Heroine: California Dreamin' (8 page)

“Your behavior woke up my motherly instincts. Dr. Champlain was absolutely certain about that. I felt how correct he was with what he was saying only then. Therefore we should leave it like that. I will be here for you when you need me but I will no longer be seduced by you.”

Embarrassed I lowered my eyes. Was all of that really so bad? But after all she was here for me. That was the most important thing.

Late that afternoon Irene said good bye with a long hug. Daniel would probably spend extra time at work and so I had the time to search through Robert’s metal box once more. Underneath the papers that I had already screened there was a cover that could be removed. When I picked it up I stopped breathing.

Under the cover lay – diligently wrapped and in side by side order in small compartments – exactly sixty small bars of gold that all featured an embossed stamp. Did Robert want to hide his earnings from the IRS? That puzzle could probably never be solved.

This compartment could also be removed but only after I had taken out the heavy coins. Again I found some papers that looked like bank statements about larger amounts, mostly above USD $ 100,000. They were issued by various Mexican banks and carried the name Roberto Rodriguez. The identity of that person became clear when I found two passports, an American and a Mexican, at the very bottom of the box. Both passports were issued to the name of Mr. Rodriguez. Robert’s passport photo revealed that my dead Lieutenant Gutierrez had yet another identity in his life. I browsed through the passports. The Mexican passport featured a permanent visa for the USA and had been stamped in San Diego. A last glance into the box brought absolute certainty that Robert had lived a double life. A social security card and a driver’s license with significant marks of use also belonged to him. The address on the driver’s license stated a street in south San Francisco. There was no need to have asked Irene for her help after all.

A car unknown to me turned into our drive way and horror struck me. Hastily I cleaned the flat bars of gold from the bed and threw the papers and the box unsorted into the lowest drawer of the dresser. The front door opened. Dammit! What did I do with the taser? In my panic I couldn’t remember where I had it last. The steps in the living room were those of a man. My knees threatened to buckle.

“Juliane, are you here?” I heard Daniel’s voice. Still trembling I whispered an answer and moved slowly to the door. If Daniel hadn’t called out my name I probably would have died from a heart attack; that is how fast my ticker was still racing.

Daniel stepped in laughing carrying a bottle of champagne in his right hand. I fell backward on the bed and took a deep breath. My husband misinterpreted my gesture. He thought he was being invited to intimacy and pushed up my dress.
Finally I was happy about it. Sex calms me down. Later we lay breathless, sweaty and exhausted on the bed side by side.

“Thank you for your kind congratulations”, Daniel whispered into my ear as he bent over me. A long kiss gave me the opportunity to think about what he had just said. When he wanted to retreat and I still didn’t have a clue, I decided to make sure that I couldn’t say anything for the next few minutes. I knew that I had
forgotten something. While my husband groaned in pleasure I pondered desperately what I might have to congratulate him for. Birthday and wedding anniversary were out of question, I knew them by heart. Valentine’s Day? That was a long time ago. Besides that, on Valentine’s Day a man celebrates his woman and not the other way around.

“Ingvar is also very happy about his promotion. He’s invited us for the weekend to celebrate it. You may then congratulate him also,” I heard Daniel snarling
.

Now I finally got it! The piece of paper on my nightstand this morning! Daniel’s promotion! Of course, that was a reason for celebration.
He was a director now!

“What kind of car is that?” I asked Daniel after we sat all dressed again back in the living room. The champagne pearled bubbly in two glasses in front of us.

“Oh that. That is my company car. I just brought it along. And I also received a big raise at the same time”, my husband reported happily.

“Why did it go so fast all of a sudden? A few months back you kept telling me that it might take at least three or four years until your promotion. Didn’t you even skip one level?”

“Yes, it went so fast after Alan’s death. Ingvar has received Alan’s job and actually skipped two levels. There is actually one more hierarchy level between him and me now. Our company wants to build up a completely new firm. Ingvar is the boss and I am one of the department heads. It will be a gigantic organization if it works, probably two to three thousand people. Ingvar is the only one who’s been there and done that before. Prior to it when he was still working in Texas.” He winked at me.

“He told me that he wants me in his close proximity at all costs”, Daniel explained with subdued voice.

“If I hadn’t been promoted to the new department I would have to go back to Stuttgart. And he wanted to avoid that because he thinks the world of me.”

The grin on his face told me that Ingvar’s intentions probably went beyond his official relations with Daniel. I decided to get to the bottom of it.

“Do you think that my affair with him has anything to do with it?”

