How to Be a Great Lover (19 page)

1. • POSITION IV: MALE-FROM-BEHIND
     

     (DOGGIE STYLE)
     

     Many women have said that the male-from-behind, or doggie-style, position makes for some of their most erotic sex. Men as well find this position highly charged. Their reasons range from the intense depth of penetration to the feeling of taking or being taken. As a dentist from San Diego said, "It is so animal. I love seeing her butt and seeing me fill her up." Another man, a lawyer from Boston, told me, "There is more smell of sex. I not only feel it, I can smell it." This position can be done with the woman lying flat on her stomach, the woman on all fours, the woman standing up bent over, or the woman lying on her side in front of her lover. The man enters her vagina from the back of her rather than from in front of her. That's why it is often referred to as
     

     rear entry or doggie-style.
     

     Tips
     

   • For women who have personal knowledge that their G-spot exists, this is said to be the most effective position for getting to it because of the angle of the penetration by his penis.
     
   • The only drawback to rear entry sex is that because it is so highly erotic, men often reach their climax more quickly than they do in other positions.
     
   • Men like to see themselves entering a woman and then banging against her buttocks cheeks. Try putting a mirror facing the bed.
     
   • This position can be painful if you have a tilted uterus or a very large partner.
     

     MAN-FROM BEHIND
     

     

   • He can be stimulating you with his hands as he penetrates you.
     

1. • POSITION V: STANDING UP
     

     For the sake of balance, this position is best done with the woman standing against a wall and the man standing in front of her unless he is particularly strong. Though another position is probably best for a long romantic sexual encounter, this one is excellent for hot and urgent sex. It can be done without the complete removal of clothes (a plus when you're both in a hurry) and requires very little space to do it in. Remember the broom closet we talked about in Chapter 2? Well, this is a great position for sex in the broom closet or in the shower. Evidently it has also been done more than once this way in an elevator, because standing-up sex is often referred to as "elevator banging." On the subject of fast, urgent sex, I just want to point out that in given situations most men adore it. It's not that they don't adore long, passionate lovemaking sessions, they do. But fast, wild sex in a place that's a little bit dangerous can be exciting. What this kind of sex lacks in romance, it makes up for in heat. There is a certain amount of excitement to be found in knowing that he absolutely has to have you, right then and there. It's also very rewarding once in a while to actually he the fantasy. Furthermore, men are often so appreciative afterwards of having been indulged, many women say that the next time they have long, romantic sex it lasts much longer and is more romantic than ever before.
     

   • Make sure that when you wrap your legs around him, you don't cause him discomfort. Take this scenario for instance: "My boyfriend and I were on the balcony in Hawaii at sunset. We'd just come in from a cocktail
     

     STANDING UP
     

     reception and I told him I had on no underwear. He lifted me up on the railing and I wrapped my thighs around him. We proceeded to go absolutely wild, then he started to scream. I thought it was from the passion. Wrong. My stilettos were digging into his calves!"
     

   • Make sure his knees are locked and he is comfortably leaning against a solid wall. As a female twenty-four- year-old bookstore owner remembers, "My boyfriend and I tried to do it standing up with him holding me and I fell backwards because he couldn't lift me easily and I only weigh 115 pounds!"
     

1. • POSITION VI: SITTING/KNEELING
     

     Sitting or kneeling is simply a variation of the side-by-side, facing position done at a different height. Many couples enjoy sitting or kneeling because the positions feel novel and give them a break in their routine. Neither position allows for much movement, but they do allow for great face-to-face contact.
     

     Tips
     

   • Sitting, she can be straddling him, facing away while seated on his lap, or facing sideways in his lap.
     
   • He can kneel between her legs and enter her while facing her, while she's seated.
     
   • Either position can help increase a woman's tightness. There is a sharper angle for entry, hence a tighter space.
     
   • This is an easy position to move to from the female-superior position; the woman just pulls her legs forward and the man can sit up.
     

     

     SITTING/KNEELING
     

   • Sitting on a chair is good for couples who want a quickie, or if the woman is pregnant.
     

Secret from Lou's Archives

With him inside of you, try pulsing around his penis; this not only will increase his stimulation, it may lead to a vaginal orgasm for you.

Vaginal Exercisers: How to Feel Tight

I have been asked numerous times if I knew of any products or ways to strengthen that important vaginal muscle, the PC (pubococcygeal) muscle. To determine the current strength of your PC muscle insert your fingers vaginally, and tighten around them as if you were trying to stop the flow of urine. If it feels like a thin strip closing around your fingers, you need to do some work. If the tightening feels like a broad band you are probably already in good shape. However, if we've had children, and even if not, as we age this is one muscle we want to always have in shape because it is our love muscle. Some men do notice the varying tightness of a woman's vagina. A forty-eight-year-old photographer from Sherman Oaks, California, explained the issue of tightness in this way: "When a woman is tight and you first enter her you can feel her down the whole length of your penis. But then sooner or later, after she's lubricated and gets excited, she loosens up. Other women feel like caves when you enter them because there is no pressure. The tightness is really just at the entry."

