Here for You (11 page)

He swipes across the screen and enters his code. I’m still waiting to see what he’s doing. Finally I realize he’s just called my phone because the slightly muffled sound of “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz starts playing. He lets it play for a few more seconds and then hits “end” on his phone.

When he meets my gaze, I see the same emotion that I saw earlier today. “Yeah. I’m sure. Ash, I’ve never had anyone just be there for me. You support me without question even though I can’t give you more. I don’t remember the last time I had that, if I’ve
ever
actually had it. When I was drafted and Crystal left me, I was lost. My first few years were so lonely because I didn’t let anyone new in my life. I didn’t trust people because they took advantage of me or were always looking for something—a favor, money, an introduction, anything. That’s why I accepted her back with no question when she came to me a few years ago. She was from my life before, and I needed that stability. I trusted that she loved me for the person I actually was and always had been, not just the JC Williams on the field.”

He stops like it’s too hard to go on and he puts out his hand. He motions his head toward the direction of the kitchen. “Come on. Let’s get a drink and then we can sit in your favorite place while I tell you the rest of my fucked-up story.”

I know exactly what he feels like. Although different, I also come from a world where everyone is looking for something. Everyone wants an edge up on the competition and certainly wants to appear more successful than their peers. It’s a terrible world, much like Cam’s, and that’s part of the reason I stayed with Charlie for so long. I needed the same stability and wasn’t willing to risk my heart. But now I know that it’s worth the risk. Even if Cam hurts me, which I fear he will at some point, we can be there for each other until then.

When we walk into the kitchen, he puts both hands on my waist and lifts me up onto the counter like I’m light as a feather. These guys are all deceptively strong, and it’s a little scary. Not because I think Cam would ever use it against me, but if anyone ever got in his way, I can’t imagine the outcome.

He walks over to a built-in bar area and grabs everything he needs for my Manhattan. He grabs two glasses and then walks to the freezer to get ice for the shaker. “Bitters?”

I smile and nod my head.

“Good girl.”

I watch as he makes the drink with the ease of a bartender. I didn’t realize he was making the same for himself until he fills both glasses from the shaker. He hands me my glass and picks up his own. He brings it forward to clink my glass. “To your win.”

I laugh. “Don’t you mean to your win?”

“Nope. That was for you today.”

I take a sip of my drink, and he puts his hand out to take it back. He starts walking out of the kitchen. “Come on. Let’s go to your favorite place.”

I slide off the counter and follow him back to the amazing space. He hits a switch with his elbow and a few of the overhead lights go on. He adjusts the lighting to the dimmest setting and walks toward the door that exits to the terrace. He motions for me to open it. He steps out and sets both drinks on the table in front of a couch. I sit as he takes a few steps just inside the door and grabs a couple blankets.

He sits down next to me and grabs my legs, draping them over his lap. “Legal?”

I give him a half-smile. “Yeah.”

“Good.”

He hands me a blanket, and I wrap it around my back and shoulders while he wraps the other one around our legs. He leans forward and picks up both drinks, handing my glass to me.

“First, I’m not telling you my story so you feel sorry for me. I just want you to understand why I can’t offer more and why I’m at the edge of walking away from everything.”

I place my hand on his chest. “Hey, can you promise me one thing?” He doesn’t say anything but nods. “Remember I’m here for you. Even if I’m not there with you in person, please think of me if you get to that edge. I’ll always help you back.”

He closes his eyes and waits a few moments before he starts talking again. “My brother was my single biggest supporter my entire life. We were closer than most siblings, and he never faltered in his support for me. He would fly to every game he could. He had a job, a family, and a life he had to lead, but he gave me more than he should have. When things started to go downhill with Crystal, I leaned on Jacob more and more. When I needed her most, she wasn’t there for me. She went to maybe half the games and even when she did attend, she went home before I came out most times.