“You can bet your sweet ass on it. If he hadn’t fallen in love with you I wouldn’t have joined his team. I do not have the experience with the products which we are supposed to develop.”

“Aren’t you afraid that he’s going to kick you out once he finds out that I want to end that silly hanky-panky with him?”

“Have you lost your mind? You can’t abandon me now! I’ve just developed this relationship that I need and now you come with your ideas!” my husband was filled with indignation.

Slowly anger crept up my belly.
‘Am I his hooker who has to seduce other men for the benefit of his business?’
my feelings revolted.
‘I’ve earned at least some recognition. After all Ingvar adopted him to his team only because he wanted me to be around’.

But then I remembered the events of the last weeks and months. Embarrassment replaced the anger that had built up in me. I did indeed behave like a whore! What accusations could I bring forward against Daniel? He’s never cheated in our marriage. I believed his reassurance right after my arrival in California and I still believe it. In contrast I probably had cheated on him back in Cologne about ten times or more since he had left the town. And now I would continue cheating on him with Ron and Pete. If he ever found out! Daniel would simply kick me out! For a moment I felt sick and I pushed the thought aside. Nevertheless I wanted to rattle his chains and make him jealous.

“What will happen if I fall in love with him? Aren’t you scared that you might lose me?”

Daniel looked at me with eyes wide open and turned pale.

“Tell me that isn’t true! I thought you like our game but that you become serious about it now that is something I didn’t anticipate. I don’t want to lose you, please …”

Suddenly I felt sorry for him and I felt that I’ve gone too far. Therefore I interrupted him by getting up and sat on his lap. I gave him a long kiss.

“Oh darling stupid”, I whispered into his ear. “I only love you. You know that your boss doesn’t turn me on. I think he is boring.”

“And what about Bruce?” Daniel insisted, still pale in his face.

“I haven’t seen him for a while. That was also only a game. He was simply the more interesting toy for me.” The last sentence was a lie as I noticed from the sting in my heart. Bruce was close to me if not as close as my husband, and I missed his laughter. The affair with him could have continued.

“You are a bitch”, growled my husband. “For a moment I believed that you wanted to leave me.”

“For Ingvar? Well, you have some strange thoughts! If you hadn’t driven me into his arms I would never have considered starting anything with him. And it’s not totally cool what we do to him.”

“Don’t worry it is also an adventure for Ingvar; it will help him to get out of this screwed-up marriage. One day he will turn away from you.”

“Are you so sure about that?” I asked timidly. “He’s told me several times that he would like to have me all to himself …”

“Don’t even think about it”, hissed Daniel.

After that encounter it became clear to me for the first time that Daniel’s thoughts to see me in the arms of other men were the same reaction as to what the drugs triggered in my body in reaction to alcohol. His thoughts turned him on, the alcohol made me horny. In that strange way we both were somewhat addicts.

The next morning shortly after Daniel had left for his new boss office my new cell phone rang. On the display I recognized Pete’s name. On the one hand I was happy that he called but then again I felt a bit precarious.

“Hi sweetie”, he laughed joyfully into the phone. “Do you feel any better? I really miss you and can’t wait to see you again.”

“Hi Pete, good to hear your voice”, I replied. “You sound like you’ve just fallen in love”, I tried to tease him. There was a moment of silence at the other end of the line and I suddenly realized that this was probably true. I had a slight panic attack in my gut when I thought about it. Didn’t he confess his love to me after I was arrested?

“Don’t you sense that?” he asked back quietly. “I never fancied a woman as much as I fancy you. I would like to see you again as soon as possible. Why don’t we meet up today somewhere? I really miss you”, he sighed.

That couldn’t end well! I felt sick with the thought having a permanent affair with him; that would very much exceed what I was willing to pay. I remembered again my panic attack at the police precinct. Ron should never in his life get into the situation that he wanted to take revenge on me.

If I gave Pete preferential treatment then exactly that could happen.

“Pete, that is totally impossible. I’m awaiting visitors, my job is waiting for me and when my husband finds out he’ll kill both of us. What’s happening with Ron? He’s our partner, isn’t he? Do you wonna betray him?”

My voice sounded squeaky as if I were a little girl. It was the first time in my life that I consciously rejected a man who was close to me. My emotions were quite upset.

A voice inside me told me that this is not right. I should be there for poor Pete. I must not hurt him under any circumstances. But my angst was greater. I didn’t want to slip back into a situation that I just went through, never ever.

