His Amish Sweetheart (12 page)

“I've taught him pretty much all I know until one of the pregnant females is ready to deliver. Once one of them has its cria, he'll know everything I know about them.”

“I'm sure you'll find some other reason to visit the farm and make sure he's doing things right.” With a wink, Leah stood. She picked up her empty glass and went into the house.

Esther didn't move. She should have been accustomed to the matchmaking now, and Leah hadn't been at the singing to see Nathaniel drive away with Katie Kay. Why hadn't Esther given her soon-to-be sister-in-law a teasing answer in return, as she had when Leah talked about taking over the household chores?

Because, she knew too well, she didn't care who did the cooking and cleaning, but she cared far too much about Nathaniel. The worrisome part was she didn't know how to change that.

Or if she wanted to, and that troubled her the most.

* * *

Nathaniel turned his buggy onto the lane leading to the Stoltzfus farm. Beside him, Jacob was almost jumping in his excitement and anticipation. The boy held his skates, the ones Esther had found in the attic, on his lap. He'd wanted to wear them in the buggy, but Nathaniel had refused. The boy could slip and fall getting in or out.

As he drew the buggy around the back of the house, he smiled. Esther was outside hanging up laundry. The clothes flapped around her in the gentle breeze, sending the fragrance of detergent spilling through the air.

She paused and looked around the shirt she held. Her eyes widened, and he knew she was surprised to see him and Jacob. After she finished pinning the shirt, she picked up the empty laundry basket and walked toward the buggy.

Nathaniel had already climbed out, and Jacob was jumping down beside him, his roller skates thumping against its side.

“Ready?” Nathaniel called to her.

“For what?”

He heard the note of caution in her voice that never had been there when they were younger. What—or who—had stolen Esther's daring attitude? It couldn't be just growing up and becoming a teacher and wanting to be a role model for her scholars.

He lifted two pairs of Rollerblades out of the buggy. One was black and his perfect size. The other pair was a garish pink, the only ones he'd seen in what he guessed was her size. “It's past time to prove you've still got your skating skills. These should fit you.”

“I've got some, too!” piped up Jacob.

Esther put the basket on the grass. Her gaze riveted on the bright pink skates. “Where did you find
those
?”

“At a sports store Amos recommended.” Nathaniel grinned. “They didn't have any black or white ones in your size on the shelves, so I got these.”

When he held them out to her, she took the Rollerblades, examining them with curiosity. “I've never used these kinds of skates.”

“You've been ice skating, right?”

She nodded. “Years ago. The pond seldom freezes hard enough.”

“This is supposed to be like ice skating.”

“Supposed to be?” Her eyes widened again. “Don't you know?”

“I haven't tried mine yet.”

She pressed the pink skates into his hand. “Let me know how it goes.”

“You don't want to try?”

“Even if I did, those are so—so—”

“Pink?” He chuckled. “If it makes you feel better, get some black shoe polish and cover the color. We'll wait.”

Jacob frowned. “I want to skate now. You said as soon as we got here, we'd skate.”

Nathaniel motioned toward the boy with the hand holding the pink skates. “You heard him. Are you going to disappoint him because of the color of a pair of skates?” He leaned toward her. “Don't you want to try them?”

He could see she was torn as she looked from where Jacob sat on the buggy's step lacing on his skates. Maybe the daring young girl hadn't vanished completely.

She grabbed the basket and said, “Have fun.” She started toward the house.

“I dare you to try them,” he called to her back.

He half expected her to keep walking as she ignored his soft words. Esther the Pester wouldn't have been able to, but this far more cautious woman probably could.

When she faced him, he made sure he wasn't grinning in triumph. She wagged a finger toward him. “I don't take dares any longer. I'm not a
kind
.”

“I can see that, but if you don't take dares, do you still have fun?”

“In bright pink Rollerblades?”

“Don't you at least want to try them?” He raised his brows in an expression he hoped said he was daring her again.

With a mutter of something he didn't quite get and knew he'd be wise not to ask her to repeat, she dropped the basket and snatched the Rollerblades out of his hand. She sat, pulling the skates onto her bare feet.

Nathaniel yanked off his workboots and secured his skates tightly. He hadn't been ice-skating in years, but he remembered the boots needed to be secure or he was more likely to fall.

