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Authors: Justine Larbalestier

BOOK: How to Ditch Your Fairy
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CHAPTER 19
a Surprise

Days walking: 67

Demerits: 4

Conversations with Steffi: 8

Game suspensions: 1

Public service hours: 16

Hours spent enduring Fiorenze

Stupid- Name’s company: 2.75

Kidnappings thwarted: 1

W
hen I finaly got home I was so wrapped up in my thoughts about fairies—why couldn’t Dr. Burnham- Stone tel me how to get rid of the parking fairy right away? Why was she so vague? What was my proto- fairy?—that I didn’t notice Steffi sitting on the front steps of my house, grinning at me, until I was almost treading on him.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, even though I couldn’t help being pleased to see him. “Fiorenze didn’t want to hang out with you?”

Steffi waved his arms about in a most undoos way. Almost like Steffi waved his arms about in a most undoos way. Almost like he felt guilty for the way he kept mucking me around. Always with Fiorenze and her stupid fairy at school, but running after me otherwise. It wasn’t fair.

“Let’s not talk about that,” he said. “So how’d it go?” he asked.

“Is the fairy gone?”

“How’d you know where I was?” I sat down beside him, but not so close we were touching. I didn’t trust him. I knew he’d be back with Stupid- Name the minute he saw her at school. “Stup—I mean, Fiorenze told you?” I hated to think about them together, talking about stuff— about me.

“Uh-huh,” he said, looking down. “She mentioned it. What did Tamsin say?”

He caled her Tamsin too? “That I have two fairies now.”

“Two? Double the fun, eh?”

I looked at him. He was smiling. The warmth of it made me smile too. I wished I could stop liking him. “Yup. One of them’s the parking fairy. She says it’s getting weaker. Isn’t that doos? But she also says I have to keep walking everywhere to make it go away fuly.”

“Bummer.”

I nodded, though I wasn’t wholy sure what “bummer” meant.

“So what’s your other fairy, then?” He shifted a little closer to me and I got this weird sensation like I could feel where he was even though we weren’t actualy touching. Tingly. I told myself to shift away, but my body didn’t listen.

“I don’t know. Tamsin says it’s a proto- fairy.” If I moved a tiny fraction of a milimeter closer we would be touching, which would be bad.

“proto- fairy? What’s a proto- fairy?”

“A fairy that isn’t a whole fairy yet. I think.”

“Do you have any idea what yours might be?”

“No.” My body felt like it was somehow leaning toward Steffi’s even though I was holding myself so rigid and stil my muscles were starting to twitch. It was the opposite of how I’d felt holding stil to keep Dr. Burnham- Stone from glaring at me. That was on purpose holding stil; this was not.

“Do you have any ideas? Anything you’ve gotten better at lately?

Any luck increases?”

I snorted. “Hah! Luck increases! Try the opposite. My life is al demerits and public service.” And liking a boy who acts as if he likes me except when he’s with the girl I hate most in the whole world.

“Grim.”

“She says that I have to do stuff that wil encourage the proto-fairy to become an actual fairy.”

“Makes sense,” Steffi said. “But how can you do that if you don’t know what it is?”

“I see you’ve spotted the problem.” I sighed.

“Maybe your other fairy is a worry fairy?”

“A worry fairy?”

“Your forehead’s al scrunched up.” Steffi touched his thumb to my forehead to smooth my frown. I held my breath.”Too much worry. Must be your new fairy messing with you.” He moved his hand away, but I felt warmth where his thumb had been. Almost like it was stil there.

“Worry fairies would take worries away, not add them,” I said softly.

“Let me be your worry fairy, then.” Steffi grabbed at the air just in front of my face. “This is me removing a worry. And here’s another one. And another. And …”

Steffi’s face was so close to mine that I felt his breath against my cheeks. I could smel the coconutty soap he’d used and the faint salt of his sweat.

Then I felt his lips against mine. Warm and soft. My lips buzzed, a tingle shot al the way down to my toes.

Steffi shifted, but he was stil so close I could see the almost invisible hairs on his cheeks and the tiny half-moon scar in his left eyebrow. I’d never noticed it before.

“Oh,” I whispered.

Steffi kissed me again.

“Oh,” I thought. “More kisses. Bubbly warm kisses.”

“Kisses,” I said, then my brain spasmed. “Kisses!”

I jumped up. “Steffi! You can’t do that!”

