Read How to Ditch Your Fairy Online
Authors: Justine Larbalestier
Demerits: 6
Conversations with Steffi: 10
Game suspensions: 1
Public service hours: 19
Number of Steffi kisses: 2
Boys who like me: Steffi, Bluey Salazar,
and Freedom Hazal
B
luey, Freedom, Mazza (clean- clothes fairy), and Chook (surfer fairy) almost came to blows over who was going to sit next to me in PR. Ms. Johnson resolved the fight by issuing them each with a demerit and ordering Sienna Bray (never- being- cold fairy) into the seat.
“What’s going on, Charlie?” Sienna whispered. Sienna was probably the only student ever to come to NA Sports from an Arts middle school. She was a very promising snowboarder, trampoliner, and freestyle skier. No one knew how she’d managed to discover that she was an athlete while studying finger painting, poems, and finding- the- inner- you. There was a book being run on how long before she’d drop out, but so far she’d surprised everyone.
“New fairy,” I said.
Sienna’s eyes widened and three notes landed on my desk.
“What kind of—”
“Silence!” Ms. Johnson boomed at us. “The next person to say a word without being caled on by me, or to throw a note at Charlotte Adele Donna Seto Steele wil receive a demerit
and
be sent to the principal’s office. Am I clear?”
“Yes, Ms. Johnson,” we al chorused.
“Proper protocol on being introduced to a head of state.
Freedom?”
“Ah, um, doesn’t it depend on which head of state, Ms.
Johnson?”
“So you are awake.” She started scribbling on her tablet. “I’ve just transmitted a list of forty countries. Sienna? Correct protocol for the first two.” Around the room people started scratching with their styluses.
“Your screens are frozen,” Ms. Johnson said. Several people groaned. No way to search for the answers …
Sienna reeled them off. She had a vastly sharp memory for someone who’d never had to memorize anything before getting to high school.
I wished I had even half her memory. Miraculously Johnson caled on me for thirty-nine and forty, which were the only countries I knew. “Bow deeply and don’t speak until they speak to you.”
“And the last one, Charlotte?”
“Slight nod of head and shake their hand when offered.”
“Excelent. I’ve just transmitted your assignments. They are due Monday.” Johnson ignored the groans. “And the word limit is a hard one. I wil not mark any that go over or under it. Understood?”
“Yes, Ms. Johnson.”
“Dismissed,” she said as the bel for end of class sounded.
Bluey, Mazza, Chook, and Freedom folowed me out into the halway, where Stuart, Richo, and Luca joined us. I couldn’t help grinning. Why had Fiorenze hated her fairy? What was there to hate?
“Carry your bag for you?” Chook asked.
“Sure,” I said, quickening my pace. I was not going to be late for tennis. I was not going to get another demerit.
Then I realized it didn’t matter. Not like it had. To night I’d get to public service on time because I was useless to Danders Anders. I would work off my six demerits in no time. I’d never have to do another game suspension!
The boys trailed after me, more joining as we passed by. Things were definitely looking up. I spun my lucky cricket bal high, squeezing it between my thumb and fingers in the hope of getting some flipper action going. Some of the girls shot me looks that were less than friendly. Tee hee.
“Are you free for first recess?” Richo asked. “I know this great spot that—”
“Oh, no,” Bluey said. “She’s recessing with me. We’re old friends, aren’t we, Charlie?”
“Please!” Freedom broke in. “Charlie and me were in the same preschool together.”
“Wel, I’ve only known Charlie for a little while and I
know
she likes me best,” Steffi said, planting a kiss on my mouth. It felt so tingly doos that I knew everything was going to be fine.
Bluey, Freedom, and the other boys al gasped.
Steffi smeled delicious.
“She’l be recessing with me. Won’t you, Charlie?”
I nodded. “I have to go,” I said. “Tennis.”
Steffi gave me one more tingling kiss—smack on the lips—and while the boys al gasped and tut-tutted, I slipped into the change rooms.
Demerits: 6
Conversations with Steffi: 11
Game suspensions: 1
Public service hours: 19
Number of Steffi kisses: 4
Boys who like me: Steffi, Bluey, Freedom, Mazza,
Chook, Stuart, Richo, and Luca
Y
ou look bouncy,” Sandra observed. She was tying on her tennis shoes. “Hurry up.”