“Please Pete”, I pressed on. “Let’s stick to what we had agreed on. I can’t handle anything beyond that. I’m scared that everything around me goes topsy-turvy and I totally lose my mind.”

That was honest and again I had that vague feeling in the back of my head that I was doing something for the first time – I protected myself! I heard Pete’s quiet moan and felt that I was going to cave in. If he himself hadn’t rescued me that moment, I would have given in.

“Okay then, I didn’t want to get on your nerves. Actually I just wanted to call you to set up a meet with you for next week.”

I sat down while my knees buckled. My strength hasn’t fully returned yet.

Then Pete informed me which hotel they had selected. He mentioned a name in Campbell, a little town close to San Jose. After a few loving expressions he hung up.

I needed quite a while to assort those contradicting emotions in my body and to calm down again.

There was this great fear to be thrown back into a situation that ran out of control. Then again I felt that I was looking forward to see the two boys again.

The imagination to sharing my bed with them really made me horny and I retreated to the bedroom in order to masturbate. That would do away with my angst.

Later that morning Irene arrived as we had agreed on the day before. When I welcomed her in I looked her straight into the eyes in expectation.

“Did you find out where this cop used to live?” I confronted her with my question. I would feel safer if Robert’s environment was screened from all sides. Irene pouted a bit and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Sweetie, aren’t you in a hurry. Don’t we wonna have coffee first?” She carried a briefcase in her hand and I sensed that it contained a trophy that she brought along to impress me.

“Of course, how could I be so impolite”, I replied and lowered my head. My girlfriend laughed and I trotted into the kitchen. Soon thereafter we sat around the table and I was all excited to learn what she had brought along.

“This lieutenant lived in San Bruno not far from the camp of the National Guard. There he lived in a small house. Obviously all by himself because they only found his prints.”

She opened the briefcase and a thick stack of photos and papers with the seal of the Attorney General of San Francisco dropped out. I knew about San Bruno; I made a turn there when I wanted to go to the San Francisco airport. It wasn’t necessarily a ‘preferred’ residential area.

“This Gutierrez’ death alarmed the Department of Justice so much that they took the case away from the district. First they believed that a gang had killed him. Even the FBI was involved in that case for a while. Because the lieutenant had infiltrated an internationally active gang as an undercover agent for some time; they smuggled drugs as well as humans.

“A few years ago the FBI withdrew the lieutenant from this assignment because his cover had apparently been blown. At any rate, his work was important enough that his death sounded all the alarm bells.”

I was impressed. But that fitted Robert. He was a liar, appeared like a brutal gangster and still could charm everybody. A person like this was surely able to handle dangerous situations.

“Did Robert have any relatives who will inherit his house?” I asked in between. Irene sighed.

“You are talking about him like you were good acquaintances.” I startled.

“I guess that comes from my guilt feelings”, I tried to justify my comment.

“Why would you feel guilty?” Irene looked at me with big eyes.

“He did rape you, didn’t he and not the other way around?”

Her look was strange and I felt how I blushed heavily.

“Oh well”, I continued blabbering.

“In my dreams I wished he would be killed and when that actually occurred I had my wish fulfilled. Just like I could do magic and everything became true what I had hoped for.”

Now I was really glad that I had paid all attention in a seminar about developmental psychology a few years ago. Kids experience dramatic events in a way as if they had influenced or even caused them.

Irene nodded in understanding and the subject was done between the two of us. But not for my gut feeling. I felt a distinct warning to watch my blabbering more carefully.

“They didn’t find any relatives. This guy had come to this country as a youngster illegally all by himself in the eighties. For a while he struggled along the streets of Los Angeles. Then he came into foster care for a few years. First they wanted to deport him again but then Ronald Reagan passed an amnesty law and because the young Gutierrez had been in the USA for so long he was allowed to stay. When he was an adult he received citizenship and then applied to join the police force. Nobody knew where he was from and whether his name and date of birth were correct. But since his stay was so well documented from childhood it didn’t bother anybody.” Irene stored the papers away again.

It touched me quite a bit to hear all that. Even more, it made me very sad. Robert’s hard fate and the fate of his later victims were probably identical in the beginning. What turned him into such a brutal person later on?

Irene unpacked the photos that were most likely taken at his house.

I looked through them diligently. Robert’s home was essentially not much bigger than the shack Daniel and I lived in. Two rooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, a small working room. Nothing that would catch your eye. An inventory list attached to the files didn’t shine any further light on it. The police had found some weapons, numerous expensive watches and gold jewelry but nothing which could refer to his criminal activities.

