Here Comes the Light (Cambrooke #1) (16 page)

“But…”

“Call you later?” I say as I jog toward my car I am in it and gone before he can get to me. I spent way too much time in that dream world, time for me to get back to reality, where I am alone.

My thoughts of hopelessness lead me right to my bedroom floor with my familiar friend, my razor blade.

I press the razor to my ankle and pull upwards almost an inch before my sobs impair me from doing so anymore.

I bury my face in my knees as I hear the continued chanting in my head.
You are not smart enough, you are not pretty enough, you are not skinny enough. You are not enough.
The voices taunt me covering my ears doesn’t do any good because the voices are on the inside.

I curl up in a ball the cold hardwood floor and scream, trying anythin
g to get the voices to stop. No one hears because I am alone.

I am always alone.

Chapter 12

“I
’m ready for some sun.” Jess says prancing outside to the pool in her barely there bikini and a cover up that doesn’t cover up much either her big shades practically cover her whole skinny face and Nova trails right behind her like her little shadow. They’re here, just like on cue. Every summer this is where you’ll find the three of us. Jess takes the lounger beside me and Nova on the other side of Jess.

I love this time of year. The hot and bright sun always does wonders to relax me it’s perfect for forgetting what a mess my life is right now. Jess went out with that college guy the
other night and I forgot to ask her about him. She always enjoys talking about herself so I decide to bring it up.

“So how was your date with the college guy?” I ask.

“You mean college fake?” she chides and rolls her eyes. “Turns out he is still in high school.” She says as she sprays some dark tanning oil on her legs.

“You are too.” Nova chimes in.

“Yeah.” Jess says in the same tone as the word duh, “but I went there with the sole purpose of meeting a college guy.” Jess hands the tanning oil to Nova.

“Did you hear Ethan was kicked off the football team?” Nova gushes like she is the first to hear this gossip.

“Hudson told me.” I nod.

Jess smiles a smile that makes my insides twist a little. “I had him kicked off.” She smiles proudly. “Nobody messes with me.”

“What did you do?” I gasp.

She leans back and stretches her lean legs out. “Well since you didn’t press charges.” She rolls her
eyes again and I wonder if her mother ever told her that her eyes could stay like that like my grandma told me once. “Let’s just say that I put Coach Bennett in a very compromising situation. He could lose his job.” I am a little sick to my stomach hearing this. It is one thing for Jess to seduce other high school guys, even college guys, but Coach Bennett? He is an adult, he’s…old.

“You didn’t.” Nova gushes as she leans in for more juicy details. I get up and make my way in the house I need a drink and something to permanently remove the images of Jess and
Coach Bennett from my head. Gross. After I retrieve the water from the ice box I turn and see my dad standing right in the door way dressed in his business suit.

“Miley, I told Penelope that she could use the pool whenever she wanted.” He says as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

“You did what?” I don’t want to share my pool with her, its mine. He built it just for me.

“Miley she is family now.” He says exasperated.

“You’re not married yet.” I remind him in my best teen-attitude voice.

He sighs before catching a glimpse of my swimsuit. His eyebrow furrows as he looks down. “Didn’t I give you enough money for a swimsuit this year? I am sure you could afford a little more material.”

“Dad.” I roll my eyes and pull an arm across my belly, like that’s going to cover anymore. Yeah it is a bikini but it covers way more than Jess’ does. Hers is like dental floss with a little bit of cotton. “You think this is bad you should see Jess suit.” After I realize what I have said. I quickly retort, “No you don’t really want to see.”

He looks at his watch now, like our conversation has gone on just a little too long for him. Yeah I feel so much love. “I have to go.” He says in a rush, “Be nice to Penelope, please.” He calls out behind him.

“I’ll try.” I call out all sarcastic like.

“I mean it, Miley.” I hear him say right before the door shuts.

I stomp out of the house with a scowl on my face.

“What is wrong with you?” Jess asks like it is interfering on her ‘talk about Jess’ time.

“My dad told his girlfriend she could use the pool.” I grumble as I flop into the lounger.

“Your dad is here?” Nova perks up.

“He is my dad, Nova; put your tongue back in your mouth.” I groan. “And the five minute father/daughter bonding time sent him away anyway.”

“Your dad is seriously hot.” Nova gushes like a little school girl with a crush.

I cover my ears with my hands. “No, I don’t want to hear this again, you guys.”

“If I knew he was into younger girls I would have went after him.” Jess jokes. Though I am not so sure it is a really a joke. That is what disturbs me.

“You two are gross.” I sound like a two year-old.

“Miley, you are so into yourself.  I can’t believe how spoiled you are.” Jess says and this time she has gone a little too far.

“I am spoiled?” I sit up and point to myself.

“Yeah,-
and very selfish.” Jess replies nonchalantly. I don’t know what she is expecting if she thinks I am just going to sit here and take this like I always have. Not today. Today she hit a nerve.

“Look that cloud looks lik
e Justin Bieber!” Nova points, trying to divert our attention from the argument about to explode. Nova hates confrontation. Normally I do too, and I usually can ignore Jess’s little remarks.

“How am I spoiled and selfish.” I rise up in my chair.

“Miley, please everything always has to be about you and you get anything you want.” Jess huffs and waves her long, red nails at me.

“And you don’t?” I can’t believe she is calling me out on stuff she does.

