Here Comes the Light (Cambrooke #1) (17 page)

“I am going home now.” I say to Hudson. I can’t get the picture of his dad yelling at Amy like she was scum
out of my mind. I remember last night at Declan’s how tentative and sweet Randy was toward Robin, helping her with the dishes after dinner. I think I even overheard him tell her she was beautiful.  I can’t eat now; even if I wanted to I have absolutely no appetite.

“Don’t leave because of her.” Hudson snaps.

“What are you crying about?” I hear Scott’s voice boom down the hall making me sick to my stomach.

“Bye Hudson.” I speak in a hush as I head out the door.

“Miley wait.” I should have known now he would try.

“Why do you think I want to leave because of your mom?” I ask as I flip around towards him.

“I am sorry, about earlier.” He says as he rubs the back of his neck again.

“You know what? It isn’t even about that eit
her. I can’t believe the way your dad talks to her.” I say backing away from him and shaking my head.

“She is an idiot, Miley she knows how he is, she knows what sets him off.”

My head spins at this, is he actually siding with his dad? “Hudson, how can you think that it is okay for him to treat her like that? He is horrible to her. Your mom is trying.” I point my hand towards the house my heart beats wildly.

“I don’t want to fight about my parents.” He sighs and shakes his head.

“I don’t want that to be us someday.” My voice shakes as I fighting back tears.

He whips his head back up towards me. “Why would you th
ink I would treat you like that?”  His voice raises a little bit his eyebrows narrow.

“Why do you think it is okay for your dad to treat your mom like that?” I cross my arms and still stand away from him.

“I don’t,” he speaks softly, “but she knows what makes him mad so, if she is dumb enough to do it then she deserves it.” He reaches out for me now like everything is alright. “I am not my dad, you are not my mom.” He says sweetly before pulling me into a hug. I don’t resist him this time.  “I’m sorry; I really don’t want to fight with you anymore.” His arms are wrapped completely around my shoulders and his chin rests on the top of my head.

“I don’t want to fight either.” I whisper.

He pulls away just enough to look at my face the corners of his mouth turn upwards, “now come back inside and eat with me.” he demands with a smile.

Chapter 13

“A
re you sure you are okay with this?” I ask Hudson on my cell phone.

“Well I admit I am not crazy about the fact of you hanging out with another guy, but I know he is your friend and I trust you.” He tells me. This makes my heart soar. Hudson and I have practically spent every second together the last few weeks. He wanted to hang out with
Coby some so I made plans with Declan. I think he fought the urge to get mad over this, but I am proud of him allowing me to have a guy as a friend since I don’t have Jess. I do still have Nova, but that is only when Jess is busy.

Declan says he is taking me to the skate park so I dig through my closet for skate board
ing appropriate clothes. I find a pair of longer jean shorts that I have never worn and a bright pink fitted vneck and my pink chucks that I have never taken out of the box. I love them but if I ever wore them I knew Jess would have a fit and it wasn’t worth getting shunned over.

Standing in front of my mirror I look different than I normally do. My fashion queen style though is more Jess than m
yself. I pull my long blond hair up in a high pony tail to complete the ensemble. I rock this skater girl look.

It is a beautiful summer evening, not too hot and not too cold the breeze is beach like as I sit out on my front porch steps and wait for Declan. I hope he doesn’t
expect me to ride the skateboard I only plan on going to watch him. My phone chimes alerting me I have a text message. I assume it’s Declan, but am surprised when I see Hudson’s name across the screen. He and Coby should be at a party or something right now. Declan isn’t picking me up until he gets out of church tonight so we are getting a late start.

Hudson:
Miley I need to talk to you ASAP I’m at home

My heart drops when I see this.
Hudson never sends me messages like this I send Declan a quick text telling him to give me another hour or so before I rush to my car and head over to Hudson’s.

When I arrive at Hudson’s house his car is the only one in the drive way this better not be a ploy to get me alone again. I knock and wait, no answer, the door is unlocke
d I let myself in. The house is dark and silent. “Hudson?” I call out as I make my way towards his room. Still nothing his door is cracked when I get to it so I push it the rest of the way open. My heart falls out of me onto the floor when I see him and Jess on his bed.

I stand here with my jaw hanging
; it is like slow motion when he tosses Jess off him. “Miley.” I shake my head and try to erase the image from my mind. I finally get control of my feet before he can get to me. He stumbles. I run out of the house barely hearing his voice calling out my name.

I get into my car and drive through my tears. I have no idea how I see anything. My phone starts going off as soon as I am out of his driveway.

My mind in such a haze I can’t focus on anything let alone turning my phone off. I roll my window down and toss the phone out onto the road.

I have to get to it. The only thing I can depend on, my box.

I don’t know how I got here
, but I am now sitting on the floor leaning against my bed my razor in hand I make the gash of release starting at my ankle and pulling it up on my leg.

One isn’t enough so I do another.

Then another,

I can’t see
what I am doing through the tears the gashes don’t even begin touch the whole in my heart. I pull my legs up against my chest and burry my face in my knees.

How can I even trust anyone again? My mom is gone, I lost my dad when my mom died and now I know Hudson and I are over for good. Things can never go back to the way they were
.

