Hickville Confessions: A Hickville High Novel (6 page)

Justin waited in the same spot where he’d left her. Great. All she needed was to be seen with a guy—especially a hot guy with a reputation.

He smiled when he saw her. “Hey. How was class?”

She told her stomach not to flip at those dimples and gave him a half-shrug. “Okay.” He walked close to her as they headed down the hall. She didn’t need this—didn’t want this. Everybody in school thought she was a slut. She had to do what she could to change their minds and that meant not being seen with Justin Hayes. “You don’t have to walk me to class. I’m a big girl, you know. Don’t need protecting.” She tried to sound lighthearted, but speaking through a barely open mouth had made it sound whiny.

He gave her a sympathetic look. “I don’t mind. Where do you go next?”

“Lunch.” She was about to tell him that she could
really
manage without his help, when one of the PC girls who hadn’t been at the fountain bumped into her going in the opposite direction. It could have been an accident—the hall was packed—except that she’d swerved to collide with Ryan shoulder to shoulder.

Justin turned and yelled at the girl, “Hey, watch it.” He moved closer to her, almost hovering. Ryan gritted her teeth. How could she tell him to leave her alone? He’d saved her and apparently was still in that savior and protector mode.

Her phone signaled a text.

Kelsey: Just heard that the PC got sent to alternative school.

Ryan showed the text to Justin.

“I heard.” He bent his nearly six-foot frame close to her. “Listen, Ryan—it doesn’t make sense, but some people are pissed at you for this.”

“Screw them.” She said it with more grit than she felt. She shoved her phone in her pocket and turned away from him toward the cafeteria.

What kind of crazy place is this?

*

She’d tried to sound tough, but Justin hadn’t missed the color draining from her face. Word had spread fast that the PC girls had been sent to an alternative school. He’d heard talk in the halls and it wasn’t going to get any easier for Ryan. Pretty much everybody was horrified by what the girls had done to her, but there was a small group that blamed her for the PC girls’ exile. A small but vicious group.

“Ryan, wait up.” He caught up with her. “There are more people who think what happened was horrible.”

She looked up at him and squeaked through her swollen mouth, “Well, give them a freaking gold star.”

Ouch.
“Just trying to help here. I’m not the enemy.”

“Why do I have to have an enemy?” She opened her mouth wider when she spoke and flinched, swallowing and looking up at him with those deep blue eyes that made him want to wrap his arms around her and keep her safe from the world. “I’m sorry.”

“Come on, I have to walk by the cafeteria on my way to class anyway.”

They walked the rest of the way without speaking and she maintained a two-foot gap between them. He tried not to let it bug him, but it did. What happened to the girl who’d had a death grip on his hand in the emergency room?

As they neared the cafeteria, he saw Kelsey waiting for her. Standing with his arm around Kelsey was Austin McCoy. They’d had a momentary truce at the hospital, but he still couldn’t stand the guy. If he hadn’t texted his sister…

Two years and the anger just wouldn’t go away.

Kelsey gave Justin a look that said
I’ve got this, so go away.
To Ryan she said, “Come on. We’ll sit together.”

Justin adjusted his backpack on his shoulders and turned to Ryan. “I’ll see you later. Text if you need anything.”

She nodded, but was already walking away with her sister and Austin. He turned toward his next class and almost ran smack into Ashley Boyd, who wrapped her hands around his arm. “Hey, cutie. Where have you been? We missed you at the afterparty Saturday night.”

“Oh, yeah.” He smiled down at her in full flirt mode. She was one of those girls who always wore boob-revealing shirts and liked to touch him—a lot. It was hard not to flirt, and yeah, he’d hooked up with her last summer after a party at the trestle. But that was all it had been—a summer hook-up. They’d both dated other people since, but flirting between them was like an automatic reflex.

Flirting in general was an uncontrollable response for him—except with Ryan. He sucked at flirting with her.

And then it hit him.

Was she distancing herself from him because of his reputation? He’d never given his player rep much thought. Hell, most of the guys on the football team were players. He thought of the words he’d heard thrown around in connection with Ryan.
Slut. Whore. Raunchy Ryan
. The last thing she needed was to hang around with someone like him.

