Her (54 page)

“Kristen, are you all right?” John asked. Concern remained in his eyes as I slowly pulled away from him.

“Thanks,” I said. “I’m okay now.”

“Are you sure?” His wonderful eyes glistened in the twinkling lights.

“Yeah.” I turned away from him and looked back out at the sky.

“What are you doing out here? There’s a kickass party going on in there.”

“I’m just getting some air.”

“I see,” he said.

He wasn’t getting the hint that I didn’t want to be around anyone. He moved closer to me and stood right beside me.

Looking up at the sky, he said, “You came out here to drink.”

“Don’t tell my Mom,” I said.

“I won’t,” he laughed.

“Don’t tell Lexus either.”

“No worries,” he said as he continued to find humor in the situation. He took his eyes off the sky and looked directly at me.

He was making me nervous. Looking at Lexus was wonderful, but when he looked at me, I was sure he wasn’t seeing anything special. I put my hand over the right side of my face so that I could cover up and hide from him. Not realizing that I was actually making it worse, I kept my hand up, and he was able to get a good look at the scars on my wrists. When I heard him deeply sigh, I realized I had made a mistake.

He said, “How have you been?”

I nodded.

“What does that mean?” he sincerely asked.

“It means... It means I’m better,” I told him. His concern for me made my heart flutter.

It seemed as if he believed me.  He let out a sigh of relief before he curled his lips into a satisfied smile.

It was apparent that he was not going to leave me alone, so before he could ask me any more questions, I turned to face him and I said, “So, who are all of those people in there, anyway?”

John laughed. He said, “Honestly, I don’t even know half of them. I bet they’re all my parents' and Lexus’ friends.” His smile was terribly adorable.

“Congratulations, John. You and Lexus are going to be great together. I’m really happy for you guys,” I said.

John stared into my eyes for a quick moment. In that moment, I felt my knees grow weak. Before I could fall, John grabbed me and embraced me with both of his arms wrapped around me. I hugged him tight. I squeezed him, and I didn’t want to let him go.

He slowly started to pull away after that quick embrace that we shared. The moment seemed to go by too fast.

His convincing and handsome smile that I loved so much was present on his face. His enthralling lips curled up perfectly and created a flawless smile that I could never deny.

John said, “Thank you. You know, it really means a lot to hear you say that.”

“I’m sure you both have already heard that from everyone here,” I said.

“But it means a little more, coming from you, Kristen.” He sounded too much like Lexus talking.

I smiled, holding back my tears.

“I have to get back,” John said. He looked back inside at the hall. “Have a good night, and remember to take it easy on that stuff.” He pointed to my empty cup.

I laughed and said, “I will. You have a great night.”

After that, he left me alone, outside on the terrace. I would remember John that way for the rest of my life. He was beautiful, kind, and happy.

That night Lexus insisted that I come to her apartment after the party. She suggested that we have a sleepover, and it would just be the two of us. She said it would be like old times. I said good night to Nick and Alison, and told my mother where I would be. She didn’t have too much to say to me, so I left the party with Lexus.

John walked with us out to Lexus’ car. I turned away from them as they kissed each other and said good night. My stomach turned at the sounds they were making with their mouths and tongues. Finally, Lexus was able to break free of John’s embrace, and we got into the car.

As Lexus pulled out of the parking space, John waved to us and shouted, “I love you,” to Lexus. She smiled and drove off. I watched John in the rearview mirror. He grew smaller in the distance until Lexus turned the corner and he was out of sight.

“It wouldn’t kill you to smile,” Lexus started.

“Yes, it would. It would kill me,” I joked.

“Ha, ha, very funny,” Lexus said.

CHAPTER 58

Spending the night over at Lexus’ house was just like old times. Lexus let me borrow one of her nightgowns, and we both settled down in front of her television once we were out of our formal clothes. We sat on the floor on top of a blanket Lexus had spread out, and we ate frozen yogurt while a late night comedy show played on the television.

“So, was it too much?” Lexus asked.

“I liked your party. It was like a dream,” I said.

“That was my mother’s idea of what an engagement party is supposed to be like. She wanted something out of a fairy tale. Oh, wait until you see the ideas she gave the planner for my wedding. I think I’m going to feel like Cinderella.”

“You’re far from being Cinderella,” I told her.

“You know what I mean. Not the evil step-mother part. You know, the princess part. When she meets her Prince Charming and everything is
so
enchanting.”

“Oh,” I said as I scraped up the last of my frozen yogurt out of the bowl.

“You don’t think so?”

“Yes, it’s great. It’s going to be amazing,” I humored her.

Lexus laughed. She was truly happy. I listened as Lexus continued to talk about her wedding plans. She went on about herself, John, and their plans for the future. I could only smile to make myself feel happiness to cover up the sadness that seemed to want to weigh heavily in my heart. Some of the things she shared with me were intimate. There were things she said that I didn’t really care to know, but I let her go on and tell me because she was on a blissful high. I didn’t think it would be fair for me to break her from it.

“I want to tell you something, but it may be TMI,” Lexus said with a blush.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I told myself I’d wait until I was married to have sex. I wanted it to be something special for our wedding night. I don’t know what happened, Kristen,” she said with a smile. “It just felt like the night was too perfect. We did it. But it was only one time. We said that we’d wait until after the wedding to do it again.”