“I do? I guess that must be because I
feel
bouncy.” I grinned. I didn’t think I’d stopped grinning since I first ran into Steffi. I had the best fairy ever! “So far it’s been the most astral morning of al time.”
“Yay for you,” Heather Sandol said, walking past me with her tennis bag over her shoulder. She did not sound like she meant it.
“I’d prefer if you didn’t share your wonderful morning with Freedom. You know Freedom? My boyfriend?”
“I have a boyfriend,” I said. “Stef—”
“Save it for someone who has some interest in your doings,”
Heather said, slamming her locker shut and walking away.
“What’s with her?” Sandra asked.
“Where’s Ro? I want to tel you both at once.” I puled my tennis gear out of my locker and started throwing it on. It was blessedly clean thanks to the ministrations of my concerned father.
“She’s out on the court warming up. Tel us what? Hurry up and get your gear on. You don’t want another demerit.”
I hurried and made it out onto the court just in time to join Rochele and the rest of B-stream tennis stretching. Rochele looked up and waved.
Sandra sat next to me, stretched her left leg out in front of her, and leaned over it to work on her hammies. “Since when does Heather Sandol hate you?” Sandra whispered.
Giddo Haliwel blew me a kiss. I blinked. Giddo had barely spoken to me before. Also he was not the kind of person who blew kisses. His other electives were boxing and rugby. He was the proud possessor of a beer fairy. Not to mention he had a boyfriend, Sholto Sung, one of the seniors most likely to become an Our. My new fairy was amazing!
“You are advising each other on hamstring stretch technique?”
Coach Ntini inquired. He did not wait for us to reply. “I do not think so. Sandra, stretch over here. Gideon, there.”
He raised his voice so everyone could hear. “Stretching is not a
special time for gossiping before training. It is part of your training.
And is only truly effective when done in silence. Today our entire session wil be conducted in silence.”
“So spil,” Rochele said. The change rooms were empty except for the three of us, everyone else having dashed off to first recess.
“Fiorenze and me swapped fairies.”
“You what now?!” Sandra exclaimed.
Rochele’s mouth dropped open. “But that’s impossible! You can’t swap fairies.”
“You can,” I said. “We did.”
“So that’s what Heather was talking about!” Sandra said. “She’s transferred her Fiorenze hatred onto you! ‘Cause her Freedom’s chasing after you now. And that’s why Giddo was winking at you and blowing kisses!” She shook her head. “Because that was odd.”
Rochele’s eyes widened. “You realy swapped fairies? How?”
“Hey,” Sandra said. “Not to mention—”
I did Steffi’s hand-flicking thing. “Yes, it’s true and real; I have Fio’s fairy and she has mine. Isn’t it doos beyond doosness? Steffi likes me again. We’re linked now!”
Sandra and Rochele looked at each other and then at me. Their expressions were not from the family of happy faces.
“That’s great,” Rochele said at last.
“That’s great,” Rochele said at last.
“Once more with enthusiasm,” I said. Why weren’t they pleased?
“No, realy,” Rochele said. “That’s wonderful. I’m happy for you.”
“Why did Fiorenze agree?” Sandra asked. “Why did she give up her fairy?”
“She hates her fairy as much as I hate mine. She told me. That’s why we swapped.”
Rochele nodded. “I can imagine. Must’ve been tough with no friends.”
“A parking fairy would definitely appeal to her. It’s more useful.
When I get my license—,” Sandra started.
“She’s crazy! You both are too. This fairy is
so much better
than the parking fairy. You should have seen how Steffi was looking at me. He—”
“Or looking at your
fairy
,” Sandra said. “It’s al about your fairy now, not about you.”
“Oh, no!” I protested. “He was definitely looking yummy eyes at
me
. Remember? He liked me
before
the new fairy.”
“But he wasn’t talking to you, Charlie. He hasn’t sat with us in days.”
“We had a little stoush—”
“And your new fairy made the stoush go away?” Sandra asked in a baby voice.
“It’s not like that! This is the greatest fairy ever!”
“No, it’s not,” Sandra said. “Only a fraghead would think that having a fairy that forced boys to like you was doos.”
“I’m not a fraghead!”
“You’re my friend. I don’t want to think that of you.”
