Homecoming (21 page)

“No, I’m fine. I just spray until there’s no way there’s any uncovered skin.” She should have done this at home, but she clearly wasn’t as organized as Lizzie was.

There were only four other groups of people on the beach, but as Jill sprayed away a few more families arrived. It was just nine-thirty and was already seventy-five, with the temperatures expected to climb to eighty in the afternoon. “We’re going to be wedged in here like sardines pretty soon,” Jill said.

“No, we won’t. We’ll be in the water.” Lizzie lay on her side, and rested her head on her hand. “I’m only being nice in letting you warm up before I drag you in there and refuse to let you leave.”

“I can hold my own. I was in the water every day it was over sixty-nine at the cabin. Although I’ll confess I’m kind of a baby about getting in. I have to give myself a pep talk.”

“Just gut it up and do it fast. That’s my solution to everything that might be painful.”

“Mine is to worry about it and then finally do it. Then I feel dumb that I spent time worrying when I could have gotten it over with sooner.”

“You’re young enough to retrain,” Lizzie said. She stood and extended her hand, waiting for Jill to take it. Then she locked her grip around Jill’s wrist and led her towards the water. “We’re marching right in,” she said, calmly and confidently. “It’ll be cold, but only for a minute.”

“Maybe we should go in a little at a time,” Jill said, almost pleading.

“Nope. Do it all. Do it fast. Trust me.”

They were at the edge before Jill could argue. Then the first tingles hit her toes, then the icy water covered her shivering thighs, then her belly, then her breasts. She tried to squeal, but nothing came out. Lizzie didn’t have that problem, and she let out a high-pitched howl that distracted Jill from the cold.

“See?” Lizzie panted. “All better.”

“All bad,” Jill groused, trying to scowl but finding herself laughing at Lizzie’s chattering teeth.

“One last bit,” Lizzie said. She put her hands on Jill’s shoulders and dunked her, dipping her own head beneath the water at the same time.

Jill pushed to the surface and yelped, loudly. Lizzie was right behind her, screaming, “Gonna die!”

But as soon as the warm sun hit her chilled head, Jill felt warmer. Much warmer. “I hate to admit it,” she said, “but you were right. I’m cold, but it feels good.”

“Swim with me,” Lizzie said, stretching her body out and doing a lazy back stroke.

“Race you,” Jill said, launching into action. All she’d done at the cabin was paddle around and lie on a raft, but she used to be a pretty good swimmer. Maybe her competitive instincts could overcome rusty technique and age.

They took off, both slapping the water with their hands as they tried to beat the other to the end of the yellow safety buoys. Lizzie won, but just by a hair. She was exulting in her victory when Jill said, “Again!” and took off.

They went back and forth until Lizzie started to slow down. This was when Jill had the advantage. She didn’t care how fatigued her muscles got. She could ignore the pain in her arms and chest as she labored for breath. She just had to keep going. After beating Lizzie three times in a row, she came to a halt when Lizzie gasped, “Stop! Please!”

Jill flipped onto her back, the cold water keeping her buoyant as the hot sun warmed her body. “Now that was fun.”

Lizzie splashed some icy water in her face. “That was nuts! Would you have kept going all day?”

Jill treaded water as she gave Lizzie a slow smile. “I don’t remember having a gun to your head. You could have stopped any time.”

“Ha! I can’t let you win.” She swiped her hand across the surface of the water, sending another splash at Jill’s face. “You know that.”

“No, I really didn’t,” Jill said, blinking the water from her eyes. “But I’m glad. I love someone who’ll give me a run for my money.”

“I don’t have as much money as you do, but I’ll give you a run to remember.” Lizzie showed a smile that made it look like she was talking about something a lot more fun than swimming.

***

They finally got out of the water, but with people now packed in so tightly it was hard to get back to their towels. After having to leap over one sleeping pair who’d mashed their blanket right up against Lizzie’s, they finally made it.

“Some people don’t understand beach etiquette,” Lizzie said, glaring at the snoozing people. “You should leave a path, no matter how crowded it gets.”

“I couldn’t agree more. Want to move?”

“In a bit. Let’s dry off first.”

“Let me just knock the icicles off,” Jill teased. She lay down on her side, relishing the warm sun as she stretched out. “God, I love summer. If summer were a person, I’d marry her.”

