Hickville Confessions: A Hickville High Novel (7 page)

Mackenzie brushed her hair from her eyes. “You should try it. It’s a great way to just think.”

“So is feeding the animals.” Kelsey pulled from the parking lot.

“Those chickens are the spawn of the devil.”

Ryan twisted in her seat to look back at her sister. “Kenzie, we’ve been here for months. How can you still be so afraid of the chickens?”

“They peck at things—like feet.”

“All you have to do is shoo them away.”

“You and Kelsey can have fun with the chickens, the horses, and that pig. Not me. I’d rather clean toilets every day than risk my life with those critters.”

Kelsey hadn’t liked feeding chickens at first, either, or she said she hadn’t. But Ryan had watched her talking to them when she fed them or cleaned the coop. And Ryan was pretty sure her sister had bonded with Winifred, the pig. Ryan could take or leave the chickens and the pig. She thought the two horses were pretty cool, though. She liked to watch Austin ride. Someday, she’d like to learn, but Austin should probably teach Kelsey first, since he was her boyfriend and all.

Ryan’s escape was art. Whether it was to express the turmoil churning inside her or to escape it, drawing gave her peace. It centered her.

Kelsey stopped at the gate that crossed the dirt drive that led to their house. “Who’s the gate bitch?”

Mackenzie opened her door. “I’ve got it.”

Wow. A few months ago we didn’t even know what a gate bitch was.
She looked at the peeling paint on the old farmhouse. It was hard to believe they used to ride the “L” home or that they’d hang out at Millennium Park.

Wasn’t this supposed to be the simple life? She rubbed her arms. She’d been excited to get away from that old life, but had she really traded it for a better one? At least one sister was happier. She wasn’t sure about Mackenzie, who’d had to give up gymnastics. It had to be a huge adjustment to fill all those hours she’d spent in the gym. She never complained, though. She wouldn’t—she was too busy trying to be the perfect kid.

Was it better for Ryan? She’d exchanged one pain for another. She touched her cheek. This one she couldn’t hide.

Kelsey parked and the girls didn’t waste time getting out of the truck. Mackenzie ran up the porch steps and into the house, but Kelsey waited for Ryan. “Are you okay? Really? Today had to be rough for you.”

Ryan nodded. “I got it over with. Not everybody hates me. Justin waits for me after most of my classes.”

“Yeah, what’s up with that? You know he’s crazy.”

Ryan gazed at her sister. “He saved me.”

Kelsey rolled her eyes as she opened the front door. “Okay. I’ll give him that. But you know he jumped Austin in the parking lot. I was there. It was totally unprovoked.”

Ryan scooted through the doorway and let the screen bang shut behind her. “There had to be a reason. No normal person would just randomly jump someone.”

“We were walking to Austin’s truck, when out of the blue, Justin tackled him. That is not normal.”

Ryan had to admit that the whole incident was bizarre. But the Justin who’d rescued her was not the same guy who’d attacked Austin. “There had to be a reason,” she repeated stubbornly.

“Yeah. He’s insane.” She dropped her backpack at the bottom of the stairs.

Ryan slung her backpack next to Kelsey’s. “He’s not. He’s sweet and caring.”

“Pu-leeze, Ryan. He got kicked out of the Homecoming dance for fighting with Eric Perez.”

“Again, he had to have a good reason. Look, all I know is how he treats me. And he treats
me
really nice.”

Kelsey shook her head. “He’s got a lot of baggage. You can do better.”

“God, Kel. We’re friends. End of story.” Ryan grabbed her pack and ran upstairs to her room. Just when she thought they were getting close, Kelsey had to go all judgy on her. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hang out with Justin, but she sure didn’t want her sister telling her she shouldn’t. Besides, the Justin she knew wasn’t crazy. That Justin was kind and gentle. But that Justin was also hot and made her want be more than friends.

She dropped onto her bed and grabbed the throw folded at the end, pulled it over her, and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to think about it. Any of it. But Justin’s face kept popping into her mind.

Damn it. He was trouble. Big trouble.