“My daddy isn’t rich.” She says with her eyes fluttering quickly.

“All your step daddies’ are.” I point at her the anger is just rising even more every time she opens her mouth.

“All my things come with a price, they aren’t just handed to me.” she snidely remarks.

“What you sleep with them too?”

“Hey let’s go get smoothies!” Nova interrupts.

“Shut up!” Jess and I
both yell at her. Jess doesn’t say anything about my last comment so I must have hit a mark.

“You do!
You slut!” I scream at her as I stand.

“You’re a prude!” she screams back at me and matches my stance. “Poor Hudson, you tease that boy so bad, no wonder you can never keep a hold of him.”

“You didn’t tease Ethan and he still wanted me.” our faces are inches from each others now and I am just waiting for her claws to fly at me.

“I stuck up for you and this is how you repay me?” Jess steps back and puts a hand on her chest like she
is the victim, typical Jess.

“Maybe you aren’t as great as everyone thinks you are.”

“You better be careful, Miley, I can ruin you.” She says stepping away.

“Being your friend ruined me.” I snap as she grabs her cover up and pool bag from the ground.

“I don’t take crap from anybody, not even Miley Davis.”

“So what you can dish it out now, but you can’t take it?” I hold my hands out to the sides and
feel like white trash, but I am so ticked I don’t even care. Nova stands in between us.

“You will pay for this.” Jess says in a low warning voice then she looks at Nova. “Come on Nova.” She says before she stalks into the house.

“I am sorry Miley, I tried to stop it.” Nova says with pity before following Jess.

My two best friends just walked out of here, and right now I don’t really care. I feel much lighter.

“I missed you so much.” Hudson says before his mouth collides with mine again. We are in his basement making out on the couch. When he found out I spent last night having dinner with Declan’s family.  I guess he decided he wanted to compete and have dinner with his family.  Which consists mostly of us cramming our tongues down each other’s throats while feeling things we shouldn’t be. When anyone can walk down stairs at any time.

We are supposed to be watching a move, but Hudson is more interested in kissing than the movie. His hands are under my clothes and I am worried about him expecting more from me. As we kiss I can’t help but think about what his mom told me just a few weeks ago. How Amy and Scott, his parents were just like us until she ended up pregnant. Panic comes in on me. I know I can’t get pregnant doing what we are doing but it can lead to sex.

I gently push on him to get him off me. He stops kissing me but doesn’t move. “Miley what’s wrong?” he asks huskily as he looks down on me with concern.

“We need to stop.” I can see the irritation in his eyes before he sits up and rubs the back of his neck.

“So I can’t even kiss you now?” He holds out a hand and shakes his head. He was doing more to me than just kissing but I won’t call him out on that now.

“You always want more.” I whisper.

He looks away and lets out an irritated sigh before the door at the top of the stairs opens “Dinner is here.” Amy calls down the stairs.

“We’ll be up in a minute, mom.” He calls up the stairs before standing and adjusting his pants. 

“Hudson, I’m sorry.” I speak quickly he doesn’t respond he just heads for the stairs, not even looking at me. He goes on ahead of me. My heart sinks I hate it when he does this, just shuts me out. Now he is going to right in front of his family.

“Chinese again?” I hear his dad bark when we get to the top of the stairs. I have heard his dad yelling at his mom over the phone before but never in person. This is a little awkward.

“I can make you something else, Scott.” Amy says in a sweeter tone than what I would use. If that was Hudson I would have probably dumped the food on him.  Amy works long, hard hours as a hotel manager she doesn’t have to come home and cook Scott dinner every night.

“Uh, yeah, woman. Get to work.” He says all nasty to her. I hate the demeaning tone he is using. I just want to leave now. My eye catches their family portrait on the wall. Hudson looks just like his dad, dark hair and dark eyes and Carly just like her mom, curly blond hair and grey eyes. They look like the perfect American family, but the family in front of me looks nothing like the family in the picture. I look at Hudson, who still won’t look at me, but now I don’t know if it is because he is embarrassed or because he is still mad at me.

“What do you want me to fix?” Amy asks with a little rattle to her voice.
Carly is eating with her head down she is quiet, a lot quieter than I am used to her being. This is way different than dinner at Declan’s.

“What do you think I want? Not this stupid Chinese garbage.” He smacks a carton of noodles making them splatter all over the floor. “Can you get any lazier? I mean all I want is a decent meal after I work a long hard day at work.”

“I am sorry, Scott. I told you I would make you something else.” I hear the nervousness in Amy’s voice.

I don’t want to be witnessing this right now.

“Just forget it.” He stands up so quickly his chair falls backwards. “I don’t want anything now.”

“Please, don’t do this tonight
.” She pleads.

“You think you can tell me what to do?” his eyes narrow and his voice is even louder than before. “I am the man in this house if you don’t want to look like an idiot in front of Miley than you shouldn’t so stupid!” he shouts before barreling out of the room.

Amy looks at me with sad eyes. “I am sorry about that, Miley.” She says.

I don’t know why I feel the need to say this but it needs to be said. Amy is beautiful and all I ever hear are Hudson and his dad putting her down. “Amy you aren’t stupid.” My voice comes out quiet because I am still in shock.

Amy gives me a faint smile. “Thanks for trying, Miley.” She says before making a bee line down the hall.