Heroine: California Dreamin' (11 page)

On my way back euphoria came over me again as it did after my last ‘robberies’. I was certain that all documents linked to me were now in my possession or I had destroyed them. Three times I succeeded to regain what had once linked me to Robert. Three times he struck out.

The further I drove towards south the more I was dumfounded. Actually everything went rather smoothly! In hindsight I was not at all certain why I had so little problems with getting what I wanted. Somehow everything went too smooth. That it had worked once, even twice – that was cool. But that it worked three times? Was it perhaps Robert’s subconscious intention to lead me to my legacy after his death? Was I entitled to his legacy at all? Didn’t he have a sister? Was she real, this Maria Rodriguez? Or was her name Gutierrez? I felt restless. Preferably I would have stopped the car and call this Diego immediately and ask him where I could find this Maria. But it did cross my mind that those ideas were idiotic.

Daniel had not yet returned from his office and I was still wound up. Robert’s documents plus his bank cards were now in my hand. What if somebody had the idea and search my house? Just as simple as that, perhaps because I attracted attention due to a traffic ticket?

My paranoia wouldn’t leave my brain. But there were enough reasons for my mistrust. After all I had to deal with two corrupt cops within a very short time. But now was the time to bring closure to the whole affair. Those incriminating papers had to disappear. I sorted everything that I found. The photographs were the first things that disappeared in the toilet. Even if they found these women one day, the pictures could not be allocated to them – Robert had paid attention to that. The angst in these pictures was anonymous. I did hardly recognize myself in those images. I sighed deeply when the pieces of paper disappeared in the toilet.

What remained were Robert’s protocols about his ‘earnings’ that he had made from his victims. Those were neutral and perhaps I could use them later.

What should I do with his two passports and the account statements? What about all that gold? Even though I felt like Robert’s heir that gold surely didn’t belong to me. The bank cards could only be used in Mexico. So they were of no value. I had to think about what needed to be done with all of that stuff.

These things should be at least removed from my house. Perhaps I should put those documents and the gold temporarily in a safe deposit box at a bank. The two destroyed empty metal boxes would disappear in a dumpster at the shopping mall the next day. I dragged them to my car. The remaining papers and valuables I stored diligently in one of my own suitcases that waited behind the mirror to finally get unpacked. It contained my clothing for cold winter days.

I was going to meet with Irene again the next day. I felt ‘unburdened’ and joyful when I started the car and went on my way to her. A little detour led me to the next supermarket. I left my Chevy on the road behind the backside of the building and picked up the two metal boxes. A few minutes later they were laid to rest in the dumpsters that stood there open.

Irene waited already with coffee and donuts. The latter were not part of her diet program.

“Anything to celebrate?” I asked her when we sat down in the kitchen.

“Well, yes indeed, sweetie”, she laughed and put my passport and a brand-new social security ID on the table. And the ID had my name on it! I was breathless with excitement and browsed through the pages of my passport. In the middle I found a permanent visa! Tears swelled up in my eyes. How much pain and angst would I have been spared if I had this visa only a few weeks earlier? Irene understood my emotions and took me into her arms without saying a word. After a few minutes we started tackling the donuts and gobbled them all to mark the occasion. Now I was not only legal in the country – I could leave and come back as much as I wanted! What a wonderful feeling. A piece of freedom that I hadn’t felt for a long time.

Now I could start working officially. We did that in advance of the following week because I still had to sign some papers at court in San Francisco, Irene enlightened me. Until noon I already photocopied batches of documents while in between we slowed down our efforts by telling stories to one another. It was great!

Until Monday I had my days off. I reminded myself that I was due paying my ‘bill’ to Pete and Ron and I asked Irene about her working hours. She told me that I didn’t need to come in to work more than two or three mornings. The other days we would use spending my first own income at the various malls, she laughed.

Back home again I pondered whether I should tell Daniel about anything of it. How would he react if he knew that I have a residence permit and even a permanent work permit for the USA? Not even he had such papers because his company had to apply for a new permit again and again. He neither knew about Erich’s alimony payments. I decided to keep it to myself because then he would likely want to know how I had ‘earned’ my visa. I was afraid that I might contradict myself when I told him about it. Too many things had happened.

I made myself some coffee and contemplated what should be next. My problems were solved. The only thing that still bothered me was the missing driver’s license. I was only allowed to drive with my German driver’s license for three months. I grinned to myself. If that was my greatest challenge now I could just lean back and relax.

But my belly gave warning signs. I still sat on a pile of gold bars and bank cards that weren’t mine. Spontaneously I searched the Internet for a bank close to my house; I called and asked for information about how to open a safe deposit box. The clerk at the bank was in a bad mood and he asked me if the box was to be opened in my name or somebody else’s name. Then I had a thought. I asked what would be required to open a safe deposit box under a different name. For that I needed a passport, social security number and authorization.

