Hope for Him (Hope Series Book #2) (22 page)

She sighed, and I felt her smile through the phone.

"Hi. I miss you."

"Isn't it crazy? I miss you, too." I laughed. "How was your day?"

"It was good. I think Jack wanted to make sure I wasn't leaving him again. He wouldn't leave my side."

"Tell the kid I'm sorry for keeping his mommy out all night. Although, I'm not."

"Me, either."

"I told Jeff and Richard about us."

"Yeah, what did they say?"

"Richard was good. He wondered what took me so long." It was her turn to laugh, and I stifled a groan at the sound.

"I agree, what did take you so long?”

"Like I told you before, I want to be your last boyfriend. I wasn't ready before."

"You're ready now."

"Absolutely."

I hesitated to say anything else, and she knew it and called me on it.

"What?"

"Nothing, just, Jeff volunteered to look after you next semester."

"Oh, yeah. Dude is going to protect me."

"I told him you could take care of yourself."

"Good answer." She paused, and it was my turn. I felt her hesitation.

"It's going to be fine, you know," I said. I wasn’t ready for that conversation. I preferred not to deal with the issue until it became an issue.

"What?"

"We are going to spend so much time together between now and then, you're going to be begging me to leave you alone next year."

"Somehow, I doubt that." She sighed, but it wasn't the sexy one she used at the beginning of our conversation that made me want to do bad things to her. This sigh meant she didn't want to deal with the issues either. "But I’m looking forward to watching you try to make me sick of you."

"I'll do my best."

I hung up and tried to fall asleep, but my mind raced with ideas.

C
arrington Olivia Butler

Jackson and I hung up and I saw a couple of text message from Kayla.

The messages were gibberish. I tapped her name and waited for her to pick up.

"Carrington!"

I pulled the phone from my ear. The thumping bass in the background invaded my quiet room.

"Kayla, where are you? You’ve been butt texting me all night."

She paused and I heard sucking noises.

"Kayla."

"’Nite, nite Carrington," she said and hung up. She used the same voice she used on Jack.

I sent her a text.

Carrington: Please call me when you get home.

She didn't respond. I didn't sleep, worrying whether Kayla was okay. She was supposed to show up tomorrow morning at eight thirty to watch Jack; I had an appointment with my study group in the library.

The next morning, a light knock echoed through the house as Kayla walked in. Jack and I sat at the table finishing breakfast. I turned to face her and recoiled at the sight. She had huge bags under her eyes, and her hair was a mess. She had on a little black dress with an oversized FSU sweatshirt pulled on over it. She carried her shoes in her hands.

"You guys up already?"

"Kayla, it’s eight thirty."

"Well, at least I'm on time. I'm going to jump in the shower before you leave. Okay if I borrow some sweats?"

"Yeah."

Jack stared at her as she walked away and his pouty lips described what I thought. What happened to Kayla?

She returned to the kitchen ten minutes later looking more put together, but the bags under her eyes remained.

"You can go now. I got Mr. Jack." She ruffled his hair, and I stared at her. "What?"

"You think I'm going to leave you alone with my son after you come creeping in here after hooking up with God knows who."

"How do you know I hooked up?"

"You have that look about you. Besides, you’re walking funny."

"Fine, well if my indiscretions embarrass you, I'll go home." She headed toward the door.

"Kayla, wait. Please sit down for a minute. You should eat something."

I got up and fixed her toast and a scrambled egg. I set the plate in front of her, but she hesitated before picking up a fork.

"Where did you go last night?"

"Is this how you bribe me into answering your questions? By offering me food."

"Yep."

She smiled and took a small bite of eggs. When she was sure they would stay down, she spoke. "At a frat party."

"Oh, yeah, what frat?"

"I don't know. Those letters all run together for me."

"Who did you hook up with last night?"

She dropped the fork and lowered her head.

"I'm not judging you. I heard you talking to some guy last night. Was it Grayson?"

"Yeah, and his cousin."

