Home From Within (14 page)

“It’ll be good for all of us to get away from the city for a while,” he said with a smile.

Burning sage hit their noses as they entered Aunt Lodi’s cabin. She’d told Jessica’s father that she might have to work late, but the door would be unlocked and food would be on the stove. Her mother could barely move past the front door. Aunt Lodi’s cabin was much smaller than their home, with an L-shaped living room, dining room, and kitchen. A stone fireplace kept the cabin warm and even heated the loft area where Aunt Lodi’s and Jessica and Jason’s rooms were.

Jessica thought her room was the coziest of all. Its walls were painted in an earthy orange tone that was framed by light oak molding and was the only room in the cabin that had carpet. Framed art that Jessica and Jason made during their visits hung on the walls. Aunt Lodi had written their ages and the year on each one. Tightly grouped on another wall were paintings of sacred Michigan animals: wolves, eagles, and moose. Small dream catchers were attached to their bedposts and handmade quilts that reflected the color of the northern lights covered each bed. A built-in bookshelf contained photo albums of their visits so they could reminisce about the past.

“How long did they say they’re staying?” Jessica asked as she and Jason unpacked their belongings.

“Maybe a week,” Jason said.

Jessica crumpled her face and then pushed open a window, breathing in the sweet and dewy smells of the outdoors, listening to the sound of the chickadees, and watching a bluebird in flight.

Her mother was complaining about the space, the lack of a dishwasher, and the nonexistence of modernity. Jessica could hear it all from her room. Her father told her sternly that she had agreed to this and in no uncertain terms would he be leaving. If
she
wanted to go to a hotel, she would be going alone.

To the sound of growling stomachs, her mother began serving dinner on the back deck. A few mosquitoes made an appearance that were not as lethal as the nighttime ones but Jessica’s mother complained that she had no choice but to eat indoors. Her father stayed outside, lighting the citronella candles around the deck, and Jessica ate with a strong scent of mosquito repellant floating around her nose.

After dinner, her father grabbed his fishing pole and bait from the refrigerator and was about to set off toward the creek when he was interrupted.

“Jason would love to go with you,” her mother said.

Her father looked surprised and then turned to Jason. “Sure, go get your shoes.”

Jason looked disappointed but did as he was told. Jessica was glad she was not part of that outing; she had no desire to be eaten up by mosquitoes. When Jason was younger, he had to be rushed to the hospital because he had fever, vomiting, and shortness of breath, all due to a severe allergic reaction to mosquito bites. As Jessica thought about her mother’s suggestion, something occurred to her. Maybe the suggestion was made because Jason
would
be eaten by mosquitoes, get sick, and have to leave Aunt Lodi’s, her father in tow. Jessica waited for her mother to get mosquito spray, but she never did. This only solidified her original thought; a heinous act was being orchestrated by her mother.

“Wait!” Jessica yelled, running after her father and brother as they were making their way toward the back door. Jessica opened the cabinet underneath the kitchen sink and pulled out the repellant, long sleeve shirt, and hat that Jason wore when they went out after dark with Aunt Lodi. Jessica thought she saw her mother flash an annoyed look. “Aunt Lodi always has Jason wear this. Otherwise he’ll get sick from the mosquito bites and have to go to the hospital again.”

“Good thinking,” her father said and gave everything to Jason to put on.

Aunt Lodi came home an hour later, eager to grab a hold of someone for a hug. Her mother backed away and claimed she felt a cold coming on.

“For Christ’s sake, Katherine, you’re staying in my home for the first time in years. This is how we greet family.” And before her mother could protest, she was in the loving grip of her sister-in-law.

Jessica hung out underneath Aunt Lodi’s arm on the couch the rest of the night. They talked, played cards, and watched TV until her father and Jason came back from fishing. He was wearing the same headlamp he’d worn when he took off Jessica’s bedroom door, and she had to hold down a flash of nausea, swallowing hard on her spit. Aunt Lodi pulled herself off the couch and gave everyone a hug, gleefully looking at the caught fish in the pail. “Dinner for tomorrow? Jason, thank you so much.”

Aunt Lodi was working during the day but that didn’t seem to impact her father because he was in his element: guns, woods, and fishing. Her mother, however, walked around like a city cat that was stuck in a box, fearing the bugs and other inhabitants of the natural surroundings. Jessica noticed her parents barely said a word to each other. At the first sign of light, her father set off with his fishing pole, sometimes with Jason dragging behind, and they would not be seen until lunch. Food in mouth, they were off again to shoot at something, or chop this or that, then back for dinner at six thirty sharp. Aunt Lodi returned from work around that time, and they would sit together as a family on the deck and eat. Coming together for a meal made Jessica glow.

One evening, Jessica took notice of the sky and basked in all its glory. The sun was setting slowly over the woods in the west with hues of pink, orange, and yellow shining through the leaves on the trees. Jessica wished she could stay in the moment forever.

She glanced over at her mother, who was wearing a bandana tied around her chin, a long sleeve white shirt, fitted black trousers, and flat dress shoes. Her sunglasses stayed on even after the sun went down; wrinkles were a frightening thought. Then she looked at Aunt Lodi’s outfit: a light blue-and-yellow summer tank dress that hit at the ankles, a floppy hat from the ’60s, and no shoes. The large jewelry she wore was embellished with Native American symbols and stones. Despite being complete opposites, there was one thing both women agreed upon: the wine Aunt Lodi opened nightly. Jessica figured if her mother could, she would drink from the time she got up in the morning to the time she went to bed—anything to cloud her current circumstances. Jessica was hoping her father would reach for a beer, but to her disappointment, he never did.