An hour later I stood in the bank’s foyer holding the required documents in my hand. In all of my time in the USA I was never served in such unfriendly manner as at that bank. Nobody seemed to take interest in me and it took quite a while until a young arrogant woman banged a pack of papers in front of me. It looked like they did enough business so they didn’t need any new customers. That was fine with me. It lowered the risk of being asked too many questions.

Back in Roquetas I completed the forms diligently. Before I signed with Robert’s signature I practiced his signature on a piece of paper to make sure it was almost identical. Shortly after I was done with all of that a silent and irritable Daniel returned from work. I decided to cheer him up and to invite him out to dinner to mark the occasion and because I didn’t have the time to cook something. We landed in a Greek restaurant that was relatively cheap for local circumstances. Inside it had a superbly old-fashioned look though some of the Greek vases revealed that they were ‘Made in China’.

“What’s going on? Did you win the lottery?” my husband asked who was quite thoughtful only a minute ago while I finished my glass of wine. And while I had been deliriously happy just a minute ago because I had left my nightmare behind me so I felt now a quite familiar feeling creeping up in me. In my exuberance I simply forgot what alcohol would trigger in me. Oh well, after all Daniel was here and I would simply ask him to carry out his marital obligations.

“I am just happy to be married to you. Last week was horrible for me and I wanted to thank you that you stood by me.” I giggled happily. Whereas I got rid of my sneakers and felt Daniel under his trouser leg with my toe. Preferably I would have sexually attacked him right there and then. Daniel looked surprised then he grinned.

“Actually the honor should be on my side”, he replied. “But I’d like to receive your gratefulness a bit later. And beside that I am glad that you feel better again. Then it won’t be so hard on me to leave you by yourself once again next week. I need to go to New York once more for a few days.”

For him it went without saying that I agreed to that because he showed no further emotions. I, however, felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped on my head. I was enraged.

For a moment my arousal was also gone. Then my lust returned. I asked him to pay for dinner. That was his punishment because sometimes he could be a real miser. He just looked dumbfounded for a moment but comprehended quickly what was going on and paid the bill. At home I made it clear to him that buying me dinner at the restaurant was surely not enough for me.

When he left the house the next morning he had rings under his eyes and complained that his best piece has been all sore. And that didn’t surprise me.

When I was waiting in the bank’s foyer a bit later I nodded off briefly. Somebody touched me on the shoulder and I jumped up. Beside me stood the arrogant bitch who had treated me so condescendingly yesterday. I was dressed like one would expect from the secretary of real estate agent Mr. Rodriguez that I pretended to be. The little aluminum briefcase beside me was full of gold bars and my former pimp’s documents. The little case was so heavy that I could hardly lift it. The one hundred and twenty bars of gold weighed almost 30 kilograms, as I calculated. Once we stood in the bank vault I was wet with sweat. The bossy bank clerk put a key into one of the deposit boxes and then gave me a second one that I put into the other lock. Then she left and I could store the contents from my briefcase into the flat box in privacy. When I was done I added a white rose that I had brought along in my pink purse. It was like I had just buried Robert. Tears ran over my face and I was mighty upset with myself. I didn’t understand why I felt so sorry for that gangster.

The ‘mastress of the money of other people’ accompanied me to the door of the bank vault and handed me the half of a piece of paper that we had filled out together. On that paper was written the password that the owner of the safe deposit box needed beside the second key in order to have access to the bank vault again. The lady checked the documents only superficially and didn’t even look into Robert’s passport. I had my doubts that this corresponded with the domestic laws. Then she charged my credit card for two years in advance for safe deposit box fees. With that my credit card’s limit was hopelessly overdrawn and it would take me a few weeks until I was liquid again.

After giving quite some thought I hid the key together with the piece of paper and the password in the secret compartment of my ‘hooker’ purse where these things now befriended my old cell phone. I would probably memorize the password one day. I was free.

Ingvar had invited us to a party on Sunday to celebrate his promotion to vice president. I was in an excellent mood though I wasn’t really keen on playing the usual game with Ingvar. But with my regained freedom my zest for life had also returned and I wanted to grant Daniel his fun. Our game had already become part of our marriage and it was not difficult for me to play along. After all, my husband was always very ‘grateful’ to me afterwards.

Ingvar’s wife Shane was not to be seen when we arrived. She probably snored already in her room drunk like a skunk. The garden slowly filled up with many people which most of them I had never seen before. I didn’t see Ben and Kurt anywhere and only Raphael was still familiar to me.

“Most of them remained in the old departments, only Raphael came along. I am his boss now”, my husband reported with pride. I didn’t like that because I had befriended many of his colleagues and their spouses. However I was aware that friendships didn’t go as deep as I knew it from Germany. But we found one another sympathetic.

