Horrid Henry's Joke Book (7 page)
Read Horrid Henry's Joke Book Online
Authors: Francesca Simon
“NO! I don't want Peter's stupid, smelly jokes in my joke book.”“Don't be horrid, Henry!”
“I DON'T WANT PETER'S STUPID, BABY JOKES IN MY BOOK. AND THAT'S FINAL.”
“Henry, I'm warning you⦔
“NOOOOOOOO!”
“That's it, Henry. No TV for a week.”
“Oh all right. He can put in his stupid, yucky jokes.”
Psst. Listen, everyone, don't read them. They're awful. Skip ahead to the next section.
What's green and rides a horse?
Alexander the Grape.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
What happens if you fall asleep under a car?
You wake up oily in the morning.
Why couldn't the sailor play cards?
The captain was standing on the deck.
How do chickens dance?
Chick to chick.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop.
Why did the germ cross the microscope?
To get to the other slide.
What do you call a vampire that lives in the kitchen?
Spatula!
How do you use an Egyptian doorbell?
Just toot-and-come-in.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
What do you call a blind reindeer?
No eye deer.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
The chicken was on vacation.
“It's my joke! You stole it.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“MOMMMMMMMMM!”
Why did the bubblegum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken's foot.
How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
Buccaneer.
What do you call a priest on a motorcycle?
Rev.
Where do frogs hang their coats?
In a croakroom.
What did the policeman say to his belly?
“You're under a vest.”
What's seven feet tall, green, and sits in the corner?
The Incredible Sulk.
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
What does the Spanish farmer say to his chickens?
“Oh lay!”
What did the martian say to the gas pump?
Take your finger out of your ear when I'm talking to you.
When is a tractor not a tractor?
When it turns into a field.
How do you know flowers are lazy?
You always find them in beds.
What happens when you drop a green rock in the Red Sea?
It gets wet.
Which pet makes the most noise?
A trum-pet.
Yes! Now some real jokes.What did the constipated mathematician do?
He got a pencil and worked it out.
What jumps out from behind a snowdrift and shows you his bottom?
The A-bum-inable snowman.
A little girl wet herself in class and the teacher asked her why she didn't put up her hand.
“I did, Miss, but it ran through my fingers.”
If you're American when you go into the bathroom and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the toilet?
European.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Done up.
Done up who?
You did a poo?!
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his cousin in the woods?
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“You can't pick upâ”
