How to Be a Great Lover (17 page)

• If you wish to heighten sensation try stretching his buttocks cheeks apart. This will expose more of the extremely sensitive anus.
  

  THE BEST POSITIONS FOR ANALINGUS AND MASSAGING THE MALE G-SPOT
  

• on his back, head pointing away from you
  
• on all fours facing away from you (you will be behind his buttocks); if he drops his shoulders, you will have an even larger playground available to play with, from his thighs, to his back, to his buttocks, testicles, and anus
  
• lying on his back, hugging his knees towards his chest so his spine is curved and the anal area is completely available for you to play with Internal G-spot massage
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  If you'd like to try anal sex, seminar attendees recommend using the women's Reality condom, which is made of polyurethene. By removing the adjustable ring at one end, voila, you have the ideal condom for anal sex.
  

  your tongue, starting with the anus as the hub.
  

• Push your tongue in slightly; you won't be able to go far, as the strength of the tongue muscle is no match for the strength of the rectal sphincter. He will get a warm, hot, wet sensation.
  
• Again remember to incorporate other complimentary moves. A favorite among seminar attendees is to be performing Rose Petals on his behind while giving him a hand job at the same time. If he is on all fours, with your free lubricated hand you reach around the front of his thigh and do a slow twisting hand job stroke as you perform analingus. If he is on his back, reach above your head and do a one-handed Taffy-Pull.
  

  Anal play is not for everyone, but it can add a wonderful dimension to your sexual life with your partner. As with any adventure taken between two people, breaking boundaries can lead to new heights of awareness and, in this case, pleasure.
  

  Chapter Nine
  

  Coming Together at Last
  

• THE MAGIC OF INTERCOURSE
  

  'You gave me information that allowed me to reconnect with my husband and
  

  remember why we got married in the first place."
  

  FEMALE SEMINAR ATTENDEE, ACTRESS, AGE 43
  

  You have arrived. Now it's time to learn how to use all that you've learned about foreplay and push the "last act" over the edge. Intercourse comes naturally to human beings. It's how we propagate the species. But that's not the same as knowing how to do it well. This chapter will explore the elements of sexual intercourse and show you how to turn the event into a magical experience that completes both of you, transporting you through pleasure.
  

  This chapter comes late in the book to encourage you to use all the elements from the previous chapters to enhance sexual intercourse with your lover. Fast and urgent sex can indeed be a great rush. However, I have found, in listening to hundreds and hundreds of women and men, that extending the foreplay through creating a sensual environment, kissing, lubrication, oral and manual stimulation, and even anal sex, is what pushes intercourse into the realm of the divine. As a man in his mid-fifties recently told me, "When I was a teenager, 1 could look at a woman across the room and I'd be saluting the stars. Now she has to walk toward me and sit on my lap." A forty something male novelist from Los Angeles had this to say about intercourse: "It's a lot of work: keep thrusting, maintain your erection, push into your toes, stare into her eyes, and say `I love you!'"
  

  Again, I can't overstate this advice: the factor that most determines whether or not you'll enjoy intercourse is your ability to be an active participant rather than a passive one. Intercourse is an exchange of energy, spirit, passion, and love. It isn't intended to be simply tolerated. After all, this is the act by which life is created. I'm not suggesting that your reason for making love is, ever will, or should be to create a life. What I am saying is that the act commands respect, for both yourself and your partner. Lying there like a bump on a log while he thrusts himself in and out of you is not a demonstration of respect, spirit, passion, or love.
  

  The secret to having great intercourse is the same as the secret to having great anything. You have to be into it. Sex is al l about passion and lust and the expression of feelings. It's okay to be noisy. You can scream, moan, talk, or laugh during sex. In fact, in the same way that breathing deeply through a massage helps to enhance the pleasure, many women have said that making noise during intercourse greatly increases its physical pleasure.
  

  Granted, if you've always been the silent type during sex, you may not feel particularly comfortable with the idea of turning into a banshee overnight. You don't have to, it's merely an option. Try starting off with a low moan and work your way up. This is not about being loud, it's about being expressive and enthusiastic in your love-life. Of course, if you should find yourself enjoying the voice of freedom in bed, it is always wise to be aware of your surroundings.
  

  Remember this tip if you're in a hotel or have kids sleeping down the hall a pillow makes a terrific muffler.
  

  Many women have told me they feel they are adequate but not great at intercourse. If this applies to you, keep reading. I'm going to give you a variety of ways to express yourself in a more exciting and erotic manner than you might have thought about before. I'm going to tell you something again—I know I've said it earlier but it bears repeating: the most alluring thing, according to every man I've ever spoken to about sex, bar none, is to feel as if he's turned his lover on in bed. Men absolutely adore it when they excite us. So if you want to be a better lover, above all else, enjoy yourself.
  

  Female Orgasms
  

  An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm. While there are many ways to actually bring on and create an orgasm, there are only a few names to describe them. A number of women experience a tremendous amount of guilt and disappointment because they can't reach an orgasm through intercourse. Let me put your mind at ease. Less than 30 percent of all women climax during intercourse! And from what I hear, I think 30 percent is an exaggeration. There is nothing wrong with you. Most women can only climax by clitoral stimulation. We've also been led to believe through movies, books, etc., that simultaneous orgasms happen all the time when two people make love. That's not the case: it is very unusual.
  

