Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1) (26 page)

Chapter Twenty-Four

I was immersed in darkness. I could hear murmurs, but I couldn’t understand them. It felt as if I was underwater.

My whole body hurt.

I strained my ears to understand something, anything. My eyelids felt heavy, but I mustered all the strength I had into the sole action of opening them. They fluttered for a fraction of a second, but they were too heavy and I felt too weak to keep trying.

I didn’t want to die.

There was so much more I wanted to do. The first person that popped into my head was Nathan. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to know what it felt like to wake up next to him, to be loved by him. To spend Christmas Eve in his arms. To play in the snow. To watch a baseball game together. To pig out on fries and marshmallows.

I love you, Nate.

It was frustrating wanting to wake up when my body felt so numb.

I thought about Dad. I wanted to see him happy.

I even wanted to give the damn speech. Anything at this point.

A heavy lump pressed into my chest. It hurt. “Nate?” I was barely able to open my mouth, but I managed to slur out his name. It hurt too.

My voice was different, though; my mouth was too dry, and my tone had been too raspy.

“Oh my God.” Another sharp pain burst from within me. “Finally,” a trembling voice whispered beside me, sounding relieved. “You’re fine, Cassie.” My ears ached as the voice became louder. I could hear a monitor on my right. Slowly, my whole body started to come alive.

Boy, it hurt like a bitch. Especially my head. “Ow.” A soft whimper left my lips.

“I know, honey.” Softness was laced in every word. “But I’m glad you’re back with us, Cassie.”

My eyes fluttered open and I had to close them again. Even the freaking light hurt. Then I recognized the voice. “Marie?”

“I’m here, honey.” Something rustled, and I imagined her pressing different buttons at the same time. I opened my mouth again to ask for Dad and Nate, but a warm hand touched my arm. “Don’t talk yet, sweetie. I’ve already called a nurse, and she’s going to bring you some ice. Your Dad went home to take a shower, and Nathan is just down the hall.”

At the mere sound of his name, my heart clenched and started to beat faster. The annoying monitor’s beeping was proof of it. Marie added softly, “I sent him to get something to eat. The poor boy hasn’t left your side.”

The door opened. I willed them open, squinting because of the light. A brunette in blue scrubs walked inside carrying a bottle of water and a tray filled with ice chips. Marie thanked her and placed one chip on my lips. I tried to raise my hand, but it was in a cast and it hurt too.

Marie grimaced. “You broke your wrist and had a severe concussion.” Her hazel eyes examined me all over. She looked awful. Her usually tamed hair was all over the place, and her eyes were red and had dark circles underneath them.

The ice melted into water, and my mouth instantly felt better.
How long have I been here
? Her brow furrowed as she placed another chip in my mouth. “You were unconscious for a long time, and we had to give you strong painkillers that knocked you out for almost a day. You were really sensitive to the dose, apparently.” Her eyes softened. “We’re not giving you anything for the pain now. I’m sorry if it hurts badly.”

I breathed out, wincing. “It’s okay.”

The door opened again. I looked up, and my breath caught in my throat as I saw Nate’s gray eyes looking at me with so much relief in them that it warmed my heart. He was next to me in no time. Marie smiled at him and squeezed his hand before she left the room. She glanced at me before closing the door with a smile on her face.

Nate’s eyes brimmed with tears as he softly stroked my cheek. He looked awful. I was pretty sure he hadn’t slept at all. His hair was completely disheveled from running his hand through it so much. “You scared the crap out of me.”

“Sorry,” I whispered.

“I was dying without you, Cassie.” His gray eyes bored into mine. He swallowed hard. “Seeing you unconscious was the worst. I thought—” his voice faltered, “—I thought I lost you.”

“Hey,” I reached my left hand for his, forgetting my pain for a moment. “I’m fine.”

He sat next to me, holding my hand. “I almost lost it.” He shook his head, defeated. “Sean freaked out that you weren’t getting up and ran for help. He explained the whole thing to Emma, who got Mr. White after she called for an ambulance.”

His eyes were soft as he looked to the side, but not before I noticed how hurt he seemed. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He shook his head as my heart sank. “Promise me that you’ll never keep something like this from me again?” He breathed out as he ran a hand through his hair.

My eyes followed the movement, and I noticed his knuckles were scabbed. He must have noticed where I was looking because he pulled his hand away. “I’m sorry. I thought I could handle it.” A shaky breath left my lips as I winced at the pain in my head and arm. “And I didn’t want to get you into trouble.” He pressed his lips together, and from the guilty look on his face I knew he’d done something stupid.

“What did you do?”

