Hung Up (5 page)

James:
I bet I know him!

Lucy:
Exactly.

James:
You should tell me his name right now.

Lucy:
When it’s anonymous, it’s fun to talk about this stuff. But the idea that you might know these people freaks me out.

James:
Vermont is a small state. If you want anonymous phone conversations, you should call some high school kid in Texas.

Lucy:
Don’t be like that. I’ll tell you about this another time.

James:
So you can ask me any question you want, but I can only ask you questions you feel like answering?

Lucy:
I think I might be more private than you.

James:
Thanks a lot.

Lucy:
I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I think we’re just different.

James:
Well, you’re wrong. I’m plenty private.

Lucy:
This isn’t a contest.

James:
It’s getting late. I’ve got homework.

Lucy:
Don’t get snippy.

James:
This isn’t snippy. This is politely getting off the phone.

Lucy:
Will you call me tomorrow?

James:
Will you tell me who you were in almost-love with?

Lucy:
I don’t know.

James:
Then I might not call.

Lucy:
That’s very passive-aggressive of you.

James:
Will we talk about college?

Lucy:
What do you mean?

James:
Where we’ve applied.

Lucy:
That could give me hives.

James:
Antihistamines cure hives.

Lucy:
Nothing
cures
hives. All drugs do is alleviate symptoms associated with hives.

James:
You sound like a commercial. You need to lighten up.

Lucy:
Okay. If you call tomorrow, I don’t know if I’ll tell you who I was in almost-love with, but I’ll tell you a good story either way.

James:
Promise?

Lucy:
Yes. I promise.

James:
I’ll call you tomorrow, then.

Lucy:
Call me late.

James:
Why? What have you got going on?

Lucy:
Nothing. I like talking to you late is all.

James:
I’ll call around eleven.

Lucy:
This feels like a date.

James:
When it comes to dating, you have low expectations. Financially speaking.

Lucy:
So you’re calling me cheap?

James:
I guess I am.

Lucy:
Wow. We really are strangers.

April 11, 6:38 a.m.

James:
I know I was supposed to call you yesterday. I know that I didn’t. I know you’re getting ready for school, and you’re not answering your phone because you think I’m a jerk. But I’m not. I can explain. I’ll call you after school. By the way, you never told me how you did on your issue paper. I fear that means your grade might have been B range.

April 11, 3:27 p.m.

James:
I’m not a complete jerk.

Lucy:
I never thought you were a
complete
jerk.

James:
First things first. How did you do on that issue paper?

Lucy:
I got an A.

James:
Why didn’t you mention that earlier?

Lucy:
I don’t like to brag.

James:
Okay. Good. Now let me explain why I didn’t call you.

Lucy:
It’s not a big deal. But here’s my stand on people who flake. If you’re not sure that you can call me, then say that. If you want to leave it open, then say that. If you tell me that you’re going to call me at a certain time, then you should call me at that time. Otherwise, I worry.

James:
So you were worried about me?

Lucy:
I like it when people call when they say they’re going to call.

James:
But we’re not talking about people. We’re talking about me.

Lucy:
Yes. I was worried.

James:
I like that.

Lucy:
That’s very selfish of you.

James:
I didn’t call because something bad happened.

Lucy:
Were you in an accident? Are you okay?

James:
There wasn’t an accident. And my injuries aren’t physical in nature.

Lucy:
What happened to you?

James:
I saw something.

Lucy:
Something horrible?

James:
Yes.

Lucy:
Was there blood involved?

James:
No.

Lucy:
Can you just get to what happened?

James:
It was lunch. I was walking to my locker. I had a Clif Bar in there and I wanted it. As I turned the corner, I saw them. Jairo and Nan. They were standing at Nan’s locker. Kissing. Not a peck. But a deep,
let me investigate the cavern of your mouth and try to attach my tongue to your uvula
kiss. I stood and watched. Jairo kept running his hands through her hair. I heard moans.
Moans.
I felt sick, Lucy. I mean, vomit sick or passing-out sick or losing-your-shit-and-punching-someone-in-the-face sick.

Lucy:
That is sick. Sounds like you really needed that Clif Bar.

James:
This isn’t funny, Lucy. I think they’re in love.

Lucy:
Don’t jump to conclusions. You don’t know that. They were getting it on in a hallway. And, personally, I think it’s embarrassing to moan in public. Releasing those sounds in hallways lacks a certain amount of decorum. I mean, deep moaning can really travel. The janitor or principal could have heard her. Maybe even people using a nearby bathroom.

James:
If she were kissing me like that, I’d release deep moans too. Wherever I happened to be. I wouldn’t care who heard.

Lucy:
Don’t get graphic. So what did you do?

James:
I thought about yelling. I thought about punching somebody in the face. But I turned around and left.

Lucy:
Where did you go?

James:
Lake Champlain.

Lucy:
You left school?

James:
I needed to think.

Lucy:
You shouldn’t cut class. It’s a bad pattern.

James:
I did it once.

Lucy:
Well, if you do it again, it’s a pattern. So how long did you stay at the lake?

James:
Until sunset.

Lucy:
Wasn’t it freezing?

James:
I was wearing a coat.

Lucy:
Didn’t your ears get cold?

James:
My hair sort of covers my ears.