"You hooked up with two guys last night?"

"Yeah."

"Because you wanted to?"

"Yes, of course. I mean I needed a little mind-altering courage, but yeah, it was fun. I tried it. I got it out of my system. No big deal."

"What about Jamie?"

"This doesn't have anything to do with Jamie."

"Last I heard, you were in love with him and now your sleeping with two guys at the same time."

"You're no prude yourself, miss had a baby at eighteen."

"Okay, forgive me for caring. As a friend, I wanted to make sure you were okay, but if you have it handled, then fine." I cleared my throat and used my bitchiest voice. "As your employer, I need your assurance you will not show up at my home to watch my child looking and smelling like that. I don't care what you do in your personal life, but you came in here in no condition to look after a rambunctious nineteen-month-old. I need to rely on you or this isn't going to work."

Kayla dropped her fork and put her head in her hands. She leaned over the table and cried. Soft whimpers at first. I scooped up Jack, put him in his playpen, and turned on the television.

I headed back into the kitchen and sat next to Kayla. I put my arm around her shoulder and her whole body shook as she wept. I let her finish in her own time and waited for her to tell me what was going on.

"I'm so sorry." She spoke as her sobs subsided.

"I was kidding."

"I know, but you're right. I shouldn't have gotten out of control last night. I seem to be getting out of control a lot lately."

"Well, you're in college. You're allowed to be a little irresponsible."

"You're not."

"I have a kid. I gave up that luxury a while ago."

"Yeah, but you hired me to watch your kid and I am acting like ..."

"Acting like who?"

"Like Josh," she whispered.

"You're doing drugs?"

"I took X last night. It was my first time, and I wanted to see what it was like."

"What was it like?" I asked concerned but curious myself. I never took drugs, any drugs, except alcohol. Before, it was because I never hung out with people who did drugs. Kind of ironic that my first boyfriend in college was a drug addict.

Jackson treated his body like a temple and never took drugs, either. Plus, he saw firsthand what they did to his best friend. He said he never had the urge, not once. It wasn't worth it.

"It's the most amazing and freeing and disconcerting feeling I've ever experienced."

I frowned but bit my lip. I didn't want her to think I was judging her.

"Why disconcerting?"

"I've never felt that out of control before."

Her answer surprised me. Josh was a control freak, but he had X in his system when he died. He told me it was his drug of choice. He said he was addicted to Oxy, felt compelled to take meth and coke when it was around him, but he chose to take X. He would chuckle at his little joke but would get serious and start confessing how much he changed because of the baby and me and I had believed him.

A month later, he killed himself. Perhaps I should have listened harder. That was what I intended to do with Kayla.

#

I
grabbed my cup and got one down from the cupboard for Kayla. I stood making a cup of coffee for each of us, as she told me about last night.

"We had planned this all week, but part of me thought we were joking. When Gray's cousin came to pick us up last night, I knew we were going to do it. It was exciting to have these two guys wanting me so bad. I liked the attention."

"I can understand that." I handed her a cup and sat back down next to her.

"We were fooling around a bit and I freaked out and told them I didn't want to do this. They were fine. They didn't force me. We headed over to the frat party. At the party, they were passing out X and Grayson and his cousin took one. They both looked at me, and I was like oh, what the hell."

I nodded to reassure her it was okay.

"It took a while to feel the effects. One minute I felt fine, and the next I started giggling and relaxed as the music moved over my body. It was so cool. Grayson pulled me close and I felt like our bodies melted into one another. Like I couldn't get over how amazing his skin felt."

"Okay,” I held up my hand. “A little less detail if you don't mind."

"Sorry," she said. The amused expression on her face clued me in to how good she felt.

"So, I told Grayson we needed to find a room, and we went upstairs. I didn't realize his cousin was behind us until we got to the room. That's when my phone rang and you called, but I was more interested in Grayson’s lips. That's when it happened, but what upset me was when I woke up the next morning, I didn't remember a lot of it."

