His Unbearable Desire 1 (8 page)

“I saw so many things on my travels and I’m not saying I’m the wisest person around or I’m enlightened or anything like that, but for me I feel refreshed and renewed. I met loads of people and they all taught me something, and now I feel far more…centered is the word. I just feel like I don’t have anything to prove to anyone. I know who I am and I know what I want out of life, and that’s all that’s important. I’m done looking to the future and getting invested in some fantasy that doesn’t exist. I want to focus on what I can achieve and what I can accomplish.” Angelica continued.

“And what is all this getting at? I feel like you’re building to some big announcement. You’re not going to tell me that you’ve joined a cult or something are you?” Ana asked with narrowed eyes. Angelica shook her head.

“No it’s nothing like that, but you’re not going to like what I have to say.”

“Oh dear,” Ana said, then made a waving motion with her hand, “come on, out with it.”

“I’ve decided that I don’t want to be tied down to one place. I can’t be. I want to live freely and go wherever the wind takes me so I’ve decided that once I’ve saved up enough money I’m going to leave here and never come back.”

“Is that why you came back earlier than expected?” Ana said, trying to ignore the unsettling feeling crawling through her gut.

Angelica nodded. “I wanted to come back and see everyone before I left again. I knew I had to come back. But only for a while.”

“Have you told your parents?” Ana asked, trying to keep her halting voice steady and emotionless. The idea of losing her best friend was frightening. It had been bad enough on this trip, but at least Ana had known that Angelica was coming back. But to leave completely? It would take a long time to process such an idea.

“Yes and they didn’t take it well but I’m sure they’ll be okay. At least they have my brother to keep them company. I am going to miss them but I tried to explain that it’s something I have to do. I’ve been with them almost exclusively since I’ve been back, so I’m glad that I was able to escape them today. I’ve only been back a couple of days but already I’m finding living with them is stifling.” Angelica explained.

“I can imagine. I remember when I first came back home after college, it was so weird having to tell someone where I was going or who I was meeting up with it. I’m so glad to have my own place. But are you going to stay with them until you leave? What are your plans anyway? Do you have a job lined up?” Ana asked.

“I think they’d like me to do that but I can’t handle it. It’s okay for a week or so but any longer and I’d go insane. They even told me that I had a curfew at home because mom can’t get to sleep until she knows I’m home safely. I was like, ‘what did you do when I was away? Surely you weren’t awake all that time.’ It’s crazy how they can’t let go, but I guess that’s just the way parents are. Better that they care too much than not at all.” Angelica paused.

“As for what I’m going to do, I don’t want a career really, so I won’t go for anything too intense. I’ll probably end up waitressing or working at a bar, just something to get some money. At least I’ll be able to make tips as well, and hopefully I’ll be able to save up fairly quickly, and then once I leave they’re not going to care too much.” She continued.

“You can’t be talking about anywhere around here, surely?” Ana said, unable to mask her disbelief. It stemmed from the fact that there were barely any establishments in town and if Angelica was going to work anywhere in town she would have to see the same people day in and day out. Ana breathed out of her nose and tilted her head to the side.

“You know I’ve got some news as well which I’ll get to in a minute, but part of it is that I don’t plan on staying in Trinity Falls for much longer and if you’re going to be leaving forever I’m not going to say goodbye before we have to. Come to Newtown with me. We can get a place together and there will be plenty of bars and restaurants for you to work at!”

Angelica’s eyes lit up at the suggestion and a broad smile appeared on her face. It didn’t take long for her to agree, and Ana was immensely excited for the future.

Chapter 9

“Now tell me your news,” Angelica said as she collected the empty mugs and took them to the kitchen.

“Are you sure you’re done with yours?” Ana called out, hearing some rattling in the kitchen. She wondered what Angelica was up to in there, but the mystery was solved when she returned with two bowls of ice cream.

“Oh yeah, well, I haven’t told you all the salacious stories about my sexual adventures, and the sad story of the man I fell in love with but if we’re going to live together we’re going to need plenty to talk about so I can always save them for later. Besides, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about that and being alone with my thoughts I’d rather actually listen to a good friend for once. It’s been a long time since I can say I’ve had one of those. And you’ve been bursting to tell me something ever since I came in, I can see it in your eyes so come on, let’s have it, did Evan finally propose?”