“How do you know she’s a woman?”

“Oh, you can just tell. She’s fertile and lush and ripe.” Jill could tell she was wearing a goofy grin, but she didn’t feel the need to put on a mature facade with Lizzie. Lizzie had seen her with a nineties mullet and was still interested in her. That had to count for something.

Lizzie lay down, facing her. The sun felt so good, warming Jill from the outside in, with Lizzie’s gorgeous body making every other part warm too.

“That’s what I love about women,” Lizzie said, speaking quietly so their neighbors couldn’t hear. “That’s what I wish for when I get the urge. To have a lush, ripe body wrapped around mine.”

Jill smacked her lips together, now suddenly dry. “Tell me what you love about women. I’m fascinated.”

“Mmm.” Lizzie pulled a knee up, exposing the delicious curve of her hip. “I prefer almost everything about women. I love their bodies, their emotional connectedness, even their sensibilities.” She took a breath, with her eyes half closed as she thought. “I think women are funnier than men, their books speak to me, even their art. I love a lot of artists, but it’s the women who resonate. It’s women who speak to my soul.”

Jill blinked, amazed at the emotion Lizzie had such ready access to. “You’ve thought about this a lot. I can tell.”

“A whole lot,” she agreed. “I read that a lot of people make major life changes right before significant birthdays.” She leaned closer, with Jill bedazzled by the drops of water slowly trailing down her cheek. “I can’t change my attractions, but I’m going to change my behavior.” She fixed Jill with a long, pointed look. “I’m giving men up.”

“That seems like a pretty big thing to give up, Lizzie. Are you sure?”

She shook her head, dark auburn strands sticking to her body as her head moved. “I can’t know until I try, but I’m not worried about it. I’m resolved.”

“But you had to get something from men. You’re not the type to stick with guys just because everyone else did.”

A slow smile settled onto her face. “No, I’m not the kind who does what other people do.” She took in a deep breath, with Jill fighting to keep her eyes off Lizzie’s small but well-shaped breasts as her chest rose and fell. “There’s one thing I like about men. The thing that’s made me try to make it work.”

“I assume that’s sex,” Jill said, feeling a little heartsick at the thought.

“No, not sex. Well, not exactly.” A tiny line formed between her dark brows when she tried to explain herself. “There’s a sexual energy that most men…well, all of the men I’ve been with, give off. It’s a magnetic pull that the women I’ve been with haven’t had.”

“That sounds like something you wouldn’t want to walk away from. Sexual chemistry is pretty important. At least it is to me.”

“I’m hoping I just haven’t met the right woman.” Her voice dropped to a lower register, and Jill felt tingles chase up her back when Lizzie spoke again. “Or that I’ve met her, but we haven’t tested our chemistry yet.”

“Uhm,” she said, tongue-tied. “How many women have you been with?”

“One in high school,” she said, raising an index finger. “One in college. The two Nick and I hooked up with, and the one I met online when I was with Joel.”

“The doctor?”

“Uh-huh.”

“So you weren’t with a woman when you and Jon were together?”

“No,” she said, clearly annoyed. “I told you this already. I was one hundred percent monogamous with him. He broke up with me because I
told
him I was bi. I didn’t show him.”

“Sorry,” Jill said quickly. “I’ve never met these guys, so it’s hard for me to keep them separate.”

Lizzie put a hand on her arm and gave it a brief squeeze. “No, I’m sorry. I’m a little thin-skinned about that.”

Nodding, Jill said, “Five women is a pretty good number. That should give you an indication whether women can satisfy you.”

“That could be true if I’d had sex hundreds of times. But three of my five were one-nighters. And I never got to spend the night with Erica Handler. Well, we spent the night together, but only on sleepovers. And there was no way I could talk her into doing anything at either of our houses.”

“Really? I’ve always wished I’d started earlier, just to be able to go to a girl’s house and do it.” She laughed at how silly that sounded.

“No way. Actually, every time we had sex, I had to beg for it. And I do mean
beg
. It was humiliating, but I was so horny I got over myself and pleaded with her.”

“Ouch! You really had to beg?”

“I had to beg Jenny in college too. I think I went back to guys after her just to convince myself I was desirable.”

Jill stared at her. “No.” When Lizzie just gazed back, she said it again. “No. You can’t be serious.”