With a glass of orange juice in my hand I tried to make small talk with people unfamiliar to me when I saw Daniel headed for me together with a slim dark-haired woman. Her oval narrow face was exceptionally pretty. At first glance I believed she was Asian. But for that her complexion was too light and I’ve never seen blue eyes and freckles in an Asian woman. She probably was in the beginning of her thirties the most and her walk rivaled that of a queen. If she hid a perfect set of long legs underneath her black elegant long pants then she was a true beauty. I felt a strange sensation in my belly. No, that wasn’t horniness. I tried to understand why I had become restless.

“Darling, may I introduce you to my new boss? Mei Li, this is my wife Juliane.” So her name was Mei Li. She shook my hand but kept a cool approach. I couldn’t recognize any emotions in her face.

“Julie”, I introduced myself dryly. “My pleasure meeting you. How are you?” I couldn’t utter more than those phrases. Subsequently we had some small talk for a few seconds then I saw Ingvar heading for us. At that moment I was happy for the first time that he saved me from the nonsense exchange of trivial phrases and I could accompany him away from the encounter.

After our quickie in his bed I asked him who this Mei Li was while I got dressed again.

“Didn’t Daniel tell you about her? That is his boss. Mei Li Gibson. She is a first class engineer, I wished we would have more people of that kind,” he sighed.

“A strange name for a Chinese woman”, I replied. “But why is she his boss, I thought Daniel reports to you?”

“For the first part: Mei Li is the daughter of an Irish man and a Chinese woman; therefore she has those blue eyes and the name. For the second part: Daniel has been promoted; however there is still a level between him and me.” He was silent for a moment.

“I didn’t want to give Daniel all this responsibility too fast. To be honest if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have taken him into my department.” He gave me one of his deep sincere looks. I didn’t feel comfortable and terminated that conversation.

“Let’s go downstairs again. So your guests won’t notice anything.”

The corridor outside was empty. Daniel had retreated already. Ingvar went downstairs first and I waited for a little while before I went into the kitchen. The party remained rather uncomfortable for me and I breathed a sigh of relief once Daniel and I sat in the car on our way home. While I gazed out of the window in a bad mood my husband kept on blabbering in some joyful ways. He was proud about being a member of this team that had met for the first time at a party today.

“Why did you never tell me anything about this Mei Li”, I interrupted him once. “I kept on thinking that Ingvar was your boss?”

“Well, she only arrived at the company a few days ago. Prior to that she was in the research center in New York.” Something turned my belly again. Jealousy!

“Did you start anything with her?” I asked quietly. Daniel looked at me with wide open eyes.

“Are you nuts? I can’t hit on a woman at the company. We are here in the USA and not in Germany. That would be sexual harassment. I won’t mess up my career here.” For a moment there was silence. Then he grinned.

“Would you like that? Perhaps you would also want to watch. Or even take part in it?” I was disgusted.

“I think it is you who lost his marbles. These are your fantasies, not mine. Just keep your fingers off her”, I hissed back at him. That was new for me. Never before had I barked like this at my husband. Our first marriage fight was looming. Daniel didn’t even seem to notice.

“Oh darling-angel. I love you when you are getting so excited. Let’s continue this discussion in bed.” We already turned into our driveway and I swallowed any other comments.

Since we had enjoyed the barbecue at Ingvar’s quite extensively it took us not much longer to end up in bed. After the visits at Ingvar Daniel was always particularly horny and we made out for quite a few hours.

“This Mei Li could never be as good as you are. I think she would only bore me”, Daniel weighed in after we lay exhausted side by side in the semi darkness. I cuddled close to him.

“For a while I thought you went to New York so often because of her”, I said quietly. “Then I was afraid to lose you.” He turned around and gave me a long kiss.

“Sometimes you are truly off your rocker. I would never let go of somebody like you”, he whispered in my ear. I was happy about the declaration of love and we made love until we fell asleep.

“How did it actually go with Ingvar yesterday?” Daniel asked me the next morning. He had decided to spend this Monday with me since he had to pack his suitcase for his departure on Tuesday morning. In his new functions he enjoyed more liberties than before.

“Didn’t you watch?” I asked astounded. “I put in extra efforts to show you really everything.”

“That’s a shame. But I couldn’t get away from Mei Li. She talked to me the whole time and I couldn’t just let her stand there.”

“Are you telling me that I did the whole thing for nothing”, I asked him flabbergasted.

“Then you had your fun all to yourself, without me”, he replied dryly.

“Now it’s me who should be jealous. But I am not. That should tell you how good I am to you.”

I looked at him. The way he looked he had probably wanted to make a joke because he featured his unabashed boorish grin that he always put on when he wanted to rattle somebody’s chain. But I wasn’t in the mood for that.