I don’t know how long I’
m on my bedroom floor crying when I hear my bedroom door swing open I don’t even look up and see who it is. Right now I don’t care who sees me like this.  Seconds after the door is opened I feel arms wrap around me. I know who it is before he speaks from the light soapy scent in all the drama I had forgotten we had plans.

“Miley, what happened?” His voice is soft and concerned. I bury my face in his chest.

“He cheated on me.” I mumble into his shirt.

“Hudson cheated on you?” I only can nod. “But how…” I feel his chest inflate and deflate as he takes in a deep breath. “Why are you cut?” his voice is low.

I don’t want to tell him what I just did I don’t want him to let me go. “I…” I don’t even know if he can understand me my face is still pressed against his shirt. “I did it.” I hold my breath waiting for him to tell me I am crazy. I feel his chest inflate again, but he doesn’t let me go his embrace seems to get a little tighter.

“Why did you do that?” he speaks with almost a whisper.

“I don’t know. It makes the pain a little less.” I speak through my sobs. I feel his chin rest on the top of my head and he rubs my back as I sob. I don’t know how long I am crying for, but I feel like I am in the safest place in the world.

All those times I was in Hudson’s arms I never felt this secure and loved.  Wait a minute… does he love me?
I notice I can feel his heart beat under my hand. When did I put my hand on his chest? I pull my hand away.

“D.” I say looking up at him.
I am not ready to remove my head from his chest yet.

“Yeah?” he speaks softly as he looks into my eyes like he is reading my soul.

“Thank you.” My voice comes out quiet and raspy. I force myself to pull away from him. I am a little confused now. I think our friendship may have just crossed a line.  I lean back against my bed. He follows my lead. He smiles slightly at me and pulls his knees up. There is a silence he seems to be somewhere else, in deep thought. He stares at the cuts on my leg. I wish I could have kept this part of me from him. Only Hudson and Nova know I do this, but they have never witnessed it.

He r
eaches over and lightly slides the tips of his fingers down the slashes on my leg.  The blood has already begun to dry we both stay silent as his eyes move from my leg to the spilled box of self mutilating tools beside me.

“What did you use?” his voice is a scratchy whisper.

“The razor.” I say softly as I wipe my cheeks dry with the back of my hand.

He reaches down and picks up the razor. He turns it around in his hand, studying it intently. “My best friend Liam
…” He finally says. “…Liam killed himself. Slit his wrists last fall.” He speaks flatly as he stares at the razor. His eyes gloss over as I wait for him to speak again.  I don’t know what to say to this. He takes a deep breath in before continuing. “I was the one that found him.” his voice cracks and a tear slides down his cheek.

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”
I say as I rest my hand on his knee. He nods and places his hand on mine, but keeps his gaze staring straight ahead.

“That scared me, Mi, when I first got here I found the front door wide open. Then I find you up here on the floor bleeding.”
He finally turns to look at me. “I can’t lose you, Mi.”

I am not sure what to think
of the way he looks at me. “I’m not going to kill myself, D.” I assure him.

“Please come to church with me.” he pleads. The way he is looking at me right now, I can’t say no to him tonight.

I nod slowly. “Okay.” I whisper.

“You need to call me if you ever think of doing anything like this again.” He say
s with seriousness in his voice.

I’
ve never had anyone I could go to like this. I nod just before the tears begin to flow again. I bury my face in my hands before I feel his arms around me and my face is smashed up against his chest for the second time tonight.

“Will you stay
with me tonight?” I muffle into his chest. I don’t know if he can understand me or not. My dad is away for the night on business and I don’t want to be alone.

“Yes.” He finally says letting me know he heard. We sit like this for I don’t know
how long. As much as I think I need to pull away all my body allows me to do is close my eyes. Right before I feel myself drift off to sleep I think I hear a mumbled, “I love you.”

“For I know the thoughts I have towards you says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you hope and a future.” The words invade my mind as I open my eyes. Declan is sitting on my bean bag chair speaking the words. He looks up from his phone.

“Hey, you’re up.” He smiles and leans for
ward. “How are you feeling?”

I lean up on my elbows. I’
m in my bed under the covers but still in the clothes I was in last night. “Alright, what was that you were just saying?”

He holds his phone up in the air. “I was just reading my Bible app.”

I push myself the rest of the way up and sit on the side of my bed. “Why were you reading it out loud?” I ask.

He shrugs as he cups the phone in between his knees.
“Thought it might help.”

I let out a small chuckle. “Thanks but I really don’t think God meant that for me.”

“Mi,” he sighs, “if you only knew how much God cares.”

“Maybe about you.”
I speak quietly as I pick at the black sequence on my bedspread. “I am sure he doesn’t care that much about me. You didn’t have to stay you know.”

“You asked me to.”

“You could have left once I was asleep.”

“I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“I am always alone D,I am used to it.” I give him my best plastic smile I can muster. I can tell by the look in his eyes he isn’t buying it.

“You’
re never alone.” He says softly.

“What about your parents?” I ask as I stand up.

“This was important, you are important.” He says standing up beside me.

“I am alright now, you can go home.” I head for my closet.

He shrugs, “Alright, well I will be back later to pick you up for church okay?”