Hell Bent (13 page)

C
am is sitting
across the table from me at the pub. He looks sunburned and glaringly out of place among the pale September faces in the rest of the room. I envy him his relaxed features, but I can still see there is something else there.

“What’s up, Cameron?” I ask. I don’t use a familiar ‘Cam’ because I sense this is a serious conversation.

“Bryce, I need some advice,” he says.

“Okay, shoot! I’m guessing you had a good honeymoon—unless that color in your face means you were lying on the beach alone?” I ask him in a teasing voice.

“No, no, nothing like that,” he says. “It’s much more than that.”

I am more than a little alarmed. “Okay, tell me.”

“Okay, first thing is that I’m going to come clean, right here and now. Milly was pregnant before the wedding.” He looks to my face for a reaction and naturally, there is shock on it, but not for the reason he might expect.

“Ohhhhhkay,” I lead in, inviting him to tell me more.

“I know…I’m a shit…but I didn’t have anything with me, and it was one of those spontaneous things…It actually happened at our parents wedding, can you believe it?”

“Yeah, I can, actually. I would’ve hated to sit through that whole affair too,” I mutter in response, but it goes right over his head. I don’t understand how this happened though…I thought Susie told me that Sabrina had Milly secretly tested back when she was a teenager, and that she was infertile. Maybe the tests were wrong?

“So, here’s the thing. You know Milly has a chance of lymphoma recurrence, right? Her mother always insisted she didn’t need to be tested, but we know it needs to be done. If the news is bad, I don’t know what we’re going to do, man. We’re having a baby! I don’t want it to grow up without a mother.”

“Yes, I understand,” I say. “I definitely understand where they are probably coming from.”

“So, what the hell do I do? I think she should get tested, and she agrees. She says she wants to do it as soon as possible. And what if something happens to me? Who is going to take care of our kid? Milly will not likely remarry—not in her condition…” He is rambling on and on with “what if’s” and working himself into a lather.

“Cam, Cam…hold on,” I say, putting my hand on his arm. The waitress brings us two more beers, and I wait until she’s out of earshot before I go on.

“Cam, I will give you my personal guarantee that should anything ever happen to you, I will take care of Milly and the baby. You have my word on that.” I hope this will calm him down.

“Seriously, man?
Jesus
, Bryce, that’s a true friend. I can’t tell you how much that takes off my mind,” Cam says, taking a slug and shaking his head. “I couldn’t even talk to Milly about this because she would disintegrate. She’s worried enough about being pregnant.”

“Yeah, I get that,” I say.

“So, I told her, enough is enough. We’re getting her tested, and we’re going to determine this once and for all. I can’t stand the suspense and there’s too much hanging in the balance.”

I sit silent. I can’t tell the poor son-of-a-bitch that his ass is already cooked; Milly has been tested by her evil bitch of a mother, and the answer to his question is yes, she has a high risk of recurrence. I simply do not know what to say. So, I keep my peace. I don’t like the way this feels, sort of omnipotent. There’s nothing I can do to change things, so I will let him have his solace in ignorance a while longer.

“Don’t worry, buddy,” I say. “I’ve got your back. Plus, we’re starting a business, remember? You will give Milly all she expects and more,” I assure him. I know if the situation were to be reversed, he would do the same for me. I take a deep breath. “I’ve got some news as well,” I tell him.

“What’s that?” He looks calmer now and even anxious to hear my news.

“Well, I asked Susie to marry me, and she said yes,” I beam.

“No shit?
Jesus
, man, why didn’t you say something right away? That’s wonderful!” He stands up and starts pounding me on the shoulders. I roll away to deflect the harder-than-necessary punches.

“There’s more. I bought her a house, a car, and the best part…we’re going to have a baby, too!”

Cam’s mouth is open. “
Jesus
, man…let me go off for a fuckin’ two-week honeymoon and you change your entire life. How the hell did you pull that off?”

I look sheepish. “Which part?”

“Well, all of it!”

“The baby, well it just sort of happened the first night. We didn’t plan on anything, but you, of all people, know how that goes. It just sort of happened. As for the house, well my Granddad put some money into a trust fund for me, and I just came of age to inherit, so I spent a little on a place out in Bradley Manor.”

“Wooooah, not too shabby, my man.” Cam is appreciative—he knows real estate.

“I bought her a little red Audi A5 to sweeten the deal when I asked her to marry me, and added in a nice ring. The rest was up to her.”

“Bryce…I have to say, I am thoroughly impressed.”