After a grueling football practice, all Justin wanted was to see Ryan or at least talk to her. Yeah, he was freaking crazy. They weren’t a thing. But she was amazing. After the hell she’d gone through, she’d faced everybody with a
bring it on
attitude.

Still, he worried. As strong and freaking mind-blowing as she was, she was not invincible. Maybe it was just a feeling he had, but for a second, he’d seen a look in her eyes that frightened him. The look he saw in his mom every day.

Helplessness. Hopelessness. Drowning.

He shook the thought away. Ryan needed to fight. It would keep her from going to that bad place. He’d stand by and let her. And if she stumbled, he wanted to be the one who pulled her to her feet and let her enter the ring again. Would she let him? She had his cell number, but she hadn’t offered hers.

Patience
. Right now, it was about earning her trust.

He parked in front of his house and hope flickered. The blinds in the front window were open. Was Mom having a good day?

He pushed through the front door and called, “Mom! I’m home.” When she didn’t answer, he headed toward the bedroom. “Mom?” She wasn’t curled up in bed. His heart began to beat a little faster as he made his way through the house. Things didn’t feel right. He headed toward his sister’s room. God, he hoped she wasn’t in there. He’d found her there once before wrapped in Chelsea’s bathrobe and hugging her stuffed bear. He knocked on the door. “Mom?” He listened for sounds of despair coming from behind the door. Nothing.

He cracked the door and peeked into the room. Empty. He opened the door wide and stepped inside. He hadn’t been in her room in months. His mom didn’t do much with the rest of the house, but she kept Chelsea’s room clean. An extra-large Taco Bell cup stuffed with various sizes and shapes of paintbrushes sat on the corner of her desk next to a plastic storage box bulging with twisted tubes of paint. Her portfolio case leaned against the side of the desk. It was all so surreal, as if she might walk into the room any second and start a new project.

He slid the portfolio case from the side of the desk, laid it on the carpet in the center of the room, and carefully opened the cover. Sketches of high school life filled the case. The first drawing was of a football game viewed from the stands. Cheerleaders were stacked in a pyramid while players fought to move the ball forward in the background. There was a drawing of girls huddled around a locker, giggling. The looks on their faces made him want to know their secret. His muscles tensed as he turned to the next sketch. He hated this one.

Austin McCoy stared back at him with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Justin closed the case and propped it against the desk, trying to replicate its exact position. Otherwise, his mom would freak.

He turned to leave and froze. She stood in the doorway with her fingertips pressed to her mouth. She was dressed and her hair was fixed. She seemed to be having a good day—maybe this wouldn’t spin her out of control.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I was just looking…”

“It’s okay… it’s just seeing that boy.” Justin hoped to lead her out of the bedroom, but instead, she sat on the bed.

“I know. Let me take the picture out of the case. I won’t mess it up, I’ll just put it where you don’t have to see it.”

“No. I mean I saw him at the cemetery.”

“What?”

“He was there, at her grave, and there was a girl with him. I’ve seen him there before, but this time he had a girl with him.”

“When was this, Mom?”

“A few weeks ago, before school started. Why would he bring a girl there?”

Justin took a deep breath to calm his nerves. Not exactly a hot spot for a date. But now the important thing was to keep his mom from unraveling. He sat next to her, put an arm across her shoulders, and guided her to stand. “Come on, Mom. Don’t worry about him. Let’s go to the den and I’ll fix you something to eat. You look nice—did you go out today?”

She nodded. “I went to the store. I could use some help unloading.”

Relief spread through him.
She went to the store! This is a good day.
“I’ll unload and you can make sure I put things where you want them.”

She looked at each of the paintings that hung on the walls, the bookshelf, the desk, and the dresser. Justin could see the war that raged inside her. She was on the verge of slipping back into the depression that held her captive. “Mom?”

Slowly, she smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m okay today.”

She needed help. Why couldn’t his dad see it? He followed her out of the room. As soon as they were in the hallway, he closed the door. “Have you eaten today?”