One afternoon, Jessica sat at the edge of the creek making circular motions with her feet, looking through the clear water to the sandy bottom and studying the multi-speckled rock formations. Jason and her father were wading upstream, trying to catch a trout dinner. Jessica realized she had not thought about Paul until now. It’s not that she forgot about him, but being in a place where she felt free to roam, being around nature which seemed necessary to fill her soul, and being surrounded by all her family made her feel more whole. She reasoned that this was the most fun she’d ever had with her father, and it brightened her day.

That evening, her mother announced they’d be leaving in the morning.

Her father gave a small grin. “So you won’t have to cook those huge meals anymore.”

“Oh please,” said Aunt Lodi, “do I look like I eat birdseed?” Everyone laughed, except for Jessica’s mother who smirked. “But I’ve got to say, I really enjoyed these last four days. And your kids look like they have a renewed sense of life with you two.” Everyone looked at each other around the patio table.

“Yes, Lodi, I’ve had a great time,” her mother said with a smile.

Jessica was not surprised to hear her parents pack up and drive away before dawn. She crept downstairs and watched the back of their truck with the taillights swishing back and forth as it rolled over the gravel and grass path to the road. A note was left on the kitchen table in her mother’s handwriting thanking Aunt Lodi again for a wonderful visit and wishing them fun the next two weeks. It also included rules that should be followed, but that was a given.

The next two weeks for Jessica were joyous. They drove to a waterfall, went hiking and canoeing, and attended the state fair. At the state fair, Jessica and Jason spent the whole day riding on the Tilt-A-Whirl, the Zipper, and Ferris wheel, trying not to throw up the candied nuts, deep fried cheese curds, or funnel cake. This was the most junk food Jessica had eaten since being at Marilee’s. The state fair also had live animal auctions, barns full of every farm creature imaginable, and a draft horse pull. Jessica loved horses, so they walked around the two barns attached to the arena, trying to touch them through gated wire. Most of the people in the barn were kids from 4-H, many Jessica’s age, showing and selling the animals they raised.

The draft horses were Jessica’s favorite because they stood tallest of all, strong and muscular, exuding a look of confidence and wisdom. An older boy was inside the stall of a draft horse named Moses, raking out the hay and manure.

“Looks like a smelly job,” Aunt Lodi commented.

The boy softly laughed and said, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Is this your horse?”

The boy stopped working and looked at Aunt Lodi. “Well, he’s my brother’s, but he’s been having too much fun here with his friends.” The boy looked up at the horse and gave him a rub behind his ear. “Couldn’t watch him stand in the muck one more minute.”

“Why, that’s mighty kind of you. Look here,” Aunt Lodi said to Jason and Jessica, in particular. “This boy is a hard worker and loves animals.”

Jessica did not know where Aunt Lodi was going with this but did not like the turn it was taking.

“Your horse seems like a big teddy bear,” Aunt Lodi said, shooting a look at Jessica.
Oh no,
Jessica thought, knowing now for sure where she was going. “These are my niece and nephew, Jessica and Jason. They’re from Chicago so they don’t get to see this very often. Can they pet Moses?”

Jessica almost died, but she couldn’t be mad at Aunt Lodi; she didn’t know about Paul.

“Sure,” the boy said and raked out a small path for them as they entered the stall.

Moses towered over them, but the boy told them where to stand and how to touch him behind the ears and gently on the nose. The boy started talking about the draft horse breed, giving them a brief lecture on anything they wanted to know. Jessica felt a strong pull to jump on Moses’s back and take off out of the barn and into the woods, holding on tight to his majestic black mane.

“You want to ride him, don’t you?” said the boy.

Jessica tried to hide herself but there was nowhere to go. “Sort of,” she mumbled.

“I don’t,” Jason said, looking straight up at the beast and backing away.

“Moses isn’t a riding horse. We have other horses that pull people; they’re more manageable.”

Jessica leaned away from Moses, not sure what to make of all that information.

“He won’t hurt you if you touch him. He likes that, but I wouldn’t go jumping on his back.”

Aunt Lodi engaged him with more questions about the horses, but it all led back to getting information about his life. Moses, and the boy, lived on a farm near the Wisconsin-Michigan border, where his family raised and trained draft horses for competition and pleasure. While he was answering all of Aunt Lodi’s questions, Jessica sneaked a look at him. He was tall, probably around six foot, with a small extended belly. His brown work boots were scuffed and stained with green streaks running down the sides, and his overalls and T-shirt looked well worn. The John Deere hat he wore was pushed back as he kept wiping the sweat that was rolling into his eyes, which were brown, but definitely not the same color as his boots. They were more like a piece of caramel, she thought.

After Jason started getting fidgety and some kids, including a cute blonde, walked up to the stall, Aunt Lodi ended the conversation. Before walking away, Aunt Lodi thanked him and then abruptly apologized, realizing she hadn’t asked his name.

“My name’s Matt,” he said. “And thanks for listening to my lesson about horses.” His friends started laughing at him, and the cute blonde grabbed his hand.

“This boy loves horses,” she said, smiling at him.
They were obviously going out,
thought Jessica, who was now feeling completely uncomfortable.