The point to remember, ladies, is that while it's probably good for your health and his initial enjoyment to have a strong or tight PC muscle, it's no barrier to his ultimate pleasure. As a male commercial photographer from Los Angeles put it, "What it ultimately comes down to is that the two of you have to communicate what you like and only sometimes is it the marathon stuff."

I cannot stress enough that the inability to reach orgasm through sexual intercourse is not a flaw. Women who do are the exception rather than the rule. But this does not mean intercourse can't feel wonderful just the same. It can. Keeping your vaginal muscles tight is a means to that end, and the Kegel exercise for the PC muscle is the best method for vaginal fitness.

The simplest method of Kegel exercise is to regularly squeeze and release the muscles that line your vagina (see below). Just as you would do sets and repetitions of other exercises in the gym, you can do the same with your Kegels. This exercise can be done discreetly while driving, sitting at your desk, or watching television. It won't take long for the vaginal muscles to begin to strengthen. You'll know this is happening when his penis begins to feel thicker and larger inside of you. The tighter the fit of your vaginal glove around his penis, the more sensual the feeling will be for both of you.

Exercise

• Lie supine, knees flexed, feet flat.
  
• Place one hand on the floor and rest the other gently on your abdomen.
  
• Contract and internally lift the region between your genitals and anus, squeezing the muscles inward to the center of the body.
  
• Results are enhanced by breath control: inhale with the contraction and exhale during a controlled release.
  
• For increased strength, vary the tempo of contractions. Variations include the "elevator," a deep sustained contraction that rises in the body; and "flutters," a series of rapid, intense, surface contractions.
  

  Use your imagination and awareness: try pulsing your PC muscle as you are driving, eating, whenever. Develop a program, start with twenty flutters and twenty big squeezes and then build up. Remember this is a muscle and it will tire easily if not in shape. If you keep up the exercises, I bet you will feel a noticeable difference soon. Here are some other suggestions using toys for tightening this muscle group:
  

  Marble shaped eggs.
  

  These are used in Taoist/eastern sexual technique practices. In the healing Tao egg exercise for women, a marble jade egg is inserted vaginally to assist in exercising the "chi" muscles ("chi" means life-force energy). The chi muscles include the urogenital diaphragm and the PC muscle. Following a twenty-step regimen, you practice moving the egg up and down, side to side, and flipping it within the vaginal barrel. If you are very familiar with your body, have studied a philosophy similar to this, and can contract the top of your vaginal barrel, this could be for you.
  

  Kegelcisor.
  

  A Kegelcisor is a tiny metal dumbbell used for exercising the PC muscle. Approximately six inches long with a ring in the middle, it is inserted vaginally half way up. When you contract your PC muscle, the Kegelcisor provides resistance, as well as indicating how much you're moving it.
  

  Femtone.
  

  Just as a Kegelcisor is a dumbbell for the PC muscle, this essentially a weight training program using a series of weighted eggs. You start by inserting the lightest egg and work up to the heavier ones. You can keep them inside you while you are walking around. One woman magazine editor, who was also the mother of two, told me, "I figured, 'Big deal. This is so easy. I know I'm in shape down there.' Man, did I get my comeuppance—the weight fell right out!! I then had to start with the number three weight and then worked up to the number five weight."
  

  Intimate Trainer.
  

  The Intimate Trainer is the most high tech—and understand ably the most expensive of the PC exercising items. It is based on the same principle used in physical therapy, where myofibril contraction is stimulated by electric impulse. A European doctor created this chip-programmed vaginal insert, which is about the size of a large tampon, that will stimulate/exercise the PC muscle to do the contracting for you as you rest, sit, or sleep. Originally developed for women with stress (during sneezing) and urge (when they have a full bladder) incontinence, particularly after the birth of a child when the PC muscle is so stretched, it was covered that the increased strength of the muscle translates into not only increased continence but better sex as well. The Intimate Trainer is best used when you are still so it doesn't fall out, and it is available in two strengths, six volt or twelve volt.
  

  GENERAL TIPS FOR INTERCOURSE
  

• If you want to discover the most comfortable or the tightest positions when you are by yourself, get a lifelike dildo and practice in private. Try the different penetration motions and positions and see what feels best for you.
  
• If you experience a burning sensation during intercourse, check to see if you need more lubricant or if you mistakenly used a lubricant with Nonoxynol-9. If neither of these are a possible explanation, you may want to visit your doctor and check for a possible STD or an allergic reaction to your partner's semen.
  
• If you feel sharp pain during intercourse, your partner may be hitting your cervix; try changing your position. You may also be irritating episiotomy scars, or again, the problem may be an STD-induced soreness.
  
• Sometimes the ejaculate will remain inside a woman long after intercourse and come out at the most inopportune moment. If this is something that bothers you, try using a panty liner.
  

  Regardless of how much you exercise and how many different techniques and positions you put into your sexual repertoire, just remember that the single most important factor in determining your level of sexual fulfillment during intercourse will be the release of your inhibitions and the surrendering to the exchange of spirit taking place between you and your lover.
  

  Chapter Ten
  

  Pearls and Other Passionate Playthings