sit on the same perch with Santiago.

James:
Well, if your keets don’t like each other, it sounds freakishly implausible that you’re going to wind up with eggs, let alone baby parakeets.

Lucy:
But we’ve got eggs! Paris laid them yesterday! Five!

James:
Is that a normal amount?

Lucy:
That’s actually a very good question. Because egg laying is demanding on their bodies. And parakeets can get into a mode where they don’t stop laying eggs. They lay them and lay them until they die.

James:
Wow. That’s a disturbing image.

Lucy:
I know.

James:
So five is a good number?

Lucy:
It’s a great number. But Paris did strain herself a
little on the last egg and CeCe had to rub olive oil around Paris’s cloaca. Do you know what a cloaca is?

James:
I can guess what it is.

Lucy:
The eggs will hatch nidicolous. That means that they stay in the nest until they’re ready to fly. They grow fast. They’ll be ready to leave the nest in a few weeks.

James:
Can you see the eggs?

Lucy:
A little. They’re in the nesting box.

James:
Now that’s something I’d like to get a peek at.

Lucy:
Well, I’m not ready to show you my eggs.

James:
I figured that would be your answer.

Lucy:
I didn’t mean that in a sexual way.