He stared up at me as if I’d spontaneously combusted. “You don’t like kissing?”

“No! I mean yes. I mean, aargh!” How could he be kissing Fiorenze one minute and me the next? “Kissing is wholy against the rules.”

“But we’re not at school.”

“Steffi! It doesn’t matter. It means instant expulsion.

EXPULSION. Doesn’t matter where or when you get caught.

Anyone could see us here!”

“I saw you. Heard you too,” Nettles said, sticking her head out of the living room window. She waved her camera. “And I’ve got photos!”

“You did not take photos!” I yeled. My cheeks were so hot they burned.

She took another photo. “Did too! Several kissy shots.”

“I’l kil you!” I screamed, even though I knew she would never use the photos against me. I realy wanted to kil Steffi. Or Fiorenze.

Or her fairy. Or possibly al three.

“Won’t that get you expeled too?” Nettles asked, clicking away.

“Shut up!” I said.

She just laughed. “If you went to Arts you could kiss as much as you want. Though why anyone would want to …” She made a mock kissing sound. It sounded like a frog drowning.

“Let’s go, Steffi,” I said, grabbing his hand, puling him up, so he was standing practicaly on top of me, which only made me wish we would kiss again. I stepped back.

“Don’t you have homework to do?!” Nettles yeled as I practicaly sprinted away. My muscles hurt. I’d had to skip my massages for the last few weeks. Too much homework to do on account of I’d lost so much time from al the walking around. And so on times a bazilion milion zasquilion.

Steffi trotted along beside me, laughing.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Your sister and her camera. You.”

“Me?”

“The way you take al those rules so seriously. I mean, me and Fio were kissing at school and no one said a word. Ntini walked by. I’m sure he saw us. Didn’t bat an eye.”

My brain split in two. One half was thinking, “He’s not even embarrassed that he was KISSING Stupid-Name?! And now he’s kissing me?! Is that what they do on the West Coast? Kiss each other al day long?!”

The other half yeled at him: “That’s because you have a nevergetting- into- trouble fairy! You could stand on the table in the cafeteria with the wrong uniform on and your tie crooked and shout out that New Avalon was torpid and self-obsessed, and in the ensuing riot you would be the only one
not
to get double demerits.”

Steffi grinned, untroubled by my accusation. I wanted to punch him. “I’m not sure you can cal a city ‘self- obsessed,’ but if there is a city that fits that description, it’s New Avalon.”

“If you like Fiorenze so much why did you kiss me?”

“I … ,” Steffi began, his grin finaly going away. “It’s hard to explain. I don’t like Fiorenze. Not realy—”

It was too much. “She has a fairy! It
makes
you like her! Why can’t you resist it?”

“It’s not like that,” he said. “When she’s around—”

“It’s
exactly
like that!” I yeled, turning back to the house, but Steffi grabbed my arm. “Don’t touch me! Don’t speak to me! I don’t ever want to see you again!” I screamed as loud as I could, shaking off his hold, and I sprinted back to my place, up the stairs, and into my room, slamming the door loudly and satisfyingly behind me. The whole world was conspiring against me. I hated it and everyone in it, but especialy the kissy- kissy boy Steffi. He didn’t like
me
; he just liked kissing.

There was a gentle knock on the door.

“What?” I growled.

My dad opened the door. He was holding the laundry basket.

“Hope you don’t mind, but I did your laundry. Wel, as much of it as I could find.” He put the laundry basket down. “Thought you might be running out. Folded it too.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I said, biting my lip to keep from crying. Why did I have to like a boy who was bewitched by a fairy?

“I’m impressed by al the public service you’ve been doing. As long as you keep up this getting- rid-of- your- fairy campaign I’l do your laundry. Al I ask is that you leave it somewhere I can find it.

Under the bed and crumpled up in your school bag is not the most convenient—”

There was another knock on the door. Mom slipped in holding a plate loaded with food. “Dinner, love. We weren’t sure if you’d eaten or not.” She put it down on my chair, there not being any space on the desk.

I burst into tears, and my parents kissed the top of my head, hugged me, and told me everything was going to be okay.

Sometimes parents are more than tolerable.