Cam seems cheered up by the news that we will be going through the same thing at the same time. I get that—it’s a new territory and as nervous as I am, I can’t imagine how he must be feeling. I vow to see him through it, no matter what happens.

“So when is the big day?” he asks.

“Not sure yet. That’s up to Susie. I’m hoping she opts for a small wedding. I’m not keen on hundreds of people, and quite frankly, I’m not sure if she even
knows
hundreds of people.”

“Take it from me, buddy, there’s something to be said for keeping it small. I was actually glad our wedding wasn’t this huge extravagant affair.” Cam taps the table and then draws circles in the moisture off his mug on its surface.

“I hear that,” I throw in, and again, we exchange the look of camaraderie.

“Thank you man, for what you said earlier—that means a lot to me,” Cam is nodding and smiling. “Keepin’ it real,” he says as he raises his mug to toast mine, and I oblige.

T
here is
a peace in knowing how your life is mapped for the future. There is a peace in knowing you are loved, and that you love, and that there is more love down the road. This is something new to me—a feeling and a sense of belonging I have yet to own. I hope it never goes away, and I hope that Milly can know it for as long as possible.

I feel this sense of care-taking and connection with the tiny creature inside me. No matter how responsible I feel for Milly, the seedling within me needs me more. I am losing my sense of rebellion at the world. I am seeing sunlight and hearing the rain against my window for the first time. I miss my mother right now, more than anything.

Bryce is strong and tough, still at the beginning of his life. I know he will not leave me, will not disappear for days, only to stagger back in and drive me from my own bed. He will be a very, very good father and husband—I know this for certain.

It’s now time to plan a wedding. I’ve taken a notebook and gone out to the patio, watching the leaves drop and tumble over my lap as I write. I use only one page to detail the wedding I would like to have.

I want to have our ceremony here, at our home, and soon. The chilly September winds will not be patient much longer, and neither will I. I want Milly for my matron of honor, Bryce, his best man (whom I assume will be Cam), the minister, and of course, the Hansens will be there by default.

I really do not want any guests, and my music will be the autumn winds playing tunes on trees filled with chimes of every description. I would like the branches, soon to be barren, to be wrapped with tiny white lights, and a table with white linen and crystal to rest beneath, holding the wedding dinner.

When it’s over, I would like to retreat into my house with Bryce and see no one, not even the Hansens, for a full week. I will cook and care for my husband, as his wife. I want to run naked through the rooms, play music as loudly as possible, eat picnics on the floor, sleep until I can sleep no longer, and sit up and watch old movies until every hero has assumed Bryce’s handsome, sexy face and body. In short…I want that free careless time as I begin the journey of marriage.

The entire plan, list and all, barely fills one page. Bryce comes home momentarily and sits in the chair next to me, bringing a woolen throw from the house to layer over my shoulders.

“I’m fine,” I protest, but he insists by wrapping me again, and I give in rather than fight. I am learning that giving in is the shortest route to peace and tranquility in this house. Not that I mind.

“How are you feeling today, cream-puff?” he asks in a loving tone.

“I’ve come to a decision,” I say with some resolve, handing him the notebook, the cover closed.

He is considering my face, trying to read what the notebook could mean. I can tell he is concerned, and I suppose I understand this as I am known to skip around a bit in my feelings, and I can see where this could be disconcerting to him.

He takes the notebook and opens the cover, reading slowly. Within moments, the frown upon his brow eases, and he smiles, realizing that this is my wedding plan and that it is exactly, precisely, and without reservation, what he wants. He heaves a sigh of relief and closes the cover, reaching for my hand.

“I love you,” he says with the voice of a man who is truly content in his life.

“I know,” I respond. “Which is why I love you as well. This is a new feeling for me, Bryce. I don’t know how to react, so give me some time, will you?”

“I will,” he says. “You take all the time you need, but I already know your heart.”

“Yes, you do.”

He clears his throat. “Cam and I had a beer together this afternoon,” he goes on to say.

“Oh? That’s nice. Milly was here for lunch, too.”

“Did she tell you?”

“Yes. I assume he told you as well?”

“He sure did.”

“Can you believe it?” I ask timidly and with some concern. “I mean, here we were, thinking that Milly will never be able to have children, based on what Sabrina has led me to believe. This is either a miracle, or the testing was wrong, or Milly has recovered from her chemo damage completely. In any case, it’s great news, but I’m still so worried. What would happen if her disease comes back? What did you tell Cam?”

“I told him I had his back—that everything would be okay. I promised to look out for Milly should anything ever happen to him. He’s worried about that, now more than ever.”

