Hell Bent (12 page)

I
can hear voices
, but I cannot see anyone, and this is incredibly scary. The sounds are muffled, and it takes a few moments before I can make out Bryce’s voice. He is upset: I can hear it in his worried tone.

Finally, my eyesight returns, and there is a bright, bright light shining into my eyes. It moves and is replaced by a pair of liquid blue eyes and bushy eyebrows. I pull back in alarm and call out Bryce’s name.

“I’m right here cream-puff, it’s okay. Everything is okay,” his voice assures me, and then I feel his hand on mine. This relieves my anxiety considerably, and I close my eyes again and focus on the voices and what they are saying.

“Susie, I’m Dr. Hawthorne. You are in the emergency room, and you are fine. You lost consciousness, and your fiancé brought you in to have you checked out.”

I hear the title “fiancé” and am momentarily confused, but once I remember, I smile.

I nod and say, “I’m fine now. I want to go home.”

“Not just yet, little lady. We need to determine why you lost consciousness, and that means running a few tests. You’re okay now and should be comfortable. None of this will be painful, and your fiancé is going to be right here with you the whole time.”

I nod, and while I’m not happy about this, there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot I can do about it at the moment, so I grip Bryce’s hand and wait for whatever the doctors intend to do to me.

Bryce is holding my hand, and from time to time, he lifts it up and kisses the back of it. He is leaning close against the side of my face and whispering into my ear. “I love you, cream-puff. Everything is going to be just fine. It’s nothing serious, but we need to let them check you out before we leave…just in case, okay? I won’t leave you, ever, I promise.”

His words are balm to my injured self that has been familiar with abandonment my entire life. I trust Bryce. I know he will not leave me.

Suddenly, I remember becoming engaged and fumble for my left hand to see if the ring is there. It’s not. I frown and Bryce quickly says, “Susie, I have it right here in my pocket. I wanted to make sure it didn’t disappear here in the emergency room, with you unconscious.” I nod and realize how protective he is.

The nurses ferry me in and out; technicians draw blood and put sticky tabs on my chest for EKGs. I know the routine, but it feels much different when you are the patient. This is not my hospital so I know none of the staff.

Finally, the doctor comes in with his chart and pulls up a seat beside my bed. There is a serious look on his face, and I feel my heart drop. Bryce is still holding my hand, but he brings up his free arm and slides it under my shoulders and pulls me toward him. I can feel the tension in his arm.

“Susie, we’ve run about every non-invasive test, and there doesn’t seem to be any reason for alarm. Are you aware you are pregnant?”

I gasp, as does Bryce. Pregnant? How? When? I look up at Bryce and see his brow raises in question as well. Then, almost at the same time, we remember the first night we were together. It was so unplanned, so spontaneous; we used no protection. I am mentally trying to calculate how much time has passed but the doctor interrupts my musings.

“I can tell by your faces that this probably comes as a surprise to the both of you. I’m going to assume that Bryce, you are the father, and if not, I will leave you both to sort this out amongst yourselves.”

I quickly speak up. “Absolutely, he is the father,” and I can feel Bryce’s arm relax a bit beneath my shoulders.

“Good. Well, that’s settled. I’m going to diagnose that you lost consciousness as a result of a sudden drop in blood pressure. This is not uncommon in early pregnancies, and Susie, as a nurse, I’m sure you are aware of this. I’m going to write orders for some pre-natal vitamins and urge you to find an obstetrician immediately to begin monitoring the pregnancy. Congratulations, you two,” he says as he stands and then leaves the room.

I look up at Bryce, and he is grinning.

“Oh, my God,” I say.

“Well, I appreciate the compliment but I think it’s safe to say this is not an immaculate conception and that we have some plans to make, and relatively soon!”

“Bryce! It was only that once!” I protest. This whole thing is out of my comfort zone, and I’m struggling with the enormity of today’s events.

“Well, cream-puff, it only takes once, or didn’t they teach you that in nursing school?” He is laughing at me and at my expense.

I sit up—evidently too quickly—as the room begins to swim once again. “Woah…” I mutter and lie back down just as the doctor is re-entering.

“Bryce, you’re going to have to take care of this little lady until she gets her blood pressure regulated. She knows how to monitor it, but you need to keep her in bed for a few days and feed her some iron-rich foods. Think you can do that?”

“Yes, sir…and I happen to have just the right bed and people waiting to help out,” Bryce says proudly.