“I do that for you, dammit. I don’t like this Ingvar. How often do I need to tell you that. If you don’t want to watch anymore then I won’t be doing it anymore. Did you get that?” The tone of my voice had gotten sharper and again I felt that I had changed indeed. Daniel didn’t seem to mind. He shrugged his shoulders and said quite cold:

“If you have no more fun with it then you can stop doing it.”

He also had changed I noticed now. In Cologne he wouldn’t have used this tone with me. I felt that all of a sudden an invisible barrier stood between us. When I realized that, angst came creeping up my spine. Perhaps his new boss has indeed mesmerized him?

“Are you sure you really want that?” I insisted somewhat helpless. “After all it was you who pushed me into his arms.”

“If it was like that then we both had our fun with him. If you don’t like him anymore then we can bring our game to an end without any further ado. Perhaps we look for somebody else one day.”

For Daniel it seemed like I had started the whole affair. Did he deny now his own contribution? Rage started to boil in me but I was afraid to drive him away from me even further. Therefore I held back.

Later in the day I drove to Irene and busied myself with the files she gave me until I went back home again. The whole remaining afternoon there was quite some tension between my husband and me. Thick air like before a thunderstorm. Daniel didn’t seem to notice it, he was in a good mood and I could actually encourage him to have dinner at the Greek restaurant that we had frequented for the first time a few days back. I hoped that would once more bring me a bit closer to him.

The next morning he left for the airport in San Francisco by himself. I didn’t want to get up so early and I refused playing the chauffeur for him. Because Daniel had revealed to me late on Monday evening after our dinner that he would stay in New York until Saturday. That was a bit much for me and so I retreated behind an indifferent facade.

I was supposed to meet up with Ron and Pete this Tuesday to begin ‘paying off my debt’. The days before I felt guilty because I would cheat on Daniel. Now I looked forward to it and I sensed in this way I wanted to take revenge on Daniel.

Pete had told me that he worked only to the early afternoon and Ron had as much time available as he pleased. So we agreed meeting at the hotel in Campbell as mentioned by Pete.

I took the route via the Junipero Serra freeway that my recently acquired GPS device recommended. Irene had convinced me buying it when a young sales man who looked strikingly similar to Stanley had urged me to do so. Later on she returned to the store and she gave him her phone number if I’m not mistaken. Apparently it was Irene’s payback time for her husband.

After more than a half hour travel time I was in the Santana Row in Campbell. Only here I realized that the little town belonged to San Jose. If I had driven here without GPS it would have taken me at least one hour I reckoned. The blessings of technology sometimes even help (former) psychology students. I shed a few tears. Here I was all by myself. My husband was in New York, perhaps in bed with some bitch. Defiance conquered my thoughts.

I still had some time until my date with the boys and so I strolled down the street. I was astounded how beautiful it was here and sat down in a street café. Though I had been living in that area for many months Daniel and I never made it out here. Suddenly I felt truly comfortable here. I found a nice little store in a small shopping mall that sold sexy underwear. If I had felt rather depressed before - I now was in high spirits. Unfortunately I was by myself with the sales lady when I picked some sexy parts of lingerie. But I would surely have the opportunity to model those black satin ‘nothings’ for the boys a bit later. After that I strolled leisurely to the hotel that Pete had mentioned. When I entered the lobby I was surprised. The furbishing was luxurious. I sat down in the lobby and waited. Did the boys really select such a luxurious joint? Perhaps they did it in my honor? I was happy about their generosity.

At the agreed time nobody’s shown up. Slowly I became restless. Perhaps I had misunderstood something? I got my cell phone out from my purse and looked at it. Damn’! I had it turned off this morning. Frantically I looked for the switch until it finally lit up. Two text messages surfaced. One was from Daniel, the other one from Pete. The first one could wait. With trembling fingers I dialed Pete’s number. He answered immediately.

“Sweetie, we’ve been waiting for you. Where are you?” His voice sounded concerned but not angry and I relaxed. When I told him where I was he remained silent for a moment. Then I heard that he told Ron in the background where I was. Ron erupted in loud laughter. Pete returned to the phone.

“Darling, you must have misunderstood,” he said quietly. “We are at the West Campbell Avenue, a few blocks from the Civic Center, not at the hotel at Santana Row. Perhaps you can afford a hotel like that but we can’t.” Ron giggled in the background. Pete gave me the exact address and I sneaked out of the luxury place with my head lowered. I could have noticed when I parked my car here. Hotel valet parking didn’t really match Pete’s old Corolla. I searched through my purse and after a while I found that piece of paper where I had noted the address last week when Pete called me. “Campbell” was written there, nothing else. I must have dreamed it up and wished for the rest. That mistake cost me ten dollars because they had to pick up my car. The young boys from valet parking grinned suggestively. It was too obvious that they took me for a hooker who was stood up by her john.