I look at him, waiting for him to go on.

“There’s a code, Susie,” Bryce begins.

I nod. “I know. I’ve heard about it more than once. I’m glad you are who you are, Bryce. I’m a lucky girl.”

“It is me who is lucky, cream-puff. So, let’s make a pact right now that we will always take care of those who aren’t so lucky and will always have one another’s back. Deal?”

“Isn’t that who we already are?” I ask.

He nods. “I guess I didn’t even have to bring it up.”

I smile and shake my head. “So what do you think of the wedding plans?” I ask.

“I think they are perfect, and I’m very happy that you like things simple, the same as I do.”

“Is Cam going to be your best man?” I ask, almost unnecessarily.

“Of course,” he answers, and I nod and smile.

“So, when do you want to do this?” I ask, holding my breath.

“Why not this weekend?” Bryce suggests, and I want to hug him.

“Perfect. I’ve already seen the dress I want, and there’s not much else to prepare that the Hansens aren’t well equipped to handle. It won’t be much more than a dinner party.”

Bryce nods, and I settle back beneath the throw in utter contentment.

“I love you,” I say, and I hear his breath stop. I wonder if he realizes that I don’t always say what I feel out loud and resolve to say it more often.

I do love him, after all.

M
illy picks
me up to go shopping for the dress I will wear for my wedding. I know where to find it—I’ve been thinking of nothing else. It’s a cream-colored, lacy, ruched and gathered in all the right places dress, with a scoop neck and tiny seed pearls sewn all over the bodice. It’s simple, yet elegant, and I think it will suit my figure well. I’m not showing yet, so there is no baby bump to disguise.

That’s when I remember Milly’s wedding dress: that silly gathering at the front was probably a last minute alteration to cover her tiny bump—she’s always been a bit self-conscious of her curvy figure, so it’s no surprise she wanted even the smallest bump to be concealed.

We go to Neiman Marcus where Bryce opened an account for me and look for shoes to match the exact color of the dress. I get frustrated with this and instead choose pewter Jimmy Choo sandals, open toed and also covered with seed pearls. The pewter sets off my complexion well, and I feel satisfied with the result. We pick out a few more things: undies, negligees, some slacks and sweaters.

The Hansens are charged with the garden decoration, and Bryce will hire a landscape designer to build a small wedding gazebo and cover it with lights. He will also lace tiny white lights over the tree limbs and hang every variety of chime he can find in the tree branches, high overhead. This is something I am delighted about and will ask Bryce if the chimes can always stay there to remind us of the day we became one.

Milly is allowed to pick out any dress she wants—I will not put constraints on what she can wear. Since it’s a late September day, she chooses a deep burgundy knit dress with a soft, ivory, knitted over jacket. She will wear pearls in her pale hair to echo my bodice.

Once the shopping is complete, we head for our favorite restaurant and use the occasion to completely pig out. The mommy weight will come soon enough, but in the meantime, we order one of everything on the menu and have a tasting feast. We giggle and reminisce, and I engrave this afternoon in my memory.

T
he wedding day
opens with a cold downpour, soaking everything we had prepared the night before. One of the nice things about a very small wedding is that you can push the time back a few hours, and no one really cares. This is exactly what we do.

At just before five in the afternoon, as the sun is setting, Bryce and I stand before the minister in the glittering gazebo, and the sound of the chimes sings to us. The ceremony is very brief, and our kiss feels like the first time.

The Hansens lay out the feast and then disappear inside. Cam, Milly, Bryce, and I take seats at the wedding table and begin to sample all the many foods. The men are drinking champagne while Milly and I sip ginger ale, for obvious reasons. They are becoming slightly intoxicated, and the drunker they get, the more ribald their jokes. It seems that marines often spend the long hours of a watch duty exchanging dirty jokes. I really don’t mind—in fact, most of them are hilarious. Plus, Bryce’s drunken state is nothing compared to what my dad was like. It is the best party that four people can possibly have, and again, I am engraving it in my memory.

There is a movement behind me, and I turn around, smiling. The smile is frozen as I see an older man approaching from around the corner of the house. He is limping, but dressed cleanly, and his hair is neat, close-cut, and white. I assume this is some stranger who is lost, looking for directions, but as he draws closer, there is something familiar about him.

Bryce is rising and standing next to me, holding my arm, and in a moment, I realize is supporting me against falling again…and I know why.

My father is standing before me, a tentative smile and a look of pride mixed with that of seeking forgiveness in his eyes. He nods to me, waiting to see what I will do.