“Hey. Are you in there?” Ashley tugged on his arm. “I’m speaking to you.”

“What?” He peeled Ashley off him. “Yeah, just tired.”

He took a deep breath.
Okay. So I don’t give up. I work to earn Ryan’s trust.

And if he was really lucky, her respect.

Ryan exited the food line and followed Kelsey and Austin to their table. She sat next to Kelsey, but couldn’t keep her gaze from drifting a few tables away. Seeing the empty chairs where she used to sit with the Macey Brown and the other Purity Club girls made her chest tighten.

Kelsey bumped her with her elbow. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just seeing all those empty seats. It’s my fault those girls are gone.”

“Whoa. It is not your fault. You didn’t ask for what they did to you.”

Ryan nodded. “I know. It’s just weird to think that five girls got kicked out of school.”

Kelsey’s friend Shelby Cox shook her red curls. “They should be wearing orange after what they did to you. I never did like that hypocritical bunch. How can you call yourself Christians when you go around judging everybody?”

Hannah Ellis said, “My cousin is in a club kind of like the PC, but it is nothing like this one. I think they take a pledge, but they focus on more than just that. They talk to other schools about dating violence.”

Kelsey wrinkled her forehead. “Is that a problem here?”

Hannah nodded. “According to her, it’s a problem everywhere. They talk about dating respect, date rape, stuff like that.”

Ryan had almost managed to slip a bite of the pasta through her barely open mouth when she heard the words
date rape.
The words still made her jump. Her fork clattered on her plate loudly enough for everyone to look at her. Even Austin stopped talking football with the guy across from him. “Oops.” She managed a half-smile and tried to will away the heat crawling up her face.

She stabbed another piece of corkscrew pasta, focused on her food, and shut the rest of the conversation out of her brain.

Mrs. Bettis, the counselor, spoke to two girls who sat at the PC table. Whatever she said to them had them talking with their heads close together when she left. She spoke to a few other people whom Ryan had seen at the PC meetings, but weren’t hard-core enough to isolate themselves from the rest of the students.

Mrs. Bettis made her way to their table and bent low next to Ryan. “We’re having a PC meeting after school to discuss the situation. It’s mandatory for all members, but if you’d rather not come, I’ll excuse you.”

“Thank you.”

Mrs. Bettis straightened and patted her shoulder as she walked away.

Kelsey turned to Ryan. “Is she freaking crazy? Why would she think you’d want to come?”

Ryan sat back. “I guess she figured I had to know, since I am a member.”

When they left the cafeteria, Ryan tried not to look for Justin. She wanted to be relieved that he wasn’t there, but the truth was, she felt a little let down.

Kelsey walked on one side of her and Austin on the other.

“You don’t have to escort me.”

“It’s no big deal.”

Not that she didn’t appreciate the support, it was just that it was… smothering. “No, seriously. You don’t. I don’t need babysitting.
I
need to deal with this.”

“You don’t have to deal with it alone.”

Ryan stopped and faced her sister. “I appreciate the support. Really. Right now, I need some space.”

Worry wrinkled Kelsey’s forehead. “Okay. You know I’m here if you need me.”

“I know. Thanks.” Ryan peeled away, turned down the hall where her locker was located, and stopped. Her locker seemed to be the topic of discussion as people passed it. They would point and some even giggled.

What now?
Two steps in, she figured out why.
Can’t this nightmare end?

She took a deep breath, forced an
I don’t give a shit
look to her face, and marched past the gawkers to the door. Her hand trembled as she dialed the combination. She could smell the red lipstick that had formed the letters across her locker: slut. She pulled her Physics book from the shelf and closed it as if she hadn’t noticed the word.

When she turned around the group was gone. Almost.

Justin stepped up and had smeared part of the
T
before she caught his arm. “Don’t.” He withdrew his hand and gave her a
why the hell not
look. “It’s just a word.”

She turned and wasn’t sure if she wanted him to follow her or not. He did.

“That’s some sick shit. At least tell the office and let them clean it up.” He was behind her, so close she could almost feel his shirt.

It would be so easy to let him protect her, but it wasn’t going to happen. She had to be strong. She stopped and faced him. “I can’t care—if I do, it gives them power over me.” Then he flashed that smile with those dimples that made her want to forget about being strong and fall into his arms.