CHAPTER 20
a Revelation

Days walking: 68

Demerits: 4

Conversations with Steffi: 9

Game suspensions: 1

Public service hours: 16

Hours spent enduring Fiorenze

Stupid- Name’s company: 2.75

Kidnappings thwarted: 1

Number of Steffi kisses: 2

Fights with Steffi: 1

I
was not surprised to see Steffi and Stupid- Name together the next day. Hurt, but not surprised. When you like a boy who can’t resist an every- boy- wil- like- you fairy, you have to expect it. I wondered if this was what the rest of my life would be like. Liking someone who only liked me part of the time.

Nor was it a shock that he didn’t say helo, or look at me—I had told him not to, but I
was
surprised when Stupid-Name came up to talk to me at the end of Fencing (to which, of course, I’d been late.

But at least I had clean whites on account of my dad’s mercy laundry run).

“Hi, Charlie,” Fiorenze said.

“Hi,” I replied, continuing to wipe down my practice foils and put them in my fencing bag. Why was she talking to me? She had Steffi.

Why did she have to come and gloat about it?

Steffi was deliberately looking vastly pulchy. I’d had to bout with him too. And even though I couldn’t realy see his lips behind the mask, it was like I could feel them there. I kept remembering what kissing him was like. Naturaly I lost.

Stupid Steffi.

“Are you doing more public service on Wednesday?” Fiorenze asked. Why wouldn’t she leave me alone and go back to her kiss-anyone boyfriend?

“Yes.” And why couldn’t Steffi resist her stupid fairy? Why didn’t
I
have her fairy?

“Me too,” she said.

I zipped up my bag and hoisted it over my shoulder, heading out the door.

Fiorenze trotted along beside me. “Do you think they’l pair us again?” she asked.

I grunted. I had no idea. Nor did I care.

“Coincidence us both doing Wednesdays, isn’t it?”

I stopped and stared at her. “I do it
every
night.” That wasn’t strictly true—I didn’t do public service on Sundays—but close enough.

“Oh,” Stupid-Name said. “Sorry.”

“Fio!” Steffi caled from the steps of the bus. “You coming?”

“You’d better go,” I pointed out.

“Oh,” she said again, turning to where Steffi was waving at her, his hair faling into his face, his fencing jacket askew.”You’re right.”

She turned back to me. “Um …”

“What? I have to go. I’l be late.” I stalked off across the footbal fields (al codes), wishing my fencing bag wasn’t quite so heavy, or my locker so far away.

The grounds had dried up considerably since last week. I knew the city needed more rain, but I was feeling selfish enough to be grateful that I wouldn’t have to waste time scraping mud off. At least something was going my way.

“Gorgeous day, isn’t it?” Stupid-Name said.

“What?!” I exclaimed. “I thought you took the bus.”

“Um.”

“Why aren’t you with Stefan?”

“I just, um, felt like a walk.”

What was up with her? We’d known each other for years without her saying a word and now, al of a sudden, she was stalking me.

“And, um, I wanted to ask—”

“Oh, no!” Up ahead Danders Anders was walking toward us.

His hulking frame was impossible to mistake for anyone else’s. I thought about running, but I had the fencing bag over my shoulder, plus running would put me farther away from where I wanted to be, not closer, which would mean more demerits.

“What? Oh. He wants you to get in his car, doesn’t he?”

“Seems like.”

“He moves very quickly, doesn’t he?”

“It’s those long legs,” I said.

Danders lurched to a stop in front of us. “You car later,” he said without bothering with any prepositions or a
hi
or
how goes it
or
I’m really sorry I attempted to kidnap you
.

“No,” I said.

“Stung,” Danders said. “Hurt.”

“They stung you because you attacked me.”

“Car, six. Emergency.”

“I don’t
have
to do anything, Andrew,” I said, my voice starting to break. “I said no. I mean no. You can ask me a milion, bazilion, kajilion times. You can offer me al the gold on the planet, the keys to the land of Ourdom, and I would stil say no. So stop asking!”

The muscles in his forehead twitched as if he was trying to make sense of my words even though such computing powers were beyond him. I wondered which one of us would blow a gasket first.

“Car.”

“No!” I began. “You can’t—”

“She doesn’t have a parking fairy anymore,” Fiorenze said.

I closed my mouth.

“My mother got rid of it for her.”

Danders swiveled to stare at Stupid- Name. “What?”

“She doesn’t have a parking fairy.”

“No parking fairy?” His forehead was convulsing. “Fairy gone?”

Fiorenze nodded. “Fairy gone.”

“No fairy?” Danders asked again. “Charlie good fairy gone?”

