Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1) (25 page)

His warmth and spicy scent engulfed me. Before I knew I was saying it out loud, I murmured, “I love you, Nate.” As soon as the words left my mouth, my eyes widened and I pulled back. “I’m sorry.” I grimaced. “I know it’s too soon, and you don’t have to say anything back. You don’t need to.”

He cupped my chin, brushing the corner of my lip with his thumb. “Are you sure? Do you mean it?”

I was breathing hard as I stared into those gray eyes. My mouth was dry as I whispered, “I do.”

Nate pulled me to him. His face inched closer, and before our lips met, he murmured, “I’ve loved you for a long time, Cass.” My heart soared at his words and my lips curved up into a bright smile. “I love you so fucking much.” His lips brushed mine, and I leaned in to kiss him fully. Nate groaned and pulled me even closer as he deepened the kiss.

In the distance, we heard someone open the door, making us pull apart. “Cassie, come see what we got!” Dad shouted from downstairs.

Blushing like crazy, I passed a hand across my lips. They felt swollen and great, to be honest. Nate was breathing hard, his eyes were darker, and his lips were also unusually dark.

I don’t think we’d ever kissed like that. Every time we kissed, I felt an unnerving pull inside of me. Like I wanted more and more of him. Which was scary and exciting.

Swallowing hard, he grabbed my hand, and we both walked downstairs. Dad’s blue eyes narrowed as Marie suppressed a smile. “What were you doing upstairs?” he asked suspiciously.

“I was just showing Nate my drawings, Dad.”

Wariness crossed his face. “Are you sure?” he asked incredulously. Marie nudged him with her elbow and Dad’s eyes widened as if he’d just registered what I’d said. “You showed him your drawings?” I bit my lip, shrugging.

“She’s really talented, sir. I’m sure you’re proud of her,” Nate commented as he squeezed my hand.

Dad glanced at my boyfriend before looking at me. “I should know, but the last time I saw one of them was over two years ago.”

Nate’s eyes cut to me. I looked at him innocently, as if to say,
I told you I didn’t show them to anyone.

“I’d love to see them, too Cassie,” Marie chimed in. “You know, when you feel like it.”

I stared at her for a moment in silence. It felt like something big when I murmured, “They’re all over my bed, if you want to come up.”

Marie’s eyes sparkled lovingly as she swallowed hard. “I’d love to.” Dad’s eyes teared up as a shaky smile played across his lips. She turned to him smiling excitedly, then climbed the stairs toward us.

“Come on up, Dad,” I said. He nodded gratefully, and we all walked to my room.

As we walked to my room, I remembered Mom’s letter and frowned. I didn’t want them to see it. Nate squeezed my hand as if knowing what I was thinking. A reassuring smile played across his lips.

I pushed the door open, and he headed toward my desk. I smiled at him as he bobbed his head toward my father and Marie, who were both immersed in picking up different drawings to examine them.

“This is beautiful,” Dad said in awe. He looked up and smiled proudly at me.

“It is!” Marie grinned at the pictures of eyes and lips, sharing a knowing smile with me.

I placed my hands in my jeans pockets. “Thank you.”

Dad’s eyes brimmed with tears as he stared at the lake drawing. “I’m so proud of you, honey. And I know your mom is very proud of you as well.” I swallowed hard, nodding. “Come here.” He reached for me, and I hugged him, exhaling a shaky breath.

Things are getting better.

Chapter Twenty-Three

I brushed a strand of hair off my face as the wind picked up. It was getting colder, but the weather brought a smile to my face. As a kid, I always cherished the first snow, even though, by the end of winter I was complaining endlessly about it. However, there was something magical about the first time it snowed; the way the small, white snowflakes dainty floated from the sky and landed on you softly.

When I was child, Mom always made hot cocoa that night, and she would let me play in the yard until my nose was red and my hands started to feel numb. It was great. I would totally do the same this year. Even the cocoa. With Nathan, of course.

I arrived at school later than usual that morning, so the place was packed. Hitching my backpack over my shoulder, I walked faster through the hallways to my locker. People were talking excitedly as I passed them. From the corner of my eye, I saw Tom and Sean snickering and shoving each other roughly. I hurried past them.

Nate was leaning on my locker as he checked something on his phone. He had on a red hoodie, jeans, and a gray knit beanie.

My lips tugged up instantly. “Hey, handsome.” He looked up, an instant grin forming on his face.

Pulling himself up, he kissed me chastely on the lips. “Now, that’s more like it,
Taylor
.” I rolled my eyes playfully before opening my locker and reaching for my books. “Are you ready to rock out on calculus?”

Scrunching my nose, I shrugged, “yeah?”

He chuckled. “We’re going to have to work on it, babe. But I’ll help you, and you know I’m acing that class.”

“You’re so modest, Nate,” I murmured sarcastically.