Esther stood beside him, rocking gently in every direction. She raised her arms to try to keep her balance. She almost fell when she laughed as Jacob couldn't stop before hitting the grass and dropped to his knees in it. The boy laughed, but Nathaniel's eyes were focused on her face.

It glowed with an excitement he'd seen only when she was playing ball with her scholars or working with the alpacas. This, he was convinced, was the real Esther, the one she struggled to submerge behind a cloak of utter respectability.

Why?
he ached to shout.
Why can't you be yourself all the time?

He didn't ask the question. Instead, he got to his feet. He took her hands and struggled not to wobble. The man at the shop had assured him anyone who had experience with ice-skating would have no trouble with inline skates. Nathaniel had had plenty of practice during the long, cold winters in Indiana. Now he wondered if the man had said that in hopes of making a sale.

As he drew Esther with slow, unsteady steps into the middle of the paved area between the house and the barn, he admitted to himself that the real reason he'd bought her the skates was for the opportunity to hold her hands as they had fun. She laughed when he struck the grass at the far end of the pavement and collapsed as Jacob had. Somehow she managed to remain on her feet.

Pushing himself back up, he dusted off his trousers. “You could have warned me how close I was to the edge.”

“You could have found me skates that aren't bright pink.” She folded her arms in front of her, but her scowl didn't match her sparkling eyes.

“I told you they were the only ones in your size.”

“On the shelves. Did you ask what was stored in the back?”

He shook his head, unable to keep from grinning. “Probably should have.”

“
Ja.
You probably should have.” Her feigned frown fell away, and she chuckled. “Let's see if we can go a little farther.”

She pushed off and was gliding across the pavement before he could grasp her hands again. With the skill she'd always had as a
kind
, she quickly mastered the Rollerblades and was spinning forward and backward.

More slowly, Nathaniel figured out how to remain on his feet. He doubted he'd ever be able to go backward, as she was, but he enjoyed skating with her and Jacob. The boy didn't seem to be bothered by his falls. He bounced up after each one, including one that left his trousers with a ripped knee.

“Someone's coming,” called Jacob.

Nathaniel looped one arm around Jacob and another around Esther as a buggy came at a fast pace up the farm lane. He saw Reuben holding the reins. When Esther tensed beside him, he knew she'd recognized the bishop, too. There could be only one reason for Reuben to be driving with such a determined expression on his face.

“Esther,” he began.

She didn't let him finish. Sitting, she began to unhook the bright pink skates as she said, “Jacob, let's go inside and get some cookies and cider.”

“Are there any of your
mamm
's chocolate chip cookies?”

“Let's see.” She had the skates off and was herding the boy ahead of her toward the house by the time the bishop's buggy stopped next to Nathaniel's. She glanced back, and Nathaniel saw anxiety on her face.

Reuben didn't waste time with a greeting as he stepped out of his buggy. “I don't think we can wait any longer. The
doktors
are concerned because Titus seems to be taking a turn for the worse. They told me if the boy wants to see his
onkel
alive, he should come soon.”

“We'll arrange for him to go tomorrow.”

The bishop nodded, his face lined with exhaustion and sorrow. “
Danki
, Nathaniel. You and Esther have been a blessing for that boy.” He glanced at the pink Rollerblades she'd left in the grass and smiled. “Though I can't say I would have approved of those if I'd been asked.
Gut
neither of you asked me.” He turned to his buggy. “Let me know how the visit to the hospital goes.”

“If Jacob wants to go.”

Reuben halted. “You don't think he'll want to go?”

“He's been reluctant when I've asked him. Esther believes it's because he was in the hospital so long himself.”

The bishop considered Nathaniel's words, then nodded. “We're blessed to have Esther as our teacher. She understands
kinder
well. Someday, she'll be a fine
mamm
.”

Nathaniel must have said something sensible because the bishop continued on to his buggy. He had no idea what he'd said. Reuben's words were a cold slap of reality.
Ja
, Esther would be an excellent
mamm
. She deserved a man who could give her
kinder
. That couldn't be Nathaniel Zook.

The thought followed him into the house as he gently broke the news to Jacob, who was enjoying some cookies, that his
onkel
wasn't doing well. He didn't have details, because he realized he hadn't gotten them from Reuben.

