Home From Within (13 page)

Jessica asked Paul to eat lunch alone one day that last week of school. She wanted to find out if Paul loved her. She knew she could never come right out and ask; she would have to play it cool to get that information. (Something she had learned from overhearing a conversation in Gym.)

They sat on the same swings that had brought them together for the first time that fall day. This time, he twisted the swings so they could face each other, and Jessica placed her legs on top of Paul’s so they could look at each other as they talked. Jessica loved the way the sun shone on his auburn hair, glistening off his boyish face.

“Can you believe school is over Friday?”

“School’s out for
summer,
” he sang. “I can’t wait for school to be out
forever.
”

“Seriously, what do you do in the summer?”

Paul hesitated. “Is this a trick question?”

Jessica nudged him with her legs, and he smiled.

“Well, I hang out with my guys, go swimming . . . party. I mean, it is summer.”

The partying was something Jessica did not understand firsthand. Since becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, she noticed Paul’s heavy, glossed-up eyes were a rarity around her. His partying was something she never asked about, more out of fear than anything else, and from not wanting to be the type of girlfriend that nitpicked her boyfriend. (She was learning so much in Gym.)

“But I want to spend time with you, you know, this summer,” Paul said. “Is that a possibility?”

She looked away, toward the expansive green grass of the park, lifting her head to gaze at the colossal trunks of the trees.

“Probably not.”

They looked at each other while their swings swayed ever so slightly. Jessica leaned the side of her head on the chain, and after a few minutes, Paul spoke up and told her not to worry; sophomore year was going to be great.

A month earlier Jessica had changed their schedules to reflect study hall last period and then printed them each a copy. Paul said he didn’t need to show anything to his mom; she would never know the difference. When Jessica gave the schedule to her mother, it was not even challenged.

“So I guess we won’t see each other the whole summer,” Jessica said.

“I guess you’re right since you won’t let me sneak over to your house or you’ll ‘break up’ with me,” Paul said.

Jessica felt this was the right time to broach the subject of love.

“So are we together this summer?” she asked.

“Of course, you’re my girlfriend. I’m your boyfriend,” he said then gave her a look. “I’m not gonna cheat on you if that’s what you’re asking.”

Jessica felt relieved by his words even though that thought had never crossed her mind. She summoned up the courage to ask about love by saying a little prayer in her head.

“Thanks. And I hope you know I would never do that to you.” She hesitated. “Because I care about you a lot.”

He stared at her intensely. “I know. I care about you too. Truthfully I have more trust in you than I do most of my family.”

Since their relationship consisted of eating lunch on the bleachers and sneaking into the old library to kiss, she really didn’t know a lot about his family situation. The only time they ever talked at length was the night of the school play, on the medical table. He briefly mentioned his family in the form of facts—oldest of four boys, mom a single parent, lived two blocks from school on the other side of the overpass.

“Why, because you have brothers?”

He shook his head. “You’ll see in the fall.” Jessica agreed to meet at Paul’s house during study hall. Something she had finally relented to because she feared getting caught in the old library kissing Paul. That would for sure require a call home.

The faint sound of the next period bell was heard from across the park. Their eyes met, saddened by the reality of abandoning each other for three months.

“How can we meet alone again? I want to leave you with me on your lips.”

Jessica felt shy but she too wanted to kiss him good-bye. “I have Key Club from three to four thirty on Friday. We’re having an end of the year party. I can leave a little early, around four. Maybe we can meet in the old library again?”

They untangled their legs from each other and started walking back to school. Paul grabbed her hand and held it tight.

“I love your idea.”

The Key Club met in their usual space, around the corner from the old library. The afterschool program leader wanted Jessica to be a part of the club sophomore year. He told her she was a wonderful asset, very responsible, and added a lot of maturity to the group. Jessica glowed from the compliment and said she planned on it. Even though it was getting easier to lie, she felt criminal telling the afterschool leader she had to leave early. Especially since he’d given her a compliment that she no longer felt worthy of.

Jessica and Paul met in the old library again, but she still would only let him kiss her. Afterward, Jessica laid her head on his chest, loving the feel of his breathing. Up and down, up and down. Paul grabbed Jessica’s hand and put it up to his in the air. Her fingertips were half an inch below his.

“This sucks. I can’t believe I won’t see you until September. Are you sure there’s no way we can see each other?”

Jessica paused. She thought about plans and missions, but in the end, all she could see were two Colt .45s.

“I’m sorry. It’s impossible.”

