Home for Christmas (20 page)

Austin always sat at the head of
the table, she at its foot. They had hosted nicely together, a well-matched
team. So much so that many of her mother’s friends in attendance had that match-making
twinkle in their eye as they watched Savannah and Austin’s easy camaraderie and
rapport.

Strangely, none of them brought up
Robert, even privately, and they’d all known of their apparent attachment. The
more astute visitors among them would argue that rapport wasn’t the right word
to describe the host’s relationship; perhaps chemistry would be a better
choice. In either case, the relationship between the two, whatever that was,
had strengthened and intensified. Savannah would go days without remembering
Elise Pasternak, and Austin refused to think about Robert Winslow.

The last dinner party was Saturday
evening, four days before Christmas, and one she was especially looking forward
to. Unlike previous evenings, the guests were primarily Austin’s business
colleagues and some of their contacts who were interested technology investors.
The primary guest and his wife were from Southeast Asia. For this meal, Austin
had requested an Asian menu.

Living in Seattle, one became
accustomed to the culinary Asian influences in many of its fine restaurants.
Savannah was particularly fond of the cuisine, often finding herself in China
Town, or the International District as it was now called, on cold dreary days
for one of her favorite dishes, clay pot, an ancient dish dating back to the
Roman period. One of the girls she’d grown up with was an avid cook herself,
often treating Savannah to the delightful flavors of Southeast Asia.  One
of her favorite invitations was for Chinese New Year where her friend’s family would
often celebrate with Steamboat, dubbed Hot Pot in other cultures, an ancient
Chinese tradition thought to have originated in Mongolia with a more than a one
thousand year history.

 The aromas coming from the
Capitol Hill kitchen were mouth watering on that unseasonably cold Saturday
evening. Savannah had little to do except to oversee … and learn. Her friend’s
mother had directed her to an outstanding chef and his staff to hire. They were
busily preparing thinly sliced meat, fish balls, leafy Chinese greens, snake
beans, Daikon, ginger, pumpkin, a variety of mushrooms, sprouts, dumplings and
homemade wantons the guests would cook for themselves. Still others were
preparing a variety of dipping sauces that ranged from mild to incredibly hot
on the spice intensity scale.

The dining room was outfitted with
giant containers of steaming homemade Asian broth set in the middle of the
table, its aromatic, herbaceous bouquet filling the room. Once the guests were
assembled, they would drop into the simmering liquid their choice of meat,
seafood and vegetables from the robust platters being prepared in the kitchen.
Watching it cook was part of the fun and then each guest would ladle their
steamboat into intricate and beautifully hand-painted bowls Savannah had purchased
for the evening.

Savannah was in the kitchen
assisting the chefs with the logistics of serving as the first of the guests
arrived. She could hear excited chatter from the front of the house as the
succulent aromas became apparent. Smiling as she heard exclamations over the
intricate mural of a pre-twentieth century Seattle scene painted on the dining
room wall. First-time guests were always drawn to the unusual and historic
scene.

Austin popped his head into the
kitchen, slipping his arm around Savannah and led her to the entry where she
joined him in greeting the guests and giving them a tour of the house and its
Christmas decorations. All expressed delight as they reveled in the beautiful
sights around them. While he continued to give the tour of the media room,
which they were especially interested in, and the Library, Savannah slipped
back into the kitchen to assemble a juice tray one of the servers would
circulate.  

In the butler’s pantry on the top
rung of the room’s sliding ladder, Savannah was retrieving an antique sterling
serving tray when Austin nearly bumped into her as he peered into the room.
Seeing her precarious balance on the ladder, he immediately went to steady the
device, chastising her for crawling up there in
those things,
referring
to her spiked shoes. She waved him away, explaining that it was the one thing
she’d forgotten to do earlier in the day. As the guests were being served at
the bar, Austin watched appreciatively as her form-fitting dress fit a little
more snuggly as she retrieved the object high above her head.