I stared at her. “It’s the best fairy ever! And even if it wasn’t, I’m free of the parking fairy. Danders wil never bug me again. But it
is
the best fairy ever.”
Rochele patted my arm. “I’m sure it is, Charlie. But we should get to the cafeteria and get our protein quota before next class.
None of us has a not- getting-demerits fairy.”
We gathered up our stuff in silence. I couldn’t believe they weren’t happy for me.
As we headed down the halway many of the boys we passed trailed behind. We accumulated almost al of the B-stream rugby boys. They caled out to me, saying Charlie this and Charlie that, and asking a milion questions.
“Doos,” I said, grinning. “Pretty powerful fairy, eh?”
Sandra cut her eyes at me. Rochele nodded but didn’t say anything.
I didn’t let their attitude get to me; I knew I had the best fairy ever.
Demerits: 6
Conversations with Steffi: 11
Game suspensions: 1
Public service hours: 19
Number of Steffi kisses: 4
Boys who like me: all of them
Girls who hate me: Heather Sandol
T
he ruggers folowed me al the way to the cafeteria. I felt like the Pied Piper, except that the rats probably weren’t offering to share protein-rich snacks with him. Al of them trying to sit at the same table made me feel like an Our, especialy when one of the ruggers handed me a box of chocolates.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, taking them and smiling at the boy. Why had Fiorenze found this so irksome? I loved al the attention.
“No,” Steffi said, “you realy didn’t. That’s my seat, I believe,” he told the chocolate-giver, muscling him out of the way and sitting next to me. “You al need to quit bothering her. She’s my girlfriend, not yours!”
His
girlfriend
! Steffi’d never caled me that before! If my new fairy weren’t invisible I would have kissed it.
“They’re not bothering me,” I said, basking in the adulation. Boys other than the ruggers were crowding around me as wel. Steffi had never caled Fiorenze his girlfriend. I couldn’t stop smiling.
“You’re al bothering
me
,” Sandra said, glaring at them. “I’m trying to eat!”
“What is going on?” Coach Van Dyck demanded.
“Nothing,” said one of the rugger boys. They al stepped back together. The boys who were farthest from Coach scuttled away. A thick-necked rugby boy scuttling was quite a sight.
“Charlie has Fiorenze’s fairy,” Sandra told her. “They swapped.”
“That’s impossible,” Coach said.
“That’s what I thought,” Rochele said. “But behold.” She gestured to the many boys looking at me longingly.
“I’ve never heard of such a thing,” Van Dyck said.
Coach Panesar, the A-stream sking coach, joined her. “What is going on here?”
“Fairy swappage: Charlie, Fiorenze. The boys like Charlie now,”
Sandra said.
“That’s impossible!” Panesar said.
I sighed. “Everyone keeps saying that. No disrespect intended, Coaches, but look at al those boys and look where they’re looking.
At me.” It was hard to say without sounding smug. “How many boys have gotten demerits for hassling Fiorenze today? And how many boys are folowing me around?” I couldn’t help thinking that I was much better at this fairy than Fiorenze was.
The two coaches exchanged skeptical glances. The bel for the end of first recess sounded. Rochele, Sandra, and I had not eaten a thing. I could tel they blamed me. Grossly unfair. Could I help it if I was enjoying myself?
“Get to your classes!” Coach Van Dyck yeled. “You know you’l get a demerit for lateness.”
I made my way to Accounting, walking as fast as I could without actualy running, pausing only to shove the chocolates into my locker.
“Charlie,” Freedom began, just as we turned into the classroom.
“Not talking to you,” I said. “Heather doesn’t want me to.” I was not going to risk any more of Heather’s wrath.
“Oh, Heather,” he said. “She’s just—”
“Charlie,” Bluey said, “I’ve made sure that Danders—”
“Silence,” Mr. Vandenhil (eyes- in- the- back- of- his- head fairy) said. He was chalking strings of numbers on his special blackboard. His class was the first time any of us had ever seen one. The chalk made me sneeze. Vandenhil had been known to give students demerits for sneezing.”Anyone who is not silent or sitting when I turn around wil be given a demerit.”
I sat. Freedom forced his way past four other contenders to grab the seat next to me. Along with Statistics, Accounting is a Rochele-and- Sandra-free class, so who sits next to me varies.
