Here Be Dragons - 1 (95 page)

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other, the horror. He talked sometimes of John, with such venom tK st\e suspected he was testing her. She listened in silence to these emh^1 tered outbursts, without protest. It shamed her to remember her year ^ ing to v's^
Worcester, to pray at John's tomb. Each time she thought ^rfrat had happened in the darkness of that Windsor dungeon, she w*' overcome with revulsion and self-loathing. To love a man capable <^ such cruelty was to condone it, even to make herself an accomplice Q sorts. And yet she had loved him, loved him and then grieved for hin\ Topaz rings and Maltese lapdogs and honeyed words.
How cheapk she'd sold herself. How little it had taken to claim her heart.
"HOW could you have been so rash? Whatever were you thinking of, Will?"
At first Will had been amused by Joanna's anger, but he was beginning to lose patience. "This is ridiculous, Joanna. All I did was to greet you when you entered the hall. I kissed your hand. Why should that give rise to gossip?"
"You kissed my palm, a lover's kiss! Jesus God, Will, what if someone had seen?"
He shrugged. "But no one did, so why are you so fretful?" "Because Senena was standing not five feet away! You know how she hates me. If she ever suspected"
He stepped toward her, silenced her with a lingering kiss. "Forget about
Senena, love. Let's not waste time quarreling."
"I do not want to quarrel. But it frightens me, Will, that you would fake such a risk, and it frightens me even more that you seem to find it amusing." Will was not listening, though, had pulled her back against him, encircling her within his arms, kissing her throat. Joanna yielded, allowed him to draw her down onto the blanket. "Promise me," she said huskily. "Promise me you'll not be so reckless."
It may have been the quarrel, the fact that they'd resolved nothing.
' may have been her realization that Will was excited by the danger of discovery, by the very risks she found so frightening. But for the first
"We the magic failed to take. She could not shut off her thoughts, could ot surrender unconditionally to her body's needs, was unable to reach
"flax. And afterward she was caught up in despair, hers the panicked flsations of a swimmer swept far beyond her depth. She turned on her
6 so Will would not see that she wept. Never had her sense of fore-
lng been so strong, a terrified certainty that this could end only in
&edy. The Lord God was a God of wrath, would punish her for so a sin, would punish her and Will as they deserved. But what of

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Llewelyn? He would also suffer for her sin, and where was th f in that? airness
Will had been disappointed by their lovemaking; he was too enced not to know when a woman's response was genuine and h*^ was feigned. He was irked now by her prolonged silence, and h ^'' dered why women had to complicate things so unduly, why they h H"*" bring so much baggage into bed with them, remorse and regrets t0 inevitably, recriminations. Such qualms rarely stopped them from ning, he thought, just from truly enjoying it. He'd hoped Joanna mig'ht be different, should have known what a frail hope that was Kni hr widow or
King's daughter, there was not a one of them who seem H capable of taking her pleasure as she found it, not even a woman lik Joanna, as passionate as any he'd ever bedded.
"Are you still vexed about Senena? Or are you having conscience pangs?"
"Is that so surprising? Need I remind you that adultery is a sin?"
Will sighed, raised himself up on his elbow. "What kind of sins are there, Joanna?"
"What kinds? Mortal and venial," she said, sounding puzzled, and he shook his head.
"No, my love. There are secret sins and found-out sins, and it is foolish to worry about the first until it becomes the second. Think on it, Joanna. Who are we hurting as long as no one knows?" Leaning over, he nuzzled her neck.
"You're not the fool most women are; you ought to have learned that lesson by now."
He meant that as a compliment, for he truly did think she was more intelligent than most of her sex, and he was taken aback by her reaction. She sat up abruptly, gave him a look of utter outrage.
"And just how am I to have learned such a lesson? By practice? You think I've done this before?"
"You're saying you've never taken a lover? I'm the first?" Will was surprised and pleased, but somewhat skeptical, too, and it showed in his face. Joanna jumped to her feet, began tugging at her disheveled clothing. He rose, too, put a hand upon her arm.
"I did not mean to offend you, love. I just did not expect it. You are a beautiful woman, after all, and must have had more than your share o offers."
r, "And you think that is what determines infidelityopportunity^ Joanna was even angrier because she saw he was not taking ne seriously. "By your measure, the only wife to be trusted would as plain as homespun. How does your own wife figure in your ^ tions, Will? I hear she's a handsome woman; am I to assume, she takes lovers?"

