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“Sorry,” I murmured as I walked through the door to our apartment.

“You went to talk to Tory.  There’s no need to apologize,” replied Jensen who was immediately at my side.

            “How’d you know that?”

“I heard you go over there.”

“How’d you -”, But I paused.  “Oh, right,” temporarily forgetting he could hear things from far distances.  I shivered from the cold.

“Oh my, Avalon, you’re going to catch cold like this.  Let me get you something dry to wear.”

He was back in a flash with a pair of heavy winter sweats and a blue pullover.  He turned around so I could change.  It amazed me how much he respected me enough to look away while I was completely naked . . . even though he’d already seen me naked before.  This just further proved how much of a gentleman he was.

“Did you listen in on what I was talking to her about?”

“No.  I wouldn’t invade your privacy like that.”

Good. He isn't supposed to know anything
.


          
 

I rung out my sopping wet hair in the bathroom sink.  Without another word from me I went into my room, grabbed my phone and called my mother.  Jensen did not follow me.

The phone rang about a dozen times before her voicemail answered.  At the beep I told my mother about my plans - how I would not be coming back to New York.  At least not yet.  I mentioned my feelings for Jensen and how I needed some time away from everyone else I knew.  I told her that I loved her and couldn’t wait to see her at some point.  That was it.

I sniffled as I wiped my nose with my sleeve.

I went to the living room, sat on the couch and turned on the television, not paying attention to what I was watching.  I hoped Jensen couldn’t tell I’d been crying.

“You don’t have to do this, Ava,” Jensen sighed.  From my peripheral vision, I could see he was leaning against the doorpost, hands crossed against his chest.  His mouth formed a tiny pout.

            “I’m not doing anything.” I was so bad at this playing dumb thing
.

          
 
“You’re avoiding what’s going on here.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I replied, changing the station and stopping at
Animal Planet
.

A vicious tiger was hunting for its meal - ready to pounce on an antelope walking through a thick forest; the green so vibrant and lush.  I felt like the antelope - being hunted down by something I couldn’t outrun.  And knowing there would be no escaping my destiny, my fate - death.

The tiger was in mid-pounce when Jensen grabbed the remote and turned off the television.  He let out a brief sigh, sitting next to me on the plush sofa.  He put one arm around my slumped shoulders.

“I was watching that,” I said smugly, reaching for the remote.  He quickly grabbed it, stuffing it behind him.  I wasn’t in the mood, so I forfeited participating in retrieving what I wanted.

“Avalon, what’s gotten into you?”  Worry lines creased on his fair-skinned forehead.  Since our last conversation, color had somehow managed to pigment his skin again.  But something told me the color would fade sooner than I wanted it to once he found out what I’d been thinking and planned on doing.

“What are you talking about?” I asked skeptically, avoiding eye contact.

“This whole
whatever
thing is really starting to concern me,” he said, shifting his weight so I was closer to him.

I knew he was looking at me so I caved and turned to face him.  His eyes were cobalt blue.  Even with his anger flaring he still looked so handsome.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied.  I couldn’t let him know what I was up to; even if that meant keeping him mad at me.

“Avalon,” he said calmly, “I love you.  And I’m worried about you.  I think you’re handling this whole Shadow Angel thing the wrong way.”

 “And what way would that be?” 

“
No
way,” he exclaimed.  “You’re not handling this at all.  You can’t think I won’t survive when this is over.”  We hadn't talked about it much since he’d filled me in on a Shadow Angel coming to town.  I only assumed there would be a fight.  I mean, Jensen wouldn’t go willingly, would he?

“You told me they’re coming here to get you, Jensen.  They’re very powerful and dangerous.  If I thought you’d make it out alive I wouldn’t be worried.  But I am!” I snapped, taking note at the anger in my voice.

“I know,” he said.  “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you anything.”

I was really getting angry now.  “If you hadn’t told me anything I would be a sitting duck!”

“You still are, Avalon!  Don’t you see,” his voice got louder, “you are powerless to a Shadow Angel.  You cannot defend yourself.  You will never be able to defend yourself.  Or me!  I am the only one who can protect both of us for the time being.”  He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.  “You don’t believe in me enough!”

“Of course I do!” I shouted.

“Then stop thinking negatively about this!  Believe that I can save myself...that I can save
you
.  Trust me, Avalon.” His voice was soft.  “Please, that’s all I ask of you.”

*      *      *

My cell rang - it was Tory.

“Hello?” I said into the phone, wondering what my best friend wanted.  Since the night I’d gone to Tory’s house I hadn’t spoken with her in three days.  To be honest I didn’t think I’d be speaking to her for a long while.  I guess I was trying to avoid a conversation with her.  She’d called over a dozen times, as frantic as ever.

“Hey, Ava,” Tory sighed heavily through the receiver, snapping me out of my wandering thoughts.  “It’s about time you answered.  I thought you fell off the face of the earth.”

“What’s up?” I asked, ignoring her comment.

“Just wanted to see how you were doing.”  Her sigh threw me off for a second but her words came out as smooth as marble.  I could draw no negative emotion out of her.

“Oh,” I giggled.  “Yeah, everything’s fine here,” I lied.  I’d been lying so much to the people I loved; it honestly was beginning to bother me.  Was all the lying worth it?

“Just fine?”

“Yep.”

“How’s the packing going?  Need extra hands?”

Before slipping up I realized she thought Jensen and I were moving away.  So I said, “Oh no, we’re fine.  Almost done, actually.”

“Okay,” she replied.  “I came by last night to visit you and Jensen but no one was home.”  I heard the frown in her voice.  This was the longest I’d been away from Tory in months.  I couldn’t lie to myself - I missed her.