“But you love me that way,” he whispered by my ear. Quite smugly, I might add.

Smiling, I grabbed his hoodie and pulled him to me. I kissed him lightly as a smile played across his lips. “Don’t be so smug about it.”

“But I am,” he exclaimed happily with open arms, making people turn our way.

I shoved him with my math book. “Come on, geek, let’s go to calculus.”

As we walked toward our class, hand in hand, he brushed his thumb across one of my scars. “Have you noticed that you’ve stopped rubbing them?” he asked, gazing at me.

I looked at him in surprise. “I hadn’t.” His gray eyes bored into me for a moment before he lifted my hand and kissed my scar. A warm feeling ran through me.

The teacher passed us, meaning it was time to get to class. I waved at Anne as we walked past her to get to our seats. I frowned as I sat and took out my pencil and notebook. Where had Farah been over the weekend? She’d been pestering me to no end about my date, and I had completely forgotten to call her to tell her about it. But she was usually so persistent. She would normally have called me several times by now.

Glancing behind me, I spotted Chris a few rows behind me. He looked troubled, not at all like his usual happy self. He noticed me glancing at him and bobbed his head. I gave him a small smile in response. Where they having issues?

Sighing, I felt bad for Farah.
What kind of friend am I?

Nate nudged me from behind. “Cass, pay attention.” I turned and glared at him as he shrugged innocently, grinning widely. I rolled my eyes, suppressing a smile. I didn’t want to fail this class, so I turned back and listened to the teacher.

Since it was the only class we had together, we parted ways after a small kiss. I was determined to find Farah and talk to her.

My English classroom was almost empty when I reached it, but Farah wasn’t there yet. Marissa was, though. She was talking to one of her friends when I walked in. Our eyes locked for a moment before she looked away. But she hadn’t glared at me. That had to be some kind of improvement, right?

I plopped down in my usual seat, waiting for my best friend. I had just finished texting her when I saw her blonde head moving my way. Her usual smile wasn’t there. I frowned as she sat beside me.

“Hey.” I leaned closer to her. “What’s going on?”

She looked at me and forced a smile. “Nothing.”

“
Farah
,” I pressed.

She pushed her glasses up her nose. “I’m fine, okay?” she snapped.

I didn’t want to push her. I mean, she’d been nothing but kind and patient to me. She deserved the same treatment. I raised my hands in mock surrender. “Okay.” Taking out my book from my backpack, I added, “but you know I’m here for you, right?”

She sighed. “Yeah,” she murmured softly, “sorry.” Her blue eyes looked to the side. “I think I might be pregnant,” she whispered.

I dropped my pencil in shock. As I picked it up, I asked her worriedly, “Are you sure?”

Her lips trembled. “I’ve been throwing up for the last two days.”

“Are you late, though?”

Shrugging, she swallowed hard. “My period should come this week. But throwing up and feeling sick is a big sign, isn’t it?” Her brow was creased. “Plus, I’ve been sleepy,” she added as an afterthought. “It all adds up.”

I scrunched my nose. “You should go to the infirmary. You might have something else.” I remembered Chris’s distraught face in calculus. “Have you told Chris?”

She nodded as she leaned in to whisper, “he told me we would figure it out, but I’m sure he’s freaking out.”

Her hands were trembling as her face showed nothing but distress. I bit my lip as I tried to come up with something to help her. I rolled my jaw for a moment before thinking it through. “There’s a pharmacy around the corner. Why don’t we go during lunch break to get a test? Just to be sure.” It seemed like she was getting worked up over something that might not be true. She needed to get the test to know for sure.

Her lips quivered. “But how will I ask for the test?”

“I will. Don’t worry.”

Her blue eyes softened. “Would you do that for me?”

“You’re my best friend, Farah. Of course I will.”

A sad grin flashed across her face. “Thank you.”

“Hey—” I squeezed her hand, “—we’ll get through this, okay?” She nodded, but she still looked worried.

Mrs. Clearwater walked in, before a herd of people followed after her. She plopped her briefcase on the desk, but when our eyes met as she surveyed the room, she smiled at me. Then she went into an annoyingly boring lecture. Forty excruciating minutes later, the bell rang. I was putting away my books when she addressed me, “Cassandra, may I have a word with you?”

Farah glanced at me sympathetically as she put her books in her backpack. “I’ll meet you at lunch break, okay?” I murmured before she left the room.

As I walked up to the old lady, she gestured me to take a seat. “I read your essay.” I gulped as her eyes assessed me. “I have to say I’m thoroughly impressed with your style of writing, as well as the content. I didn’t expect a summer essay to have such a serious subject.” Her eyes softened. “I’m sorry about your loss.”

“Thank you.” I never knew what to say to that. It always made a lump form in my throat, though.