“Dad!” I cannot help myself.

The little girl within rises to the top and now, of all times, my daddy is finally home. I throw my arms around him and lay my head against his chest. My enthusiasm throws him off center, and Bryce quickly catches both of us, joining in on a three-way hug.

Milly comes up next to me. While she was never introduced, she knows who the man is and remembers seeing him staggering down the streets of long ago. She nods to him, a huge smile upon her face.

“Bryce found me,” Dad says in a gravelly voice, long ago dried out by cigarettes and booze.

I don’t care. This man is the only family I know, other than Bryce, and no matter who he has been in the past, he is here now, and I am glued to him. He pats my arm, hugging me, and then stands back a bit.

“It’s okay, Suzanna,” he says. “I won’t leave again, at least not far. Your new husband has placed me in an apartment not too far from here, and you can come and visit me any time you want. I won’t bother you here…it wouldn’t be right…but I want you to know how proud I am of you. I have so much to apologize for, so many things to say to you.”

Tears are streaming down my face, and I don’t want to let go. “It’s okay, Dad. You are always welcomed here. We will be a family again.” I sniff loudly and then turn and kiss Bryce fully on the lips. “I love you,” I say to him, unable to say much more.

My father joins us at the table, and I cannot take my eyes off him. Gone is the man of years before: the hair is white and the skin is paper thin and wrinkled. I love him nonetheless, and I know I will forgive him, down the road, but until then, love is enough.

Eventually, the hour grows late, and Milly tugs at Cam’s sleeve, suggesting they leave the newlyweds alone. They offer to drive Dad to his apartment, and he hugs me one last time before they leave. I feel sort of grateful because I’m tired and want to curl into Bryce’s arms.

I get my chance within the hour—he is lying naked in our bed when I emerge from the bath, freshly soaped and brushed. He holds out his arms to me, gesturing with his fingers for me to come to him.

Bryce’s body is magnificent, and I feel the breath catch in my throat as I gaze upon him. I skim my fingers against his taut muscular pecs and abs, admiring his tattoos as much as his skin graft scars. How lucky can a girl…I mean a wife, be? Again, I can hardly believe I am his wife, but I have a huge ring on my left hand and an abandoned wedding table in the garden that verifies it.

I lie down next to him, and he immediately slides off my silk slip, muttering something about it looking like the sort of thing a cream-puff would wear. I don’t argue—I’m too overcome with his nearness to argue with anyone at the moment.

I can smell his body wash, and the scent must have been targeted to me because it’s about to make me orgasm even without his touch. That, however, comes next.

I am lying on his shoulder, and his hand is stroking my breast, making my nipples hard and erect. I think momentarily about the result being the same for a penis, but soon forget what I’m thinking about as his hand begins petting my warm, moist lower lips. In fact, I’m having trouble thinking of anything at all.

I reach for his member, stroking it, although it is already hard and erect as well. I slide down, kissing his hard pecs and nibbling on his nipples as he groans. Soon, I find my quarry, and my mouth fastens down over him. He arches his back in his desire to completely bury himself in my mouth, but he is far too large to do this.

My tongue flicks the length of his shaft, my hand moistened by the saliva from my mouth. I rub him up and down, and he suddenly rolls me over onto my tummy and pulls up my hips against himself.

Bryce’s hands reach forward and stroke my breasts, and then my pussy, until I feel I will explode. He is speaking to me in a low voice, directly into my ear.

“You’re mine, cream-puff. You belong to no one else and never will. You will always be mine, and I will take care of you.”

This only increases the moistness within me, and I can feel the crescendo growing.

Bryce enters me now, my bottom pressed into his flat stomach. He drives into me, an animal groan of triumphant possession emanating from his throat. His hands slide up and down my body, stimulating my clit, and his fingertip moves up and down the separation of my bottom cheeks. This creates an intense, insane craving, and I lean back against him even harder. His pounding increases with depth and frequency and I can feel the scream rising in my throat.

“Fuck me, please!” I scream. “I love you!”

This seems to inflame him, and the rhythm does not slow, but is now harder and faster. When I can no longer hold back, I begin to cry with the exquisite pleasure he is wreaking upon my body, and he releases into me—deep and throbbing. There is an animal cry from him, and he locks into me, unmoving.

When finally, we are exhausted, we fall to one side, still interlocked. Bryce is holding my breasts, running his fingers in circles around my nipples, and this causes me to orgasm once again while he is still buried within.

Eventually, our breathing slows, and I know I am safe. I close my eyes and I do not know time again until the morning sun.