Descending the ladder, Austin
remained at its foot. Savannah soon came eye to eye with him on the last rung.
Blocking her exit, he didn’t move. She was trapped, but delightfully so, a
giant platter separating them. The air in the room had become close; the dimmed
lights created a false sense of privacy, the guests were forgotten as he gently
took the platter from her hands, setting it on a nearby empty shelf without
taking his eyes off hers.  Her heart began to beat more rapidly as his
eyes searched hers. Neither of them spoke a word, it wasn’t necessary. His eyes
roamed her face as he drew even closer until finally his hands slid up to cup
her cheek.

“I don’t know how to even thank you
for what you’ve done for me, Savannah. I never …”

“Shhhh,” she whispered, putting a
finger to his lips, which he then, of course, gently kissed before pulling them
to his chest and wrapping his arms around her.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” she
whispered.

“I know,” he said thinking she
meant because of her attachment to Robert, she thinking he meant because of his
attachment to Elise. “I have things I need to talk to you about, it can’t wait
any longer.”

“You can’t mean, now,” she
whispered frantically, knowing the guests would begin to wonder what was
keeping him.

Austin leaned closer and whispered,
“No. I wish it could be now. I really do need to talk to you,” he said, leaning
over to place a quick kiss on her lips. His best intentions, however, were not
to be as his lips touched hers. What began as a playful interlude instantly
became intense and passionate as she encircled his neck with her arms, drawing
him closer; decidedly exposing the myth of a platonic relationship they each
endeavored to have.

A loud bang occurred from the realm
of the kitchen and allowed Austin to come to his senses. Pulling back,
gathering her face gently in his hands, he kissed her nose and whispered,
“Thank you, Savannah, for everything. We’ll, uh, talk later?” to which she
simply nodded.

She blushed as he exited the room
via the dining room pocket door they were standing near, placing a hand on her
face still warm from his touch. She wondered the nature of what he’d say later.
Could it mean he wanted to only thank her … or was there more? Coming to her senses,
she pushed the ladder back in place and retrieved the sterling tray. As she did
so, a cold voice she’d never expected to hear, crackled distinctly in the dim
room, instantly chilling the warmth flooding through Savannah.

“I’ll take that, Savannah.”

Flabbergasted and unable to utter
even a single word, Savannah’s felt the color drain from her face as she looked
into Elise Pasternak’s brittle eyes as the woman silently emerged from the
shadowed pantry corner near the kitchen entry.

As Elise studied Savannah, her cold
eyes taking in her well-kissed lips and slightly mussed hair, she plastered a
pitying expression across her face as she retrieved the tray Savannah had been
holding in now numb fingers.

“You didn’t know I was coming did
you?”

Savannah only shook her head.

“I told Austin he needed to tell
you. Well, it can’t be helped now,” she said in apparent chagrin. “The damage
has been done. I’ve told Austin over and over that he needs to be more careful
around girls like you,” she said, reaching out to pat Savannah on the arm, to
which she instantly jerked away.

“There is nothing for you here,
Savannah,” she continued. “Austin is only trying to … be your friend in these
difficult circumstances. He’s trying to
thank you
, in his own way. But
you know men; they do it in such a way that gives girls like you false hopes.
That’s what he needs to talk to you about, explain to you. It’s killing him
that you’re forming … an attachment to him. He asked me to come.”

Savannah’s eyes narrowed as she watched
Elise work her magic. Only, Savannah had been around women like her most of her
life. She may be in a strained financial state at the moment, but her breeding
was sound and she’d get back on her feet again soon.

“Girls like me?”

“Well, yes, let’s face it,
Savannah. You’ve lost everything,” she said shrugging her shoulders and looking
around. “I mean … everything. You’re even homeless. You see a kind and wealthy
man like Austin who happens to also be gorgeous and you think that’s your
answer. But sweetheart, I don’t know how to break this to you, but he’s not
interested in you. He can hire a housekeeper to do what you do. Austin and I …
are
passionately
in love.”