I am counting the days since my last period and realize that in all the excitement of Milly’s wedding, I missed at least one and didn’t keep track. Milly’s wedding!
Jesus
, but how am I going to tell her about this? Here she is, expecting a princess life, but what is dealt to her is something entirely less fairy-tale. While I, on the other hand, am being granted the life of a queen, and I’m not even sure I want it! I certainly do not deserve it.

Suddenly I am overcome with guilt. I am stealing Milly’s thunder, and she will have little enough in her life to look forward to. How can I do this to her?

Bryce can read this on my face, he knows me so well. “Susie, we will talk about this at home, okay? For now, cream-puff, just relax, and let’s get you home and comfortable. We will walk through it together.”

I nod and the tension leaves my body. When it comes time to be discharged, a wheelchair is brought out and Bryce lifts me into the Explorer and lays the seat backward so I can be in an almost flat position. He drives smoothly and avoids bumps.

“I’m not made of glass, Bryce,” I laugh.

“You are to me, cream-puff. Let me just take care of you, okay?”

I nod. It is impossible to think that anyone could be happier than I am at this moment.

“I never got to drive my new car!” I exclaim as we pull into the garage.

“We’ll scoot by and you can look at it again from where you are. There’s plenty of time to get behind the wheel, but not until you can stay conscious, deal?”

“Deal!” I respond, smiling.

Jesus,
but being in love feels great!

I
am simply overwhelmed
by the changes in my life. How do you go from being an overworked, in-debt nurse, to owning a glorious home, being engaged, and expecting a baby—all within such a short period of time? Maybe this is all in my head and I am hallucinating?

A baby. This brings with it all sorts of mixed feelings. Who would have thought that just one time would result in this? Is this Karma? I really do not know if I want children, it isn’t something I considered in my future. That was before Bryce, though. How stupid I feel to not realize that the right man could make all the difference. Did I think I was going to do it all by myself?

Then I think about Milly, and her arms that may never hold her own flesh and blood. Do I deserve to be happy when she could be cheated of so much?

“What’s wrong?” Bryce is watching me from his seat in the wingback chair by the window.

I am on bed rest for the time being until my blood pressure normalizes and I get an ‘all clear’ from the doctor.

“It’s all so much to think about,” I answer. “It’s all a surprise, and I’m still in shock.”

“It’s okay, Susie. I know it’s a lot to take in all at once, but it’s all wonderful, so it can only make you feel great, right?”

“Well, mostly,” I say softly, my voice falling off.

Bryce is concerned. He puts down his book and comes over to sit on his half of the bed. “What’s up, cream-puff? Don’t you love me? Don’t you want to get married?”

“Oh, of course I do!” I hurry to reassure him. “It’s just the part about the baby…”

“The baby? Don’t you want a baby?” Bryce’s face is hurt, and I’m instantly sorry I didn’t think about what I was going to say before I simply blurted it out.

“It’s Milly…she might not be able to…and I can…and it doesn’t seem fair. It was part of her fairytale and I am cheating her of it.” I look at him with my heart in my throat, hoping he will understand.

“Listen to me,” he says, taking my hand in his. “Milly’s life is her own. You are neither responsible for it nor are able to change it. It is what was dealt her. She’s got a tough break, there’s no doubt to that, but look: it could have been so much worse. She could never have met Cam. She could be forced to live with her mother for the rest of her life, and you and I both know just about how much fun that would be.”

I consider this, and he is making some good points. I nod in agreement.

“As for you, cream-puff, you belong to yourself, and now to me, and soon to that little life you’re carrying. This is where your future lies, and we love you. We will all look out for one another and that’s the natural way of things. I know you feel some self-awarded responsibility for Milly, but Susie, it’s misplaced. Even Milly would tell you that herself.”

I nod again. He is making excellent points, but I am still dreading telling Milly about what has transpired in such a short time—not to mention having her see this house and the car. And the baby…oh, God…I’m going to be a mother! What kind of mother will I make?

As if he is reading my mind, Bryce says, “You will make a fabulous mother.”

He knows me so well.

W
hy is Susie not happy
? She seems to like the house and she seems excited about getting married…it was the discovery that she is pregnant that is throwing her off. I can feel it. Milly is a good kid with bum luck, but I’m not about to let that affect the cream-puff one day longer.

Susie will be fine with the Hansens, the couple I’m hiring to look after the house, and now her. I need to get into the office and get some work done. There are so many plans to make, and Susie can’t do it all from a bed.