  Many times, women get so disappointed and overcome with feelings of inadequacy about not reaching the orgasm they think they should be having, they don't relax and enjoy all the wonderful sensations intercourse does provide. What a wasteintercourse can be heavenly, orgasm or not. But there are ways to improve the odds of having an orgasm. For women, it's a question of learning more about your body and how to focus in on certain areas.
  

  Some women make sure they are taken care of during foreplay; others wait until intercourse. Either way, you need to establish open, honest communication with your lover. You must explain to him that as much as you love "doing it," you don't come by intercourse alone. Believe me, he wants you to have an orgasm. No doubt this will be even more important to a man who is in love with you, but the truth is, even the most selfish man wants to know that he is capable of making it happen. Men's egos are very wrapped up in pleasing a woman. The worst thing you can do for either of you is to fake it. That is the ULTIMATE form of miscommunication.
  

  Secret from Lou's Archives
  

  According to men, the three most important factors that make entering a woman during intercourse a mind-blowing experience are a combination of the heat, moisture, and pressure.
  

  You don't have to feel guilty about going first all the time, either. Men know better than we do that they are exhausted once they climax. Most of them want nothing more than to curl up next to us and go to sleep afterwards. It's not the same for women. We've got plenty of energy afterwards, and even more importantly, we are left in a state of wanting to give more. It is to their advantage to do us first, and any man with the least bit of sexual experience is well aware of that.
  

  How an orgasm is created can originate anywhere from stimulating the clitoris, to the vagina (more likely from stimulation of the clitoris while being penetrated), to the G-spot, to the breasts, to the anus, to the nipples, and for a fortunate few, their minds—from fantasizing.
  

  Being human, we have to put things into categories, so we want to know if we had what someone else had, and are we normal? So we end up with the categories of where people "feel" orgasms (clitorally and vaginally), but that isn't necessarily where the stimulation was that created the orgasm. Quandary question: If having your breasts stimulated brings on an orgasm felt in your pelvis, what type of orgasm is this? There are some women who claim to even have cervical orgasms.
  

  The solution I offer is, if you have an orgasm from stimulating a certain area, that's a that area orgasm. If indeed you do need to name it. And for those that have a dual origin, you choose. For example, man inserted, woman on top: the orgasm could be from the G-spot being stimulated, or from her clitoris rubbing against him.
  

  Again, though there are essentially three ways in which women can stimulate orgasms, women can achieve and feel an orgasm from many different sources. For example, one female seminar attendee claimed that if her boyfriend sucks on her nipples, she will come. Another woman, a writer from New York, said that often her fantasies can lead her to climax. You just never know what can turn you on!
  

  The three areas for stimulation most often associated with triggering an orgasm in women are:
  

• the clitoris
  
• the G-spot
  
• the vagina (via coital alignment technique)
  

Secret from Lou's Archives

Most women orgasm only from oral or manual stimulation of their clitoris.

CLITORAL STIMULATION

Non-Intercourse

In this case, an orgasm is typically achieved from direct contact, either from him performing oral sex or by manually stimulating your clitoris using his fingers or a vibrator.

Intercourse

During intercourse, a woman usually achieves an orgasm when she is already stimulated and excited and then gets on top in female-superior position. In this position, she can control the intensity and variety of motions. But as a female banking executive told me, "The only way I can have an orgasm during intercourse is to be stimulated orally, and then I get on top. But if nothing happens within the first five minutes, the bloom is oil the rose—ain't nothing gonna happen after that."

An MBA student from Nashville says that when she is on top. her husband often uses a vibrator on her. "My husband holds it ii place, and while he's inside of me I rock over the top of it. Not only does he get to see me go nuts, he can feel me come again and again while he's inside of me. He says it's like having his own sex show."

THE G-SPOT

Female orgasms during intercourse without clitoral stimulation are associated with what is commonly known as the G-spot. The G-spot (named in honor of German physician Ernst Grafenberg, who first noted this tissue distinction) is an area approximately the size of a bean, located about two-thirds the length of your middle finger inside the vaginal entrance, above the pubic bone in the front wall. If you imagine a clock overlaying the vaginal entrance, the G-spot is typically at 12 noon. When stimulated, the G-spot swells and enlarges to the size of a dime. For some women, continuous stimulation of this area can lead to a powerful orgasm. For others, G-spot stimulation is unpleasant. And just so you know, there are still other women for whom the much-sought-after G-spot has never been proven to exist at all. The research about the scientific existence of the G-spot is by and large inconclusive for it indicates that while some women have a G-spot, others do not. As one sex therapist told me, "Women should not be held hostage by trying to find their G-spots. Some have them, some don't."

Secret from Lou's Archives

Women who have delivered a child vaginally have a more elastic vagina and the penis is therefore able to stroke and stimulate the front wall, the location of the G-spot, more easily.

The best intercourse positions for achieving G-spot stimulation are rear entry (male enters from behind, woman is on all fours), or female superior, in which she is sitting on top of her partner facing away from him.