Her guess shook Ana to the core. She took the bowl of ice cream and let the icy chill seep through her body. So much had happened in her heart that she had almost forgotten Evan. It seemed so long ago, almost like a dream, and the intensity of the feelings over the weekend had cast her past in a new light, for it seemed like a prelude to something deeper and more tangible, rather than anything substantial in its own right.

“Actually…Evan broke up with me,” she said. Angelica looked crestfallen and reached out a hand in sympathy, but Ana replied with a sly smile. Angelica noticed this and pulled back her hand. She narrowed her eyes a little.

“Wait a minute, is there another guy on the scene already? You devil!” she said, and the hand that had been extended in comfort now slapped Ana’s leg playfully.

Ana collapsed, guffawing, and Angelica quickly asked her all about her new beau. However, it was a long story and Ana had to fill in a lot of the background information about Evan first. She told Angelica all about the circumstances of their breakup and then got to the juicy part, the parts with Glenn and Colton. When she spoke about them Angelica noticed how her face lit up. Her eyes danced with excitement and the passion dripped from her voice. It was a marked contrast to the way in which she had spoken about Evan. Upon mentioning him her voice was heavy with indifference and it was clear there was no lingering affection for him at all. But Glenn and Colton…well.

“They’re both so intense. Colton is wild and from the moment I saw him I was attracted to him. They’re cousins so they have some similarities but they’re both so different. Well, I first met Colton but then he didn’t show up the next day and Glenn came to the bar. It was so embarrassing because he had to get my attention; I was daydreaming about Colton, but he was really nice and sweet, and so easy to talk to. With Colton I felt like there was always an edge to him, like he could do anything, but Glenn was just so…fun to be with. It felt natural to be with him.”

She then went on to talk about the romantic events that transpired over the weekend. How Colton had touched her in ways she’d never been touched before. How gentle he had been in the middle of the night, and how he had listened to her and not rowed the boat all the way down the tunnel. She talked about the fury of his kiss and how it sent tingles running down the entire length of her body.

When she spoke of Glenn it was how tender and sweet he had been. How gentle as they strolled along the board walk and connected on a deeper level. She recalled how his dreamy eyes had sparkled in the sunlight, and how when she had been looking into them she felt completely safe. She also remarked about the ease of their conversation and how excited she was when he had asked her out properly.

“But whenever I was without one I was missing the other. I saw them leave at the same time and I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’ve agreed to meet up with Glenn and Colton…well, I have no idea. We didn’t exchange numbers or anything. But is it fair to see one when I’m thinking about the other? What should I do?”

Angelica listened intently and she wasn’t lying when she said that she was pleased to be involved in someone else’s romantic entanglement for a change.

“It sounds like you like them both very much and they both offer different things, but the fact is that you barely know them at all. I get that what you’re feeling right now is really intense but I’ve got to check, you do know that it’s infatuation, right?”

“Yes, but it could lead to more.”

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure! Well, it seems like Glenn is the one who has made the effort to see you again and who knows, you might never see Colton again. If you like Glenn I think you should give him a chance and get to know him better. You never know, if you get to know him properly you might find that you end up forgetting about Colton. After all, it was just one weekend. Sometimes these things are a product of a certain time. You were surrounding by a wedding and that lends itself to a certain romanticism.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Ana agreed, although she didn’t sound wholly enthusiastic about it. “I am looking forward to seeing Glenn again. He’s so suave and confident. I’m just so nervous that I’m going to mess it up. The two of them seemed to have a bit of a rivalry going on so I don’t want to get in the middle of that. And I hope they never find out that I fooled around with both of them.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. Has Glenn called you yet?”

Ana glanced at her phone once more, which was silly because she knew that he hadn’t.

“No,” she sighed. “But then again it hasn’t been that long,” she set the phone aside and finished scraping the ice cream out of the dish. It had melted so it was more like a soup now, but it was still delicious.

“It’s been such a long time since we’ve done this,” Ana remarked.

“I know. I thought about you a lot. I wish you could have come with me it would have been amazing.”

“You know I would have loved to but I needed to focus on my business.”

“How is that going?”

“Really well. I just feel like I need to get to Newtown. It’s more alive than this place will ever be and once I’m there I can look into supplying local businesses and getting more contacts. It’ll be easier for distribution as well. I would have loved to travel but I don’t think that’s going to be something in my life for a while yet.”

“You’ll have to come visit me wherever I settle down.”

