How We Lived (Entangled Embrace) (12 page)

“Yes,” I breathed. I wanted my hands there.

He licked his lips and scooted closer. “Touch me, Kels.”

I wrapped my hand around him. He was thick and hard, like his chest muscles, but stiffer. His head fell back on the pillow and he bit his lip.

I worked my hand up and down him, and then his hips moved to meet me. The way he held my stare the entire time made me wet again. Shifting down, I flicked my tongue against his hard tip.

“Oh, fuck.” He twisted the sheets in his fist.

The need to please him had me bending over again. I fisted him toward my mouth and completely covered his tip with my lips.

Chase’s whole body stiffened, and then he turned into the pillow. “
Fuck
yessss
.”

My core was throbbing again.

“Do that again, please?” His voice was strained like there was a million pounds of pressure behind it.

I stroked him again, but this time took every inch of him into my mouth. He watched me, eyes glazed over and dark, his stare still never leaving me. The sheets pulled taut as his grip on them tightened.

His hips took over, thrusting several times quickly into my mouth, then he pushed me back as hot liquid spread over our fingers. “Oh,” he moaned. Eyes tightly closed, a tremor shook his body.

I slowly ran my hand up and down him until he stopped. He opened his eyes and found me, then his body shook one more time. A lazy smile spread through his haze of satisfaction. A true, genuine Chase smile. I wanted to see him smile like that again. And again. And again. Nothing was more captivating.

He reached out and ran his palm along my hand. “I need to get something to clean us.”

With him standing now, I had the chance to really get a good look at him. His body was so sexy, a tight butt, muscles rippling in his back when he moved.

He fished a shirt from his dresser and wiped himself off. After he threw it in the laundry basket on the other side of the room, he picked out another one and came over to sit on the edge of the bed. He grabbed my hand and started slowly rubbing it. “I wish the shirt was wet, but I think it’s best if I don’t go into the hallway right now.”

I wanted to ask him what he thought Kyle would think about us. Chase made me happy. That was what mattered. But I was also afraid he’d tell me Kyle wouldn’t like it, so I kept my mouth shut.

When he was done, he kissed my forehead. “What are we going to do now? Everybody hates me. Your parents especially. And they hate my mom, too. Everyone’s going to be pissed.”

I laughed into his shoulder, and he drew back to look at me. He looked confused, but I couldn’t help myself. He was actually thinking clearly, worrying about what the people closest to us were going to think. And our obstacles, things that might keep us apart. Here I was thinking about Kyle, and really, even if he didn’t like it, there was nothing he could do about it now.

“Is that funny?” he asked.

“No. Not really, but when you put it out there like that.”

He pulled me closer and held me there. It was a while before he said anything. “We’re going to have to worry about it eventually.”

That was the thing. He was right. We’d have to worry about my parents, his mom, Bear, everyone…unless we didn’t. Unless we could somehow leave it behind. I sat up. “I kind of have an idea.”

His anxious expression turned puzzled. I knew that look. I’d seen it many times. It meant he was scared of what the heck I was about to say.

I ran my finger over his cheekbone. “I want to get away for a while. I’ve been thinking about it. Kyle was stuck. I don’t want to be stuck.”

“Get away?” He looked doubtful.

“Yeah. Leave town for a little while. Spend time alone with each other. Live life somewhere else for a change.”

A smile spread across his face. “Where would we go?”

My insides buzzed. I wanted this more than anything. “I don’t know. Maybe someplace warmer than here. We could drive south and see where the roads take us. It’d be an adventure.”

He twirled a piece of my hair in his fingers. “Now you sound like my mother.”

I laughed into his chest. “I know. I can’t help myself, though. I feel like we need to do this for Kyle. Where do you think he would want to go?”

His chest rose with a breath and then lowered slowly. “A beach. It wouldn’t matter where.”

Chase was right. Kyle loved the beach. It was a perfect idea. “What if we drove down to Virginia Beach or maybe even Myrtle Beach? How long of a drive do you think it is? We could probably get there in a day.”

He laughed into my hair. “You’re so cute like this.”

I squealed and jumped on top of him. “I’m just so happy right now.”

“Shh,” he said, grinning. “You’ll wake my mom. I think she’ll be shocked I have a naked Kels in my bed. Well, maybe not. You’ve been under my skin for a while.”

