Authors: Susan X Meagher
Once the kitchen was clean, they went into the den. Lizzie brought a pair of fresh beers, while Jill turned on the television and found the Sox playing the Angels. She sat next to Lizzie and her arm naturally draped itself around her shoulders.
“Now you’re talking,” Lizzie said, moving even closer. “Barbecue, beer, baseball and a…butch babe.” She snickered at Jill’s surprised expression. “No, you’re not very butch, but I was going for alliteration.”
“I could butch it up for you,” Jill said. “I think.”
“I’m very happy with you just the way you are. You’re butcher than the women I’ve been with, but that’s probably because most of them were trying to appeal to guys.” She turned and took a long look. “I’d say you’re the perfect proportion of butch. Just enough for lesbians to guess you were gay, but not enough for strangers on the street to call you out.”
“That’s never happened,” Jill admitted. “I don’t think I’d handle that well.”
“How about me? Am I butch enough for you?” She batted her eyes. Jill noticed her understated eye makeup and what was probably blush on her cheeks.
“You’re the least butch woman I’ve ever been attracted to,” Jill said. “But, given how attracted I am, maybe I’ve been barking up the wrong tree.”
“I’m not sure how I’d look if I didn’t have to dress up for work. If I worked in Mark’s blacksmith shop, I might turn into the butchiest woman you’ve ever been with.”
“I think I’d still like you,” Jill said, narrowing her eyes as she tried to imagine Lizzie in flannel and jeans with hammer loops. Still cute.
Lizzie took Jill’s hand, placed it on her lap, and played with it, drawing her finger down the tendons and veins. She seemed to be pondering something. Finally, she said, “I don’t feel one way or the other inside. I like some really girly things—”
“Like those so-called pajamas,” Jill supplied.
“Yeah,” she agreed, smirking. “But I like to put on long underwear and a flannel shirt and jeans and chop wood too. I
love
work boots,” she added. “Don’t know why, but I find them super sexy.”
“Come work on the yard with me this weekend, and I’ll wear mine.” Jill laughed. “Quite a come-on, huh?”
“It is for me. Saturday morning?”
“Perfect.”
“I’ll bring Danish.”
“Even more perfect. I hate apricot and prune.”
“Everyone does,” she said, laughing.
“It feels like we’re dating,” Jill said. “What did I do with all of my anxieties?”
“You know you can trust me.”
Lizzie looked into her eyes, and Jill found herself agreeing completely. That was it. She knew she could trust her. “Yeah,” she said, softly. “This might not work out, but not because you were a jerk or you tried to screw with me.”
“I never would,” she said solemnly. “And I think this is going to work out just fine. I’m brimming with confidence.”
“I’m…” She tried to think of the right word. “Cautiously confident. If you hadn’t been so into guys, I’d be brimming too. But I’m just not sure you’re going to be able to give them up.”
There. She said it. It had been banging around in her head, and Lizzie deserved to know what was stopping her from jumping in with both feet.
“Mmm.” She nodded, but didn’t speak for a long time. “I guess it will all come down to whether or not you believe I know my own mind.”
“That’s it? Really? You think this is something you can know right now?”
“Uh-huh.” She nodded, her innocent gaze hitting Jill right in the gut. “I’m really, really into you, Jill. You’re just what I’ve been looking for. Why would I long for a man if I had everything I needed?”
“I don’t know, Lizzie. But you needed a woman when you were happy with a man. What’s the difference?”
She sat up straight, knocking Jill’s arm from her shoulders. “Were you listening to me?”
“I heard you say—”
“I’ll say it again,” she said slowly, her eyes flashing with anger. “I’m
primarily
attracted to women, but I can easily be with the right guy. I’ve found, through trial and error, that even the best guy isn’t quite enough. I could be faithful, but I’d still long for a woman’s touch. I don’t think the opposite’s going to happen,” she said, her voice growing stronger. Suddenly, she sank down in her seat, all of the fire snuffed out. “But I need a good physical connection. I’m not going to lie. Sex is important to me.”
“It is to me too, Lizzie. I like having a partner, but giving up my freedom isn’t worth it if I don’t get that extra boost that I get from sex.”
“Yeah,” she said, nodding. “That’s it. Being in a relationship can be a pain in the butt.”
“Especially the way you do it,” Jill said, deadpan.
