How to Make Her LET GO & GIVE IN: The No-Bullshit Guide to Great Sex (7 page)

These two roles are being acted out in a conversation. During this conversation, talk about whatever you both find interesting, but don’t only stick to small talk. It needs to have a sexual and romantic undertone. To make it sexier, you need to create that initial spark of sexual tension. You will do this with two concepts:
compliments
to validate and
teasing
to challenge.

Compliments to Validate

Compliments will provoke emotions of happiness inside because she wants her man to desire her emotionally and physically. Sweet words and gestures will sound like music in her ears. They build her confidence because she is looking for validation from her dominant man. So, never deny her this pleasure and slip in a kind word or gesture from time to time.

Four Ways to Make Her Feel Happy

1. Indirect compliments

Indirect compliments are subtle things you can do to make her feel special. Just the fact that her lover is giving her some attention by flirting with her, being there for her, buying her flowers and little presents can all make her feel good about herself. Actions speak louder than words, so treat her like you find her attractive and special because it gives her the impression that you are emotionally available.

2. Compliments on her appearance

This way of complimenting is a very direct way of stating that you are sexually interested and flirting with her. For most men, these types of compliments are the easiest ones to give because they are very concrete and evident.

- “Wow babe, nice dress, you bought it just for me?”

- “You look so cute with your hair in a ponytail.”

- “Your eyes are so beautiful with that make up, just the way I like it.”

3. Compliments on her actions

These types of compliments will strike a deeper chord inside her than a compliment on her appearance. They create a stronger connection and are good to enhance her level of trust. She feels that you care for her in an emotional way and not just for her physical appearance.

- "That was some delicious food princess. You really are great in the kitchen."

- “I’m so proud of you for getting that promotion. You’re going to be such a sexy boss. Come here smart girl, I’ll give you a hug.”

- “All my friends liked you so much, some maybe too much. Way to go babe!”

4. Physical compliments

A kiss on her cheek or a hug from time to time will do her good. Physical compliments are very important because most of the time we communicate through the use of our body, so these are very pure and clear compliments.

She will find it easy to believe you find her attractive when you can't seem to keep your hands off her. However, she does not necessarily expect her man to act like a pervert by groping her body all of the time. What she expects are those light, warm gestures such as a tight embrace or a little kiss on her neck, which promotes intimacy and affection.

Four Mistakes to Avoid

Don't be surprised that not all compliments are received kindly by her. Even when you have the best intentions, your compliment still doesn’t always create the needed sexual tension. She doesn’t always feel special or validated. Sometimes you may not even be able to tell that your comment fell flat and she's not responding positively. In fact, she might feel annoyed, insulted or become sexually repulsed by you, simply from those compliments. That's why you need to be aware of these four mistakes:

1. Focusing too much on one of the four good types

Using a combination of all four types of compliments tell her that you desire her body and mind and that you are emotionally stable and available. This combination is everything a woman hopes to find in her best lover. However, choosing to focus too much on
one
way of complimenting will not keep her completely satisfied in an experience or over a longer period of time.

- Indirect compliments

When you only focus on indirect compliments, she feels reassured by your emotional availability. But still, it makes her feel insecure because the subtlety may keep her in doubt about your desires. So make it clear in a verbal way, from time to time, that she is indeed your special lady.

- Appearance

If you only compliment her based on her physical appearance, she gets the impression you are only interested in her sexually, and this is very bad because she will lose all trust in you. If you get too bold or sexual, she definitely won't feel like your special lady. Remember that to spark up her interest, you must not start with the physical aspects. So do not be tempted to overuse the compliments in this step.

An alternative to this is giving her a compliment that’s not necessarily directed at her physical appearance, but for instance her sense of style. This makes the compliment more personal and thoughtful; a more effective way to show her that you care emotionally.

- Actions

Compliments on her actions can help to display how much you care more about her as a person and not just physically. Yet, just like the use of indirect compliments, these action compliments can have a vagueness to them that will leave her to ponder on your intentions.

As mentioned earlier, flirting has to be indirect, but using the same tactics over and over is playing it too safe. Instead, combine them with some subtle remarks on, for example, her style or physical appearance for better results.

- Physical

If she doesn’t feel your physical affection in her general life, she will feel far less connected than when you regularly give her a hug or kiss. She will feel less comfortable when you start trying to make things more physical. For her this is just a very clear sign that her man wants sex, and since she’s not in an aroused state of mind, she will not appreciate this attempt. So, touch her in general and the way to sex will be a lot smoother.

2. Insecurity - looking for validation

One very common mistake men make when giving compliments is that they expect something in return. They eagerly hope that she will have sex or want to start a relationship, even if their attempts only seem to be just an act of kindness. Naturally she likes some positive attention and therefore she may give a reaction that looks positive, but really isn’t. On the surface she may smile, talk to you or express her enjoyment of being around you. All of these signs can be easily interpreted as signs that she likes you.