“Go away!” I hissed as a shower of notes landed on my desk.
“A demerit for Charlotte Steele,” Mr. Vandenhil said, chalking the last string of numbers on the board.
“But, sir—”
“And another one for dissent.” He consulted his tablet. “A second game suspension for you. Fencing.” He walked to my desk and brushed the notes to the ground. “Care to go for the hat trick?”
I looked down at my desk. “No, sir.” Eight demerits. I’d just gotten my second game suspension. I couldn’t get to public service soon enough. I’d get through the game suspension. I’d work away al my demerits. Getting rid of the parking fairy meant everything was going to be okay.
“Can you explain to the class what absorption costing is?”
My mind went blank. Wel, not blank—it was ful of thoughts: about my new fairy, and what it felt like to have al the boys folowing me around, sort of tingly and cheek warming but also strange and wobbly making, about Steffi, about the horrors of accounting and Vandenhil, but there wasn’t a glimmer of an inkling of a notion of what absorption costing was. “Um …”
“Um?” Vandenhil raised his eyebrow. “Did you not do your assigned reading, Charlotte Steele?”
I
had
done the reading. Last night in Danders Anders’s car. Why couldn’t I remember it? “Yes, sir.”
“Then what is absorption costing?”
“I don’t remember, sir. I did so much reading last night that it’s falen out of my head.” I was so tired it was hard to remember my own name.
“Another demerit. And you wil transmit your assignment on absorption costing by first bel tomorrow.”
I watched the assignment appear on my tablet. It looked long.
Less than five minutes into class and I’d earned three demerits, a game suspension, and an epicaly long extra assignment. Even for me it was impressive. My grand total was now nine. Al I had to do was get through the rest of the day.
Freedom put his hand on my knee. I shoved it off. “You’re so pulchritudinous, Charlie.”
Vandenhil saw the whole thing. “And that would be three demerits and a visit to the principal’s office for you, Freedom Hazal.”
“Sir?” Freedom asked.
“Now,” Vandenhil said. “To return to absorption costing,” he continued as Freedom picked up his bag and slunk out the door, casting a longing look back at me. “What are you doing, Bluey Salazar?”
Bluey was halfway out of his seat. “Um. I thought I should sit down next to Charlie.”
“One demerit and stay where you are. I would like to remind everyone this is an accounting class, not an ogling-Charlotte- Steele class.”
There was a murmur around the room. I could feel everyone looking at me; not al of them were looking with admiration. My cheeks burned.
They were stil burning when the bel for end of class sounded. I shoved my tablet into my bag and made my way out of class with Bluey chattering away beside me. Freedom Hazal was waiting for me in the corridor. He looked al dewy. Like he might cry if I didn’t talk to him. I nodded briefly.
“Hey, Charlie, whatcha doing after school?” Freedom asked.
“Public service. Weren’t you supposed to go to the principal’s office? I can’t be talking to you. Heather won’t like it.” I smiled, trying not to be too mean about it, but I didn’t need more hassling from Freedom or Heather.
“That’s right,” Mazza said. His arms were wrapped around the biggest bunch of roses I’d ever seen. “You need to leave Charlie alone.” He turned to thrust the roses at me. “These are for you. I bought them for my mom—it’s her birthday—but you should have them.”
“Thanks, Mazza,” I said, almost faling under their weight. They were bigger than me. “They’re gorgeous. But shouldn’t you give them to your mom?” I asked, though I couldn’t actualy see him.
“I’l get something else for her. I want you to have them.”
“Okay,” I said. I didn’t have time to argue. Which locker was I going to stash them in? My main locker was already ful and my tennis, fencing, and cricket lockers were too crammed with gear.
Then I had a brain wave.
“Could you mind them for me, Mazza? Til after school? I’l get a demerit if I bring them to class.”
He slapped his forehead. I had never seen anyone do that before.
“I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!”
One of his friends started to talk to me, and then Freedom and Bluey tried to get me to meet them after school since they were now convinced I was meeting Mazza. I had to bite my lip to keep from giggling.
“I gotta get to class. Demerits, don’t you know? Remember them? See you al later!” I took off at a run, laughing.
I was a natural for the every- boy- wil- like- you fairy: I knew how to deal with Freedom and the rest, and if
that
didn’t work I could always outrun them.