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I was glancing downward at my feet when suddenly my vision became almost minimal as a sizzling, crackling sort of pain shot through my head, causing blotchiness when I blinked my eyes.  I backed away from Jensen, crawling, hunched over.  I screamed in pain as the world surrounding me got smaller and smaller.

“Jensen!” I shrieked, hands to head.  It felt like a large machine was pressing harder with every move I made.

Is it puncturing my brain?

“Avalon, what’s wrong?”  Jensen was at my side, worry on his flawless face.  “Ava, speak to me.  Tell me what’s wrong.”  I gripped his shirt.  My knuckles turned pale white.

“It’s my head,” I wailed.  “It feels like it’s going to explode!”  My breath was staggering.

Everything around me faded away, to be replaced by a loud ringing noise in my ears.  The picture in front of me wasn’t Jensen anymore.  It was
him
…it was Cole.

“It’s about time you showed up,” Cole said, getting up from a beach chair on the sand.  “Thought you could disappear on me, huh?  Well think again.”

“What do you want from me?” I asked between gritted teeth.

“You know what I want, Avalon.”

“You already got what you wanted, Cole.  Remember, last year?  At the party?”

“Oh, that?” he chuckled.  “That was fun.  But it would’ve been better if you were completely awake.”

I felt sick to my stomach.  I got up from the rubble but only to be forced face down on the sand.  I was suffocating.

“You really know how to keep a guy entertained, baby,” he said, laughing at his own words.

My hands, unable to move them from my sides, were shaking; turning purple.  My eyes watered until I could no longer see Cole.

“Having trouble breathing?” he asked.  He then pushed my head down under the sand, which had turned into blood.  The iron-like smell filled my nostrils.  The blood seeped into my mouth, my ears.  And then it was burning me - my skin, my eyes, my hair.  It felt like my skin was on fire.  “Kill yourself, Avalon.  Make the pain go away.  Make it stop,” he repeated over and over.  “You can end this.  Stop breathing and all the pain will subside.”

I was screaming loudly.  Blood trickled down my throat.  I tried coughing it up but my body wouldn’t allow me to.  A part of me wanted to die.  I wanted to end this pain.  But another part of me wanted to see Jensen again, to touch him, to hear him.  I needed him more than I needed death.

And then I saw nothing.

“Jensen!” I panted as I reached out for him - his figure coming into view.  I felt my fingers touch smooth, warm skin and my heart rate slowed down.  The intense headache almost immediately stopped.

But I was screaming.  I couldn’t stop screaming.  I patted my arms and legs - like someone would do if they were on fire.

Get a hold of yourself, Avalon.

And with that, I stopped screaming.

I wished I could make sense of the dreams, of the hallucinations I had quite frequently.

I hoped for some clarity as to what was going on inside my head.  Why was it that I was seeing Cole everywhere I went now, awake or asleep?  Was I going insane?

“Avalon,” Jensen breathed, rubbing my temples, “how’s your head feeling?”

It had been a few hours since my, um,
issue
.  Right after, Jensen suggested I rest for a bit.  So I fell asleep, not dreaming, thank goodness.  Just drifting into a clear blackness with no meaning.

“It’s fine,” I said, “now.”

“Love, you have…intense hallucinations and dreams, I’ve noticed.  What have you been seeing?”

“I see him.  I see Cole.  Every time.  Anywhere I am.”

“What does he do?”

I shuddered at the memory of something that never happened . . . but might.  “Killing me.  Or trying  to convince me to kill myself.”

Jensen tensed and snarled.  “What stops you from killing yourself?”

“Thinking about seeing you again,” I answered honestly.

“Ava, look at me,” he said, guiding my face to look into his eyes.  “This seems like post-traumatic stress.”

“Cole wasn’t Cole,” I said, hoping what I’d told him made sense.

“What do you mean?”

“He didn’t seem -” I searched for the word I was looking for “- 
human
.”   Jensen went wide-eyed.

“I need you to tell me everything you saw.”  His face became very serious, and it startled me.  “What did he look like?”

I explained to him what my mind conjured up, feeling uneasy.  Something unexplainable was happening to me . . . and my mind.  More recently than ever before.  It was getting me nervous.

“When did you start having these dreams and hallucinations, sweetheart?” His voice was kind but something about his face told me he knew something was wrong.

I sighed, “The night I was raped, the dreams began.  But a few days after I met you…that’s when the hallucinations started.”