Chapter Ten

-Chase-

My first thought the next morning:
that was the best night of my life.

I had all but convinced myself yesterday after the scene in the diner that she was never going to be able to let the past go. The denial that we were seeing each other hurt like hell.

What a contrast from last night. She said she wanted me. Only me. She rode my fingers like she couldn’t get enough. It took every ounce of my willpower, every ounce of my restraint, not to show her how much I loved her. I still felt like I needed to deserve her, like I hadn’t done enough to prove it to her.

What a beautiful sight to wake to in the morning. Her back pressed against my stomach, her tight ass inches away from me. I was careful to keep my hard-on away from her, but I pressed her against me and whispered, “I love you, Kels,” in her ear.

She still slept, but part of her must have been awake because she snuggled in closer to me. I had to move my hips so she wouldn’t freak out.

“Good morning, beauti—”

“Oh, hell.”

I bolted upright, clasping the quilt to my waist. Mom. Her mouth hung open in shock. Kels stiffened beside me, and I looked down at her beautiful exposed back.

I tucked the quilts around her, protecting her. “Mom!” She was going to ruin this for me. I knew she was. She wouldn’t be able to keep her big mouth shut.

“Chase Lucas Crowley. What’s wrong with you? Please tell me that isn’t Kelsey. Dear God, please tell me you have not lost your ever-loving mind.”

“Get out,” I growled. I nodded toward an unmoving Kelsey. If my mother loved me at all, she would leave my room and not say anything else. She knew how much I wanted this.

She didn’t move. She planted her feet in the carpet and crossed her arms. “My God, what are Maryanne and Ed going to say when they get wind of this? What about the talk we had last night?”

I wanted to stand and shoo her away, but I couldn’t. “Mom, please,” I begged, looking down at my covered-up body to tell her I couldn’t talk about this right now. “I’ll be right out to talk to you.”

“Oh, Lord.” Her voice pitched higher as if she’d just now realized I was naked. That Kelsey was naked. “I knew you couldn’t let her go. It’s been months, Chase. Months…” She turned and her voice faded once the bedroom door shut behind her.

I sprang from the bed. “Son of a bitch.” Pain shot through my toe as I bent it backward trying to put on shorts. I was glad Kelsey hadn’t turned yet; she’d see my dick flipping around as I bounced on my other foot. Could this be any more fucking embarrassing? This was exactly why I needed my own place.

Soon
, I reminded myself,
and I’m taking Kelsey with me
. But one thing at a time. I needed to talk to Mom before she blew this out of proportion, made Kels feel bad, or worse, scared her away. I touched her shoulder.

She turned, her expression anxious. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No. I’ll be right back.”

I kissed her at the curve of her neck and she shivered. Jesus, she made me want to ignore my mother and crawl right back into bed with her. I spun away before I did just that and barely had the door open before Mom started in again.

“Chase.”

“Shh, Ma. Can I at least shut the door?” I shut the door quickly before turning to her.

Several different emotions passed over her face as she looked at me. “They’re going to make it out to be you. It was always you ever since you guys tried to run away. Don’t you remember? Ed’s going to come over here demanding answers. And oh my God, you had sex with her. You probably took her virginity. Jesus, Chase. He’s going to be livid. And the fact it was you—”

“Mom.” I tried to get her attention, but she kept going on and on about Kelsey being a virgin and how Mr. Larkin might kill me. “Mom! I didn’t have sex with her. God, stay out of it.”

She looked at me and took a deep breath. “Well, how was I supposed to know? You’re both in the same bed. Naked.”

I loved my mother, but it wasn’t any of her business. “I’m twenty-one. Don’t worry about it. I can take care of myself.”

“You don’t understand. Stuff’s going to hit the fan when they find out about this. First Kyle, now their daughter? That’s exactly what they’re going to think. And you know he always was a holier-than-thou ass. Why are you giving them reasons?”

“Mom, please.” I grabbed her shoulders. “Don’t scare her away. You know I love her. It’s been too long since she’s been in my life. I
need
her.”

Her eyes softened and some of the panic left her voice. “I know you do, baby, but will it ever be right with her?”