“I’d grown accustomed to seeing her smiling face when I came out, and I was struggling without it. Jacob left his job about halfway through the season so he could be there for me at every game. I supported his family so I could have him near me. I didn’t hesitate. He didn’t always bring Cameron with him, but he did a lot of the time. I think the entire situation started to cause a problem in his marriage, but he never said anything to me.

“He was late coming in one day, saying that he had something he had to take care of and he was going to miss the game. It was no big deal, but he seemed really upset. It was a Friday afternoon game, and I skipped dinner with some of the guys so I could pick Jacob up at the airport that evening. Of course Crystal hadn’t waited for me after the game, and I stopped at home to see if she wanted to go with me to get Jacob. When I got there she was in bad shape.

“She was drunk or high. I honestly don’t even know which, but she was upset and not rational. She started screaming at me about never being there for her or having time for her, even though every free minute I had I wanted to spend with her. Most of the time she was off with a group of friends, shopping or doing who knows what. I texted Jacob and told him to take a cab to our favorite bar down the street. I told him I’d pick him up there at nine. I didn’t want him coming to my place while she was like that, and I figured she would calm down eventually. But an hour later she was still yelling at me, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I told her she should go stay with one of her girlfriends for the night if she was so upset with me. When I said I had to pick up Jacob, she started all over about how he was more important to me. She grabbed her purse and as she was leaving she turned back to tell me she hated me and never wanted to see me again. When I got to my car, hers was still parked next to mine. I had no idea where she’d gone but I just wanted to get Jacob and had assumed she would be back later that night or the next day. We both needed space and time.

“As I was pulling up to the bar to pick up Jacob, I saw the red and blue lights flashing, and I knew something had happened to my brother. I could just feel it. When I jumped out of my car, I saw his lifeless body on the sidewalk and all I remember is falling down to the ground next to him. I know the paramedics and police officers were trying to pull me away, and all I could do was beg for him to come back to me.”

I haven’t said a word this entire time but I can feel the emotion starting to well up in him now. He’s been telling the story with a very stoic voice as if he’s trying to separate himself from the pain of it. I reach over and place my hand on his cheek just so he remembers that someone cares. He looks at me and I see his eyes glistening.

“I’m sorry, Cam. I’m so sorry you lost him.”

“It was my fault. If I hadn’t been fighting with Crystal, I would have been there on time to pick him up at the airport. He wouldn’t have been on that sidewalk. There was only one person that even saw it happen, and she said it happened so fast that she didn’t have time to see a license plate or anything. The car barely went over the curb, but he had been standing right at it probably thinking it was my black SUV pulling up. That’s what hit him, and that’s all we know. The witness said the car never even slowed down. It was probably some drunk person not even aware that they had hit someone.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. I know you don’t want to believe that but if it was his time there’s nothing you could have done to prevent it. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Even if what you say is true, I have to believe that it wasn’t for nothing. I wasn’t there because of Crystal, and if I’m not with her, then my brother lost his life for nothing. I owe it to him to at least try. If she doesn’t come back to me, there’s nothing I can do about it, but it hurts me to know I wasn’t there for him because of her and now she’s gone.

“Johnny picked me up from the hospital. She wouldn’t pick up my calls all night and into the early morning. Johnny finally tracked her down. I have no idea where he found her. He never told me. We had a game that Saturday and I couldn’t function enough to even talk, let alone go to the park. Johnny didn’t want to leave, but the team needed him so he played. When Crystal finally woke up, she was so hungover that she couldn’t even comfort me. I sat in this exact spot for the entire day.”

“When did this happen?”

“Eight weeks and one day ago.”

I take his drink from him and lean over to set both glasses on the table. I move so that I’m sitting on his lap, and I wrap my arms around his neck. His arms wrap around me, and he pulls me tight to him. I feel his shoulders shake, and I know it’s what he needs. No one can say anything to him to make it go away. He will need to find that place on his own, but he does need someone by his side while he fights his demons.

