Hope for Him (Hope Series Book #2) (25 page)

"I'm sorry, man," I said as I let him go and punched him on the shoulder. He rubbed his shoulder and headed back into the facility. Richard followed him as I held the door, but something drew my eye back toward the practice field.

"Hey, Rich, throw this in my locker." I handed him my stuff.

"Okay."

I headed back on the field and waited until they made it to the bottom bench.

I grinned when Jack dropped her hand and ran down toward me.

"Jackson," Jack said and giggled as he reached the bottom step and reached for me. I scooped him up and gave him the biggest hug. I missed the little guy.

"Hey, Jack. How are you?"  I squeezed him, and he giggled. "What are you doing here?"

She stopped a few steps from the bottom and sat on the bench watching us. I set Jack down and he took off running down the field toward the football in the end zone. When he reached it, he picked it up and ran around.

I sat down next to her, and we both laughed watching Jack. I didn't speak. I waited for her to speak first. I was afraid to piss her off further by saying the wrong thing.

#

"H
ow are you?" Kayla asked.

I sat facing forward watching Jack, but I lost my smile.

"Not good. How is she?" I asked.

"Not talking about it?"

"Should I try and talk to her."

"Oh, hell no."

I turned to face her. She shook her head and tried to blink back the tears threatening to fall.

"Kayla." I reached out and touched her arm and she pulled it away and rubbed the place where I touched it, like I infected her or something.

"You hate me, too."

"No, I don't understand what happened, so I don't know if I should hate you."

"She's pissed at me because of something that happened last summer. I lied to her, and I am sorry I did it, but it doesn't change how we got where we we are now."

"How bad of a lie was it?" she asked.

I wanted to tell her but didn't know if Carrington would want her to know or she would have shared it herself.

Jack had given up on the football and squatted on the turf watching a bug or something. He was focused.

I reached out, and she didn't pull away.

"She thought Tiffany and I met this summer, but we actually started dating last March."

"That's not so bad."

"Carrington and I slept together last May."

"Oh." Her eyes grew big.

"You cheated?" she asked, but it sounded more like an accusation. 

"I know. I lied and I cheated and I walked out on her the night she found out, but I don't know. It’s not enough to destroy a relationship. That's not how people who love each other are supposed to act."

"Maybe you should tell her that?" 

"She doesn’t want to see me."

"How do you know? Maybe she's waiting on you to make a grand gesture."

"Maybe but I'm too scared to make a grand gesture because I can't lose her again." I turned away from her. "I've lost this woman four times already. How much more do we have to go through?"

"I guess as much as you need to. Or maybe you don't think it's worth it." 

"Of course, she's worth it." I pointed to Jack. "And he's worth it."

"Well, the only thing I got from her is that you didn't want to be with her anymore."

"That's not true."

"Well, maybe you need to tell her that, too."

"Maybe or maybe this isn't the time for us."

Kayla narrowed her eyes and shook her head.

"Hear me out. She is still hurting from Josh. She needs to deal with that. If I'm halfway in the picture, it's going to complicate things."

"Maybe."

"If she's been like I have, I know she's spent the last two years in limbo waiting for us to be together and both of us kind of stopped living waiting for that to happen. Now that we had this time together, it's like we want it to start where we left off a year ago, but we can't do that because we aren't those same people. Maybe we both need to live our lives."

"Why can't you do it together?"

"Kayla, I don't think we can." I was a little scared to be looking on this whole situation with so much more clarity all of a sudden.

"You two are so perfect for each other. Please tell me you think that or I am going to give up on the whole romantic notion of love and marry a guy for money or something."

"Says the girl with a million dollar trust fund." Kayla punched me in the arm. "I'm happy she has you in her life." I nudged her arm, "You're a good friend."

"For a Griffin,” she said.

I laughed at the familiar joke we used to make back when Mr. Griffin and the legend of the Griffin family was more infamous. 

"For a Griffin." I stood up. "Does she know you're here?"