“I had lunch with some of the girls from the hospital. They want me to come back.”

“It might be good for you to go back to work. I’ll be leaving in a couple of years…”
And who will take care of you then?

“It’s something to think about.” Her words were vacant—space fillers. Say anything to keep from talking. Avoid emotion, avoid affection, and above all, avoid living.

He was sick of living in the house of gloom. He’d coaxed his mom through almost every waking hour to keep her from retreating to the darkness. His dad ignored the situation at home by working extra shifts at the hospital. Frustration tensed Justin’s muscles. This was not supposed to be his freaking life.

“I’ll get the groceries.” He pushed through the screen door onto the porch.
Chelsea may be dead, but I’m still here and I’m tired of being your freaking parent.
He pulled the bags from the back of her SUV and slammed the lid.

His mom held the screen open for him as he lugged his load through the door. As soon as he dropped the bags on the counter, she began to unpack them. Guilt at being angry with her settled in.

“I’ve got this, Justin. Go do your homework and I’ll call you when dinner is ready.”

“You’re cooking?” She was good today. He should hold on to that.

“I know it’s hot, but I thought spaghetti.”

“It’s never too hot for your spaghetti. Are you sure you don’t want help?”

“I’m good, really.” She flashed a weak smile and even though there was a little quiver in the corner, he’d take it.

He retreated to his room and settled in to kill some zombies before starting his Calculus homework. He couldn’t get the vision of Austin McCoy bringing a girl to Chelsea’s grave out of his mind. What kind of game was he playing? Three girls had lost their lives because of him. Leave it to Austin to figure out how to take advantage of that. He pretended each zombie was Austin, but it didn’t make him feel any better. He would never get his family back no matter how many zombies he destroyed.

He set the controller aside and picked up his Calc book, but he couldn’t focus.

Later. He tossed his homework aside and made his way to the kitchen. His mom looked almost back to normal, stirring the sauce with a wooden spoon. Salad fixings were laid out on the counter next to a bowl and a cutting board.

Justin washed his hands and began to chop mushrooms. “Is Dad going to be home for dinner?”

“If he gets off on time.” She’d barely spoken the words when his dad came in through the garage door.

“Umm, I thought I smelled spaghetti.” He tossed his keys on the counter and took a seat at the bar.

Before the family had been torn apart, his dad would have kissed his mom when he came in. But at least they were all in the same room, speaking. Usually they moved around the house like three strangers trying to stay out of each other’s way.

His dad reached across the counter and stole a carrot from the salad. “I heard you went to lunch with the girls.”

Justin saw a smile form on his mom’s lips, but it looked awkward, as though she didn’t want it there. “Yes. We went to Lady May’s Tea Room.”

“How was it?”

“Nice. They want me to come back to work. There’s an opening in Day Surgery.”

Justin saw hope in his dad’s eyes. “And?”

She turned away from her sauce and bit her lip. “I don’t know, Alan.”

His dad rubbed his eyes. “I’m going to change before dinner.” He slid from the bar stool and headed down the hall to the bedroom.

Justin’s mom turned toward the stove, but he didn’t miss that she swiped tears from her eyes. He set the knife down and went to his parents’ room.

His dad had changed into shorts and was pulling a polo shirt over his head.

“Really, Dad?”

“What?”

“She’s trying. She’s thinking about going back and instead of encouraging her, you just walk out.”

“We’ve been down this road before.”

“So, keep going down it. When Chelsea and I were little you taught us never to give up. You said if it’s important to us, we had to keep trying.”

“I’m not the one who’s given up.”

“Dad, she’s trying. Can’t you see her struggle?
Help
her.”

His dad slid his feet into flip-flops and shuffled out of the room without saying a word. Justin had to get out of the house before he exploded. Screw dinner, he needed space from his parents. He grabbed his keys.

As he neared the kitchen, he saw that his mom had taken his place chopping vegetables for the salad. His dad stood next to her and said, “Sandy, I’m sorry. Let’s talk about it.”