Tonight should have been a celebration for him, but he can’t move on. I get it now, and I honestly fear for him. He’s carrying too much on his shoulders, and something is going to break him if he doesn’t find a way to lessen some of the guilt he has put on himself.

As soon as I feel his body relax, I unwrap myself from him and stand up, holding out my hand. He takes it without looking up. I don’t know which room is his, but I’m pretty sure I can figure it out. He must understand what I’m thinking because he shuts the lights off as we go. He doesn’t stop me when I walk into the furthest bedroom so I know it’s the right one. I lead him over to the bed and pull the covers back. I gently push him so he sits on the edge. I pull his shirt off over his head and guide him so he lies down.

Going around to the other side, I take my jeans off. There is nothing sexual about this moment, and we both know it. I leave his jersey on as a reminder that I’m here for him. I climb in and brush his lips softly before I curl up on my side facing away from him. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me so I’m flush with his body. I can feel his heart pounding against my back and he holds me so tight at first that it almost hurts. But he finally relaxes, and I feel his head right behind mine.

“Thank you, Ash.”

“Goodnight, Cam.”

Even though her soft body against me feels so good, I’m not willing to risk what I have with her for sex. I want her. I won’t deny this. But I need her more than sex right now. I feel her moving in my arms and I smile when she turns her head back my direction.

“Morning.”

I kiss her forehead. “Morning. Thanks for staying.” She doesn’t say anything but gives a soft smile. “I think we need to look at your schedule and see what you need from me, because this is certainly turning out to be a one-sided deal.”

She laughs. “Not really. I like being around you, so I’m getting something out of it. I do get delicious kisses when we’re with your team, so that’s something too.” She raises her eyebrows suggestively, and I laugh at her.

“Don’t tempt me, Ash.”

“No? Why not?”

“Because I’m not strong enough to deny you.”

“What if I’m in charge?”

I raise an eyebrow intrigued by what she’s going to say. “Meaning?”

“If I want to kiss you, I’m going to. If I want to do more, I’m going to. I’m in charge.”

I let out a breath. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Let me decide how much I want to get hurt or not get hurt. I’m a big girl and can make my own decisions. You’ve been completely honest with me, so I know what I’m getting myself into.”

I can’t argue with this because I did put it all out there. I never even felt that comfortable sharing so much with Jacob, but I wanted her to know how I felt about the accident. I needed to get it out of my system.

Knowing I’m going to regret it, I give in. “Fine.”

She smiles and shifts to get up. When she moves so that she’s straddling my waist, I know I’m done. She looks so hot with her sleepy eyes and her messy hair falling over her shoulders. She grabs both of my hands in hers and leans so our hands are over my head. She is now within inches of my mouth. I can see her pouty lips moving toward me and I squeeze her hands as she makes contact. My dick instantly springs to life, and I’m sure she feels the effect she has on me.

I try to remove my hands from hers so I can hold on to her, but she squeezes them harder, silently telling me I’m not allowed to touch.
Shit
. I lift my hips to her and the moan she makes in the back of her throat vibrates through my entire body. I might die if I can’t touch her, but I know the least I can do is let her be in control.

“Ash, you’re going to kill me.”

She smiles against my mouth. “Maybe. But I’m going to enjoy myself in the meantime.”

I love this side of her, and I can’t help myself. I easily overpower her and flip her onto her back. “I promise, nothing more than kissing you. You’re still in charge.” Her eyes are filled with lust and I have to carefully control my desire or I’m going to go against her wishes.

I gather her in my arms just so I can feel her whole body against mine. I lower my mouth to hers and as soon as she parts her lips, I slide my tongue in to taste all of her. I groan when she grinds her hips against me. Shit, it’s only been like five seconds, and I already can’t get enough of her. This is too hard. I pull back from the kiss and bury my head in her neck and just hold her while taking in her scent. I have to change the mood or I’m not going to be able to control myself.