“Elise, you don’t know anything
about me, and frankly, you don’t know anything about my relationship with
Austin. It isn’t at all what you think.”

“What I think, Savannah, is that
you need to leave and leave now. Those people out there, she indicated by
pointing toward the dining room, are important people to Austin, traditional
people who will be very confused if they see you running around playing house
when they know what our relationship is. I saw Austin thank you. He needs you
to go … and stay away.”

“I have a contract …”

“Yes, that ends at the end of the
month. There are no other parties for you to host or plan. It’s time to go.”
When a look of indecision crossed Savannah face, Elise continued, “I had always
heard you were an ethical type girl. He has promised himself … to me.”

There was nothing left to do. She
was right, Lois had, in a round-about way, confirmed it. Austin apparently
belonged to someone else. She couldn’t trust herself around him. It was
breaking her heart and she needed to stay true to what she believed. She
gathered her things, directed the staff to seek any guidance needed from Austin
or Elise, and exited through the back kitchen door.

Austin was catching a red-eye out
of town late tonight for the east coast. She assumed Elise would be with him as
they had media in New York on Sunday. She would finish up at the house then and
be out of their way before Christmas.

It was Sunday and the house was
unusually cold and quiet. And empty as a tomb. As she walked the corridors of
the house she’d grown up in for the last time, she realized that it felt more
empty now than it had when it truly was back in October. Even with Christmas,
the house felt bereft. Perhaps it was only her imaginings … or perhaps it was
the unrealized dreams she’d somehow believed in that finally had been put to
rest. They weren’t now nor would they ever be meant to be.

This should be such a magical time,
a time of expectations, celebrations. Christmas was on Wednesday. Families were
gathering for the upcoming holidays, even now she noticed more traffic on the
street outside, neighbors driveways filled with out-of-town guests. Instead,
this façade of a home was empty, the play over, the curtains closed for the
season.

It shouldn’t have been that way.
She should have done it differently. She should have said, “
No
.”

But as she walked through the
Library and turned on the tree lights of the Christmas Noble they’d cut
together and decorated into the wee hours of that evening weeks ago, she
realized that she was glad she hadn’t said, “No.” The “Yes” she’d said would
provide so many wonderful memories in the years to come, even if his feelings
hadn’t been reciprocal. If she analyzed it too deeply, she would find holes in
Elise Pasternak’s version of their relationship, but she was unwilling to go
there.

She’d toyed with telling Austin
about her real relationship with Robert Winslow. Felt as if she was somehow
being dishonest in keeping it from him. In retrospect, following her
confrontation with Elise, she was relieved that she hadn’t. Her business was
hers alone. Not Austin’s and certainly not Elise’s. She wondered how Elise had
learned so much about her. Hoping Courtney hadn’t been the source.

Savannah looked at the beautifully
wrapped gifts she’d laid on the library table. Gifts she’d intended to give
Austin for Christmas. Would
still
give, only not in person. Each was
wrapped in thick craft paper and tied with a plaid and raffia ribbon perfectly
suited to this room, their room, in her mind.

Gently she patted the antique
framed photograph of his mother she’d had professionally restored and the
hand-carved box that housed his rebound family Bible. She knew, irregardless of
his feelings toward her, that the gifts would be meaningful and appropriate. In
spite of his spousal choice, he had a rich faith and a deep sense of family.
She hoped Elise complemented him in that instead of distracting him from it.

She wished she could see his eyes
when he saw the photograph of his mother for the first time. It had been
scratched and torn, faded with age and now the image came alive with a clarity
and precision that was breathtaking. It made her teary to think about it.
Having lost her own mother, she knew how meaningful it would be.

Attaching a gift tag with jute
twine that simply read, “Austin,” Savannah placed the gifts under the tree and
cleared away the empty boxes they’d used for decoration. She didn’t want them
accidently tossed in the cleanup.