Lucy:
How long is your hair? Do you have vicious sideburns or something?

James:
Has anybody ever told you that you’re not a very empathetic person?

Lucy:
I’m trying to cheer you up by distracting you from your pain.

James:
It’s not working. It feels like you’re mocking me.

Lucy:
Sorry.

James:
I thought Jairo was my best friend.

Lucy:
Have you tried to talk to him about it?

James:
Sort of. When all this started, we had a brief discussion. He said, “I think I like Nan.” I said, “What are you talking about?” He said, “I want to take her to the Spring Bash.” I said, “Don’t be an asshole.” He said, “I’ve felt this way about her for a while. I mean, you can’t control who you like.” I said, “Eat shit.” He said, “Stop acting like this.” I said, “Stop trying to date my girlfriend.” He said, “You’re not going out anymore.” I said, “Jairo, you’re an asshole.” Then he walked off.

Lucy:
That exchange doesn’t exactly sound like it resolved anything.

James:
God, Lucy. Imagine how this feels. What would you do if you stumbled across CeCe kissing your ex?

Lucy:
I can’t imagine CeCe kissing Leslie.

James:
Leslie? Are you telling me that you date girls?

Lucy:
No. Why would you think that?

James:
The name Leslie.

Lucy:
He was an exchange student from Wales.

James:
An exchange student from Wales named Leslie was your last boyfriend? Is that why you didn’t want to tell me his name? I don’t remember a kid from Wales who played basketball.

Lucy:
Leslie was my second-to-last boyfriend. But let’s not talk about me. Let’s get back to Jairo and Nan and you.

James:
There is no “me” in the Jairo-and-Nan equation.

Lucy:
You should find Beth Howie and kiss her right in front of them.

James:
Why would I want to kiss Beth Howie?

Lucy:
To spite them.

James:
That doesn’t make any sense. I broke up with Beth Howie in eighth grade.

Lucy:
All I’m saying is that by kissing somebody else in front of them, you’ll show them that you don’t care.

James:
But I do care. And I want them to care too.

Lucy:
Nan is a jerk. You shouldn’t like Nan anymore.

James:
It takes me longer than an instant to get over somebody.

Lucy:
Sometimes you’re so mature it’s scary.

James:
Maturity scares you?

Lucy:
In guys? Yes. Loads.

James:
Lucy, I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you.

Lucy:
I don’t know what to say to make you feel better.

James:
Just listen.

Lucy:
Okay.

James:
Seeing Nan and Jairo kiss made it more real. I can’t go to the dance and see them all over each other. I might have a heart attack. It hurts that bad. Literally. The thought of those two together gives me chest pains.

Lucy:
What about your date? What will she do? You can’t stand her up.

James:
I haven’t asked anyone yet.

Lucy:
Oh.

James:
There is a minor complication.

Lucy:
What?

James:
I’m nominated to hold court. All the starters on the basketball team are.

Lucy:
I don’t know what that means.

James:
Sort of like homecoming king, except it’s not homecoming. I guess in the back of my mind, even though we were broken up, I figured I’d ask Nan.

Lucy:
Forget Nan. James, you totally have to go. This could be the sort of thing you miss and then spend the rest of your life regretting. What if you win? Do you get a crown?

James:
I don’t know if I get a crown. But I can’t go. I can’t.

Lucy:
You have to. Take a hot girl.

James:
That’s not going to solve anything.

Lucy:
That’s my best advice.

James:
Are you sure you don’t have any other advice?

Lucy:
I’m pretty sure.

James:
Well, what are you doing next week?

Lucy:
What do you mean?

James:
Lucy, would you want to go to the dance?

Lucy:
You’re asking me to be your date?

James:
I think I’m being pretty clear.

Lucy:
For your Spring Bash?

James:
I know it’s short notice. Do you even have a dress? Am I giving you enough time?

Lucy:
Um, I have a dress. But are you sure? I mean, it could be awkward.

James:
What do you mean? I bet it will be really fun.

Lucy:
But what if it’s weird? What if we don’t like each other once we meet? What if we ruin
it
?

James:
It?

Lucy:
You know, our phone friendship.

James:
Phone friendship . . .

Lucy:
Don’t sound annoyed. It’s just, you’ve had time to think about asking me out, but I’m being caught off guard.

James:
Okay. Never mind.

Lucy:
Don’t say that! Sure, um, I’d like to go.

James:
Right. Of course. With your phone friend.

Lucy:
We are friends. There’s nothing wrong with using that word.

James:
I don’t ask my
friends
out on dates.

Lucy:
If you’d given me more warning, I would have had a better reaction.

James:
Do you always need warning time before being asked on a date? Or just with phone friends?

Lucy:
James, you’re not understanding me. What if, what if the person you think I am isn’t the person I really am and then you end up being disappointed?

James:
What are you talking about? Are you crazily different in person?

Lucy:
No, not crazily.

James:
Well, do you not want to meet me? Why have we spent so much time getting to know each other if you never wanted to meet me?

Lucy:
You’re springing this on me. I’m allowed to feel nervous.

James:
Springing it? Okay. Let’s stop thinking solely about Lucy and start thinking about James. I just asked you to go to a dance with me and you answered by saying “um, sure” in about the most uncertain-sounding voice ever. What about me and my nerves?