“What time did you get here?” I asked absent-mindedly.  Jensen was resting on the big, black couch.  Was he actually sleeping?  He looked so peaceful.  I didn’t want to disturb him so I went into my room.

“Um,” she thought, “around seven or eight?”

As I recalled Jensen and I had been walking along the beach, hand in hand, at that time.  I asked Jensen if The Angel Vaad would kill him for disobeying their orders.

“They could.”  I winced slightly and then Jensen embraced me in the most compassionate hug I’d ever received.  He was scared for me, for himself.  But mostly for me.  I could feel it.  The overwhelming sensation was in the atmosphere around us, engulfing the night sky with dread and sorrow.  He didn’t know what the angels would do to me since I’d basically been the one to start this whole thing for being born in the first place.  Without my existence none of this would be happening.

The sky had seemed black, scarier - a canvas for evil.  If I hadn’t been mistaken I could have sworn I saw a dark figure move through the sky and the across the bright full moon.

“Sorry, we were at the beach,” I said, snapping back to reality.

“That must have been nice.”  I detected a hint of envy in her high voice.  Adam was, no doubt, still on her mind.  I didn’t expect him to escape the depths of her brain for a couple more months, maybe even years.  “What is your lover boy up to?”

“Sleeping,” I answered, peaking out of my doorway to where the sofa was.  Jensen was no longer on it, but instead, staring out the big window across from it on the other side of the bachelor-pad décor room, overlooking the calm ocean.  His large hands were pressed firmly against the glass, body stiff.

“Uh, Tor,” I said, calling her by her favorite nickname to butter her up.  She would have been annoyed if I didn’t have a good excuse to leave . . . which I didn’t; using the nickname-card was the best I could do.  “I’m sorry to do this but can I call you back later?”

There was a tiny pause.  “Sure,” she said through her teeth.  “On one condition.”

“Yeah?”

“You have to come to my Fourth of July party.”

My stomach sank.  The last time I’d attended a party in that house was with Cole.  Did I have the strength to go through that again?  Even with Jensen on my arm?

“Uh,” I mumbled.

“Jensen can come, too!” she chimed.

“I’ll think about it.”

“I understand if you don’t want to go because…” she trailed off, “but it’d be nice to see my best friend again.  I mean, after all, this might be the last time we see each other for a while before the
big move
.”

“I know,” I spoke softly, feeling guilty about lying to her beforehand about Jensen and I moving together.  “Alright, we’ll go.”  I regretted it before I even said it; but I guessed I owed her this much.

“Great!” she squealed.  “It starts at eight and ends whenever!”  Her laugh was deafening.  But she was happy and that’s all I wanted for her.

“Awesome!” I said, trying to maintain the same level of enthusiasm as her.

“Lucy’s gonna be so psyched!” Tory mused.  “Ever since our shopping trip to Detroit all she’s been talking about is how fashionable you are.  Ryan and Sam will be more than happy that you’re coming, too!  You haven’t been to a party in so long.  I’m really glad you’re coming to this!”

“Yeah, me too,” I fibbed, imagining what the evening would look like - the Drunken Trio stumbling their way through the sea of people, drink in hand, wearing the tightest, unflattering dresses ever created, hitting on anything with a pulse.  Meanwhile, Tory would play hostess, as usual, looking beautiful in something she’d put away for this specific occasion; she’d casually take a martini in her hand and sip it, daydreaming of Adam waltzing into her party and her life all over again.  During all of this, I’d be there with Jensen, trying not to think about the anniversary of my rape.

Sounds like the perfect blast of a time.

“I’ll let you go now,” she sang.

“Thanks.  See you then, if not before.”

“This is so awesome!” she giggled and then we hung up.

I walked out to Jensen, remaining quiet, trying not to think about the upcoming bash.

“You didn’t have to do that,” said his deep voice, startling me.

“Do what?” I asked, standing next to him.  His expression was blank, bare.  He was still staring out the window.  He turned a little bit away from me so I could scarcely see his face.

What is up with him?

“Hang up with Tory.  You could have talked a little while longer.”

“I wanted to be with you,” I admitted, cozying up to him.  “She invited us to a Fourth of July party at the beach house…if you’d like to go.”  His right arm wrapped around my shoulders protectively but still looked in the same direction.  Jensen was on edge.  Something was wrong.

The sky was a deep red-orange as the sun began to set in the west.  Birds flew to the east, flapping their delicate wings in harmonization.  The trees swayed slightly as the cool summer breeze passed by.  Everything outside seemed relaxing and serene.  But the weary feeling that Jensen portrayed in here was coming off in waves - more like tidal waves - an uncomfortable sensation since we were standing in front of a scene so tranquil.

“Yeah, sure,” he muttered.  “But only if
you
want to.  You don’t have to set foot in that house again, Avalon.  Not after what happened to you there.”

“I know.”  I shrugged.

“I honestly don’t want you going there, but it’s not up to me.”  Jensen didn’t look at me.  Not once.  What was going on?  What wasn’t he telling me?  And then I saw it - why he went still; why he wouldn’t look at me.  He was crying.

And
oh my goodness
, he grew a slight beard!

“Hey, hey, Jensen,” I cooed, forcing him to turn towards me.  I pushed aside the fact that he had a beard for a second and focused on the bigger issue at hand.  “Are you alright?”  I’d never seen a man cry in real life before.  It was nothing like in the movies.  It was worse - the saddest sight I’d ever seen.  Just then, something popped into my head: Jensen’s voice saying, “Angels don’t cry”.  Last night at the beach Jensen filled me in on some things: the details about aging through the mind and not the body and how they didn’t cry - didn’t feel many emotions because they’d learned to disconnect their thoughts from their feelings.  So
how
and
why
was this happening to him?  “Jensen, please talk to me.”