The last item on her list was to
write Austin a note. And it was the hardest one she’d ever had to write.
Finished with her task, she placed the envelope inside his desk. She wished she
could lock the drawer, praying it wouldn’t be found and discarded by Elise
before he could read it. It should answer the question he penned on that yellow
sticky note and left on the kitchen desk. It has read,
“What happened? A.”

That done, she checked the lights
and the water levels of the plants and trees one more time. Finally, she
climbed the stairs to her old room and entered it with an overwhelming sense of
nostalgia as she flipped on the chandelier light hanging from the center of her
room.

Wrapping her arms around her
middle, she let her eyes roam the room thoroughly, taking in every imperfection
in the walls, every corner. She gingerly walked over to her bed, straightened the
bedding one more time, walked to her desk and let her fingers trail it’s top,
remembering all those times when she’d sat in that very spot, studying,
planning … writing. She’d written endless lists, even as a little girl. In
fact, it was here that she penned that list of qualities she wanted her future
husband to possess. A watery smile emerged with that memory. She knew the list
by heart. And at the end of each item, she could have written the name,
Austin.

Savannah then padded over to the
window and its impressive skyline view. The lawns were damp with dew and the
shrubs meticulously groomed for the winter. How many memories she’d had on
these grounds, she mused.

Finally, taking a deep breath,
Savannah walked back across the room, flipped off the light and closed the
door. As she walked down the hall, she paused at Austin’s bedroom door. She’d
been in there countless times during the last couple of months; decorating and
arranging furniture, but it was most definitely off limits now. Peering into
the open doorway and trailing her fingers down the casing, she said a quiet and
final goodbye.

It was Christmas Eve and Austin was
just getting back into the city from a cross-country trip; fighting the holiday
crowds had stretched his patience and left him so ready for the peace and quiet
of the next couple of days. It also left him free to catch up with Savannah and
bring some kind of clarity to what was going on between them. He hated
unfinished business, and she was top of his list.

The house was quiet when he used
his key and entered through the kitchen. It was also cold, empty. After the
last couple of months and the nearly non-stop entertaining in this house, it
was an odd feeling. Wanting to shake it off and focus on the holidays, he ran
up to his bedroom, quickly unpacked and hopped into the shower to wash the
travel from his body.

Refreshed, he turned on some
Christmas music from the house media system, warmed it up a bit and made
himself a cappuccino, reveling in its warmth. He checked Savannah’s desk in the
kitchen for a note of some kind. She hadn’t answered the couple of texts he’d
sent earlier. Finding none, he walked into the Library, flipped on the lights,
lit the fire and sat down at his desk.

It was just after the noon hour but
the day was dark, threatening, making it seem later than it was. Rested from
the flight because he’d slept for the majority of it, Austin checked his email
and texted Savannah again, asking if they could meet sometime today, inquiring
about her plans for the next couple of days. Unanswered again, he became
restless. He knew that most likely she’d be spending the holidays with Robert’s
family. He needed to convince her that Robert wasn’t the one for her. He needed
to do it now. It couldn’t wait any longer.

Pulling open his desk to find a
pencil, he noticed a pink stationery envelope with his name written in a
familiar pen across the front. Gingerly picking up the envelope, he began to
dread its contents. It hadn’t been like Savannah to ignore his texts. He should
have known something was wrong. When she left the party on Saturday, something
didn’t feel right. He just hadn’t had the time to think it through.

Opening the note, his heart fell.

Dear Austin,

I don’t know how to thank you
for the last few months. You’ve given me back a piece of myself. A piece that
I’d thought I lost forever. You gave me a chance to say goodbye to that which
has mattered so much to me.

I know people think my
attachment to this house is a bit crazy. What they don’t understand, and
perhaps even I didn’t understand until recently, is that it really hasn’t
anything to do with the house itself; but everything to do with what it
represented. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye in October. You gave me the chance to
celebrate Christmas in this house, with its memories, one more time. For that I
will be forever grateful. God used you to help me close this door.

