Her Last Wish (20 page)

As it turned out, one
of the deans was outside that building on the day of Charlie’s accident. After
that, there was no hiding that I had a pregnant girlfriend, who also happened
to be a student. I didn’t even
want
to deny it, not even to save my
career. I didn’t care. I didn’t regret loving her. I didn’t regret having any
form of relationship with her. However, I’m sure you can imagine how much
trouble I found myself in.

Hold up. Before you get
too excited with that imagination of yours, you should know I was extremely
lucky.

Naturally, there was an
investigation into my relationship with Charlie. My saving grace was the fact
that during said investigation, that ex of hers popped up out of nowhere. My
guess was that he showed up out of guilt. And I sure hoped he felt a lot of it.
She was nearly killed while trying to save his sorry ass, even after she had
made it perfectly clear that she never wanted to see him ever again. After he
talked to her like she was trash.

Whatever the reason for
his appearance, the ex told my superiors that the baby she carried was his, not
mine. Luckily, they took his word for it. He explained that they had broken up
a bit before Thanksgiving, because he’d had two girls in a certain state of
undress in his dorm room, a fact that Charlie had “conveniently” withheld from
me. Her distress on that day and Thanksgiving after everyone had left finally
made sense to me, and I could have killed him for it.

But he’d even gone the
extra step to bring his roommate and both girls with him. They all corroborated
his story on the breakup. Apparently, they’d all taken front row seats to it, a
fact that was likely an extra slap in the face for poor Charlie.

At any rate, whether
his statement occurred out of guilt or kindness (I seriously doubted the
latter), I was grateful to him for even bothering. In a way, he saved my
career. Though I wasn’t entirely convinced I cared whether or not it even
deserved saving. But I knew both Elizabeth and Charlie would care. I somehow
felt obligated to care to honor them.

Charlie, fortunately,
was in no trouble, whatsoever. I remember being disappointed that she had
signed up for Savannah’s class instead of mine after Thanksgiving, but it was
probably what saved her from having to retake every single one of my classes
that she’d ever passed. It might have even saved her from academic probation. I
suppose it also looked good for me. It was proof that I hadn’t dated any of
my
students while they were still students. But that was the furthest from my
mind. Even if she’d taken my classes instead of Savannah’s, and as long as I’d
gotten the brunt of the punishment for it, I still wouldn’t have changed
anything. I would never regret my time with her. In fact, I longed for it.

However, that didn’t
mean that I could go back on my decision to walk away. I had to keep her safe
no matter what it cost me. And so far, without me to mess things up, she had
been. After all we’d shared, the guilt ate me alive every single day I spent
away from her. She’d given me everything that meant anything to her. She’d
trusted me with her innocence, her happiness, and her heart. She’d been my
perfect match in every way. And I just disappeared without even saying goodbye
to her. I had to. Walking away was just too difficult.

On the other hand, she
hadn’t exactly sought me out. Perhaps I’d done just enough to keep her away.
She wouldn’t have been able to find me at work. Under strict orders from my
superiors, I’d laid low. I had no choice; it was that or lose my job. My
classes had been split up between the other teachers in my department. I did
all my department work during the night courses, when fewer people would be
around. I had been the department head that everyone had told me for years that
I should be. I was away from the classroom and only accessible to the professors
underneath me, no longer attempting to be the inspiring educator that I had
wished to be. Even if Charlie had tried to find me, I was sure she’d have given
up after a few days with no success. If not, surely a few weeks would have
discouraged her.

At the same time, she still
had my house key. Because she’d stayed with me so long, I’d had one made for
her. I hadn’t asked for it back, and I hadn’t changed the locks. I supposed a
part of me wished she’d have used it. She just never came by. It was bittersweet,
really. I wouldn’t have been able to avoid her at home. And if she stayed away,
she’d be fine.

But without her, I felt
emptier than ever. Each passing day only worsened that feeling. She was all
that I’d had left that actually meant anything to me. And I no longer actually had
her.

Once the dust finally
settled after the investigation, graduation was finally upon us. In order to
comply with my orders to keep my head down, I decided Savannah would stand in
my place throughout the ceremony to represent the department. She wasn’t happy
about it, but she understood that it was still too fresh of a scandal for the
school to allow me on that stage. I knew that if anyone deserved to stand in my
place, it was her.

Looking at the upcoming
graduate list, I was ecstatic to see Charlie’s name on it. I was at war with
myself over whether I should actually show up. In the end, I decided I had to
at least watch. It was a big deal for her. I
had
to be there. I loved
her too much to miss it. Everyone agreed that I shouldn’t be on the stage, but
no one ever said I was banned from even witnessing the ceremony. And no one
ever said I had to leave the shadows if I did. I could watch her walk, and she
would never even know I had been there.

Chapter
Twenty-Eight

Charlie

Graduation Day finally
came. I should have been excited, but I just couldn’t be. Sure, I was happy
that I didn’t have to sit through even one more terrible class or a subject
that I hated altogether. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Calculus and Trigonometry.
But it also meant I wouldn’t get to sit through any more of the good classes.
It meant I’d never have another debate with Professor Clary about the several
possible meanings for any given novel that she’d chosen for us. It meant I’d
never see Connor again.

I gripped his house key
in my fingers and fought the tears that threatened to fall. It had only been a
few months, but I missed him more than I’d ever missed anybody. I had thought
about going over to his house, but he didn’t seem to want to see me. He left
the hospital sometime after I’d fallen asleep, and I hadn’t seen or heard from
him since. He hadn’t even called. His office was always empty, as was his
classroom. His classes had even been merged with others. It was like he had
simply vanished. But I knew he still worked for the college. Professor Clary
assured me that he was still department head and that he’d been in minimal
trouble. Apparently my decision to sign up for her class had worked in his
favor, as well. I was glad for that much.