But when looking a little deeper, you will see that she instinctively feels that she is in charge and can make you perform tricks just like a dog. She knows that if she merely smiles, you will buy her that new pair of shoes, give her that back-rub without going any further, will drive her anywhere she wants, etc.

In this case, knowing she can make you do all these things validates her. But this is not a good kind of validation when you want to have hot and steamy sex with her. She may play manipulative games, but she might as well treat you nice because she doesn’t want to take advantage of you. She might even have sex with you if she’s desperate, but will never see you as the right guy.

The problem with this mentality is a lack of dominance. Your validation-seeking attitude kills all of the sexual tension. She would rather be validated by a man to whom she can look up to than be validated by the control she has over a weaker man.

Don't give compliments just because you want something from her. Only give them when you feel she truly deserves them. These compliments will work a lot better because they are sincere. Only these compliments make her feel truly special because she senses that the person giving them is true to himself.

Never expect a compliment to get you anywhere, or rather don’t focus on getting somewhere. The only reward you should look for is that moment where your sweet words make her bloom with pleasure.

3. Neediness - too much

Compliments shouldn’t pop out every five seconds in the conversation. “
Oh, I like your skin
.
Your hair is so nice. Wow, you have such soft hands
!” No, it’s all in the quality, not the quantity. You could give few compliments while having a conversation and still make her feel special.

Do you know the saying,
compliments get you nowhere
? Well, mostly it's true. As much as you'd like to shower her with them, learn some restraint.

Giving out too many compliments will not make her feel special because it is just another way some men uses to look for validation. A nice word or gesture from time to time will do her good, but complimenting her all the time will not. It will kill the sexual tension of the experience or even the entire relationship because it makes you come across as being both nice, but also needy.

Of course she likes you to treat her nice and there’s nothing wrong with being supportive. But when it becomes too much, she doesn’t appreciate them or care because they are the compliments of a needy man. She’d rather have fewer from a dominant man, as in this case, she feels like he chose her to be
his
special lady.

When you give the impression of being needy, she doesn’t feel chosen or special at all. She thinks you are only complimenting her because she’s all that you can get. She might even treat you kindly, but basically, she is looking at you like a charity case.

4. Overconfidence - validating yourself

Flirting is not something that only happens in a two-way conversation. It can also happen in a public setting with others around who engage in the conversation. In these situations, a man can give a woman a compliment not only to show off how attractive or dominant he is to her, but also to the people around as well.

These are always less subtle compliments like telling everyone how pretty she is, how good her sexual skills are, how well she takes care of the household, etc. A man like this may assume his words are being received kindly by her, but in reality it makes her feel awkward or even repulsed.

Men like this do not understand the subtle art of flirting because they are, or act, overconfident. Their bold, dominant behaviour in general might be attractive to some women on a primal level. But a lot of the time these types of compliments repulse women because of the lack of the man’s social skills and his selfish behaviour in a social setting. It will make her feel awkward and embarrassed by her lover or the guy that is courting her.

Tease to Challenge

Compliments can make her feel happy and comfortable, but fail to create sexual tension. Only when using them with our second concept of teasing will the tension rise.

You can see that the line of sexual tension during this phase has some very clear infrequency. Well, these shifts are being created by a combination of the two.

Don’t forget, teasing alone is not sufficient in gaining all of these benefits. You will need to combine teasing with being kind, giving her compliments and by respecting her as a person, so that she feels validated. If you don’t show her this gentle side and instead only focus on teasing, she will not become more aroused. It will only cause negative emotions and make her feel sad, insulted, insecure, punished or angry.

Remember that kindness always wins over harshness because it is a lot more potent for gaining influence over her. Ask yourself how
you
would like to be treated. If you are constantly being treated harshly or teased in a mean way, you will react in negative manner. Your anger will either be aimed at yourself or at the people around you. So, teasing is not supposed to hurt her feelings.

Although most women love a good challenge from time to time, not all of them like to be challenged in the same way. On one side of the spectrum there are women who reacts well to a little bit of gentle teasing, while on the other side you will find others that loves to be challenged harshly. The only way to find out, is by looking at the way she reacts to both.

Four Ways to Tease

1. Silly nicknames

We have already discussed that you can give her a name to make her feel cute or sexy, but you can also give her a fun name to tease her. The key is that you have to point out something that stands out in regards to her personality or looks and then play with that observation. You have to turn something small into something very stereotypical.

"Freckles, Dimples, Giggles"
when she smiles all the time.
"What a dork,
" when she’s wearing those glasses or talks about something ‘smart’ people talk about.
"You’re such a Miss Moody,"
when she reacts grumpy.
"What a spoiled brat,
" when she feels she’s
all that
.