“Charlie’s good fairy gone.”

“Where go?”

“We don’t know.”

“Don’t know?” Danders asked.

“Don’t know,” Fiorenze confirmed.

“Realy?”


Really
,” Fiorenze said firmly, sounding almost like her mother.

“Sad,” Danders said and then slouched away without another word.

“Wow,” I said, watching him disappear. “I can’t believe he bought it.” Danders isn’t great at grasping change.

“I know,” Fiorenze said. “He is the strangest boy. I wonder what goes on in his head. Do you think he even realizes that we’re human beings the way he is?”

“Hey, you lied!” Being caught lying is vastly serious. Depending on the circumstances you can be expeled. Why had Fiorenze lied for me?

She nodded. “Sometimes you have to.”

“He probably only believed you on account of your boyattracting fairy,” I said without thinking. I blushed.

She didn’t seem to notice. “Doesn’t work on seniors.”

“What?”

“It only works on guys around the same age as me.”

“Realy?”

She nodded. “Imagine if it worked on al boys. How torpid would that be?”

I thought about it for a second. “Or if it worked on your teachers.” I shuddered.

“I
hate
my fairy.”

“You what?” I stared at her. She was looking straight back at me. “But … ,” I spluttered.

“I hate it. I’ve been doing everything I can to get rid of it. I did the not-washing thing. But Mom intervened. I stayed away from boys. Not that that was hard. It was starting to fade …”

I hadn’t noticed her staying away from Steffi.

“But. It. Wil. Not. Go. Away. No matter what I do. I don’t even think I like boys.”

“But everyone is jealous of your fairy,” I said, trying to make sense of her words. “Everyone wants it.”

Fiorenze shook her head. “No, they don’t. Not if they thought about it.”

“And you do
too
like boys. What about Steffi?”

“Who?”

“Stefan.” I felt a tiny thril that he had told me his nickname, but not her.

“Stefan,” she repeated. “He’s unavoidable. Al the other boys obey the rule that protects me, but not Stefan, and he never gets a single demerit.”

“But you’re always holding hands, passing notes to each other, giggling.”

“I don’t giggle.”

I shrugged even though it was true. Fiorenze was not a giggler.

“And it was Stefan passing notes to
me
. As for the holding hands

—I told him I didn’t like it. Or him. But it didn’t make any difference,” Fiorenze said. “The teachers weren’t going to protect me because of Steffi’s fairy. What could I do?”

“But you were together by first recess of the day you met!”

“I reported him. Three times. But, of course, the teachers didn’t do anything.” Fiorenze’s eyes filed with tears. She blinked rapidly to make them go away. She was safe from a demerit—there were no teachers in sight. “My fairy is the worst fairy in the world,” she said. “But at least Steffi isn’t as bad as the other boys. I don’t think the fairy affects him as much; he’s only tried to kiss me twice.”

“What does your mother say?” I asked, reeling from what she was saying.

“She hasn’t.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“You met her. She’s not very forthcoming, is she?”

That was an understatement. She was al cryptic sayings.

“You realy don’t like Steffi?” I asked.

“No, I realy don’t.”

I shook my head. How was it possible not to like Steffi? “Why haven’t you asked your father to help you, then?”

“I can’t. My parents are … Wel, neither of them has a lot of time for me. I’m not what they expected.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if me and Nettles were what our parents expected, but there hadn’t been any complaints.

Wel, not about who we were, just about what we sometimes did (or didn’t do). What did they expect from me and Nettles? That we (or didn’t do). What did they expect from me and Nettles? That we try hard and be happy? Something like that. My parents didn’t have a lot of time, but they gave us whatever we needed of it.

“That’s why I tried to join you yesterday, but Tamsin, wel, you saw. She told me to go off with Rochele.”


That
was you trying?

Fiorenze ducked her head.

“You didn’t even ask if you could watch. You just went away as soon as she told you to.”

Fiorenze was stil looking down. “She was firm. There’s no point arguing with her when she’s being firm.”

I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t realized Fiorenze was such a torpid- heart.

“Did Tamsin show you the book?” she asked.

I shook my head. “I think I saw it, though. In a big metal box?”

She nodded.

“But it was locked up.”

“It always is. If only we could read it,” Fiorenze said. “Then we’d get rid of both our fairies.”

The bel for the end of first recess rang. “Fairy dung!” I yeled.

“Late again!”

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