Her Last Wish (22 page)

“What wish can I grant
for you? I don’t know if I have the strength to allow someone else to carry
children for us, but if you can carry Elizabeth’s, I am sure you are capable of
carrying your own. Of course, in the meantime, I’m more than willing to help
you practice as often as you like. At any rate, I need to know what my mission
for you would be, just in case.”

“Do you seriously
believe that anything will happen to me just because we’re together?”

“I will fight to make
sure you are safe forever, but I have learned that Death doesn’t care what I
will fight for.”

I shook my head. I
loosened his belt and smiled up at him, as he watched me in awe. Once he was
free, I pulled him against me, where I ached for him. With my lips less than a
breath away from his, I replied, “I think it’s still a little too early to
worry about kids. While I would enjoy them someday, that’s not what’s important
to me right now. I want to start with picking up where we left off and just
worrying about what’s right in front of us, just you and me. The only thing I
ever have or ever will wish for is you.”

He groaned as my body
slowly moved against his. “I’m pretty sure I can grant that one.”

Epilogue

Charlie

Three years had passed,
and I was happier than I’d ever been in my memorable life. The week after
graduation, Connor helped me move what little I had from my apartment into his
house. I’d stayed there so long when Jackson was stalking my apartment that it
didn’t seem like that big of a step for us.

We hadn’t tried for
that baby that Connor had wanted so much when I offered to be a surrogate, but
we weren’t in any hurry. We simply enjoyed our time together. Even though he
still seemed to have his doubts, we had plenty of time.

Savannah and I became
close friends after graduation. It was much easier after the whole
student-teacher thing was no longer an issue. I was even a part of her wedding,
which happened a little over two years after graduation. What I looked forward
to most, however, was her honeymoon baby, which was due any day.

Connor seemed to show
some jealousy over it, but deep down, I knew he was happy for her. We waited
anxiously day after day, waiting for some news.

I had been snuggled into
Connor’s chest on the couch with a movie when his cell rang. One look at the
name and he answered it faster than I’d ever seen him answer any other call. “Hello?”
he answered.

When his breathing
seemed to stop, I looked up at him. His face immediately paled. I gently placed
my hand on his chest and snuggled closer. He gave me a strained smile, but no
more.

“Yeah,” he said in a
scratchy voice. “Yeah, let me talk to Charlie and see what she thinks … I
know
Savannah. I just need a minute. I’ll call you back.”

He slammed the phone
down on the end table. When he started fidgeting, I moved out of his way so he
could stand up. He proceeded into the nursery, which still appeared as if his
son would come home any day. I’d kept it dusted, but other than that, it
remained untouched.

I slowly went in behind
him to find him on his knees in the middle of the floor. Without saying a word,
I put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Before my brain could register what
happened, I’d been pulled down on the floor with him, my legs wrapped around
his waist, his arms tightly around my back, and his face buried in my shoulder.
I could feel his tears dampen my tee shirt. Unsure of what else to do, I ran my
hands up and down his back, hoping it could bring him some comfort.

After a few minutes of strained
silence, he spoke into my shoulder, “Savannah wants to use the stuff in this
room. Apparently she couldn’t find anything for the baby that she liked more
than this. She says that since we’re not using it …”

No wonder he hadn’t
taken the call well. It was still a sensitive subject for him. It was still
painful for me, too. I had carried him, after all. But the baby had actually
belonged to Connor and had no relation to me, whatsoever. I’d spent many months
doing whatever I could to keep an emotional distance just in case. Although I
was a bit frustrated with Savannah for her request, I had a feeling I knew why
she made it. “What would you like to do?” I asked.

“I was hoping you could
tell me.”

I chose my words
carefully, knowing that the wrong ones could cause him further pain. “I know
you loved him. I did, too. I still miss feeling his nudges and kicks when I’m
trying to sleep.”

“I miss that, too.”

“And I know that you
had hopes for his life. I know there was a lot you wanted to teach him and do
with him.”

He nodded and held me
tighter.

“But he won’t be coming
home, no matter what we miss or wish for.”

“I know.”

“I think this room
feels too much like a shrine to him. And I think that maybe, if you’re ready,
giving this stuff to Savannah would be a good thing. For us
and
her.”

He squeezed me so
tightly it was almost hard to breathe. I simply waited for him to be ready to
talk about whatever went through his mind after my suggestion. I knew what a
difficult situation it was. I couldn’t rush him. This was
his
struggle.

After a few more
minutes, he said, “I need to burn off steam. With you.” He then covered my lips
with his, and lifted me up off the floor. I squealed in surprise as he quickly
carried me out of the nursery and into the bedroom that we shared.

I groaned when I felt
his hardness against my body. My heart raced in anticipation of what was to
come. Years later, and my body still reacted to him as if our relationship were
still new.

He rested me on the bed
and flipped me over onto my knees
, something he had never done
. He gently traced my
spine, sending shivers across my skin. He leaned over me, reaching around and
carefully unbuttoning my jeans, sliding them off. Panting, he said, “I need you
rough and angry. Can you handle that?”

I glanced over my
shoulder at him and smiled much more confidently than I felt. Despite my
excitement, I felt a bit nervous thinking about what he could have had in mind
for me. But I trusted him completely. I knew I wouldn’t be disappointed. I only
hoped that he would get what he needed from me in order to heal.

***

Connor

I couldn’t let her look
at me. I was too afraid of what she’d see in my eyes. I didn’t want her to see
my pain. I didn’t want her to see my frustration. I only wanted her to know my
need for her. I wanted to get lost in her so I wouldn’t have to face everything
else around me.