He shrugged. “I’m suspended.” He glanced at me trying to suppress a smile, “but Tom’s expelled.”

Grimacing at the pain, I closed my eyes for a moment. “He’s an ass, but he didn’t mean for me to fall. I slipped.”

Nathan’s jaw clenched. “Either way, he’s gone. And I don’t care that I’m suspended because I wasn’t going to leave your side anyway.” His eyes were hard for a moment.

“I’m not defending him. I’m not,” I pushed when I saw incredulity flash through his gaze. “But I did slip.”

He took a deep breath. His eyes softened. “I’m just glad you’re awake.”

“Me too.” I shut my eyes again. “But it hurts.”

He caressed my cheek. “I know. I wish I could help somehow.”

“You are,” my voice was barely a whisper as I leaned into his touch.

“Farah is feeling guilty, though,” he added a moment later. My eyes snapped open. He shook his head. “And she’s grounded. Her mom flipped when she admitted the pregnancy test was hers. Good thing too, because your father would probably kill me if she hadn’t said anything the moment the ambulance got to you.”

“Is she—?”

Nate shook his head before I could finish my question. “She has a stomach virus. And a shitload of problems with her mom.” Poor Farah. At least she wasn’t really pregnant.

My lips tugged up into a small smile when the door burst open. Dad stepped in with a wild look in his eyes. His lips were trembling, and he seemed like he had aged over the last day. Nate kissed me lightly on the cheek before giving my father space to sit beside me. “How are you, Cassie?” Marie was right behind him. She placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I’ve been better.” I started to cough. Closing my eyes for a moment, I winced.
Damn, it hurts.

Marie grabbed my cheek as she brought a bottle of water to my lips. “Don’t talk too much, honey.” I nodded.

Nate was leaning against the doorframe with his arms tightly crossed. His eyes were worried and angry at the same time, but I knew he wasn’t angry at me.

“I’m glad you‘re awake, Cassie” Dad’s eyes were teary as he placed a palm over my left hand. “You scared us.” My eyes brimmed with tears as I saw the sorrow in his eyes.
Daddy.

He took a deep breath as Marie squeezed his shoulder. Without looking at her, he placed a palm over her hand. I looked at them, and my lips curved up slightly. Marie was truly a great woman. She wasn’t Mom, but she was good for Dad. Good for us.

My eyes searched for Nate. He smiled as our eyes locked. I didn’t need to tell him anything. He already knew how I felt.

Marie insisted that I stay in the hospital one more night. Dad stayed with me. After visiting hours, he sent Nate home to get some rest despite Nate’s incessant complains that he was fine. But Dad didn’t budge, so Nate reluctantly left after kissing me lightly on the lips.

That night, as my father snored lightly on the other side of the room, I thought about the pain and sorrow in my father’s eyes. My heart clenched as I gazed at his slumped figure. He’d probably felt the same when I tried to hurt myself. I was thankful that Marie had found me. That she was there for him.

The next morning, Anne and Farah visited me. Farah’s mother had shown some mercy to her daughter and let her out long enough to visit me. However, she was still grounded, and I was pretty sure her mom wasn’t too keen on Chris now.

“I’m so sorry.” Farah’s blue eyes pooled with tears as her jaw quivered. “I panicked and made you get the stupid test. This was all my fault.”

My heart ached for her. “It wasn’t. Please stop, Farah.”

“It’s also Chris’s fault.” She sounded reproachful. “He should have gotten the damn test. Not you.” Anne’s lips twitched as she stood behind Farah.

“I slipped, Farah,” I said in a soft voice. “I’m getting out today, and I’ll just have to keep the cast for a few weeks. That’s all.”

“Besides, I think Chris is suffering enough, Farah,” Anne added.

Farah’s brows were creased as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. “We’ll see.” She puffed out her cheeks and glared at our friend. Anne rolled her eyes playfully.

They stayed with me for a while, talking about anything and everything. By the end of the hour, Farah was looking much calmer, and my head wasn’t hurting so bad. My wrist was, but I tried not to show it. Before she left, Farah admitted that she wasn’t really angry at Chris. She was just making him suffer for a while. I had to stifle a laugh at that.

My friends were awesome.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Two weeks passed in a blur. Kind of. I couldn’t do much because of the cast on my arm, but I wasn’t complaining. The pain had subsided by now, and my father was spoiling me to no end. And don’t get me started on Nathan. He didn’t leave my side. Dad even let him stay over on weekends. I had to leave my door open and he had to sleep on the floor, but still.

It was the day before winter break. My eyes roamed all around the packed auditorium. I was seated in the front row, and Nate was sitting on my left, holding my hand. My cast was all doodled over. I just had to wear it for three more weeks and I would be good to go. I missed drawing, though. Although having Nate by my side all the time was pretty awesome.