Jessica’s head lifted up as Paul took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

“I’ll remember this and keep you close to me,” he said and pulled her in tight.

Those words comforted Jessica with the knowledge that Paul loved her and three months apart would not change that . . . she hoped.

C
hapter
12

It was Marilee who suggested they sneak out to see the movie
Purple Rain,
with Prince. Jessica didn’t know who Prince was, so she asked a lot of questions. Marilee, like a wise healer, answered them all in a cautious tone and added all the reasons why they should go.

“Plus,” Marilee said after giving a five-minute sermon, “Julie said she would help us.”

“Really? Why would she do that?”

“Because she kinda feels bad for you.”

Jessica was taken aback. “Why?”

Marilee stared at Jessica like she was lost. “Because of all the bullshit your family puts you through. Because you’re practically a prisoner in your own home. Because you have to sneak out clothes just to look normal.”

Jessica knew she was speaking the truth, but that loyalty feeling crept up again. “They have good reasons I’m sure.” Marilee looked disturbed. “But I’m not sure what they are.”

Marilee softened her expression. “Look, Jess, I’m not trying to bad-mouth your family. We just want you to be happy.”

Jessica put her head down and nodded.

“So whatdya say?” Marilee asked with the same devilish smile that Paul gave.

Jessica reluctantly agreed to the plan. Julie would cover at home, and Eddie would drop them off, go to his girlfriend’s house, and then come back to pick them up when it was over.

At dinner, Jessica couldn’t believe the turn of events when Mr. Ripp said he had to run over to his sister’s house because of an emergency furnace problem and Mrs. Ripp said she had a commitment that evening to take the nuns from the convent shopping. All the kids looked at each other like a gift just poured down from heaven.

Marilee did a happy dance after watching Mrs. Ripp drive away and a few seconds later grabbed Jessica’s hands and twirled her around, jumping up and down, singing, “This is
so exciting!
”

Jessica took part in the festivities and put on a spirited front, but her insides were on a roller coaster ride. Eventually she rationalized that this type of behavior was something she needed to get used to, considering what she’d agreed to do in the fall with Paul.

The plan worked without a hitch. They squeezed into two middle seats in the front right section. Once they shifted themselves into comfortable positions, they looked at each other with amazement. Jessica thought the people in the theater looked older than they. Probably because it was an R-rated movie.

When the first song came on, Jessica was blown away by the choreography and sound; her senses had never been plugged in and put into overdrive.
Purple Rain
aroused feelings Jessica had never felt before. The sex scenes were so visual that flashes of hotness swarmed over her entire being. Watching Prince and Apollonia during their intimate moments felt like an invasion of privacy. But she loved the music—it made her feel alive. She especially loved “The Beautiful Ones” scene. Even before the movie let out, Jessica made up a fantasy in which another boy loved her and was trying to take her away from Paul. Paul, who could sing and dance like Prince, sang “The Beautiful Ones” to her during the school talent show, and all the girls who made fun of her because of her granny panties were envious that she had two cute boys who loved her. But in the end, she stayed true to only one . . . Paul.

One week later, the cleaning ladies arrived, and Jason said in a soft tone that Dad’s coming home tomorrow.

“Next week we’re going to Aunt Lodi’s for two whole weeks, just you and me.”

Jason brightened and then asked Jessica to play a game with him. They carved out a small space on his bed and played Candy Land around the feverish energy of the cleaning ladies.

Dinner was served in the dining room, on china as usual, and her mother announced their father would be home tomorrow and that they were all going to the UP the day after. They would be spending five days together as a family, then her parents would return home, and the kids would stay the two weeks as usual. This spending family time together in the UP was highly unusual. Her father always drove them to his sister’s, stayed a couple of days, and then drove back to Chicago. That’s how it had been since Jessica could remember. When she was younger, she would ask why her mother wasn’t coming and the response she hastily got was, “nature is not for me.”

Her father arrived home in the morning before anyone woke up. Jessica was thankful she’d written the welcome home letter with all the details of her summer and left it on his desk before she went to bed that night. Right after breakfast, during his inquiry in the office, Jessica paid close attention to her father’s physical appearance. She thought that being gone for over a month might have left clues on his body as to his whereabouts. He’d been in a sunny climate due to his tanned skin. It was obvious he’d worn sunglasses. His hands looked more calloused and dry; his right hand had a long scratch mark that was in the late stage of healing. The tops of his ears had flakey skin falling off them. And he looked tired, but not dejected. He said he was glad she was enjoying her summer so far and that she looked forward to spending time as a family at Aunt Lodi’s.