There are so many things I wish
I could adequately express to you. Thank you for the time you gave me these
weeks and months. Your friendship has meant so much to me.

I have become aware of your
relationship and upcoming marriage. I was surprised, I have to admit. I know
there were times when we became more physical than we should, given your
relationship. It is my sincere hope that I didn’t cause or instigate those
moments. I value fidelity so much. I’m a little baffled by what happened
between us, but I promise you that should our paths ever cross, it won’t be
awkward.  

My prayer is that you have a
long and prosperous future in this house; that you fill it with laughter, love
and Godly pursuits. May you continue a heritage begun by my family more than a
hundred years ago, a legacy left now to you.

Again, thank you and may God
grant you a blessed Christmas and happy New Year.

Savannah

P.S. Here is my key to the house
as the end of the month is near and no further entertaining has been scheduled.
If needed, your staff can contact me through Courtney.

Austin was stunned. He turned the
paper over in some attempt to understand the mystery and meaning of its words,
one more time making sure it was indeed addressed to him. Crinkling his eyes in
confusion, he read the penned sentiment one more time.

Setting the note on the top of his
desk, he leaned back in the chair, his hand holding his chin, trying to reason
the message and its finality. He felt like a balloon whose air had just been
released. Suddenly, the house that had held so much promise now felt empty and
bare.

Never before had he experienced a
Christmas season like this one. Losing his family when he was just a child
meant his early memories of the season were skewed and dim. He never understood
how meaningful it could be, why people cherished them as they did. He
understood that and a lot more now, thanks to Savannah.

She had made everything come alive
for him; he noticed things and felt things he’d never dreamed he would. Night
after night, she’d been in his home, greeting his guests, preparing succulent
fare, decorating, serving, waiting … with no expectations for herself. No
demands. Simply … being here. She had indeed created a home out of this house.
Without her, it was void of everything. With her, it had become … everything.
It was all he could think about on those long cross-country flights. He had determined
to win her from Robert, no matter what it took.

Now, she was saying goodbye, in a
very final way, because he was supposed to be getting married? Ironically,
there was truth in that belief. He had determined, with God’s help and
blessing, that he would most definitely be getting married …
but to her
.
What in the world was going on?

He walked back up the stairs and
paused outside the closed door of what used to be Savannah’s room. He hadn’t
taken the time to really look at it before.

Walking in he looked around at the
only room in the house that hadn’t been redecorated. His smile was tender as he
looked around. He could smell her signature perfume, as if she’d been here
moments before. She presented such a sophisticated version of herself to the
world. But here, in her very private space, he saw the femininity that was at
the core of who she was. The essence of what he loved about her. Everything was
perfectly in order, he noticed with a grin. Nothing even slightly off kilter.

Sitting down at the desk along the
far wall, he gazed at the spectacular Seattle view, the view she’d looked at
all of her life. He wondered what she thought about as she looked out that
window, what she’d dreamed of … hoped for. He wanted to know all of them. He
wanted to
give
them all to her. He wanted to erase the devastation she’d
endured that year. Though he couldn’t bring her family back, he could ease the
burdens she faced. He could be there
with
her and
for
her. 

Austin felt close to her in this room.
He thought about the endless hours she would have sat here studying … and he
wondered if she’d been a good student. He assumed she had been. What subjects
did she excel in, although he could guess. He ran his large hands over the
surface, touching what she would have touched.

Glancing over at the bed, he
realized she would have slept in that bed her entire life. His eyes clouded as
he continued to stare, wishing he’d seen pictures of her when she was young.
Suddenly, in his mind’s eye, he saw a little girl in pigtails, sitting
cross-legged on the bed. Her hair, exactly the shade of Savannah’s, but her
eyes … were
his
eyes, his
blue
eyes. She was so real in his mind
that it took his breath away. With a smile, the little girl, in his mind,
reached out to give him a storybook. “Will you read to me, Daddy, please?” she
begged.