It took Lizzie a second, then she laughed and slapped at her. “I’m never going to live that down, am I?”
“I don’t think so,” she admitted. “My jaw almost hit the floor. I dread the thought of telling Scott if we get together. He’s going to assume…”
“He’s going to assume you’re having a very good time in bed. And he’s going to be right. Nothing you’ve done has made me doubt my instinct. And that’s that we’re going to be a very, very good pair.”
“I’m willing to move forward,” Jill said, wincing at how businesslike that sounded. “But I want you to come out to your parents first. They need to know you like women too.”
“Hmm. I’ve been trying to figure out how to finesse this. I was thinking I’d just tell them I’m a lesbian. I think it’s easier for people to see things in black and white.”
“But you’re not,” Jill said. “They know you’ve been with men. I can’t believe your mom will think you did that just to waste time.”
Lizzie moved away and leaned against the opposite arm of the sofa. She took a drink of her beer, then glanced at the game. “We’re getting our butts kicked,” she groused. Finally, taking in a deep breath, she said, “I’ll think of how to do it. But I’m leaning towards the lesbian angle. Trust me,” she said soberly. “People don’t get the concept of bisexuality.”
“That was true for gay people for a zillion years, Lizzie. People don’t like difference. But if every bisexual came out…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But that’s not going to happen, and I can’t wait for society to catch up.” She reached out and took Jill’s hand. “But one way or the other, I’ll talk to my family. They’ll either know I like men and women, or just women. Either way, I won’t talk about you—yet.”
“All right. Do whatever you think is best. And until then, we’ll just take things slow. Cool?”
“No. But I’m not going to press you. I can be patient when I’m after something I want”—she moved over until they were nose to nose—“and I want you.”
On Friday night, Jill
was scheduled to host bridge, having switched places with Skip and Alice, who were having their living room painted.
She rushed home from work to make dinner for herself, and snacks for her friends. One of the smartest things they’d done was not make dinner part of the deal. It was hard enough to have enough snacks for eight, without resorting to potato chips and pre-made dip. Not that there was anything wrong with taking the easy way out. Almost everyone else did. But Jill didn’t like to have junk food around the house. It was too tempting to finish it off after her guests left.
Tonight she made hummus and tabouli, and set it out in colorful bowls with some strips of pita bread. The boys were not interested in either snack, so she didn’t have to watch it carefully. They knew company was coming, and were appropriately skittish, but they hung around until the very last minute—hoping she’d have a bout of memory loss and would put out patè like she did the night that would live on in infamy. Tonight, she kept her wits about her and the boys disappeared when the bell rang.
Becky and Karen were right on time, with Skip and Alice flashing their lights as they pulled into the driveway. They were just getting drinks lined up when there was a quick knock at the door. Jill yelled out, “Come on in,” and Kathleen and Mary Beth entered, accompanied by…not Gerri.
Jill walked to the front door to greet them, slowing down and staring when she saw an attractive blonde woman smiling at her. “Hi,” Jill said, knowing she looked puzzled.
“Gerri couldn’t make it,” Kathleen said, “so we invited Elizabeth. Have you two met?”
“No, should we have?” Jill felt like she was missing something.
“Elizabeth’s at the U,” Kathleen said. “I thought maybe you’d run into each other.”
“You’re not in admin, are you?” Jill asked.
“I’m at the medical center,” she said, giving Kathleen a funny look. “You don’t visit the pediatrics department very often, do you?”
“It’s been a while,” Jill said. “Well, even though I’ll probably never run into you at work, I’m glad you’re able to join us. Come on in, and I’ll introduce you to the gang.”
Elizabeth started down the hall, and as Jill turned, she caught sight of Kathleen, giving her a big grin and a thumb’s up sign.
Oh, brother! No one had mentioned an eligible candidate until Lizzie appeared. Now everyone had someone they wanted to push on her?
Through Kathleen’s conniving, Jill was paired with Elizabeth. Jill wasn’t angry—exactly. But she certainly wasn’t happy. Her friends knew she wasn’t a fan of surprises. And bringing a woman to her house for their card game wasn’t playing fair. But Jill had to be kind to poor Elizabeth. She might not have even known she was being fixed up.