“Are you actually going to settle down one day?”

“I have no idea, maybe. It’d be nice. I just…I’ve been to a lot of countries but there are always more to see and I want to find that one place where I belong. It sounds corny, and don’t you ever tell my parents that I said this but in some ways it feels like I’m searching for home.”

The two women chatted long into the night about all manner of things. Eventually Angelica got around to talking about her heartbreak overseas, and Ana gave her a sympathetic hug. She knew that although Angelica enjoyed having a good time and had had more than a few flings over the years she had never been in love before, so for it to end the way it had must have felt cruel and she understood why her worldview had been changed.

Ana only wished that she had been there to offer her friend support, and was quick to make sure that Angelica promised to keep sending regular updates just in case she needed to talk to Ana. After all, in the world of high-speed internet and e-mail there really was no excuse to lose touch. As the evening wore on the storm took full effect. The sky crackled with thunder and lightning shot down in sparks, and the world was doused with powerful rain. It was grim outside, and Ana hoped it wasn’t a portent for the near future. The wind howled outside and rattled the window frames, and the heavy rain battered the sides of the house.

“I think that’s my cue to leave,” Angelica said. Ana told her that she was crazy and she couldn’t expect to walk out in that. Angelica scoffed, and assured her friend that she would be alright for on her travels she had camped out when the rain had been slashing down and the soft ground turned to slush under her sleeping bag. Torrential rain was almost soothing for her, for it meant she was in tune with nature and was exposed to the very heart of the world.

To Angelica a storm wasn’t merely a storm, it was an emotional outburst of the earth, a way to unleash some repressed emotion and to become deliriously untethered from one’s own soul. She bid Ana a fond farewell and the two of them made arrangements to see each other the following day. Upon opening the door Ana was pushed back by the force of the storm. The rain blasted inside and she tried to persuade Angelica to stay in the warmth, but her friend was not having it. She pulled the hood over her head and stepped out bracing herself against the might of the storm.

The air was loud with the fury of the wind and Ana watched on, her face lined with worry, as Angelica managed to get a foothold and spread out her arms. She flung her head back and let the rain pummel her. She cried out with laughter, although it was barely audible over the cacophonous storm, and Ana shook her head, shocked by her friend’s behavior. Angelica then ran in the middle of the road, leaving a splashing trail behind her as she took the short walk home.

Ana used all her strength to shut the door to close out the storm, but it continued to howl and wail around the house. It had been such a dramatic change in weather for over the weekend it had been idyllic but now it was turbulent. Ana breathed heavily as she drew the curtains and tried to shut out the world. She cleaned up the bowls and smiled at the fact that her best friend was back. However, she had a lot to ruminate on as she didn’t fully agree with Angelica about Colton and Glenn. Her feelings were strong for both men and she didn’t think Colton was in it just for the weekend.

There was something about the way he had been in the forest when he had run away. It wasn’t the actions of someone who only wanted her body because if he wanted it all he had to do was take it. Instead he had resisted, and she felt there was something lurking inside him that was yearning to be teased out. There was an emotional connection there too, although less than with Glenn.

She glanced at her phone and saw that Glenn still hadn’t contacted her. She knew she shouldn’t be worried but there was a part of her that wondered if she was going to be forgotten as easily as the weekend. She ended up slipping into bed, although sleep did not come easily. The storm still thundered all around the house but she was more kept awake by the confusing thoughts reigning in her soul. Glenn was so sweet and kind and she couldn’t wait to see him again but for sheer, raw passion there was no competition between them.

As she lay in bed and pulled the warm sheets over her she nestled her head into the soft pillow and breathed softly. Over the last few days when she had gone to bed her last thought of the evening had concerned Colton. She almost felt guilty but she tried to rationalize it by saying that she had made no promises to either one of them, and she had a right to pursue whomever she wanted, especially in the fantasy realm. Yet she was rather old-fashioned when it came to romance and she believed in only dating one man at a time.

She had never been placed in the position of having to choose between men, which is why she was finding it so hard. They had equal yet opposing characteristics, making it impossible to decide. But as she lay in bed with the lights down and lightning flashing beyond the curtains, illuminating her in strobes, her mind drifted toward Colton. She stretched out her limbs and then slowly ran her hands along her soft curves, feeling her slinky lingerie ripple underneath her fingers. Her body started to burn with arousal and she let her eyes close as she was taken away by the fantasy.