How Forever Feels (22 page)

Complicated didn't begin to cover this.

“Jack.” It sounded like she was calling him from the far end of a tunnel instead of right beside him on the bed. “Jack, will you please look at me?”

No. He couldn't.

For four years he'd kicked himself for letting her go, and now, because he'd shown up a day too late, he was going to lose her again.

It was no secret Maya wanted babies, and here was Griffin-fucking-Carr handing her one on a silver platter. She'd be crazy to say no. With the amount of love she'd give a baby, and the kind of money Carr had to provide for it, there was no downside to it, especially since none of it would involve dealing with the Carsons.

The mattress dipped beside him, and a second later, her hands were wrapped around his and she leaned over, low enough that she could see his face. Still, he didn't move, just kept staring at the sheet dangling off the side of the bed and wondering how he was going to get off that bed and make it down the stairs. He wasn't sure how, but he'd find Griffin and when he did…

“I said no.”

The lungful of air he'd been holding rushed out of him in a loud whoosh as he finally looked up then fell straight back against the pillow again.

“Jeezus, Maya.”

“I'm not going to lie, though, I seriously considered it. I even made lists of pros and cons.”

Jack pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and croaked out a harsh laugh.

“Cons? What the hell could've made the con list? He's too rich? Too good-looking? His private jet doesn't fly fast enough?”

Maya's laugh fell lightly over his skin. “Okay, admittedly, the con side of the list was a lot shorter.”

“Yeah, no shit.” He moved his hands from his eyes to his forehead and just looked at her, not sure what the hell he was supposed to say or do, but then she slipped her leg over him again and settled back down on his chest. “I'm not complaining, but why the hell would you say no?”

“Well, it's the craziest thing, actually. There he was, offering me exactly what I wanted, or what I thought I wanted, and there I was leaning toward saying yes.” She pressed her palm flat over his chest, then stretched her fingers wide. “And then a funny thing happened.”

“What?” With one hand on her upper back and one pressed against the base of her spine, he pulled her in tighter.

Maya tipped her face up and kissed the side of his neck. “You sent over that damned piña colada and screwed up this great and wonderful plan.”

“I—? What?”

“It didn't make sense to me at first.” Sitting up across his stomach, she took his face in her hands and grinned. “There was just something about this face, about the way you smiled at me…yeah, like that.”

Her lips brushed against his like a feather on the wind, leaving him a huge mushy mess.

“He was offering me a lot, more than I ever thought I'd have, but I realized if I said yes to him, you'd probably never smile at me like that again, and I…” Her slow shrug was enough to send the neck of his shirt sliding down her shoulder. “The thing is, Jack, I really like that smile.”

Jack smoothed her hair off her forehead, his eyes searching through the uncertainty in her eyes for some kind of clue. The longer he looked at her, the deeper she blushed, the more afraid he was to even ask.

“What are you saying, Snip?”

“I'm not saying anything. You've only been here a month, Jack, and in another month you'll be settled back in Seattle and I'll still be here.” Her voice was so soft, so quiet. “I don't even have a passport, so realistically…”

“Realistically…” Sitting there with her looking at him like that, like she wasn't sure how much she should say, Jack almost couldn't breathe, but he had to do something to ease some of her frown. “Passports are easy to get and then I could take you to the Space Needle and the gum wall.”

Her cute little nose wrinkled. “Please tell me that's not really a wall of gum.”

“Nah,” he said, smiling up at her. “It's more like a whole alley.”

She didn't answer; she didn't even smile back, just looked down at him with those blue-blue eyes, making every part of him ache for her.

“Stop worrying, Snip. This…us…it's going to be incredible.”

“Or it's going to end up in a hot mess and a month from now I'll be kicking myself for turning movie-dude away.”

“Hot mess, my ass. What are you talking about?”

“Jack.”

“What? You mean because I'm supposed to be best man at your ex-husband's wedding?” He lifted her hand to his mouth and grinned as he kissed each knuckle. “And you think he might have a bit of a problem with the fact that I've spent most of the last twenty-four hours naked with you?”

“It did cross my mind, yeah.”

“Don't worry about it, Snip.”

“I
am
worried about it, Jack. Not because I care what he thinks about this, but because I care about what you think and how this is going to affect you.”