“Do you want to go to the hospital to see your
onkel
?” he asked.

“Why can't I wait until he comes home? I hate hospitals!”

He looked over the boy's head to Esther whose face had lost all color. She comprehended, as the boy didn't, what it meant for the
doktors
to suggest he visit.

She sat beside Jacob. “I don't like hospitals either, but I think it's important you visit your
onkel
.”

“Will you come with me, Esther?”

Surprise filled her eyes, and Nathaniel couldn't fault her. He hadn't expected Jacob to ask her to join them at the hospital that was on the western edge of the city of Lancaster.

She didn't hesitate. “If you want me to, I will.”

Her response didn't surprise Nathaniel. Esther would always be there for her scholars or any
kind
. Another sign that he needed to spend less time with her because he was the wrong man for her.

So, why did life feel perfect when they were together?

Chapter Eleven

E
sther didn't regret agreeing to go with Nathaniel and Jacob to the hospital, but that did nothing to lessen her dread about what they'd find there. In the weeks since Titus Fisher had his stroke, no
gut
news had come from the hospital. The reports she'd heard from Reuben and from Isaiah were the same—the old man showed no signs of recovery. His heart remained strong, but it was as if his mind had already departed.

She made arrangements for an
Englisch
driver, Gerry, to take them to the hospital the next morning in his white van. Also, she alerted her assistant teacher that Neva would be the sole teacher today.

When Gerry's van pulled into the farm lane, Esther hurried outside. The day promised to be another unseasonably warm one, so she didn't bring a coat or a shawl. She wore her cranberry dress and her best black apron. Beneath her black bonnet, her
kapp
was crisply pressed, and she wore unsnagged black stockings and her sneakers.

She watched while Gerry turned his van around so it was headed toward the road. The white van with a dent in its rear left bumper beside a Phillies bumper sticker was a familiar sight in Paradise Springs. The retired
Englischer
, who always wore a baseball cap, no matter the season, provided a vital service to the plain communities. He was available to drive anyone to places too far to travel to in a buggy. Also he'd drop passengers off and pick them up at the train station and the bus station in Lancaster.
Englischers
could leave their cars in the parking lot, but that wouldn't work with a horse and buggy. Though he claimed not to understand
Deitsch
, Esther suspected Gerry knew quite a few basic phrases after spending so much time with Amish and Mennonites.

“Good morning, Esther,” he said when he opened the door to let her climb in. “It's good to see you again.”

“How are you, Gerry?” She sat on the middle bench.

“Good enough for an old coot.” He winked and closed the door as she pulled the seat belt over her shoulder. As she locked it in place, he slid behind the wheel. “Did your students like those colored pencils you bought for them before school started?”

“Ja.”
The
Englisch
driver had a sharp memory, another sign he cared about his passengers.

While Gerry chattered about baseball, his favorite topic even when the Philadelphia team wasn't in the playoffs, Esther sat with her purse on her lap and stared straight ahead. If she looked out the side windows at the landscape racing past at a speed no buggy could ever obtain, her stomach would rebel. She was already distressed enough about how Jacob would handle the upcoming visit. She didn't need to add nausea to the situation.

Gerry flipped the turn signal and pulled into the lane to Nathaniel's farm more quickly than she'd expected. She took a steadying breath when the van slowed to a stop between the house and the barn. Glancing at the empty field where the alpacas had been, she wondered how they were faring inside. They'd be as eager to return outdoors as she was to have the visit to the hospital over.

As if he were bound for the circus rather than the hospital, Jacob bounced out of the house. He would have examined every inch of the van if Nathaniel hadn't told him that they needed to get in because Gerry might have other people waiting for a ride. As he climbed in, the boy noticed Gerry's Phillies cap. He edged past Esther and perched behind their driver. Nathaniel sat on the back bench and reminded Jacob to latch his seat belt. When she realized he didn't know how, Esther helped him.

Jacob peppered Gerry with questions about post-season baseball games as they drove to the hospital. Soon they were talking as if they were the best of friends, arguing the strengths and weaknesses of the various teams.

“How are you doing?” Nathaniel whispered from the seat behind her.

She turned to see him leaning forward. Their faces were only inches from each other. She backed away. Or tried to, because her seat belt caught, holding her in place. When he grinned, she did, as well. It would be silly to try to hide her reaction when it must have been obvious on her face.