“Yes. She told me she forgave me last night. How can it not be right?”

Her lips turned down. “My little boy, I don’t want you to get hurt. She’s got to be so confused right now. You just started talking again and—”

“Trust me, Ma. She won’t hurt me. I know it. Kelsey and I? We’re perfect for each other.”

“She shut you out before. What’s to stop her from doing it again?”

“Just trust me on this one.” I waited until I knew she wasn’t going to shout any more stupid things before I opened the door and quickly shut it behind me again.

Kels was in the middle of the room. She backed up and sat on the bed. She had a shirt on, but no bra. I could see her nipples through the thin material.

“You dressed?” I couldn’t help but be disappointed.

She rolled her eyes and gave me a small smile. “Your mom found us in bed together. Naked.”

“We’re adults. It’s not like she can stop us.”

“That’s not the problem. I’m embarrassed, okay? She probably wants me to go. In fact, I’m almost certain she wants me to go.”

“You heard her?” I asked, and then shook my head. Stupid question. My mother had the biggest mouth in the entire world. “Of course you heard her. It’s okay. She’ll come around.” Her eyes told me she really didn’t think so. “Really. She’s fine with it. I know she is. She loves you. She’s just worried about the backlash from your parents.”

Kels frowned, but then her face lit up like the sun. “That’s exactly why we’re leaving. When can you be ready?”

She leaned over and found her bra hanging on the knob of my dresser. Wonderful sight. I wanted to keep her in my room forever.

“Chase?” She waved a hand at me.

I slouched into the desk chair and watched while she wound her bra around herself.

“We need to plan where we’re going so we can leave.” She lifted the straps of her bra and tugged her shirt back over it.

Didn’t even give me a glimpse. “You were serious about the trip? Like now, today, you want to leave?”

She crossed her arms. “Yes, now. Today, Chase.”

I couldn’t leave today or anytime soon. Not after I started Kyle’s Meals and after Community Outreach gave me the coordinator of services position. I had responsibilities. Responsibilities that were finally going to get me out of my mom’s house, into my own place, and hopefully take care of the girl sitting in front of me. “I thought you were just fantasizing.”

She stood. “Fantasizing? No. I meant every word.” After staring at me for a little while, she frowned. “I know that look. You’re not coming, are you?”

God, she was beautiful. I grabbed her belt loops and tugged her forward. Kelsey Larkin was mine. “We can’t leave. I have work and DDP classes. You have school.”

One look at her told me I’d said the wrong thing.

“You said you’d go with me. We said we’d drive south to a beach somewhere. Like Kyle would have wanted.”

“I thought you were just talking. I didn’t think you meant now, as in today. I can’t leave, Kelsey.” She tried to pull away from me, but I stopped her. “I really can’t. I have five more DDP classes left and I can’t miss one.”

Her face fell. “I want to get away.”

“Why would you want to get away now when things are finally starting to go right? I mean, my mom knows about us, but there are so many others we need to tell.”

“Last night, I said we needed to work on what we are and we do. I’m not ready to let everyone know we’re together when we’re not even sure what it means at the moment. That was the whole point of leaving with you. To not have to explain us to everybody yet.”

“You said you’d tell Bear.” I gripped the belt loops tighter. I would not lose her.

“Bear’s different from my parents. I know you think your mom’s okay with this, but my parents are going to shit a brick.”

I stood and pulled her to me. I fell deeper last night than I thought possible. Losing her was not an option. “What do we have to work on? I want you to be my girlfriend. But girlfriend sounds like such a stupid word. I want you. Always.” If I had a ring, I probably would’ve dropped to one knee. Kels Larkin was meant to be with me.

She didn’t say anything. Just stood there, her expression blank, her eyes roaming over my face. Finally, she said, “I’m not ready.” Her voice was tiny, soft. “I’m sorry.”

I let go and walked away. “Jesus. If you weren’t ready, you could have said something last night.”

Her face hardened. “What about you? You told me you’d come with me.”

“I’d take you away for a little vacation if I physically could, but you know I can’t. Not yet. But I wouldn’t want to take you like this. You’re running away. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you can’t run away from your problems.”

“Jesus. When did you turn into Dr. Phil?”

I ran my hands through my hair. “What is it, Kelsey? What aren’t you ready for?”