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"No " His voice was suddenly sharp "No, she does not "
"I see " Joanna reached for her mantle, fumbled with the catch He tepped in front of her, barring her way
5 "Joanna, you do not understand "
"You explain it to me then, Will Explain why it is right for me to honor my marriage vows, and wrong for your wife "
"This is such an absurd argument, so utterly needless Your pride is tender, love, you see insults where none was intended If you say I your first lover, of course I believe you And in truth, I'm very flattered " He sought to unfasten the catch of her mantle "Do not go, not vet' The mantle slipped from her shoulders, fell to the floor at her feet Stay with me," he said coaxingly
"Do you not want to7"
'Yes," Joanna confessed "I hate to quarrel But can you not see why I was upset7 I know what we are doing is wrong, cannot pretend otherwise And for all your talk of secret sins, you know it, too, Will If adultery is a sin for your wife, it is no less a sin for me And if"
"Will you forget about Eva7 I was not saying that Eva is more virtuous than you If her circumstances were like unto yours, she, too, might stray That is all I meant, love, I swear "
Joanna was not mollified, for he had inflicted a hurt no less painful for being unintentional "How are my circumstances so different from Eva's7"
Ignoring her challenging tone, he put his arms around her, drew her close She stood irresolute for a moment, and then, as his hands slid up from her waist to her breasts, she sighed softly, rested her head against his chest
"Well to begin with, your blood runs much hotter than Eva's " He laughed, and
Joanna bit her hp to keep from laughing, too
"You have a wicked tongue," she chided "A man should not talk so of his wife "
"Not even to his mistress7 I do but speak the truth You are more passionate than Eva Fairer to look upon Far more exciting in bed I do not doubt Eva could have been quite content in a nunnery Could you say the same, sweetheart7" he teased, and to his delighted amusement, Joanna actually blushed "No, my love, you could not It's more than a "e, it's a crime against nature to fetter a woman like you to an aging "usband "
Joanna wrenched free "How dare you1" Her voice was low, but so or rage that for a moment Will merely stared at her in surprise re , nna7" He moved toward her, but she backed away, out of
(L He'd never seen eyes as green as hers, and he found himself o m§ suddenly of the tales he'd heard of her fabled grandmother, the geous and autocratic Eleanor of Aquitame But he was rapidly hr-

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ing of these displays of Angevin temper. "Now what's wrong? Jesu, but your nerves are on the raw today! I did but speak another truth, that you are wed to a man much older than you. Nigh on twenty years older. 1 am being blunt, but not unkind. A man cannot be blamed for growing old. But neither can a woman for wanting what he can no longer give So what harm if we"
"You fool!" Joanna all but spat the words. "You vain, boastful fool. You talk so glibly about truths. Let me give you one, then. Yes, Llewelyn is five and fifty and you're but two and thirty. But for all that, he is twice the man you could ever hope to be, in bed or out!"
"Is he now?" Will had gone rigid, first incredulous and then infuriated. "Then suppose you tell me this. If you're such a satisfied wife, why have I been able to tumble you all week long on the floor of this stinking hafod?"
Joanna had begun to tremble. "I do not know," she admitted, sounding not so much angry now as despairing. "God help me, I do not know. But no more. May the Blessed Mary be my witness, no more!"
Snatching up her mantle, she whirled, ran from the hafod, ran until she was sobbing for breath, ran until the meadows were misted by a light, warming rain and she saw ahead the distant timbered walls of Llewelyn's manor.
JOANNA left Rhosyr that same afternoon, was gone by the time Will returned to the manor. Catherine showed no surprise at her unexpected arrival, welcomed her as if hers was a visit planned long in advance. She found some comfort in
Catherine's quiet company, but Catherine could not give her the advice she most needed, could not tell her what to do about Will. Joanna dared not confide in her, could not even risk confessing to her chaplain. Until she could find a way to confess in anonymity, she must live with a mortal sin upon her soul. As frightened as she was at being denied absolution, she was even more fearful of blaspheming her vow. She had sworn to the Blessed Virgin that she would not bed with Will again. And she had to keep that vow. She had betrayed Llewelyn, betrayed herself. She could not betray the Lady Mary, too.
But could she trust herself? She must pray for strength, must find it in her to resist temptation. And she must somehow see to it that she and Will were never alone again.
JOANNA passed three days at Tregarnedd, returned to Rhosyr with gre reluctance. The sun had been elusive all morning, making weak foraX