Jack cocked his eyebrow and grinned. “I think we both know how it's affecting me, but if you need me to show you again…”

Still no return grin. “I'm serious. He's been your best friend for twenty years.”

“And yeah, he's going to have a big problem with this. I would, too, and no, I don't expect him to ever like it, but we're just going to need to find a way to deal with it.”

“And then what? Say the two of you somehow figure out a way to deal with this, what happens then? I would never expect you to cut him out of your life, but at the same time, you can't expect me to have anything to do with him or his skank.
Ever
.”

She was right. It was a bit of a hot mess, and it was going to get worse before it got better.
If
it got better.

“I don't know.” He tugged her back down on his chest and breathed in her scent until it made everything else fuzzy. “The only thing I know for sure right now is you're driving me crazy, because you look almost as good in my shirt as you do out of it, so can we please figure everything else out tomorrow?”

“Sorry, I'm busy tomorrow.” Her voice never wavered, but her lips curled softly against his chest. “Deliveries come in Monday and Thursday mornings, no time for anything else.”

“No?” He rolled her onto her back and slid his hands slowly up her belly, taking the shirt with him. “Then we better make good use of what time we have left today.”

“Good idea,” she breathed, arching into his touch. “Time management is key.”

“Mmmm, Snip, I love it when you talk dirty to me.”

“They don't know that we know they know we know.”

Phoebe Buffay,
Friends,
“The One Where Everybody Finds Out”

They didn't figure it out the next day, or the day after that, and while Jack pretended he wasn't worried, Maya couldn't even try to pretend, because she was plenty worried.

Worried that Jack had been right and the two of them really could be something incredible, worried that Will was going to get in there and screw all that up with his “bros before hos” guilt trip. Worried that what she felt for Jack went so far beyond just loving him that she couldn't remember feeling any other way. Worried that it had all happened so fast. Was it too fast?

She worried that even though she was pretty sure Jack felt the same way, neither one of them had so much as breathed the L-word yet, and she really worried that she'd just jinxed it all by telling the girls everything that night at Chalker's.

“Are you freakin' kidding me?” Regan gaped at Maya across the table. “I miss all the good stuff now since I moved my salon to the house.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Ellie cried. “My store's right across the street from hers and I had no idea any of this was going on!”

In perfect sync, the two of them swiveled their heads to look at Jayne, whose eyes got very wide above the rim of her cosmo.

“Oh my God—you knew!” Regan's fist never lifted off the table but her finger shot out, pointing first at Jayne, then Maya. “How come she knew?”

With a sigh, Maya backed them all up to the day of the football game at Jayne's and filled in the details Regan and Ellie didn't know.

“Well, holy crap,” Regan muttered, shaking her head. “So what does this mean?”

“I don't know; we haven't quite figured it out, which is why I'm a little freaked out.”

“But he's going to tell Dickhead, right? I mean, he has to tell him.”

Ellie slapped her hands together as if she was praying. “Please let me be there when that happens. I'll give you anything you want—seriously, come into the store and pick out whatever you like.”

“Very funny.” Maya took a long sip of her wine, then stared into the swirling red liquid as she rolled the stem of the glass between her hands. “Will's going to be so pissed. Not because I think he has any regrets over what he did, but because in his mind this'll be like the worst thing Jack could ever do to him.”

“That's just stupid,” Ellie said. “I mean I sort of get it, but it's still stupid.”

“It's not, actually. Suppose—just suppose—you and Brett broke up and I hooked up with him. Can you imagine how you'd feel?”

“No, because Ponch would never do what Dickhead did.”

“I said ‘suppose.' ”

“Okay, fine.” Ellie huffed out a breath and shrugged, adding an eye roll for emphasis. “Then yeah, I imagine I'd probably want to kill both of you.”

“See? And we've only known each other a few years. Those two have been friends for twenty.”

“But they're guys,” Regan said. “You know what they're like; they'll beat the crap out of each other and then go grab a beer together.”

Ellie nodded, but Maya wasn't convinced.

Jayne, who hadn't said a word until then, drummed her fingers quietly on the table. “Jack knows about Griffin?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“And he understands what you gave up by saying no to that?” There was a look in Jayne's eyes, sort of a cross between anger and protectiveness.