“My parents. I can’t tell my parents about you. There’s no way.”

My stomach turned over. “My mom was fucking right. Your parents always thought I was a piece of shit—ever since I was a little kid—and then I went and proved them right. Proved everyone right. But what the hell, Kels. You, too?”

She flinched. “It’s not that.”

“I can’t believe I let myself think I could have you. How stupid.” I laced my fingers behind my head. “You want to know why it was so stupid? Because I had hope. Being with you gave me hope for me. Maybe I’m not the asshole everyone else thinks I am. Maybe I’m not the worst fucking human being alive.”

“Chase—”

“No, don’t. I can take it from everyone else, just not you and Kyle. I took it from your parents because I got two best friends out of it. I take it from all these damn people who think they know me.” I slumped onto the bed. “I lost you because of Kyle. I thought I’d finally gotten you back.” I tried to find anything in her expression to tell me she really did want me. There was nothing. “But I guess I never really had you.”

“You know that’s not true.”

She reached for me, but I twisted away.

“Leave, Kelsey.”

She stumbled back as if I’d slapped her. Her eyes turned hard, and she fled toward the window, but I stopped her.

“The window was for my best friends. You can use the front door.”

Her back straightened, then she turned on her heel and threw open the door. Pausing in the doorway, her back to me, she said, “I can’t believe you just said that. Even after everything we’ve been through, I never stopped thinking you were my best friend. Never.” Then she left.

I wanted to go after her as soon as I felt the emptiness. It was like having my right arm chopped off. Kelsey was someone who was supposed to always be there, whether we were together or not.

I couldn’t force her to love me. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t.

Her footsteps stopped in the foyer when I heard my mother’s voice. “My son’s always loved you, you know.”

I walked into the hallway to tell my mom not to bother, but the sight of Kelsey’s slumped shoulders stopped me.

“I’m sorry.” Kelsey cleared her throat, and with much more conviction said, “You shouldn’t have had to find us in bed together. I apologize.”

She shut the door behind her.

Mom rushed over and pulled me into a hug. “What happened? Are you okay? I heard you fighting. Kelsey left crying, and you look like you’re about to lose it again.”

“She was crying?” Fuck not being able to make her love me. I was going after her anyway. I tried to pull away from Mom’s grip, but she held on tight.

“Don’t, Chase.”

“It was me.
I
told her to leave.”

“Why would you do that?” She held my shoulders and forced me away so she could look at me.

“Because I’m screwed up. I don’t know.”

“Oh, baby. Come here, sit down.” She pulled the stool away from the kitchen counter and patted the seat. “Tell me what happened.”

I told her how the fight started. How Kelsey wanted me to leave with her, to go away, and of course I let it slip about her failing college.

Mom gasped. “That does not sound like Kelsey. She aced her first semester.”

“I know. She’s supposed to be in summer classes right now. Her parents think she’s at school.”

“Where has she been staying?”

I looked at my mom and her eyes widened.

“Here? She’s been staying here?”

“She needs me.”

“She
needs
a professional.”

I balled my hands into fists on the counter. Mom placed her hands over them. “You can’t help her by yourself and you know it. She needs her family. She needs a professional, too. She can’t run away from her problems.”

I’d already told her that. “Her parents aren’t an option for her right now. They’re fighting. Kelsey’s worried about them, too.”

“Well, I guess we need to do something.” Mom looked at the front door and then at me. “Oh, hell. I never thought I’d say this again, but let’s go. We’re headed next door.”

“The Larkins’? Are you crazy?”

“Yes, so help me God, I am crazy. I love that girl just as much as you, and if her parents can’t see there’s something wrong with her, then we’re going to make them see.” Halfway to the door, she turned and crossed her arms. “Can you please go put on some clothes now? Or do you want the Larkins to know you’ve been doing God knows what with their daughter? I doubt it’ll help your case any.”

…

-Kelsey-

The pre-afternoon sun thickened the air inside my car. I still had my bag from school in there with some clothes. I had my wallet with some cards. I had the money Dad had stuffed in my palm the other night. I was ready to leave and go on an adventure by myself. For Kyle. Somehow, though, I ended up at the cemetery again. It seemed his grave was my go-to spot when I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.