Elizabeth was a good player, better than Gerri, actually. But winning wasn’t the big goal for this group, and Jill would have much rather been getting slammed with Gerri as her partner than winning with a stranger. Especially this particular stranger who Skip kept trying to impress. At least there was one benefit to having Elizabeth join them. Skip was more focused on being charming than he was on picking at his wife.
After another rubber, Jill went to freshen the dip, and found Elizabeth entering the kitchen right behind her. Mmm, she knew she was being fixed up. No doubt. She leaned against the counter, watching Jill work. “Do you ever get over to the medical center?” she asked. “I’m usually swamped, but I try to make time for lunch.”
“Not really,” Jill said, honestly. “You know how it is, you hate to waste a lot of time walking across campus. I bet you never come over to my neck of the woods.”
“Hardly ever,” she agreed. “So…maybe we should meet for a drink some night.”
Oh, lord.
“Uhm…I’ve got a lot going on right now. But…let me take your number. If I can make time, I’ll give you a call.” Damn, she hated to screw around like this, but she wasn’t ready to tell her friends about Lizzie yet, and if she turned Elizabeth down flat…
“Okay. No pressure.” She shrugged. “Call me if you have time.”
“Will do.” They went out with the bowls refilled, and Jill gave Kathleen a narrow-eyed glance, already preparing the lecture she was going to give her after the party.
They had a few good hands in a row, finishing up winning the night. It was eleven, their usual stop time. Jill got up and went to put the rest of the tabouli into a container for Skip, who was a big fan. A soft knock at the back door caught her attention, and Jill flipped on the light. Lizzie was probably the person behind a big bunch of peonies and roses, but since only the top of her head showed, Jill couldn’t be sure.
She threw the door open and laughed when Lizzie pushed the flowers up higher, completely obscuring herself. “I was clearing off a bunch of tables after an event, and decided I couldn’t let these beauties go to waste. I saw that all of your buddies were still here, and thought they might like to share the wealth.”
Touched, Jill helped her into the house. Lizzie’s apartment and Hollyhock Hills were South of Jill’s home, meaning she’d gone out of her way at the end of a very long day just to be nice. “Who’d refuse such pretty flowers?” Quickly, she leaned over the profusion of blooms and placed a peck on Lizzie’s cheek. “Come on in. We were just breaking up.” She stopped dead in her tracks. She’d have to explain Elizabeth. “Uhm…Gerri couldn’t make it, so someone new took her place.”
“Cool. It’s smart to have a backup for when someone’s sick or out of town.”
“Yeah. I guess that’s true.”
They went into the living room, with Lizzie calling out, “Flower delivery. Get your flowers right here.”
“Lizzie?” Becky asked. “Are you back there?”
“Yeah.” She lowered the flowers, and beamed a grin. “They were going to throw all of these out. I knew you guys were playing tonight, and I thought you might want to have a few—dozen.”
“They’re gorgeous,” Mary Beth said, walking over to sniff them. “Do you normally throw flowers out? I’d think a hospital would want them.”
“That’s what we usually do, but someone dropped the ball. So…?”
“Load me up,” Alice said. “I love fresh flowers.”
“There’s enough for everyone to take two dozen,” Lizzie said. As the bouquet got smaller, she looked to her left. “Hi,” she said. “I’m Lizzie.”
“Elizabeth.” She shrugged. “It was a popular name in the eighties. Are you…a neighbor?”
“No. I’m Jill’s friend. From Sugar Hill.”
“Sugar Hill is a…?”
“Town. We’re from the same town.”
“Oh, that’s nice.” She nodded, then focused her attention back on Jill. She spoke quietly, but still loud enough for everyone to hear. “Let me put my number in your phone.”
Jill’s hand went numb as she tried to pull the phone from her pocket. Lizzie was looking at her questioningly, one eyebrow raised. Jill handed Elizabeth the phone, then waited for her to return it.
“Call me when you’re free. I know a nice, quiet bar on College where you can get a great cocktail.”
“I think I’ve been there,” Jill said, smiling tightly.
“Don’t forget to call,” she said. “You promised.”
“Uhm…” There was no way to dispute that without sounding dumb or rude. Jill could only shrug. “Maybe I’ll see you,” she said.
“I’ll be waiting.” Elizabeth, Mary Beth and Kathleen departed, carrying armfuls of flowers.
“What are you waiting for?” Skip demanded, giving Jill a playful punch in the arm. “I think she would have stayed for a nightcap if you’d offered to drive her home.”