He squeezed my hand in reassurance when Mr. White began to speak. This year, instead of giving out his usual holiday speech, he talked about bullies, reassuring us that our teachers would support us if anything like what happened to me took place again. He didn’t hesitate to say that any perpetrators would be expelled. The gym was silent as his gaze locked on mine. Bobbing his head at me, he left the microphone.

It was my turn to talk.

With a heavy heart, I walked quietly toward the stage. Shyly, I gazed at my classmates as I gripped the paper in my hands. I swallowed hard as my gaze landed on a pair of gray eyes. Nate smiled confidently at me, and that gave me the courage to start my speech. I didn’t need to look at the paper again.

For once, I trusted myself as much as he trusted in me.

“Hi. I’ve been asked to read my English essay for you guys.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “The thing is,” I grimaced as I continued, “I tried to end my life over the summer.” Deep silence reigned over the auditorium. “My mom got sick a few years ago. She had cancer.” I took a deep breath. “When I learned she was sick; I didn’t know what to do.” I looked at Anne, who was listening intently despite the fact I had already talked to her about it. “I pulled away from everyone and I put this fake mask on my face, trying to block away what was happening to me.” I shifted on my feet. “Because, you see, we all try to pretend that we have a perfect life and nothing is ever wrong with us. We sometimes hide our problems from our friends, scared of what they might think of us. But at the end of the day, we end up feeling worse.”

I bit my lip as I glanced to the floor for a moment. Looking up, I added, “When my mom passed away, I hadn’t told her everything I needed to.” I swallowed hard as my eyes brimmed with tears. “I hadn’t hugged her enough, and I felt like a complete failure.” My voice was raw with emotion. “The pain and the guilt were too much to bear. I learned the hard way that I was wrong…”

A small frown creased my brows as I softly shook my head. “No matter how much pain and sorrow you have in your life, there’s always a way to work things out.” I took a deep breath. “My life has changed for the better. I’m not proud of what I did, but I’m thankful someone gave me another chance. Even if I didn’t want it at the moment.” I gazed at Farah. She had a sad smile on her face and gave me the thumbs-up. Chris was sitting right beside her, and he smiled at me too.

“The thing is, we all have problems
. All of us.
And even though you sometimes feel like nothing can fix them, you just need to reach out for someone.” My eyes roamed all around the room. Everyone was listening intently. Even Marissa. “
Confide
in someone. Share your problems.” I swallowed hard and locked eyes with Nathan. “Maybe you haven’t noticed it, but you’re not alone. No matter what, there’s always a way to work things out.” A sad smile played on my lips. “My mom taught me that.” My voice broke, and I swallowed hard again. “She was brave, and even though she wasn’t perfect, she was a great woman. I’m following her example by facing one of my darkest fears—sharing who I really am.” I blinked away tears as I added, “being popular isn’t about dressing nice or having the latest haircut or driving the most expensive car. Being popular is about being yourself and having friends who like you for who you are.” I gazed at Nate. “So, if you feel like the world is closing in on you,
reach out
. There will always be someone out there for you. You don’t have to go through it alone. You just need to ask for help.”

A tear rolled down my cheek. I rubbed it away before gazing at my classmates again. “Life is made of moments, but it’s up to us to choose what kind of moments we want. It may sound cliché, but it’s true.
Trust me.
I learned it the hard way.” I shook my head, slowly letting a shaky breath out. “I’ve learned not to take people for granted and to share my problems. And I know I still have a lot of things to learn and too many mistakes to make, but in honor of my mother’s memory, I’m trying to be a better person each day; just like she would want me to.” My eyes brimmed with tears as I bobbed my head. “Thank you.”

Everyone was silent as I returned to my seat. Nathan, Farah, and Chris started to clap. Anne and Jay too, then Mrs. Clearwater. Soon, everyone was clapping. I sniffed as my heart warmed.

“I’m so proud of you, babe.” Nate’s eyes pierced mine. “I love you,” he whispered by my ear as Mr. White retook the microphone.

My eyes brimmed with tears as I gazed at my boyfriend.

He was home to me. He made me feel cherished and loved, and I would make sure to make him feel the same.

After my accident, he finally got the courage to talk to his parents. His father was too immersed in work to pay attention to him, but his mother did. She was even going to therapy now, which was great. He seemed happier and didn’t even blink when his mom had announced she was getting a divorce.

As he interlaced our hands, a warm feeling ran through me.

Mom had left an emptiness that would never be filled. But the rest of my heart belonged completely to Nate.