“You’re pretty amazing, Ryan Quinn.”

She wasn’t sure how that made her amazing or even how to respond to the compliment. So she just gave an awkward shoulder shrug. “You’re obviously the only one in school with that opinion.”

“I hope my opinion counts.” He looked at her with those dark eyes, as though she mattered to him. That made her more nervous than opening her locker in front of onlookers. “I know you can take care of yourself. I’m here if you need me.”

She couldn’t respond. It was too much, too big.

She pointed down the hall with her head. “Come on.” They walked side by side to her Physics class in comfortable silence.

When they got to her class, he shifted his backpack and snuck a half-hug. “I have football practice after class. I won’t be able to meet you.”

“It’s okay. I’m good.”
And I didn’t ask you to.

“I know. I—I’m an idiot. You don’t need me watching over you.” He played with the straps of his pack. “So you still have my number.”

She nodded. “Didn’t delete it.”

He ducked his head. “Good.” He stood there for a couple of breaths. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” He turned and headed down the hall.

God. He went from protector to awkward guy in a heartbeat. Something about that shift totally endeared him to her. “Hey, Justin.”

He turned and walked backward. “Yeah?”

“I’m glad you were there.”

He smiled as though she’d called him a hero. “Thanks.” He turned and jogged away.

*

“I’m going to the meeting.” Ryan heaved her backpack on her shoulders.

Kelsey shook her head. “Why put yourself through that? I’ll go.”

“We’ll tell you everything they say.” Mackenzie looked at her sister through bangs that almost covered her eyes. Mackenzie, the invisible girl. So quiet she tended to blend into the background. Ryan was touched that her little sister was willing to go to a meeting with a bunch of strangers on her behalf.

“It’s really sweet of you, but I have to show them that they may have knocked me down, but I’m still here.”

“I think coming to school today pretty much did that,” Kelsey said.

“Did you see my locker? Somebody is pissed that I’m here.”

Mackenzie stared at the ground. “I don’t understand how you became the bad guy in all of this.”

Ryan nodded. “Me either, which is why I’m going to that meeting. If they say something about me, I want to be there to defend myself.”

Kelsey said, “Okay, we’ll all go together.”

Ryan was grateful for her sisters, but part of her wanted to go by herself. Having them with her made her look weaker. She slid into the classroom a few minutes later with her sisters trailing behind. Mrs. Bettis made eye contact, but didn’t acknowledge her to the group. The Purity Club had about thirty members. Today, only about half that attended. As she entered, every head in the room turned toward her. So much for the stealth entry she’d planned.

But, instead of the hatred she’d expected, she saw compassion in their eyes. As she scooted past the desks, a girl with dark blonde hair touched her arm. “I’m sorry for what they did to you. That’s not who we are.”

“Thanks.” Ryan continued to the back of the room.

Mrs. Bettis began, “Thank you all for coming on short notice. As I’m sure you’ve all heard, some of our members were involved in a horrible incident after the Homecoming dance Saturday night. Those girls acted on their own, not as any part of the Purity Club. Their thoughts and actions were in no way supported by this group. However, what they did was a serious event.”

Kelsey whispered, “
Event?
She called it an
event
.”

“Shhh,” Ryan hissed.

Mrs. Bettis continued, “We have decided, at least for the rest of this year, to disband the club.”

The same girl that had reached out to Ryan said, “What about our community service credits?”

“You’ll get partial credit. There are plenty of other opportunities to earn what you need.”

Another girl raised her hand. “Why are we being punished for what they did? It’s not fair.”

Pretty much everyone in the room agreed.

Mrs. Bettis held up her hands. “I understand how you feel. But we want to send a clear message that this behavior is not tolerated. It doesn’t mean you can’t abide by the intent of the club.”

A boy who had super curly hair and wore glasses stood. Ryan knew him from Calculus class—Braden McGuire. He wasn’t Mr. Football or Mr. Sports anything. But he was smart and kind and everybody liked him. “Mrs. Bettis, this club is more than just making a promise. It’s a place to socialize with people who have the same values. Those girls got carried away and went totally rogue, but that was them. Not us.” The group applauded. He looked back at Ryan. “I don’t know your story. I don’t know why they picked on you. What they did was awful, but we’re all being punished.”

