His Amish Sweetheart (13 page)

In the elevator going down to the main floor, he sought words to comfort Jacob and Esther. He couldn't find any. He wasn't sure there were any, so he remained silent as they walked out of the hospital and toward the white van.

Gerry must have read their faces because he got out and opened the doors without any comment. Jacob claimed the middle bench, and Esther sat with Nathaniel. As soon as they were buckled in, the van started for Paradise Springs.

They hadn't gone more than a mile before Jacob curled up on the seat. The emotions he hadn't shown in the ICU were like a shadow over him. When Esther began to talk to him, Jacob cut her off more sharply than Nathaniel had ever heard him speak to her. Shortly after, the boy fell asleep, exhausted from the visit.

Nathaniel turned to Esther whose gaze was focused on the boy. “
Danki
for coming with us,” he whispered. “I wasn't sure how he'd handle seeing the old man.”

As he did, she chose words that wouldn't intrude on Jacob's slumber. “He handled it better than either of us.” Her voice caught. “He's too familiar with how quickly life can be snuffed out like a candle.”

“Yet he knows when the old man dies, he'll have no place to go.”

She faced him. “He does have a place to go. He's with you.”

“He's welcome to stay at the farm for as long as he wishes, but he needs someone who knows how to be a parent. That's not me.”

“You're doing a great job.”

He gave a soft snort to disagree. “I depend on those witless beasts my
grossmammi
bought to keep him entertained. Otherwise, I don't know what I'd do. He's becoming more skilled with them than I'll probably ever be.”

“You'd have managed to help without the herd.”

“You've got a lot of faith in me.”

“I do, but I also have a lot of faith God arranged for him to be at the best possible place when his
on
—the old man was taken to be monitored.” She corrected herself with a glance at the boy. “God's plans for us are only
gut
.”

This time, he managed to silence his disagreement. If God's plans for His
kinder
were only
gut
, then why had Nathaniel lost his hope of being a
daed
? He appreciated every day he'd been given, and he enjoyed having Jacob living with him in that big farmhouse. He was grateful the boy had found happiness as well as frustration with the alpacas. However, the boy was also a reminder of everything Nathaniel wouldn't have in the future.

Chapter Twelve

T
he day of Ezra and Leah's wedding dawned with the threat of clouds on the horizon, but by the time the service was over shortly before noon, the sun was shining on the bride and groom. Almost everyone in the district had come to the farm for the wedding, as
Mamm
had hoped.

After the service, Esther sat with her brother and new sister-in-law at a corner table among those set in front of the house. Everyone was excited to celebrate the first wedding of the season, especially one so long in the making. She smiled as she watched Ezra and Leah together. They were in love, and her brother had waited for ten years for Leah to return from the
Englisch
world. They deserved every ounce of happiness they could find together.

It was delightful to sit with them as food was served. Stories ran up and down the tables as the guests shared fond and fun memories of the newlyweds. Leah's niece Mandy and Esther's niece Debbie could barely sit still in their excitement, and more than one glass of milk was tipped over among the younger guests.

Mamm
was just as happy. She'd had a broken arm and couldn't do much when Joshua, Esther's oldest brother, had married for the second time earlier in the year. She was trying to make up for that with Ezra's wedding as she talked to the many guests and made sure everyone had plenty to eat.

The day sped past, and Esther saw Nathaniel and Jacob in the distance several times. When she noticed Jacob joining other
kinder
for games in the meadow beyond the barn, she was relieved. She hadn't seen him since they went to the hospital. She'd agreed with Nathaniel that a few more days skipping school might help the boy. Now she was glad to discover he hadn't become traumatized and withdrawn again.

Jacob wasn't the only subject she wanted to discuss with Nathaniel, but she never had a chance to talk to him. During the afternoon singing, she'd been in the kitchen with
Mamm
, her sister and other volunteers while they washed plates from the midday meal and readied leftover food for dinner. The married or widowed women had urged her to join the singles for the singing, but she'd demurred after seeing Nathaniel walk into the barn with Katie Kay and Celeste. She didn't want to watch him flirting with them while they flirted with him.

Now the guests were leaving, and she hadn't even said hello to him. She stepped out of the kitchen and huddled into her shawl as the breeze struck her face. It was going to be cold tonight. Looking around the yard, she spotted several men standing near the barn where the buggies were parked.

Through the darkness, she could pick out Nathaniel. Her gaze riveted on him as if a beam of light shone upon his head. There was something about how he stood, straight and sure of himself, that always caught her eyes. Her heart danced at the thought of having a few minutes with him. Just the two of them. She waited for her conscience to remind her that friendship should be all she longed for from him.