"Yeah. Jack's been asking about you, and I asked her if I could bring him to see you."

"Thanks, Kayla. I really care about this kid."

"I know."

"Can you ask her one thing from me?"

"Sure."

"Can I still talk to Jack and send him stuff every once in a while?" Kayla stared at me. "Until we get back together."

"Yes, as long as that's the goal."

"It is. I promise," I said and crossed my heart.

"I'm going to toss it around with Jack for a while, you have time?"

"Yeah, go ahead.”

We had a chance, but I also didn't want to hold our lives in limbo any longer. I couldn't and achieve my goals and maybe she needed to live her life without the symbolic safety net that was our relationship.

I needed time to deal with the fact that my best friend killed himself. I needed to mourn him. I hated him for what he did to Carrington, but he was my best friend. It felt like by mourning him, I was betraying my feelings for her. The guy who hurt Carrington wasn't the kid I grew up with. The Josh I knew stood up for me on the first day of school and never backed down from a challenge.  The man I knew, never gave up.

I missed him every day, and I didn't think I could share that with Carrington. I needed to reconcile my feelings about him because I would be the only one who could tell Jack his father wasn't a complete fuck up. 

I experienced a calm I hadn't felt in a few weeks. I welcomed it because I needed to move on with my life. I had an amazing future planned, and I held out hope that Carrington and Jack would be a part of it.

We both needed time on our own so we could be what each other needed when the time came.

It wasn't going to be easy, but nothing worth having ever was.

C
arrington Olivia Butler

"You want to know what he said?" Kayla asked.

I found Kayla stretched out on the couch flipping through her phone as I walked in. I didn't even have a chance to set my bag down. He must have told her something good.

"Where's Jack?"

"He's in bed. He passed out after we got back." She handed me her phone. "I've got photos."

I tossed it back at her. "Email them to me."

I didn't want to see him happy, even if it was for the benefit of my son. She frowned and stuffed the phone in her bag by her feet.

My final exam took my mind off Jack seeing Jackson, sort of. My good deed done for the year, all I needed was to finish packing and get the heck out of Tallahassee for winter break. By the time I returned in January, Jackson Latre Mitchell would be gone.

"So, do you want to know?"

"No, I don't want to know." I collapsed on the couch. "I didn't want to know before you left, and I don't want to know now."

"Carrington?"

"Kayla."

"You are so fucking stubborn." She stared, her arms crossed over her chest and her foot bounced on her leg.

"He told you what happened?"

"Yes."

"And obviously you took his side and think I'm being ridiculous."

"Don't put words in my mouth." She dropped her arm. "I'm not taking his side, but I do think you’re being ridiculous."

"He cheated on Tiffany with me."

"So, he had sex with you when it wasn't supposed to mean anything."

"But, it meant everything."

"Yes, but you didn't know that until after the fact."

She had a point. We did not plan to sleep together.  That one night changed the whole dynamic of our relationship. I shook my head. It was amazing, but it's not like we found a cure for cancer. 

"But ..." I had no response.

"See, I'm right, right?"

"Shut up, Kayla." It was my turn to cross my arms over my chest. I wasn't ready to let go of this. No matter how unworkable my verbal rationalization had become, my heart had broken into a million pieces and the cause of that was Jackson, right?

"Carrington." She scooted close and put her arms around my shoulders. "I'm not saying you should get back together with him today or tomorrow but don't shut down the possibility altogether. Not yet."

"What did he say?"

"You know what. I'm not going to tell you. You’re going to have to find out for yourself."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. I'm going to ask you one question and then I'll drop it, okay?"

"Okay?"

"You ready."

"Kayla!"

"Okay! Can you truly picture your life and Jack's life without Jackson?"

I turned away.

"That's what I thought." She grabbed her bag. "You have to talk to him."

"No, I don't. Listen, maybe I can't picture life without him, but right now this is how it's going to be."

She shook her head at me.