“This is so strange…” he trailed off, his posture stiffening.  He began pacing without saying a word.

“Jensen?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” he laughed nervously.

That sounds promising
, I thought sarcastically.

“Do you know something I don’t?” I wondered aloud.

“No,” he cleared his throat.  He ran his fingers through his hair and ceased his pacing.  “Avalon, you experienced something very traumatic.  And although it’s horrible to even think about, you might continue having these dreams and mirages for a long while…until you are at least semi-healed from the experience.  PTSD seems to be the issue at hand.”

“I guess.”  I shrugged my shoulders and let out a loud sigh.

Had I wanted there to be something
even more
wrong with me that explained why I’d been having all these nightmares; why I’d been seeing things that weren’t really there while I was awake?  Shouldn’t I be relieved I was merely traumatized by the experience I’d had?

Who am I kidding?  Rape isn’t a normal thing.

I walked over to Jensen, holding his hand in mine.  “At least we know the answer to that.”

“Right.” His hand gripped tighter in mine.  I stared into his eyes, trying to figure out how everything had gotten so complicated so fast.  I didn’t really want to acknowledge it but I guess I didn’t have a choice anymore.  Jensen had complicated my life more than I thought he would.

He brushed a strand of hair away from my withered face and sighed.  “So tell me what you can about these Shadow Angels,” I said, intentionally changing the subject - convincing myself to be more interested to learn about these creatures.  I wouldn’t let the one coming for Jensen destroy him.  Myself, however, I’d be willing to sacrifice.  Jensen didn’t need to know this.

He explained to me the powers the Shadow Angels attributed: The ability to possess a soulless body, altering a person’s perception - making one think they’re seeing something they’re not.  They have premonitions and can move things with the power of their mind.  They seemed to be more powerful than the Light Angels.  But then again, the Light Angels were mainly the Guardian Angels who didn’t seem to cause havoc of any kind.

They were dangerous.  And one was coming after Jensen to do G-d knows what to him for breaking a stupid rule.  I wasn’t going to let them hurt Jensen.

*      *      *

I greedily allowed the warm water to crash over me like a waterfall - each droplet engulfing my body.

Every inch of my skin crawled with curiosity and fear.  My muscles ached for some sort of relief.  The smell of pomegranate body wash refreshed my mind.  I cleared my head and took a deep breath - hoping the water wouldn’t turn into blood.

Everything’s going to be alright
, I kept telling myself; as if repeating it ten thousand times would eventually have me agree with the statement.

I had to come up with a decoy or some sort of plan but I couldn’t tell Jensen.  Since he couldn’t get inside my head anyway, he wouldn’t know what I was up to.  I just hoped things would work out for the best, even if that meant getting myself killed in the end.  I knew Jensen would never agree to put me in any danger . . . but at this point, I had no choice.

I got out of the shower and dried off, all the while figuring out a way to take down what seemed to be the most evil of all evil supernatural creatures in the universe.  The fog was so thick I could barely see around me.  I found the mirror and wiped at the dew on the glass.  I saw my reflection, wincing, as if I would see a monster within myself.

Maybe I
am
a monster . . . .

“Relaxed?” Jensen asked as I walked out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around my tense body.  One second, he was by my bed, the next he was at my closet picking out my plaid pajamas.

I caught my breath as I realized he was over there.  “I’ve got to get used to that.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled.  “I forgot I was in the presence of a human.”

I shook my head.  Jensen left the room as I changed.  I took my time, devising a plan.   I came up with a few different ideas - all leading to my death.  After a while, death didn’t seem like such a bad idea.  If Jensen would survive at the end of this nightmare, risking my life didn’t seem like such a bad trade off.

We hadn’t known each other long - only four weeks - but within those elongated days we connected in a much deeper way than I ever thought I could.  Cole and I, with having known each other for half a year hadn’t linked like this.  Jensen and I were tied together, a unit, willing to die for one another.  Before him I’d never been so enthusiastic about dying for someone.

“You smell delicious,” Jensen smiled as I walked toward him after I concluded dressing.  “I could just eat you up.”  He sniffed my hair.  If it were anyone else I probably would have been weirded out; but Jensen was different - a good, calming different.  His presence soothed my nerves and deafened the loud pounding of my heart.

“You want a taste?” I teased, a knot building in the pit of my stomach.  Jensen was hiding something from me, I could tell.  Everything - from his eyes to his stance was . . . different.  He looked extremely nervous.