He made a good argument. It wasn’t the club. Somehow the message of the club had become twisted, but still, the disbanding wasn’t Ryan’s fault.

When she didn’t respond to his statement, he turned back to Mrs. Bettis. “Can we work on refocusing the club?”

Most of the room nodded.

Mrs. Bettis said, “I’ll discuss your suggestion with the principal. But for now, there will be no meetings.” She dismissed the group.

Ryan waited for everyone to file out of the classroom before moving away from the back wall.

Braden McGuire made his way to where she stood with her sisters. “I really am sorry for what they did to you. I don’t blame you for the club being disbanded.” He spoke to Ryan, but his gaze kept darting to Mackenzie.

“Thanks. I understand what you meant about the club.”

“The girls that did this aren’t here any more. Why punish those who didn’t have anything to do with it?”

According to the word scrawled across her locker, there were still Ryan-haters in school. Besides, the girls hadn’t been kicked out forever. But maybe there was a way to keep the club together—just not as the Purity Club. “Have you ever heard of a high school group that teaches about dating violence?”

He dragged his gaze from Mackenzie to her. “No. Why?”

“Hannah Ellis mentioned it at lunch. Maybe that could be the new focus.”

“We don’t have that problem here.”

Kelsey jumped in. “I bet there is more of a problem than any of us realize. You don’t have to be beat up to be a victim.” For half a second, Ryan wondered if Austin might have done something. But before she could completely form the question, Kelsey continued, “My ex never did a thing to me physically. But he played a lot of mind games—and that’s a kind of abuse.”

Ryan could have hugged her. It was obvious that Kelsey was deliriously happy with Austin, but Ryan had wondered how much crap Drew had done to her before she’d opened her eyes. To Braden she said, “I’ll find out more about the group. Who knows—maybe it’s what this school needs.”

“Sure.” His focus went back to Mackenzie. “Hi. I’m Braden McGuire.”

Ryan saw Mackenzie’s eyes widen beneath her bangs. She nodded. “Mackenzie Quinn.”

“What year are you?”

“Freshman.” Mackenzie backed up half a step.

Braden smiled. “Cool.” To Ryan he said, “Let me know what you find out.” He left and Mackenzie let out a breath.

Ryan smiled at her little sister. “He was flirting with you—or trying to.”

“No, he wasn’t.” Mackenzie shook her head. “Guys don’t notice me.”

Kelsey put a hand on Mackenzie’s shoulder. “Yeah, they do. You just can’t see them while you’re hiding behind those bangs.”

“That’s crazy.” Mackenzie headed for the door as though the classroom was the last place she wanted to be.

Ryan smiled. It was nice to see something positive happen for her sister.

*

The girls climbed into the beat-up blue truck that Kelsey drove. After school, Ryan and Mackenzie worked at their dad’s feed store and Kelsey either worked a shift at the Early Bird Café or at the store. Today they were all working at the store.

Ryan was exhausted and her face hurt. Some of the sores had crusted with a yellowish scab, others oozed watery yuck. She looked like something from a bad zombie movie. Her brain was fried and she was tired of acting like none of it bothered her. The last thing she wanted to do was smile in front of customers.

“Do you think Mom would let you take me home before you go to the store?”

Kelsey started the engine. “Text her.”

Ryan pulled her phone from her purse and tapped out the question. Across the parking lot, the guys were heading from the field house to the practice field. Most of them walked in groups. Justin didn’t. He lagged behind the others. Did he have friends on the team? She’d always figured that if you were on the football team or the basketball team or the whatever team, you were automatically part of a group. But not one guy spoke to Justin as they passed him. She’d seen him hang out with Eric Perez, but the fight at the dance had ended that friendship. That could explain why he was so interested in hanging out with her. But if he wanted friends, he could pick someone whose face didn’t look like it’d been run through a vegetable peeler.

Her phone dinged a reply. She read it and turned to Kelsey. “She said we could all go home. The store’s been slow all day.”

Mackenzie squealed from the back seat. “Yay! I’m going for a long run.”

Ryan turned to her sister. “You know there’s something wrong with you, right? Nobody in their right mind says that.”