Once we were both spent,
I dropped onto the bed next to her and rolled onto my back. I draped my arm
over my eyes to hide my residual pain from Savannah’s request and the guilt
from what I’d just done with Charlie. I enjoyed it, and I knew she did, too.
But the fact that I couldn’t even look her in the eye bothered me. She was my
everything. I trusted her. I loved her. Why was I trying to hide my pain in the
shadows?

However, I should have
guessed she wouldn’t simply let me roll over and hide. She never had in the
past. I’m not sure why I expected it to be different. Within seconds, I felt
her slowly move over me. Her gentle and loving touches brushed over my stomach.
She carefully removed the condom for me and threw it in the trash can near the
bed. Then she began placing quick, gentle kisses across my chest. I wasn’t sure
if she was trying to build me up or
open
me up. Either way, it worked. I
craved her, possibly more than ever.

She climbed over me and
pushed my arm off my face, forcing me to look at her. She smiled sweetly at me,
instantly improving my spirits. I almost forgot about everything else in the
world that didn’t involve her. Her lips covered mine for a brief moment, just
long enough to reignite my desire for her and draw my full attention.

“I think,” she said
slowly, planting small kisses across my jaw, “that you have held onto your
grief a bit too tightly. Allowing yourself to let some of it go won’t make you
a bad person. I loved him. I miss him every day. I know how you feel, even if
he wasn’t mine. And I love you. How can I help you move past this enough to be
fully happy here in the present with me?”

Each of her kisses began
to feel like electricity across my skin. I wanted her so much it was painful.
Each brush of her skin against mine only heightened my need for her. Whether
she knew it or not, she was a seductress, and she tortured me with every touch,
even though I’d known the pleasure of her body only minutes before.

“Anything?” she asked
again, smiling knowingly against my skin as she moved her trail of kisses down
my neck and chest.

I involuntarily groaned
with pleasure as her tongue traced my abs. “I think your distraction is working
flawlessly.”

Her eyes gleamed
playfully as she reached to the night stand to get another condom. “Then I’ll just
have to keep distracting you until you feel better.”

Before she could open
the drawer more than a few inches, I pushed it closed again. I didn’t want it.
I needed to feel her completely, as I had when we’d been intimate for the first
time. I needed the closeness. I needed …

She looked back at me
as if I’d lost my mind. “What are you doing? I thought you wanted me to
distract you.”

“I do.”

“So you’re not letting
me in that drawer because …?”

“Because I want the
family that we would have had. But I want to start that family with you.”

She sat up straight,
straddling my waist. I gripped her hips out of a small fear that she’d get up
and walk away, though she showed no signs of wanting to. However, she did look
plenty surprised. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

I paused to think about
it, but in my mind, I had already decided. I had felt some fear at the thought
of a child with Elizabeth, and even more fear at the thought of raising him
without
her. I felt no fear at all when I thought of raising a family with Charlie. I
wanted
a family with Charlie. I wanted
everything
with Charlie.

“Yes,” I answered,
surprised at my own surety. “As long as we are in this together, I’m ready.”

She seemed to consider
it for a second. When she finally cracked another smile, I knew she felt the
same way I did. “Okay.”

Emboldened by her
agreement, I added, “I also want to get married.”

She stared down at me
again, seemingly stunned. I wasn’t sure why. I’d never hidden my feelings for
her. She had meant more to me than anyone. Dare I say it, even more than
Elizabeth. “You want to get married,” she repeated in disbelief.

“Absolutely.”

After a few seconds,
she cracked another playful smile. “So which should we do first?”

I carefully maneuvered
her body over mine and pulled her down for a kiss. When she sighed against my
lips, I knew I had her in every way. She was mine forever, and I was hers. I
pushed her a few inches away and smiled. “Both.”

The next day, Charlie
took the nursery apart on her own. Although I had resigned myself to giving
everything to Savannah, I was still too emotional about it to actually help. I
never told her so. She simply knew, as she always had. I did, however, help
load it in Savannah’s husband’s truck. It was much easier for me to deal with
once it was in barely recognizable pieces. So once again, Charlie saved me. The
thought made me feel weak, but I knew deep down that she was actually my
strength. Before her, I hadn’t felt anything at all. A moment of weakness was
better than the void I’d been stuck in without her.

Six months later, I
found myself putting up a new nursery, anyways. The gray walls had been covered
with robin’s egg blue. Charlie painstakingly painted a tree with cherry
blossoms on one wall. The new furniture was deep cherry-stained wood. The
bedding was various shades of peaches and pinks. I replaced the light with a
small chandelier. Our new daughter would come home to a dream nursery. And I would
make sure that she would want for nothing.

Charlie and I were
married in Elizabeth’s chapel. Though I wasn’t sure about the idea, I did
consider it and asked her why she wanted to get married there. It seemed
strangely important to her. She told me that without Elizabeth, we would have
never found each other in the first place. She had a point, whether I wanted to
admit it or not. Without my promise to Elizabeth, I’d have never been searching
for a surrogate. Charlie would have never had anything to even volunteer for,
and I would have never allowed myself to get close to her.

Savannah was Charlie’s
maid of honor and was placed in charge of much of the invite list. Savannah,
for whatever reason, decided to invite Elizabeth’s family to the wedding. Although
I was torn in how I felt about it, I was awed when Elizabeth’s mother cried and
hugged Charlie so tightly I almost worried her bones would break. I later found
out that it was because Savannah had informed them of Charlie’s decision to
carry Elizabeth’s baby for me, something they both apparently thought to be
awe-inspiring. Elizabeth’s father, though not as grabby, embraced her for it,
as well. Charlie hugged them both as if she had known them forever. I knew
immediately that her choice of the chapel for our wedding was the right one for
both of us. The collision of my past, present, and future somehow made my life
feel complete. I didn’t rely on their approval, but the fact that I had it
brought me more comfort than I could have imagined.