“I don’t eat humans.  They aren’t in my diet.”  He half smiled and kissed my temple.

“Good.”  I sat down on my bed.

“Avalon…what’s the matter?” he hesitated.  He clearly knew what the problem was.  He, just as much as I, didn’t want to face it.  The Shadow Angel would arrive here in a matter of days, since he’d been using his power out of habit.

“Nothing.  I’m fine.”

“Avalon,” he began, “I’m going to protect you.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about.  I’m scared they’ll hurt
you
.”  I wished I’d stopped talking and kissed him instead.  After what was going to happen I might never get a chance to do that again.

“Ava,” he chuckled, “your lack of confidence in me is quite insulting.”

“I’m sorry.  I just don’t know what I’d do if they did anything to you.”  I clenched my hands into tight fists, feeling the anger build inside my tiny body.  My teeth gritted against each other in response to the hot blood flowing through my veins.

“Whoa, whoa, Ava, calm down, sweetheart.”  Jensen placed his big hands on my shoulders, squeezing them to catch my attention.  I hadn’t noticed but I was breathing heavily, shaking profusely.  I shook him off of me and ran outside.

The cool summer night air whipped around me, sending a shiver down my spine as my wet hair flew around me in all directions.  It was beautiful outside - something I might not get to view again; the dark black sky and big, white half moon were hanging above me.  And even though it was drizzling outside I didn’t want to be inside.  The thought of this night being one of my last nights on earth made my stomach twist.

Tory came to my mind.  She had no idea what was coming; how she might never see me again.  Without telling Jensen, I took my bike and rode to the beach house.  When I saw the wrap-around porch, I sighed.  So much had happened in such a short period of time . . . it felt like ages ago since I’d been at that party, in that house, in that bedroom - raped by Cole.  I rode on and ran up to the front door.  I rang the doorbell continuously until Tory answered.  She was in her pink robe with matching slippers.  She looked as if I’d woken her up; her bleached blond hair was a matted mess around her square face, brown eyes drowsy.

“Ava?”  Sleep filled her voice.  “What are you doing here?  Is everything alright with Jensen?”  She looked at my pajamas and smirked.  She knew I wouldn’t have left the house dressed like this without there being an absolute emergency of some sort.

“Yeah,” I said.  “I needed to tell you something, before…” I regretted saying that last part.

“Before what?” she asked, concern in her voice; a scowl strewn across her lovely face.  I didn’t say anything, so she added, “Would you like to come inside?”

“No, no,” I said, shaking my head.  “I had to come here before,” I couldn’t tell her I would die in an angelic battle I was secretly willing to fight in, “I leave.”  I hated lying to her.  She was my best friend; but I couldn’t just disappear without as much as a goodbye.

“When?” she asked, eyes wide.  “With Jensen?”

“A few days, the most.”  I pictured the Shadow Angel coming and destroying me.  I tried hiding my fear.

“So soon?  But you two just met.  Are you sure you’re ready for something like this?”  She looked concerned and a little uneasy - a feeling that matched mine while speaking with her.

“I know.  But we’ve really connected and feel we’re made for each other.”  I wasn’t lying there.

“Where are you going?” she asked in disbelief.

“Houston, Texas.”  That was the first place that came to mind.

“What about school?  And your mother?”

“We’ve found a place to live and everything.”  I took a breath.  “As for my mom, she’s cool with it, surprisingly.  She thinks it’ll be good for me.”  At that moment, it reminded me I had to call my mother to tell her about my fake plans.

“Wow,” she shook her head.  “I’m happy for you, Avalon.  Really, I am.  Jensen’s a great guy.  I’m glad things are working out between you two.”  A smile spread across her face, but a frown followed.  Whether it was because I was leaving, she was thinking about Adam, or both - I couldn’t tell.  She wasn’t having the best summer.

“Thanks.  Me, too.”  I couldn’t avoid the burn of tears coming from behind my eyes.

“Just be careful,” she smiled.  She hugged me tenderly.  I could feel her body vibrating; she was crying.  “I hope everything works out for the two of you.”

“Thank you,” I replied.  “I’ll make sure we get to see each other before the move.”

“Definitely,” she answered.

“Best friends?”  I smiled, remembering all the good times we shared.

“Always.”  She squeezed my hand as if to say goodbye.  It saddened me.  I hopped on my bike, clothes getting soaked by the heavy downpour.

I turned around to see one, last glimpse of my true-blue friend - a patch of pink fabric as the big door shut.  Then the lights went out.