“I’m totally serious. I had to seduce the hell out of both Erica and Jenny. Each time was like pulling teeth. Erica did a fantastic job of making me ashamed of my sex drive.”

“But you kept going back to men,” Jill said, now suspicious.

“I
loved
women. I truly did. But I could love men too, and they were a hell of a lot easier.”

“So you’re bi because it’s easier?”

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “Let me explain this one more time. I’m bi because I’m bi. It’s a sexual orientation, Jill. Not a preference. God, is this really so hard for people to understand?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, putting a hand on Lizzie’s hip.
Damn, that felt good. All springy and warm.
“I keep saying stupid stuff. Stuff I know not to say.”

“The woman Nick and I slept with… The one I knew professionally?”

“I remember.”

“She’s the only one I’ve ever been with who wanted to be there and really loved sex. I could have been in a relationship with her.”

“Why not try?”

“I told you. She came to work at the Gardner and I didn’t want to be involved with a co-worker. And even if that hadn’t happened, I don’t think she would have been up for it. She leaned more straight than gay, while I’m pretty much the opposite.”

This was all making Jill’s head hurt. It just didn’t add up. “I can’t imagine why you didn’t keep looking for women. There are plenty of women who love sex.”

“I’m sure there are,” she said, sounding tired. “But I haven’t
met
them. I’m a relationship person, Jill. I didn’t want to sleep with a dozen women just to test them out.”

Jill almost said that’s exactly what Lizzie and her boyfriend were doing when they tried to find a woman to share, but she feared she’d get a face full of sand for bringing that up. Instead, she focused on the message Lizzie was trying to give. “So you’re saying the only thing that’s kept you from being with a woman is that you’ve never met a woman who’s really into you. Even though you live in Grrrlington.”

“Yes, Jill, I know Burlington is full of lesbians, but I haven’t met a single one who wants to go out with me.”

“But…why?”

Lizzie scooted closer, her expression now sober. Her eyes flitted over Jill’s face, then settled. “Because I’m bi. The few single lesbians I’ve met have been decidedly cool about it.”

“But why?”

Jill clapped her mouth shut as Lizzie gave her a knowing look.

“I assume they feel like you do about it. That I’ll go back to men.”

“Yeah,” Jill said, looking down, a little ashamed of herself. “That’s probably true.” Their eyes met again. “But unfair.”

“I think so,” Lizzie agreed. “But that’s only been a couple of women, so I shouldn’t generalize.”

“So you haven’t really tried to find a woman? You haven’t used a dating app? Some of my guy friends do that constantly.”

“A lot of people do,” she admitted, sounding a little hesitant. “I don’t think of myself as lazy, but it’s just been easier to be with men. In every way. But then I get this longing that’s really, really hard to resist. And that’s screwed up three relationships in a row. I’m done trying to make that work.”

“But you can’t be
sure
,” Jill said, heartsick over that fact.

“No, I can’t. But if you can find a person who knows exactly how she’ll feel about her relationship in a year or five or ten…” She shook her head. “That person doesn’t exist. You work at relationships. They aren’t one size fits all.”

Jill nodded, then lay down and closed her eyes. That seemed like a very mature thing to say. But the uncertainty of the whole situation still scared her to death.

***

An annoying sensation crept into her dream, then she reached up to slap weakly at whatever was tickling her ear. The sounds of people laughing and children shrieking made Jill’s eyes pop open. A grinning Lizzie hovered above her, then a hank of Jill’s own hair came into focus. “You sleep really soundly,” Lizzie said. “I’ve been tickling you for five minutes.”

While rubbing her eyes with her fists, Jill grumbled, “Maybe that meant I wanted to stay asleep.”

The hair fell and Lizzie sat up, then stared at Jill soberly. “I’m sorry. I don’t like people screwing with me while I’m asleep either. I shouldn’t have—”

“Teasing,” Jill interrupted. “Totally. I had no intention of falling asleep, so I’m glad you woke me. Maybe I should get back into the water to knock the cobwebs out.”

“I’m almost ready for lunch,” Lizzie said. “But I don’t want to eat here. Are you up for a walk?”

“Sure. Should I get dressed?”

“Mmm, probably. I don’t want any branches to scratch those pretty legs.” She gave Jill such a fond smile that she could have sworn her heart skipped a beat. She was losing it!