It was silent, and her heart rejoiced as if it'd won a great battle.

Esther hesitated. Maybe she should stay away from him while her brain was being overruled by her heart. She might say the wrong thing or suggest she'd changed her mind.

But you have!

Ignoring that small voice of reason, she came down off the steps, but had to jump aside as a trio of young women burst out of the night. They were giggling and talking about the men who were taking them home. When she recognized them as Katie Kay, Celeste and her own cousin Virginia, she greeted them.

They waved with quick smiles, but were intent on their own conversation. Esther flinched when she heard Nathaniel's name, but she couldn't tell which one spoke it because they'd opened the door and the multitude of voices from the kitchen drowned out their words. She assumed it was Katie Kay. She squared her shoulders and crossed the yard. Clearly, if she wanted to speak with Nathaniel she needed to do so before he drove away with the bishop's daughter.

Again she faltered. Should she skip talking with him? No, she needed to know how Jacob was doing because he would be returning to school tomorrow. Because she was racked with jealousy—and she couldn't pretend it was anything else—didn't mean she could relinquish her obligations to her scholars.

The thought added strength to her steps as she left the house lights behind and strode toward the barn. She'd reached the edge of the yard when she heard a voice.

“Guten owed,”
said someone from the shadows.

Esther peered through the dark, wondering who'd called a “good evening” to her. Her eyes widened when Alvin Lee stepped out into the light flowing from the barn door in front of her. He hadn't attended church services or any other community function since the last time she'd spoken with him, the night she refused to be part of his reckless racing any longer.

There was no mistaking his bright red hair and his sneer. He used that expression most of the time. He had on the simple clothes every Amish man wore, but everything was slightly off. His suspenders had shiny clips peeking out from where he'd loosened his shirt over them. His hair was very short in the style
Englischers
found stylish and the faint lettering of a T-shirt was visible beneath his light blue shirt. She couldn't read the words, but the picture showed men wearing odd makeup and sticking out their tongues. She guessed they belonged to some
Englisch
rock-and-roll band.

She waited for her heart to give a leap as it used to whenever he appeared. Nothing happened. Her heart maintained its steady beat. She murmured a quick prayer of praise that God had helped it heal after Alvin Lee had turned his back on her because she didn't want to go along with his idea of fun and games.

“Heading toward the singing?” He leaned one elbow nonchalantly against the tree. He thought such poses made him look cool.

Cool was the best compliment he could give anyone or anything. In retrospect, she realized he'd never used it while describing her. Not that she needed compliments, then or now. They led to
hochmut
, something Alvin Lee had too much of. He was inordinately proud of his fancy buggy and his unbeaten record in buggy races. Though he'd never admitted it, she'd heard he'd begun wagering money with friends, Amish and
Englisch
, on his driving skills and his horse's speed. That would explain how he could afford to decorate his buggy so wildly.

“The singing was earlier today,” Esther said, selecting her words with care. What did he want?

“Glad I missed it. Singings are boring, and nobody ever wants to sing music I like.” He flexed his arm, and she saw the unmistakable outline of a package of cigarettes beneath his shirt. Smoking wasn't forbidden by the
Ordnung
, and some older farmers in the area grew tobacco, but it wasn't looked upon favorably, either. “I'm sure it was boring as death.” He pushed away from the tree. “Attending singings is for the kids, anyhow. Why don't you come with me, and we'll have some real excitement?”

At last, she realized why he'd shown up after dark. He was looking for people to race with and drink with, and she didn't want to think what else he had in mind. She didn't want any part of it. Not any longer.

“I'm not interested.” She turned to walk away.

He stepped in front of her again, blocking her way. “Hey, Essie, are you mad at me?”

“No.” She didn't feel anger at him any longer. Nor did she feel special, as she used to when he called her by that nickname. She didn't feel anything but dismay at how he was risking his life for a few minutes of excitement.

“Are you sure? You act like you're mad.” His ruddy brows dropped in a frown. “Is it because I asked Luella to ride with me one time?”

“No,” she answered, glad she could be honest when he wasn't. New reports of him and Luella riding together in his garish buggy were whispered almost every weekend. Esther had to be grateful that Alvin Lee hadn't decked out his buggy when
she
was riding with him. Otherwise, rumors would have flown about her and him, as well. “I'm not interested tonight.”

“Sure you are, Essie. You've always been interested in fun.”

“Not your kind of fun. Not anymore.”

His eyes narrowed. “You're serious, aren't you?”

“How many different ways do I have to tell you I'm not interested?”

“They got to you, didn't they? Broke your spirit and made you a Goody Two-shoes.”