His mom nodded and his dad pulled her close to his side—it was an awkward movement, but it was a start. Justin returned his keys and finished helping with dinner. And for the first time in too long, they sat at the table as a family.

His dad pulled a piece of garlic bread from the loaf and asked, “How was practice?”

“McCoy hit all of his passes in practice.”

At the name McCoy, Justin’s mom set her fork on her plate. The air grew tense and Justin could see that she was on the verge of unraveling.
Shit. He had to go and say the name.
He willed her to hold it together. But he knew the meltdown had begun.

“That boy, McCoy, has been at the cemetery. I saw him with a girl…”

Justin’s dad put his hand over hers. “It’s okay, Sandy.”

“Why would he bring a girl there?” Tears filled her eyes.

Justin waited for his dad to leave the table. That was his MO—run from conflict.

But this time he didn’t. He looked at Justin and said, “I’ve got this.”

Part of Justin wanted to take care of his mom—after all, he wasn’t sure his dad knew how to handle her. The other part of him felt relief. It was about time Dad manned up.

Justin set his plate on the kitchen counter and retreated to his bedroom.

He tried to concentrate on his homework, but his mind lingered on Ryan Quinn. Before the attack, he’d thought she had one of the most beautiful faces he’d ever seen. It was perfect. A petite nose with freckles sprinkled across the top. A mouth with a full lower lip that gave her a sexy-pouty look… and her eyes. God, he could get lost in those cobalt eyes. They were wide and full of fire.

His stomach burned when he thought about what those bitches had done to her. It was beyond cruel. What if her face scarred? How would he feel about her? He’d like to think it wouldn’t matter, that it was the girl on the inside he was attracted to. The shameful truth was that he wasn’t sure if he’d feel the same. He didn’t really know Ryan well enough to know what was on the inside. He smiled when he thought of how she’d handled the message on her locker. She was brave—probably the bravest person he knew. What if her face was messed up for life and he couldn’t handle it? He felt like a jerk just asking himself that question.

His dad knocked on his open door. “Hey, your mom and I are going for a drive.”

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah. We’re just going to get out of the house for a few—maybe get some ice cream.”

“Cool.” Justin refused to let hope burn in his chest. Things could fall apart in the next breath.

“Do you want to go?”

“Naw. I have homework to do.”
And Ryan to get off my mind
. “Hey, Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Ryan’s face will scar?”

His dad stepped into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “Some of the abrasions are pretty deep.”

“English.”

“The scrapes on her face. The deep ones might scar.” He steepled his fingers. “I’m more worried about her lip. How is she doing?”

“She was at school today. Somebody wrote the word
slut
on her locker.”

“Christ. What did she do to get on the wrong side of the mean girls?”

Justin shook his head. “I don’t know. Macey Brown got it in her head that she was evil. You should have seen her, Dad. When I carried Ryan out of the fountain, Macey looked at me like she was possessed.”

“Her dad is a real head case.”

“He hit her.” Justin rubbed the back of his neck. “When we were at the Quinns’. Macey confessed to what she did and he hit her so hard it knocked her down.” He told his dad about how Mr. Brown left Macey and her mom and nobody would give them a ride home.

“So did anybody report Brown for hitting Macey?”

Justin shrugged. “We were all in shock when it happened and then we focused on Ryan.”

“Jesus. Did they really walk all the way home?”

“I heard that one of the moms picked them up.” He looked at his dad. “Macey has a screwed-up home life, no doubt. But she didn’t have to rip up Ryan’s face.”

“That was just heinous.” His dad stood. “Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

Justin nodded. “Yeah.” When his parents had gone, he clicked on his Facebook page. Ryan was on too.

Justin: How’re you feeling?

Ryan: Tired. Sore.

Justin: Anything I can do?

Ryan: Got a TARDIS?

Justin: A what?

Ryan: It’s a Dr. Who thing. A time machine.

Justin: Who is Dr. Who?

Ryan: That’s the question. LOL It’s a British TV show full of awesomeness.

Justin: I’ll have to check it out.

Ryan: If you’re cool, you will.

Justin:
Oh, I’m cool.