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/lej**
through the clouds rolling in off the Irish Sea, and by theHn^-hado"
dismounted in the manor bailey, she could no longer see), //ie'i$
"Have Madlen see to the unpacking, Glynis. I'm Sllt \ a will not a stitch of work whilst we were gone." Topaz was spr^ jmalnii' her, and Joanna bent down, gathered the whimpering jjttj ^ her arms, absurdly grateful for at least one heartfelt welco,,, "Mama!" 6' heS/l
"Davydd?" She straightened up, watched wordlessly /-omelt" hastened toward her. As he'd grown into manhood, he'd'be^ nos*1 and less given to public displays of affection. But he show A reticence now, embraced Joanna warmly.
jl, "When did you get back? Davydd, why did you not & fr Tregarnedd?" j, "We rode in last night, would have dispatched a m^ e? morn." t ^
"But why are you back so soon? Your father ... he' f Davydd, tell me if"
raitfl
"He's fine, Mama, truly. He's in the great hall, discussjnAfe «« terms with
Will de Braose. All is well, could not be bette Mama. The war is over."
"Llewelyn . . . Llewelyn is with Will?" ot ^
Davydd nodded. "Have you no questions for me? DO you ' respl|t to hear how we triumphed over the English? We gave them n^ace * harassed them day and night, finally forced them to make t^smanl met with Henry and Hubert de Burgh and they agreed t $ aeitf' Hubert's new castle, to withdraw at once from Ceri, whilst Pav c>f hi to assume the costs of the expedition. That was truly cie /
ce altj Mama, for Henry is now grateful to Papa for helping him save rin'reil he's begun to blame de Burgh for the entire debacle." DavynH iestf "Papa can put a fox to shame at times. And the best part c»f (? js |( this. The three thousand marks Papa is to pay Henry_^.t^ amount he is demanding for Will's release!"
"And Will agreed to this? He is to be freed?" . e re)
"Well, there's more to it than that, but I'll let Papa tell yol|' move Come on, let's tell him you're here." When Joanna did n^ou m> Davydd turned back with a quizzical smile. "Mama? A»-e ^ coming?"
"No, I... I want to change my gown first. I was not exp^r Joanna's voice trailed off in confusion, but Davydd just laug*,^ gun
"Mama, you look fine," he insisted, as Glynis chimed i^f, * Joanna that the gown was quite becoming. ' mvv^
"But . . . but it's green," Joanna said, very low, and bc^ty* nd Glynis looked at her in surprise.

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"Mama, green is your favorite color!"
Joanna said nothing. Green was her favorite and most flattering hue. It was also the symbolic shade of fidelity. Abandoning further protests, she allowed
Davydd to lead her into the hall.
Davydd was still talking about their campaign, laughing as he told her de
Burgh's half-built castle was now known as "Hubert's Folly." But Joanna was no longer listening. Llewelyn and Will were seated together by the open hearth;
they seemed surprisingly at ease with one another, were talking with animation, and as she watched, they exchanged smiles. And then they were turning, getting to their feet as she walked toward them.
Joanna's mouth was suddenly parched; she sought to shape it into a smile, said as calmly as she could, "Welcome home, Llewelyn." Had they been alone, she would have waited for his rejoinder, taken her cue from that. But with Will's eyes upon her, she felt she had no choice but to step forward, to kiss
Llewelyn lightly on the mouth. His response told her nothing; even if he was still furious with her, he'd never have been so churlish as to rebuff her in public. His face was impassive; as well as she knew him, she could not read his expression.
"You look pale," he said. "Have you been ailing?"
She shook her head, started visibly when Will chose that moment to interject himself into the conversation. "I'm glad you're back, Madame. I confess it was rather lonely here the past few days, what with both you and the Lady Senena gone." And then, before she could anticipate him, he caught her hand, brought it up to his mouth, with impeccable manners and laughing eyes.
Joanna's reaction was instinctive and vehement; she jerked her hand away. They were all staring at her now, Will with poorly concealed amusement, Davydd with surprise, and Llewelyn with a look that brought the blood up into her face, a look of curiosity . . . and conjecture. "Actually, you were right, Llewelyn,"
she said unsteadily. "I do not feel well. If you'll excuse me, I think I shall go and lie down." Not waiting, not daring to wait, she turned and walked swiftly from the hall, feeling their eyes upon her all the while.
Upon reaching her bedchamber, Joanna dismissed her maids. She'd decided she really would lie down, hoping in that way to avoid a discussion with Llewelyn, should he seek her out. She stripped to her chemise, began to unbraid her hair. But her fingers had become infuriating')' clumsy; she kept dropping hairpins and brush, even a small glass bottle of her favorite scent. Glass was very much a luxury, and this perfume vial was of a particularly delicate design, the handiwork of a Genoan master craftsman. With a cry of dismay, Joanna knelt, began to searc the rushes for the broken shards. But once she'd salvaged the fra&