“Yes,” Maya said, then frowned. “You're the one who told me I shouldn't have the baby with Griffin, Jayne, so what's with the tone?”

“I know, and I think you were right to say no.”

“But?”

Never one to enjoy conflict, it took Jayne a second to answer.

“We all like Jack, Maya, you know that, but you said it yourself—he's going back to Seattle in a few weeks, so where will that leave you? I mean it's great that you're so happy with him, it really is, but I swear to God, if he drives away next month leaving you here, brokenhearted, I just…” She pinched her lips together and inhaled deeply. “You just make damn sure he knows Brett has a gun.”

As red in the face as she was, it got all of them laughing.

“That's right,” Regan snickered. “Maybe they can draw pistols at high noon right out on Main Street or something.”

“Ponch would totally win,” Ellie said, shooting Maya a wink. “He's quick.”

“Too bad for you,” Maya muttered behind her glass. “Jack likes to take his time.”

She held it in a second then burst out laughing as the other three choked over their drinks.

“I'm guessing Jack didn't offer the same thing Griffin did?” Regan asked, still chuckling.

“It's a little soon for that,” Maya said. “We don't know what's going to happen, so until that gets figured out…”

“Good.” Jayne nodded. “That's smart.”

“We'll see. Let's talk about something else, or I'll drive myself crazy.”

All it took was for Jayne to avert her gaze; she didn't have to say a word, and Ellie was all over her.

“What? Are you pregnant?”

“No! And will you stop asking me that please?”

The two of them were so busy nattering at each other they didn't notice the way Regan's hand shook a little when she tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Regan?” Maya asked. “What's up?”

With a small smile at Jayne, Regan straightened her shoulders and nodded slowly.

“We've started the paperwork to become foster parents.” It took a second for her to look at Maya, but when she did, they both laughed and wiped their eyes at the same time. “We're still hoping to adopt, but after meeting Jack, and hearing what you told us about some of the things he went through…and you know what a pushover Carter is when it comes to kids needing help, so…I just hope whoever they place with us doesn't hate us.”

Without a word, Maya pushed out of her chair, rounded the table, and wrapped her arms tight around Regan.

“Okay.” Regan laughed. “Stop it or you're going to make me cry again.”

Maya didn't care; she just hugged her tighter and pressed a loud kiss against her friend's cheek before finally going back to her own seat.

“That's so great,” she said. “You guys'll be amazing. You'll be ‘that' family every foster kid dreams of, I know it.”

“I hope so,” Regan said, worry etched across her face. “We agreed to keep it quiet until we knew for sure, but then Carter got all excited and went and blabbed to Nick.”

“Who of course blabbed to Jayne,” Ellie said. “When will you know?”

“We're not sure. The paperwork alone is mind-boggling, and I think at some point we'll have to go in and be fingerprinted, but we need to get through this part first.”

An hour earlier, Maya wouldn't have believed she could love these three any more than she already did, but she would've been wrong. Lifting her almost empty glass, she tipped it toward Regan.

“You're going to be an awesome mom.”

They all clinked, then ordered another round to toast her properly.

Jack hadn't talked to Genie since he'd left her house a week ago. She'd left two messages, both of which he'd deleted, but he couldn't put her off forever, because he'd meant what he said to her that night. No matter what, he did owe her everything, and he'd always be grateful for what she'd done for him.

But she'd also intentionally set out to make Jack feel small and demeaned in front of Maya, and as much as Jack wanted to hate her for that, he couldn't. She'd done it for Will—her real son—and who was Jack to dog her for that? She'd done what she thought she had to do and now Jack would do the same.

When he'd told Maya earlier in the week, she'd agreed to go along with whatever he wanted to do, and like every other time he was with her, what he wanted to do had absolutely nothing to do with Will or Genie, so the discussion had gotten derailed by him peeling Maya's clothing off one piece at a time.

It was days later now, and they were both fully dressed, so he needed to make sure she was really on board with it and not just blowing smoke.

“Hey, Snip?”

They were sitting on her couch, Maya tucked up under his arm, watching Denzel Washington and the new Captain Kirk try to stop a runaway train.

“Hmm?”

“Are you sure you're okay with this?”

“With what?”