She wasn't quite sure who “Goody Two-shoes” was, but the insult was blatant. “Nobody's broken my spirit. I've simply grown up.” She flinched when she remembered uttering those same words to Nathaniel after they'd gone to Titus Fisher's house.

She hurried away, leaving Alvin Lee to grumble behind her. Relief flooded her. She'd spoken with him for the first time since he'd crushed her heart, and she hadn't broken down into tears or been drawn into being a participant in his dangerous races. Maybe she was, as she'd told him and Nathaniel, finally putting her childish ways behind her.

Esther heard him stomp away in the opposite direction. He hadn't pulled his buggy into the barnyard as the others had. With a shudder of dismay, she realized he'd cut himself off from the community as surely as Jacob once had. Would Alvin Lee see the error of his ways and reach out to others again as the boy was doing? Or was he too much a victim of
hochmut
to admit he was wrong?

She continued toward the barn. She wanted to talk to Nathaniel more than ever. She needed to listen to him. He didn't focus completely on himself. Even his idea of adventure was doing something important for his family, not something to give him a few moments of triumph over someone else.

As she neared the men, they were laughing together. She started to call out, but paused when she heard Nathaniel say, “Ah, I understand you now, Daniel. Playing the field is
gut
in more than baseball.”

Her twin brothers roared in appreciative laughter before Micah replied, “Now there will be two of you leaving a trail of broken hearts in your wake.”

“No, I wouldn't do that,” Daniel said with a chuckle.

“No?” challenged Micah.

“No, and nobody seems to wonder if
I've
got a broken heart.”

His twin snorted. “Because nobody's seen any sign of it.”

“I like to enjoy the company of lots of girls, and they enjoy my company.”

“Because they think you're serious about them.” Micah's voice lost all humor. “I got a truly ferocious look this afternoon from Celeste Barkman until she realized I wasn't you, baby brother.”

Nathaniel laughed along with Daniel before changing the subject to the upcoming World Series.

Esther knew she should leave. None of them had noticed her yet, and she shouldn't stand there eavesdropping. Yet, if she moved away, they would see her and realize she'd been listening.

The quandary was resolved when Nathaniel and her brothers walked toward the parked buggies. They didn't glance in her direction.

She turned and hurried toward the house. She was a short distance from the kitchen door when it opened, and Celeste and Katie Kay rushed out. They were giggling together as they told her
gut nacht
.

Thin arms were flung around her waist, and she smiled as Jacob hugged her.

“Are you leaving now?” she asked.

“
Ja.
Will you be coming to visit the alpacas soon?”

“I hope to.”

“You could drive me home after school tomorrow, and you could see them then.” He looked at her with expectation.

She hid her astonishment when he called Nathaniel's farm “home.” Not once had he described Titus's place as anything other than his
onkel
's house. It was a tribute to Nathaniel that the boy had changed. She was grateful to him for helping Jacob, but she shouldn't be surprised. Nathaniel had welcomed the boy as if he were a member of his own family from the very first. Though she was disturbed by how contemptuous Nathaniel had sounded about courting, she had to admit he'd done a
wunderbaar
job with Jacob.

Why had Nathaniel talked about playing the field as her brother Daniel did? She'd heard what sounded like admiration and perhaps envy in his voice at her brother's easy way with the girls.

“Esther?”

Jacob's voice broke into her thoughts, and Esther smiled at the boy. “
Ja
. I'd like to check on the alpacas.” She refused to admit she'd accepted the invitation so she could see Nathaniel without everyone else around to distract him.

“I'll tell Nathaniel!” With a wave, he ran toward where the buggies were beginning to leave.

Esther didn't follow. She stayed in the shadows beneath a tree as buggy after buggy drove past. Some contained families or married couples. Others were courting buggies, some with one passenger but most with two. Only one held three crowded in it: Nathaniel's.

She turned to watched Nathaniel's courting buggy head down the farm lane. From where she stood, she could hear Celeste's laugh drifting on the night air. That Jacob was riding with them, acting as a pint-size chaperone, didn't lessen the tightness in her chest or the burning in her eyes.

Nathaniel couldn't ask to drive Esther when she was already home, but why did he have to ask flirtatious Celeste, who hadn't made any secret of her interest in him? Why hadn't he spoken a single word to Esther all day?

Because you avoided him.
Oh, how she despised the small voice of honesty in her mind!
Ja
, she'd found ways to stay away from him, but what would it have mattered if she'd shadowed him as Katie Kay and Celeste had? He was enjoying playing the field, an
Englisch
term for enjoying the company of many single girls.
And you told him you weren't interested.