I probably should have
been angry at his vanishing act, but I couldn’t bring myself to be. I kept
telling myself that he had to have had a really good reason, though I couldn’t
fathom what that reason would be. Was he just afraid for his job? Maybe. But
something told me there was much more to the picture than I would ever be able
to understand. While Connor loved his job, he would have stood up for us no
matter what. If it meant finding another job, he would have. No, there had to
be more to it. I wished he would have just talked to me about it so I could
have at least tried to understand what he was going through and maybe even help
him through it. Instead, I was left feeling abandoned and empty.

A loud knock on the
door interrupted my self-pity. I wiped away the few stray tears that had
escaped
, hopefully salvaging my makeup,
and opened it. I tried to not get my
hopes up, but it was just too difficult. What if it was him? Had he finally
realized that we should have never been apart?

My excitement quickly
vanished once I realized who stood on the other side of that door. “What are
you doing here?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
He was the
absolute last person I needed to see. However, a small part of me was happy to
confirm that he was, in fact, safe. No matter how mad I got, that part would
always be worth it to me. I wanted him gone, not dead.

Jackson looked guiltily
down at the floor. Fortunately, he knew better than to set foot inside, even
though I could tell
it killed him to keep his distance
. “I came to apologize.”

“For?”

“Everything. For how I
treated you. For cheating on you. For starting that argument at the school.”

I gave a small snort.
“So that’s it? I get hit by a car and you feel guilty? You insulted me and lied
about me in front of everyone! You had not one, but
two
naked women plus
one naked roommate in your room, but I’m the one with the loose morals
when you have
zero knowledge of what I have done, or even where I have
been
, since I
left
?
Naturally, the roommate
being there
can
be forgiven, seeing as how it’s his room and all, but not the other two! Not to
mention, you nearly got a great teacher fired because you were jealous that he
got to spend more time with me because I couldn’t stand to be around you after
all the other stuff! Am I supposed to magically feel better about it all
because you
suddenly
say
you’re sorry?” I didn’t know why I couldn’t even admit to him that Connor and I
had been together after Jackson and I had broken up. At the same time, I didn’t
think Jackson deserved any insight into my life without him. That right was
null and void from the second he brought other women into our relationship.

“No. You’re not
supposed to magically feel better about it. I messed up bad. I’m just trying to
make things right.”

I laughed without
actual humor. “Yeah, things are far from anything resembling rightness. I don’t
think an apology will quite cut it this time.”

He sighed. “I know. But
I talked to the school board and told them that …” He looked at my no longer
pregnant stomach. I could tell he blamed himself for it. “I lied and told them
that the baby was mine. I know you don’t know whose it was, since those parents
were anonymous and all, but I didn’t want them thinking that it was Mason’s and
have them use it to get you in more trouble. And I told them about how we broke
up just before Thanksgiving. I brought my roommate and … Well, I brought
them
.
They all told the school board what happened that day. And I told them that I
only said what I did because I was angry and jealous, which I guess is true,
anyways. I told them that Mason had nothing to do with any of it. And I told
them that I took my anger out on him just because he was there and one of your
favorite teachers.”

I felt a dull pain in
my chest as he mentioned those girls from the dorm room. Even I had to admit
that Jackson’s betrayal still hurt. But I was surprised that it hurt far less
than Connor’s disappearance from my life. The pain caused by Jackson was no
more than that of a bad bruise. The pain from Connor … That pain was sharp and
agonizing, like I would soon bleed out. It was strange for me to compare the
two, let alone feel both at the same time. I had been with Jackson for so long.
Shouldn’t that mean that my breakup with him should hurt more? Before I caught
him in his dorm, I had thought we would be together forever. But somehow, I’d
accepted that it would no longer be.

That was all because of
Connor. I trusted Connor more. I cared about Connor more. Heck, I
loved
Connor. I’d given him everything. He’d taken care of me, even before he had
been anything more than my teacher. I blew off Jackson to take care of him when
he had made a very stupid decision. Our relationship had always been balanced,
give without expectation of reciprocation and appreciate when the other gives.
It was the only true relationship that I had ever been in. And he was gone.
Surely there was something I could do about it.

“Look, I’m sorry for
all of it,” he repeated. “I just want everything to be okay again.”

I looked up at him one
last time. “I want everything to be okay, too. And I think I know where to
start. Goodbye Jackson.” I squeezed Connor’s house key in my hand again. I had
to fix it. I didn’t care if he didn’t want me over there. I would go, anyways.
He
would
hear me out.

Without saying another
word, I grabbed my purse and ran out the door past Jackson. On my way by, I
could tell he was disappointed, but I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t
want him in my life, anymore. I couldn’t trust him. And he really didn’t want
to be with someone who would always question what he was doing and who he was
with when he wasn’t around. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, it was for
the best.

When I pulled in the
drive, Connor’s house appeared cold and empty from the outside, though nothing
was out of place. I slowly turned the key in the door and looked around.

“Connor?” I called.

I received no reply. I
hurried from room to room, desperate to find him.

Everything looked the
same as it had the last time I’d been there. Everything was clean and taken
care of. Everything was where it should have been. Even the nursery was still
put together and ready for the bouncing baby boy that would never come home to
see it. The only thing missing that I had expected to find there was Connor.