She covered her head with her arms and laid her head on the table.

"I am the only girl in the history of sex to have a threesome and not remember the good stuff."

I covered my mouth to avoid laughing.

"Well, I guess you can try it again."

"No, thanks. I woke up so freakin’ sore. That's why I'm walking funny."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize for something like that. It's weird. I'm a freak."

“Kay, you're not a freak. You’re probably a typical college student, as long as you feel okay about how it happened."

"I do. I don't feel like I did anything I didn't want to do."

"Good, then chalk it up to one of those crazy college stories you can tell your kids about someday."

Her eyes narrowed and she sat back.

"What kind of crazy-ass bedtime stories are you sharing with your son?"

I laughed.

"When I told Josh I was pregnant, you know he was more concerned with the fact we couldn't tell Jack how and where he was conceived."

"Where and how was he conceived?"

"On the side of the road off I-10 about thirty miles outside of Tallahassee."

"You freak. In the car?"

"No, I was kind of bent over the back of the car." I bent my hand over for effect.

"Oh, my goodness. That's crazy," she said. "Wow."

"What?"

"I'm surprised you can talk about it. Talk about Josh like that without freaking out."

"I still freak out when I think about him sometimes, but we had some interesting times, too." I grabbed her hand. "And, sorry to get all maternal on you, but he only got violent when he was on drugs." I held her gaze and hoped she got the hint.

It did surprise me that I could talk about Josh. Tell a story about our time together without getting upset. Well, part of the story. I left out the part about Josh kicking me out of the car and leaving me on the side of the road. Or the other ways he angered. Maybe I blocked out how bad Josh was. I remembered parts of what happened when he attacked me. I was over it, but another part of me could picture me having one of those major freak-out episodes, and I feared it was something I wouldn't come back from.

"Well, since we are in a sharing mood. Jamie broke up with me."

"What?" I squeezed her arm.

"It was only a matter of time. He doesn't drink. Doesn't like to party too much. He did all of that in undergrad and high school. He thinks it's childish and immature, but you know I am four years younger than he is. I need to experience these things for myself. He didn't understand that, so he said to call him when I decided to grow up."

"Oh, Kayla. I'm so sorry."

Silent tears fell down her face.

"I know I say we weren't any big deal, but that was a lie. I really loved him."

"I know."

"How?"

"I saw you two together. I saw the way you looked at each other. He loves you, too."

"I miss him."

"Well, enough to give up the molly?"

"Oh, my God, you really just said molly. It was one time. I’m done with the drugs.”

“Good, now what about Grayson?”

“You don’t like him, do you?”

“He called us a bevy of beauties and proceeded to look over each of us like we were his personal harem.”

“Yeah, but he is so hot. Besides, I know there is no future with him, and I can have fun and then in a year or two when I get my wild behavior out of my system and if Jamie’s still available, I’ll be ready for him.”

“Well, I’m happy you have a plan,” I said trying to keep the sarcasm out of my tone.

“I am sorry. You’re right; I shouldn’t have showed up like this. I have a responsibility to you and Jack, and it won’t happen again. I love little Jack.”

“We love you, too, and I am so glad you're here."

C
arrington Olivia Butler

I kicked Kayla out and told her to rest. 

I took Jack with me on campus. Since most students took the short drive to Alabama, the campus was quiet this morning. I told my study group I had to cancel. Jack and I had lunch in the Student Union, set up a blanket on the quad outside of the library, and read to each other.

Jack had his Jackson jersey on and the few students who were milling around came up to talk to him. He was more than happy to talk about his favorite football player. Though everyone knew Jackson on campus, no one knew we were together. It felt nice to hear such nice things about him and a slight tinge of jealousy when a redheaded chick told me Jackson was the sexiest man alive.

The weather was nice for November and Jack took his nap right there in the middle of the blanket. I was about to wake him up and get him back home when I saw Tiffany walking out of the library.  Her mouth fell open and she turned away, but then turned back and headed straight for me.