Her (25 page)

Tai went off with Dr. Bent for her session. Rocky wasn’t laughing anymore. He'd gotten into a conversation with another boy. Everyone seemed to be off in his or her own world, including Janine. She held onto her drawing and she seemed sad. I don’t know what came over me when I reached across the table and gently grabbed her hand.

She didn’t pull away from me. She just raised her eyes and looked at me. She seemed like she was split in two. I saw a sad Janine on one side, and on the other side I saw the fun and sweet Janine from a few weeks ago.  This sad Janine seemed like she was barely holding herself together. I knew the feeling, like you are about to fall off the edge of the earth.

“Janine? Have you seen a doctor yet?” I asked.

“I saw Dr. Pelchat earlier when you were in the BCR,” Janine said.

“What did he say?”

Janine said, “You’ll get to talk to him. I don’t think Dr. Cuvo is coming back.”

“Why don’t you think he’s coming back?”

I saw that I was upsetting her more. She lay her head down on the table and started sobbing. I squeezed her hand gently.

“Okay. I’m sorry,” I said. “Please don’t cry. Janine. Please. I’m sorry.”

Janine sat up straight and wiped her wet cheeks. She picked up the drawing that Daniel had given to her, and laughed at it.

“He’s so crazy,” she said with a giggle.

I looked down at the drawing. I expected to laugh with her, not scowl at it. But I felt that ball wanting to turn in my chest.

“Are you all right, Kristen?”

I snapped out of it and nodded my head to Janine.

“What’s wrong?”

I faked a smile.

“Nothing. I like that. He can really draw.”

She shrugged and said, “Yeah, he
can
draw. I’m going to go put this in the bedroom. Are you coming?” The fun and sweet Janine seemed to have come back.

“No,” I said. “I have to wait for Dr. Pelchat.”

Janine waved to me and ran off with her drawing. I looked down at the table and saw the other drawings. Rocky grabbed the one of the donkey looking at Janine’s butt, and he walked off to his room.

CHAPTER 26

Since the afternoon that John and I had talked together in the classroom, I felt like John was avoiding me. I hardly saw him around anymore. When Lexus came over to visit one weekend when Jack was out of town, she told me that John had transferred to her school and that she had seen him around. That explained why I hadn’t seen him at my school. That day, Lexus suggested that we call him and see if John would bring his little brother, James, over to play with Nicholas, since he did come over quite often for sleepovers, mostly when Jack had to go out of town on job assignments.

Lexus shoved the cordless telephone into my hand.

“Call him and tell him to come over and play with us,” she excitedly requested.

I shrugged, dialed John’s number, and waited for an answer while the phone rang. When the ringing stopped, I spoke into the phone.

“Hello?”

“Yes? Who is this?” The squeaky voice on the other end answered. It was John’s little brother, James.

“This is Kristen. Is John there?”

“Hold on. John, pick up the phone!”

“Hello,” John’s voice greeted me, from the other end of the line.

I felt a chill creep up my spine. He'd caught me by surprise.

I shook it off and said, “Hey John. It’s me, Kristen.”

“Hey! Kristen, I haven’t talked to you in a while.”

“Where have you been?”

“Well, since I transferred schools, I haven’t really talked to anybody.”

“Yeah? Why did you leave?”

“We’re moving soon. My mom wanted me to get a jump on the school up there, so that I won’t be too behind. But we aren’t moving for a few more weeks, so I have to drive every day.”

“That sucks.”

“I know. Doesn’t matter. It just sucks not getting to see everyone. James isn’t going to like leaving his friends when we move.”

“Well, then, you should bring James over to hang out with Nicholas. They probably won’t be able to see each other too often after you all move.”

John sighed, and then silence took over.

“Jack is out of town, working,” I added.

“I’ll ask James if he wants to hang out with Nick. We’ll see,” John said.

“Wait,” I said. “Maybe we can all hang out too. My friend Lexus is here.”

“See you guys in about an hour.”

He hung up. I hung up, too, and looked over at Lexus, who had a pair of earbuds on, covering her ears. The earbuds blasted the tune of a familiar, upbeat melody. Lexus was lip-syncing to her favorite song. When she saw that I wasn’t on the phone anymore, she removed the earbuds from her ears and smiled at me.

“So?” she inquired.

“So, what?” I asked.

“So... is he coming?”

I nodded with a wide smile.

“Oh! Look at you! You’re all happy,” she teased.

I shrugged my shoulders, trying to appear nonchalant.

She raised one eyebrow at me and nudged me.

“Isn’t he, like, your
cousin
, or something?” Lexus asked with a devious look on her face.

“No,” I said sternly. “Jack is
not
my dad.”

Bitterness rose up in my nostrils and came out in a frustrated sigh.

Lexus noticed and said, “Whatever! No time for grudges against your mom and dad just because you got grounded last week. Cute boy is coming over!”

“Yeah,” I sighed. I tried to brighten my mood and not let Lexus see me upset.

“When he went to your school, did you guys spend a lot of time together?”

“Not really,” I said. “We talked about writing sometimes after school.”

“Did you and John talk alone?”

I blushed.

“Yes. We were alone,” I admitted.

Lexus gasped and her eyes grew big.

She suddenly asked, “How does he kiss?”

That question caught me off guard. I froze up. Inside, I knew that if I had ever been kissed, I would have told her. Outside, I tried not to let it show that I had never come close to kissing anyone. Not even once. The only kiss I’d ever gotten from someone that I loved other than my mother was when I’d let Jack kiss me at their wedding. My mind drifted to that happy time.