We searched through the papers for a while longer but we couldn’t find anything that could be somehow linked to me. I was, however, not relieved. Something had remained open and I couldn’t think of what that might be. I had to go to this house and see for myself.

“Are you sure that this lieutenant didn’t have another apartment? Perhaps a vacation home at the ocean?” I tried to find out without compromising my intentions.

Irene shook her head.

“His colleagues and the department of Justice listed all his belongings very diligently. They are still looking for heirs which live in Mexico if there are any. The guy had acquired that house cheaply a few years back. But he didn’t own anything else.”

I decided not to tell Irene anything about Robert’s other domicile in South San Francisco and I wouldn’t mention his second passport to her for any reason.

That was my business and the less she knew about what linked me to Robert beyond his grave the less danger it constituted for me. But I would allow her to lead me to the home of my tormentor which was the only one as far as police was concerned.

“Irene, please let’s go to the house. I have a hunch that something else is still hidden there what nobody has found so far. I don’t want any photos of me surfacing in case a possible heir of his rummages through the house.”

My voice had the tone of despair because I was convinced that I needed to persuade my friend. However, Irene only giggled joyfully and pulled a key from her purse.

“Darling, that is exactly what I was thinking about. I think my husband can do without that key for a few hours. Let’s go right now. I am curious myself.” Before she could back off I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her on both cheeks.

“I love you Irene”, I erupted. “Without you I would just go under here.” Tears flowed from my eyes spontaneously and she gave me another hug without saying anything. For me it was enough to know that I could trust her.

Via the interstate route we only needed about half an hour in her big and comfortable sedan until we left the car close to the Caltrain Railway Station in San Bruno. Irene didn’t want to park the vehicle directly in front of Robert’s house so that the neighbors wouldn’t become suspicious. Thus we walked for a few hundred yards.

The flat building was somewhat set back from the main street and the entrance was hidden behind a fence. In that way we entered the house undetected through the front door that opened with no problem with the help of our key.

Once inside we turned on the lights because the curtains were drawn shut. Then we started our search. After one hour we hadn’t found anything.

There were no pictures on the walls that could have hidden a vault. There was no fire place and the cupboards with Robert’s clothes and the kitchen were searched quickly.

Nothing. We moved the furniture. No clues of anything. But my gut instinct still signaled ‘danger’. I had come so close to Robert twice in my life that his personality fused with mine.

Therefore I could sense that something was missing. A person like he would safeguard himself multiple times. The floors in the house were made of wood but they were laid out in a way that it would become obvious if there was an opening in it.

Just in case I went into the court yard and looked at the boards from underneath of the house. As most homes in the area the house was set on some stilts made of stone. There was nothing hidden under the flat hollow space. In thoughts I returned to the living room.

I looked at the ceiling. Didn’t I see a gable from the outside? The house had a flat roof or didn’t it? I went back to the court yard and looked up again. A flat roof. Shit. Then I looked again. A wooden border at the edge of the roof caught my attention.

“Irene, can you have a look if there are any tools in the kitchen cabinets?” I called out through the open door.

Then I picked up a chair from the living room and when Irene returned with a screwdriver I climbed on the chair and levered a board away that was the only one that featured a small gap to the house. Behind the board was a small hollow space.

First I couldn’t recognize anything in it, so we went back into the house. With a flashlight and a small stool we returned. I put the stool on top of the chair and while Irene supported me I climbed to the top.

My intuition had led me the right way. Behind the board lay a flat box made of metal which was similar to the one I had found in Robert’s office in San Jose. My heart was b

eating in my throat. I illuminated the flat hollow space for a while longer but I couldn’t spot anything else. Then I slipped carefully back onto the ground where Irene picked me up again. I shook my head when she looked at me questioningly.

“Nothing. Only dust and spiders. I’m afraid we won’t find anything here. If I’d only knew where that scumbag had hidden my photographs”, I mumbled quietly. “Perhaps there is a safe deposit box at a bank, what do you think?” I looked my friend in her friendly shining eyes. It was difficult for me to hide my guilt feelings that bubbled inside me because I lied to her so shamelessly.

I wanted to open this box when I was by myself. Now since I knew where Robert’s hiding place was I could return to it later and pick up what only concerned me.

“Let’s drive back”, Irene took my arm and consoled me. “I will examine those documents once more at the office; perhaps I’ll find some hint for a safe deposit box or something like that.”

We left and locked the doors carefully after we had put everything back into place.