“Not telling Will about us until after the wedding.” Before she could answer, he shifted over a little so he could see her face. “I don't want you thinking I'm just trying to put it off until the last minute so I can spring it on him right before I leave town.”

“That's not what I think,” she said, her eyes so clear, so open.

Had anyone ever looked at him with so much trust?

“It probably doesn't make sense, but I feel like if I do this one last thing for Genie then I'll be done.”

“Jack.” Her voice was almost as soft as her lips when they brushed his. “You'll never be done with Genie, and I don't think you should want to be. For better or worse, she's the only mother you've ever really known, and that's not something you just walk away from. If this is what you want, this is what we'll do.”

God he loved her. And every damn time it hit him like that, it felt like he needed to crack his chest open to make more room inside.

“But be warned,” she said. “If we wait much longer than the wedding, Ellie's going to beat us to it.”

“You could come with me to the wedding,” he said, grinning down at her. “Stella put me down as a plus one, so it's not like there won't be enough food for you.”

“I'd rather ram needles into my eyes than go anywhere near that wedding.”

“So that's a no?”

“That's a
hell no
. You, my friend, will be going solo unless you can find someone else to be your plus one.” She started to curl back under his arm but stopped. “What's the verdict on the bachelor party?”

He let her get settled again, then pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Stella doesn't want it the night before—”

Maya snorted. “Guess she's not as stupid as I thought she was.”

“So a couple of us are going to take him out to the pub on the Thursday night before.”

“Is that it?” she asked. “Just to the pub?”

“It's not like the city, Snip, our options are kind of limited here.”

And for that, Jack was incredibly thankful.

He and Pete spent the night at Maya's—again—and the next morning, being of no more use to his own work, Jack went back to the Luna Building to see if Nick needed any help.

The next couple of weeks were a chaotic mishmash of amazing nights spent with Maya and dragged out days keeping it from Will. What made it worse was every minute spent with Snip, Jack loved her a little bit more, and yet the more time he spent with Will, the more he was reminded of why they'd always been friends.

Neither Maya nor Will was pulling on him, yet he still felt like the red ribbon tied around the middle of a tug-of-war rope.

The Newport Ridge office of TMJ opened right on time, the first Monday in November, and Keith was there ready to rock. Well maybe not rock, but he got around pretty well with his cane.

The rest of the team had driven up from Vancouver and were wandering around their new place in shock. The old office had been nice enough, but not like this. If they couldn't be inspired or creative in this place, then they were in the wrong business.

A steady stream of people stopped by to see the final result, starting with Will and Stella, who came by on their way to school, then all the neighbors from the other businesses in the building. Nick showed up midmorning just to make sure everything was okay, and right around noon Maya arrived with an arrangement of…not flowers.

“I know creative people,” she said. “And the whole lot of you will be too distracted with whatever you're working on to bother watering flowers, so I thought this would be better.”

It was a bouquet made up of everything Apollo, from the characters and ships to the weapons and planets. Each one had been printed, double-sided, on thick hard plastic, then cut into shapes and arranged on floral sticks. Instead of filling the vase with water, she's filled it with cotton and then somehow managed to wrap the entire thing with printouts of the game covers.

“Holy shit, Snip—how'd you do that?”

“A little trial and error and a lot of glue.” She didn't touch him, but the smile she gave him was almost as good. Almost. “I gotta get back. Can I bring Mrs. G by after I close up shop? She likes to be one of the first through the door of every new business.”

“Sure, bring her by whenever you like.”

Another smile, this one with a slow wink, and she was gone, leaving Jack to count the minutes until she came back. He'd expected to be the only one left by then, but it was like none of the team wanted to go home, so the place was still jumping when Maya and Mrs. Goodsen showed up.

“Well, holy Moses.” Mrs. Goodsen took a couple shaky steps inside and then stopped, leaning heavily on her cane. “It's like a giant playroom.”

Laughing, Jack pulled over one of the five-wheeled chairs and held it steady while Maya helped Mrs. G settle onto it for a ride around the room. None of it made sense to her, not the hammock chairs, not the huge semi-circular couches, and not the beanbag chairs thrown here and there.

“But where are the desks? Where do you work?”

“Wherever people are comfortable, that's where they work.”

It was a lot for her to take in, and even being wheeled around the space seemed to tire her out, so Maya took over and steered her slowly back toward the door.