This wasn’t real. This had to be one of Lexus’ tests. The smile on her face was fake. It was like she was enjoying it. She knew I had never been kissed.

No. Lexus isn’t like that, I told myself.  She was just hoping that I might have stepped up to that level that she was way beyond. I had to convince myself that Lexus was not doing that to me.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“He’s good,” I said, giving her a fake smile.

For a quick second, I saw her mouth drop. She shut her mouth quickly enough to try to cover up her shock. She gasped wildly and shoved me playfully.

“Are you serious? You skank! Why didn’t you tell me?” Lexus asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t know what to say. The look on her face was different from any look I’d ever seen before. She was slightly smiling, and nervously pushing her hair out of her face. She looked like she wasn’t breathing.

“Are you okay, Lexus?”

Her smile grew wider.

“I’m fine. Come on. What are you going to wear?”

“This,” I said, gesturing to my outfit that was made up of simply blue jeans and a t-shirt.

“Uh, no,” Lexus said as she grabbed my arm and pulled me to my closet.

When James and John arrived, Lexus and I were in the living room, flipping through channels on the television. Nick ran to me and hugged me tightly.

“What’s that for?” I asked him.

Without him having to say a word, James and John walked into the living room. Lexus stood up and walked over to John. She tugged his arm and said hello. Nickyroo still had his tiny arms around my waist. I gently pushed him away and then kissed him on the forehead.

“Have fun,” I told him before he and James ran off to play together.

“Hey, John,” I greeted.

“Hey,” he said. “Have I been away that long? You look different.”

“No kidding. Is that my lipstick?” a voice said from the other side of the living room.

I looked over and saw my mom with her hands on her hips.

“No,” Lexus put in. “It’s
my
lipstick.”

“Mom, we were just messing around. I’ll go wash it off.”

“No. Keep it on,” she said. “You look nice, for once. Thank you, Lexus.”

Lexus smiled and looked over at me.

“See! I told you,” she boasted. “You look great. I don’t know why she didn’t even want to look in the mirror to see for herself.”

I looked away from them, embarrassed. I didn’t want them there. I didn’t even want to be there.

“Is something special going on?” John asked.

“No,” Lexus said. “I think she looks nice.”

My mom said goodbye to us and then walked out of the living room.

“It’s
different
,” John said.

“I’m going to my-” Without thinking, I started to leave.

Lexus grabbed my arm and hit John on his arm.

“So, are we hanging out? What do you guys want to do?” Lexus asked.

John’s eyes lit up.

“I’ve got something to show you,” he said to me. “Come on.”

He headed out the front door.

“Great!” Lexus grabbed my arm and pulled me along.

When we were outside, John pointed to a shiny, black, 1967 Ford Mustang that was parked in our driveway.  Lexus gasped and let out a scream.

“Sexy!” she commented. “Is that yours, John?”

“That’s your dad’s. Right, John?” I said to take the attention off Lexus.

“Yeah,” John told me. “He said I can drive it and see if it grows on me. I might get to keep it after I graduate.”

“That would make a hot graduation present,” Lexus charmingly expressed. She walked over to the classic vehicle and stared at it admiringly. As we checked out the exterior of the car, I could feel John’s eyes beaming towards me. Lexus didn’t seem to notice. She seemed to be enamored with John’s car. She ohhed and aahed and rubbed it like it was a kitten. I thought the car was going to start purring because of how she was fawning all over it.

“Can I?” she asked John with her hand on the door.

“Sure, but watch the interior,” John warned. “My dad had it detailed.”

Lexus hopped into the front seat. John laughed. He looked away from Lexus and back over at me. I was smiling on the outside and nervous on the inside. I could see that he liked Lexus. Everybody liked Lexus. She had that kind of effect on people, especially guys. Why would John be any different? I wanted to disappear.

“Kristen,” he called out to me. “Come here. I want to show you something.”

I followed John to the trunk of the car, which he opened with a big, convincing smile on his face. When he pulled out the large and bright kite, I had to cover up my huge smile. He rubbed his hands gently over the red, white, and blue, American Flag-designed kite. Then, he turned to me. His eyes were bright and gleaming with the sun beaming down on him. He looked like some kind of beautiful creature that had fallen from heaven.

With sweet eyes and that wonderful smile he asked, “Kristen, will you fly this kite with me?”

I knew something had changed for the better. Uncontrollable feelings of fear, love, strength, and want spilled inside of me. I felt a little bit of those overwhelming emotions squeeze out of one tear from my left eye. I couldn’t speak. I just nodded.

He stepped in close to me and whispered in my ear.

“Thank you for what you said to me, Kristen. You reminded me of something really important.”

I remained closed to him, and whispered back, “What, John?”

He chuckled, and said, “You reminded me of what’s most important. Not to be afraid, and just do it.”

I turned my head slowly towards him. He didn’t move. Our foreheads touched and our eyes met. It felt like we were magnets. There was an invisible force keeping us close together. We were so close that, if I moved half of an inch, our lips would touch.

“Sometimes I feel,” he whispered, “that I can do anything. No matter if I’m scared, I know that I can do this. I don’t know why I suddenly felt that after we spoke that day.”

“It’s just simply, because you’re wonderful,” I reminded him.

He closed his eyes and lowered his head with a smile. I kept my eyes open and moved my lips close to his ear. I whispered, “You can move. I dare you to move. Don’t be afraid, John. Just do it.” I couldn’t believe I said it. I couldn’t imagine what he might have been thinking, but I was not thinking at that moment. I was only feeling the emotions of love and want. I wanted John to kiss me so badly.