She cleared her throat. “I’ve been thinking and I want to make you a proposition.” She straightened her glasses. “You see, I’ve been noticing in the news that young people are committing suicide every year.” I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “I’m not saying that your problems are meaningless, but I think that since you are young and passionate, you get carried away with your feelings, and as you wrote in on your essay, there’s always a way to work things out. I think you could help other students that are going through a rough time, like you.” She paused for a moment, while I tried not to look as panicked as I felt. “I’ve talked to Mr. White about this. I believe that if you share your experience with others, they can get the help they need before they seek to harm themselves. Mr. White is reluctant about this, so he told me to talk to you. And this would be optional, Cassie, we’re not forcing you to do this if you’re not comfortable, but this would be extra credit.” A smile crept across her face. “Not that you need it, but still.”

I fidgeted with my sweater buttons as I thought about it. “You want me to make a speech in front of the whole school?” She nodded.

“Oh.” I pictured myself standing in front of the whole school in the auditorium.
Talk about scary.

“You can take your time to think about it. However, if you agree to it, Mr. White proposed that you read your speech before winter break. That would give you a good two weeks to get ready.”

Nathan’s words echoed in my mind.
We don’t know who could be going through a hard time, and knowing that there’s someone else who is might help them.

I thought about his sister. How if someone had been aware of her situation, they could have helped her. I thought about myself. I had
pushed everyone away, and if Marie hadn’t found me after I’d tried to harm myself, I wouldn’t be here.

It had been the most stupid decision ever. Yet it opened my eyes completely. I guess the saying
things happen for a reason
was accurate, at least for me.

“I’ll do it,” I said.

For Nathan and Leah. For anyone out there who was going through a hard time. But mostly for Mom. I felt like I owed it to her.

Mrs. Clearwater smiled excitedly. “Not just anyone would share their story with the world.” She reached for my hand, and her voice softened. “Your mother would be proud.” I nodded biting my lip. Tears had pooled in my eyes, and I swallowed hard. She let go of my hand and scribbled something on a yellow pass. “You’re free for the next—” she glanced at the clock over the doorframe, “—hour and a half. I’m giving you some time to think about it and start editing.”

“Thank you,” I murmured as she nodded.

“I’ll see you around, Cassie.” She hitched her glasses up her nose again and directed her attention to the massive pile of papers on her desk, dismissing me.

The hallways were empty as everyone was in class. I walked to my locker to leave my books while breathing out.

Oh boy.
I was going to read my essay in front of the whole school. At least I had a few weeks to get ready. Besides, I knew that Nathan and Farah would have my back.

Taking out my cell phone from the back pocket of my school bag, I glanced at the time. I had almost two periods free. I would probably freak out about it if I didn’t find something else to do. So, I decided to go to the pharmacy and get Farah’s pregnancy test. It didn’t seem likely to me that she was pregnant, but I wanted to ease her fears. Or, if she was, to at least let her find out.

The walk to the drugstore was relatively short. I asked the clerk to give me the pregnancy test in a brown bag since I’d left my backpack in my locker. I cursed mentally. Hiding it there would have been much easier, especially since it had started to drizzle.

My steps faltered as I reached the school’s parking lot. Tom was talking animatedly to Sean on the steps right in front of the main door.
Damn.
They would notice me even if I tried to sneak through another door. Taking a deep breath, I clutched the bag to my side and put more force on my strides.

Tom’s lips turned up in a sneer the moment he laid eyes on me. Ignoring the uneasy feeling that stirred within me, I pushed forward. “Well, look who we have here.” My heart raced as I pressed my lips together in a straight line. I tried to bypass him, but he blocked my way no matter where I moved as Sean snickered.

“Why don’t you say hello to an old friend?” He took a step closer to me.

“Leave me alone, Tom.”

His eyes blazed. “Right. We’re not friends. I keep forgetting that.” My heart pounded harder when he took another step forward. But I held my ground. I didn’t want to back down now. “Even though I waited for you for a long time.” My breath hitched as he stood in front of me and looked at the paper bag. “What is that?” He tilted his head, curious.

“It’s nothing.” I looked behind me, and Sean was eyeing us with his arms crossed, completely blocking the doors. Suddenly, the bag I was clutching so tightly was ripped out of my hands. I reached for it, but it broke and the pregnancy test fell to the ground.

Cringing inwardly, I looked up to see Tom staring at the box with an open mouth. His eyes turned to me accusingly. “You’re such a slut, Cassandra.”

I couldn’t say it wasn’t for me. I didn’t want to give away Farah’s secret. Besides, I couldn’t care less what he thought of me. Ignoring his remark, I leaned to get the box, but he kicked it away and grabbed my arm. His grip was tight and painful.

“You’re hurting me,” I muttered through clenched teeth.

“Good.” He squeezed harder. “Because you hurt me too.” He laughed wildly as he pushed me into the parking lot. He was much stronger than me and the ground was slippery. I landed on my wrist, and indescribable pain burst out before I hit my head and everything went dark.