"It's the same as you and Jamie. We aren't ready for each other now, but who knows what the future holds."

"Yeah, well let me clue you in on one major flaw with that plan."

"What?"

"What happens if they meet someone else?"

I clutched my chest and closed my eyes. I took deep breaths and opened them to find Kayla watching me.

"You okay?"

I nodded.

She stood up and headed for the door. I stared after her with my brow scrunched wondering why she dropped that last bit of oh, so helpful information.

"What time does Mr. Griffin get here?" Kayla asked.

"He said he was going to try to get in around eleven, and I told him I wanted to get out of here tomorrow. Brunch at twelve and hopefully leave by three."

"I'll be back in the morning for the festivities."

"Okay."

She started to leave, but turned back to me.

“Can I say one more thing?”

“Sure.”

“You know, this isn’t just about you. Jack loves Jackson. Don’t cut Jackson out of his life because you’re mad at him.”

I started to protest, but she turned and walked away.

I had nothing to say; she was right.

Mr. Griffin wanted to spend Christmas with Jack, but he also got an invitation from Amanda to spend Christmas with her. I wasn't ready to let Mr. Griffin take Jack. I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready for that, but we compromised and planned an early Christmas brunch in Tallahassee. Mr. Griffin wanted to thank me for helping to bring his family back together. I didn't do anything, but I was happy they were working things out. Someone would be having a happy Christmas.

I peeked in on Jack sprawled out on his stomach with his thumb in his mouth. His rhythmic breathing made his little body rise and fall. I brushed the hair away from his face and bent down and kissed him. He smelled like grass and the outdoors. It reminded me of Jackson.

I headed into my room, and my phone beeped. I picked it up and opened a message from Kayla.

The first photo showed Jack smiling and running with his little legs in midair and his hands out to his side. The second picture showed another figure kneeling down as Jack approached. The third photo showed the pure joy on my son’s face when he jumped into Jackson’s arms. My heart flipped. A couple of other photos showed Jack and Jackson playing football, and true to form, when I thought it was done and I handled it all, Kayla added a video for good measure.

"Hey Jack, can you catch it." Jackson's voice came out the speaker, but I couldn't see him. The frame had Jack in it looking wide-eyed and excited. "Okay, here we go."

The ball entered the frame at Jack's level and he wrapped his hands around it and squealed with delight when it settled in his arms. I laughed as tears fell down my cheeks.

"Alright. That's my little Jack," Jackson said.

Jackson entered the frame and scooped Jack up and together they jogged into the end zone. Jack had his hands up in the air, dropped the ball, and screamed, "Touchdown."

"Touchdown," Jackson said.

They fell on the ground in a giggling fit and Jackson held Jack up, brought him to his chest, and rubbed his back. Jack snuggled up with him like he always did.

Again, with the aching uterus.

I crawled into bed and watched the video again and cried. I missed him so much, but what broke my heart more was that I knew that Jack was going to miss him, too.

Five Months Later

J
ackson Latre Mitchell

I arrived in New York three days before the draft. In the last three months, I conducted about four million hours’ worth of interviews and press conferences. I was tired of talking about myself, but the draft was the end and the beginning.

I experienced a little bit of the celebrity life in high school and college, but nothing compared to how people treated me now. Everyone wanted a piece of me. I admit, I didn't hate it, but I could see how it would get old real quick.

This was my third trip to New York in the last few months. The Heisman trip was fun. I knew I wouldn't win so there was no pressure. I came out for a week last month to attend a rookie seminar sponsored by my agent. They had six athletes projected to go in the draft. I was ranked highest, but in the seminar, we were guys on the same team. I was projected to go in the top ten. It would be either San Diego or Miami. I didn't care either way. I wanted to play football.

I delivered that line each interview. I got pretty good at saying it. I got good at saying and doing a lot of things I didn't feel, but it was part of the price I paid to achieve my dream. I was an hour away from being a professional football player.