I nodded.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “You probably don’t want to hear all of this.”

“It’s okay,” I told her.

Lexus quieted herself and stared at the television. She laughed at the red-haired man who was cracking jokes on the late night comedy show. He made one last joke and then directed the cameras to his band that played a short intermission to the commercial break.

“That guy is so funny,” she said with a laugh.

“Yeah, when I was in the hospital, the only time we got to watch television was during prime time when detective shows and teenage soap operas were on. The TV never stayed on long enough, and we weren’t allowed to be up late enough to watch the late night comedy.”

“Well,” Lexus responded. “You are out of there now. You’re home free! And you can watch as much late night TV as you want.”

We laughed together. After the laughter, we stared at each other in silence. Looking at Lexus’ beautiful face was not a difficult thing to do. It was when I grew self-conscious of what she was seeing when she looked at me, which made it difficult to keep eye contact. I turned my head back to face the television. The commercials were still playing.

Lexus suddenly snapped her fingers, startling me.

“I know it!” she exclaimed when she snapped her fingers.

“Know what?”

“What’s different,” she said.

“What’s different?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. She smiled wide and scooted herself closer to me, forcing me to have to face her now. She was very happy about her sudden epiphany. “You’re different.” She went on. “You seem happier. I mean, more positive about things. You don’t seem so...”

“Negative?” I completed her sentence.

“No. Uh. I mean, yeah. I’m not saying that you were a negative person. You made a change, because now you’re just so different, but in a good way.”

“I know what you mean. It’s okay. Thank you, Lexus,” I said.

“You’re welcome,” she said with a sweet smile.

I hoped that she would leave the subject alone, and not keep going on about it. The comedic late night talk show host saved me. The red-haired, hyperactive, funny man welcomed his next guest to the set. A popular young male actor with a godlike bone structure and suave swagger joined the host on stage. Lexus’ attention was now tuned to him.

As she watched television, I watched her. I noticed the sweet beauty mole that rested on her neck, just below her jawline near her left earlobe. I slid closer to her, quietly, not to disturb her. I put my hand on her shoulder and watched her smile. Then, I gently pressed my lips on that mole and kissed it. I held my lips there to make sure she felt my touch. She didn’t flinch or pull away from me.

I pulled myself away. When I looked at her, I was surprised to see that her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful and calm. She was breathing slowly.

As I took in that moment between Lexus and me, things became clear. Lexus really was a good friend. She was there for me as a true friend should be, the best way that she knew how. She did not want to hurt me, or use me to make herself feel good because she was not a bad person. She truly cared about me as her friend.

Lexus and I lived on the same planet, but we were from different worlds. Hers was a world that I did not understand. Lexus’ world was full of romance, love, family, John, wedding dresses, and engagement parties. Her story would have been written in an entirely different tone and genre if she had written her story.

My world consisted of trying to heal what had been broken on the inside and outside of me. Even though we came from different worlds and she couldn’t fully understand what I was going through, and vice versa, we remained best friends. We loved, supported, and accepted each other.

“Good night, beautiful,” I said to her as I pulled a pillow close and then lay down.

I closed my eyes and didn’t look back at her again that night. I was sure to pull the blanket over my face so that she couldn’t see me crying. I held my breath so that I wouldn’t make a sound. I didn’t know what she was doing or thinking after that, but I heard a sniffle and a soft sob.

Her warm hand touched my back, and it stayed there for a short forty seconds. She whispered good night just before she removed her hand. The television was turned off. The lamp was turned out. Then I heard her bedroom door shut.

CHAPTER 59

On my birthday, I woke up to Nick, Alison, and Mom singing to me. They serenaded me with the traditional birthday melody, but Nick and Alison topped it off with the best, most annoying soprano notes I had ever heard.

Mom fussed, “It was supposed to be nice. You both killed it.”

“She loved it,” Nick said as he dashed onto my bed and pulled the covers up from over me.

Alison added as she sat down on the other side of me, “We made it unique. I wanted to hit all of the high notes.”

I kissed the both of them on their cheeks. “I did love it,” I said.

Mom gave me a blueberry muffin with a lit candle sticking out of it.

“Make a big wish!” Alison said.

I closed my eyes, made a secret wish, and then opened my eyes again. I took a deep breath and was ready to blow, but Nick stopped me.

“Wait,” he said. “What did you wish for?”

“I’ll never tell,” I told him. Then I blew out my candle.

Nick and Alison applauded.

“Okay, kiddies,” Mom said. “Go get dressed so that I can drop you off at the Recreation Center.”

“Mom!” Alison exclaimed.

“I thought we were going to hang out with Kristen today, since it’s her birthday,” Nick said.

“Kristen has to see the doctor today,” Mom said. “You guys will see her later, after camp.”

I couldn’t deny the looks on their faces. I told Mom, “I’ll pick them up after I see Dr. Pelchat today, if you leave me the car.”

“Yeah!” Nick exclaimed.

“Mommy, please,” Alison pleaded.

Mom smiled at me. She said, “Okay. That’ll be fine. Just be sure you are at the Rec Center by 3:00pm.”

Nick and Alison cheered as they ran out of my bedroom and back up the stairs. When Mom was sure that they were in their rooms, she closed my bedroom door. She came over to me.