“I'll be glad when this is over,” she murmured, though she needn't have worried about Jacob. He was too enthralled with Gerry's opinion of the upcoming World Series to notice anything else.

“Me, too.” His eyes shifted toward the boy. “He hasn't asked a single question.”

She nodded, knowing he was worried about Jacob. She was, too. Jacob was holding so much inside himself. He must release some of it, or...she wasn't sure what would happen, but it couldn't be
gut
for the boy.

Neither she nor Nathaniel said anything else while the van headed along Route 30 toward Lancaster. When Gerry pulled into a parking lot in front of a four-story white building, she saw a sign pointing ambulances to the emergency room. She looked at the rows of windows that reflected a metallic blue shine, and she wondered if Jacob's
onkel
was behind one of them.

Gerry stopped in a parking spot that would have been shaded by some spindly trees in the summer. Now sunlight pushed past empty branches to spill onto the asphalt. He shut off the engine.

“When will you want to return?” Gerry asked, reaching to turn on the radio. The sounds of voices discussing the upcoming baseball games filled the van.

“We shouldn't be more than an hour,” Nathaniel said.

“Take all the time you need. I don't have anywhere else to be the rest of the afternoon.”

“Danki,”
he said, then quickly added, “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Gerry folded his arms on the wheel and looked at where Jacob was staring at the hospital. “Like I said, take all the time you and the boy need.”

Nathaniel got out first. Esther was glad for his help, and she had to force herself to relinquish his hand before they walked through the automatic doors. Jacob was delighted with how they worked with a soft whoosh, and she guessed he would have liked to go in and out a few more times. Instead, Nathaniel herded him toward a reception desk.

Esther followed. She was uneasy in hospitals, but found them fascinating at the same time. People who came to them were often sick to the point of dying, and she despised how they must be suffering. On the other hand, she was impressed and intrigued by the easy efficiency and skill the staff showed as they handled emergencies and wielded the machinery that saved lives.

The receptionist looked over her dark-rimmed glasses as they approached. “May I help you?”

“We're here to visit Titus Fisher,” Esther said quietly. “Can you tell us which room he's in?”

“Are you family?”

“Jacob is.” She glanced at the boy who was watching people go in and out the doors.

“Let me see which room Mr. Fisher is in.” She typed on the keyboard in front of her, then said, “Mr. Fisher is in the ICU.”

Jacob, who clearly had been listening, frowned. “I see you, too, but what about my
onkel
?”

“ICU means the intensive care unit,” Esther explained.

“Oh.” The boy tapped his toe against the floor, embarrassed at his mistake.

“Don't worry, young man,” the receptionist said with a compassionate smile. “We've got lots of strange names for things here. It takes a doctor almost ten years to learn them, and they keep inventing new ones.”

That brought up Jacob's head. “
Doktors
are really smart, ain't so?”

“Very, so the rest of us can't be expected to know the words they use right away.” Turning to Nathaniel and Esther, she said, “The ICU is on the third floor.” She pointed to her right. “The elevator is that way. When you reach the third floor, follow the signs marked ICU.”

“Danki,”
Esther said, and hoped the receptionist understood she was more grateful for her kindness than for the directions.

Nathaniel led the way toward where three elevators were set on either side of the hallway. He told Jacob which button to push, and the boy did, his eyes glowing with excitement as the elevator went smoothly to the third floor.

Jacob faltered when it came time to step out. Esther looked at him and saw his face was ashen. The full impact of where they were was hitting him. Did he remember similar hallways and equipment from his long stay in the hospital? She wanted to take him in her arms and assure him everything would be all right. She couldn't.

“Let's go,” Nathaniel said, his arm draped around Jacob's shoulders.

When Jacob reached out and gripped her hand, Esther matched her steps to the boy's. She glanced at Nathaniel. His jaw was tight, and he stared straight ahead.

The ICU didn't have rooms with doors like the other ones they'd passed. Instead, one side of each room was completely open, so anyone at the nurses' desk could see into it. Some had curtains drawn partway, but the curtains on most were shoved to one side. Monitors beeped in a variety of rhythms and pitches. Outside each room, a television monitor displayed rows of numbers as well as the ragged line she knew was a person's heartbeat. Everything smelled of disinfectant, but it couldn't hide the odors of illness.

A nurse dressed in scrubs almost the exact same shade as the pink Rollerblades came toward them. “May I help you?”

“This is Jacob. He's Titus Fisher's great-nephew,” Nathaniel explained.

Sadness rippled swiftly across the woman's face before her professional mask fell into place. “Follow me,” she said. As she walked past the nurses' station, she explained to the other staff members the visitors were for Titus Fisher. When she continued toward the far end of the ICU, she added over her shoulder, “Usually we allow only two visitors at a time in here, but when children visit, we like having both parents here.”

Esther opened her mouth to reply, then shut it. If the nurse discovered they weren't Jacob's parents, they might not be able to stay with him. She glanced at the boy. He was intently watching the monitors, his face scrunched as he tried to figure out what each line of information meant.

“Here you go,” said the nurse as she pulled aside a curtain.

Stepping into the shadowed room, because there was no window, Esther looked at the bed. She'd rarely seen Titus as he seldom attended a church Sunday, but she hadn't expected to see him appearing withered on the pristine sheets. Tubes and other equipment connected him to bags of various colored solutions as well as the monitors.

Jacob's hold tightened on her hand. She winced but didn't pull away. He needed her now. When his lower lip began to quiver, Nathaniel put his arm around the boy's shoulders again. They stood on either side of him, and she guessed Nathaniel's thoughts matched hers. They wished they could protect Jacob from pain and grief and fear.

“Your
onkel
is asleep,” she said in not much more than a whisper. If she spoke more loudly, she feared her voice would break. She didn't want to frighten the
kind
more.

“He sleeps a lot,” the boy said.

“This is a special kind of sleep where you can talk to him, if you want.”

Jacob's brow furrowed. “What kind of sleep is that?”

Before she could answer, Nathaniel asked, “You know how you talk to the alpacas and they understand you, though they can't talk to you?”

The boy nodded, his eyes beginning to glisten as they did whenever the conversation turned to the alpacas.

“It's like that,” Nathaniel said. “Right now, your
onkel
isn't able to answer you, but he can hear you. Why don't you talk to him?”

“What should I say?”

“You could tell him how much you love him,” Esther suggested.

“That's mushy stuff.” His nose wrinkled.

Esther smiled as she hadn't expected she'd do in the ICU. “Then tell him about the alpacas. That's not mushy.”

The boy inched toward the bed and grasped the very edge of it. He was careful not to jar any of the wires or tubes, and he gave the IV stands a scowl. Again she wondered what he'd endured when he'd been in the hospital after his parents were killed.

“
Onkel
Titus,” he began, “I got my stuff and took it to Nathaniel's, and some things fell into the hole when a stair broke. Otherwise, nothing's been touched. All your bags and boxes—except for the ones that fell in the hole—are there just as you like them.”

He glanced over his shoulder at her and Nathaniel, then went on. “I'm staying with Nathaniel Zook. Do you remember him? He used to live in Paradise Springs when he was a kid. He's back now, and he's got alpacas!” The boy's voice filled with excitement as he began to outline in excruciating detail how he was helping take care of the herd and his efforts to get them to trust him.

Esther was glad for the shadows in the room so nobody could see the tears filling her eyes as she gazed at the boy who was brave and loving and compassionate. She wished she had his courage and ability to forgive. Maybe...

She kept herself from looking at Nathaniel. If things had been different. If things
were
different.

Things weren't different. He was walking out with Katie Kay, and he was her friend...just as she'd asked him to be.

But she knew it wouldn't be enough, and she'd thrown away her chance at love by ignoring her heart.

* * *

Nathaniel said nothing as he held the curtain open for Esther and Jacob. The boy was once again holding on tightly to her hand. Esther's taut jaw was set, and he couldn't ignore the tears shimmering in her eyes. He couldn't say anything about them, either. He didn't want to bring Jacob's attention to them or embarrass her in the ICU.

What he truly wanted to do was draw her into his arms and hold her until they both stopped shaking. Until he'd stepped into that room, he'd harbored the hope Titus would recover. Now he knew it was impossible. The elderly man hadn't reacted to anything while they were there, and Nathaniel knew that while Titus's body might be alive, his mind was beyond recovery.