I’m hoping she will opt for a small wedding, but then you never know women. I do, however, think I know Susie, and I can’t see her in a big church wedding. I will have to talk to her about this tonight when I get home.

Cam and Milly will be back tomorrow from their honeymoon. I know Cam bought a condo so Milly could be looked after and not have to do any work if she should get sick again. I’ll watch over her, too, and it goes without saying that Susie will.

I see General Watson in the hallway ahead of me. He is talking to his aide, or rather barking at his aide. I do not envy that guy and am glad I’ve got my own little corner of the world in which to work. I think about leaving the Corps and working in the private sector. Even though I don’t have to work anymore, with my grandfather’s trust, I don’t think I can stand to do nothing for the rest of my life. Now that I will be a husband and father, I will need to look for options.

Recently, Cam and I have been talking about going into a little sideline business of our own—government construction projects, where we would preferably hire vets, especially those who have been wounded. Neither Cam nor I need the money, but it feels like the right thing to do to give back to the guys who had our backs.

I realize then just how little Susie and I have talked about the future, or what we want to do with our lives. I want to make her feel safe, secure, and loved before anything else. Will she go back to nursing or stay at home and raise our children? I realize I am already thinking in multiples—but that is natural, isn’t it?

One thing I know for sure: motherhood will change Susie. She will be less cavalier and will have a deeper respect for taking care of herself. They say motherhood does that for women. I’m sort of relieved at this thought because I know taming Susie all on my own will be a tough job.

M
illy and Cam
are back from their honeymoon now, and I can’t wait to hear the details. This is going to be a long girl-fest, and Milly won’t believe it when she sees this house. Bryce is asking the doctor for a house-call today so I can get off my bed-rest.

“Milly? It’s Susie,” I am bubbling with excitement.

“Well, of course it’s you. I can see your number, silly!” she says, and I am very relieved to hear happiness in her voice. “Where are you? I drove by the apartment this morning and by the hospital and can’t see your car in either place. I have so much to tell you about the honeymoon. I can’t wait.”

“Me, either. Well, the thing is…well, tell you what. When we hang up, I’m going to text you an address. Go to it tomorrow morning, about eleven, and I will meet you. We’ll talk about everything then, okay?”

“Susie? Is everything okay?” Her voice is worried.

“Don’t worry, Milly. It’s all wonderful, truly. Just do as I say, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hang up and text her my new address.

Mrs. Hansen comes into the room. “Do you need anything, Miss Suzanna?” she asks.

“Oh, good, Mrs. Hansen. Please call me Susie. As a matter of fact, I do need your help with something. I’m having my best friend for lunch tomorrow, and I am hoping the doctor will let me out of this bed. Could you help me throw together some sort of nice little picnic for us, nothing too fancy?”

“Of course. Do you have anything special in mind?” she smiles. Her face is warm and loving, almost motherly.

“Whatever you do is fine, Mrs. Hansen, thank you,” I answer.

She smiles again and leaves the room, and I settle back for another nap. I seem to like naps lately—they’re positively decadent!

A
s hoped
, the doctor takes me off of bed-rest but insists I stay close to home and not drive for the time being. I shower and dress in my old, comfortable clothes, thinking about the shopping spree that awaits as soon as I have driving privileges.

Milly’s car is coming down the drive: I can see her from the window. Mrs. Hansen meets her at the door and escorts her into the living room. I really am not trying to make an entrance—it just sort of works out this way.

“Susie? What is going on? What is this place? Who is that woman? What are you doing here?”

“Sit down, you ninny, and I will tell you, but if you continue to jump around, you’ll never find out!” I tease her.

We sit on the sofa, and Mrs. Hansen brings in a tray with lemonades and a plate of tiny cakes.

“Don’t ruin your lunch,” she chides me, and again I’m struck by how motherly she sounds. I decide I like this even though it’s completely new to me.

I smile patiently and nod, hoping she will leave before giving anything more away. “So, tell me about your honeymoon!” I urge Milly.

She looks at me strangely. “Don’t you think I deserve a few answers before I tell you? After all, we’re sitting in somebody’s house, and I would like to be a bit prepared if we’re going to jail.”

I laugh. “It’s okay, Milly, I swear. You tell me your news, and then, I’ll tell you mine.”

She looks at me doubtfully but finally agrees and launches into a half-hour monologue detailing the beautiful island honeymoon and the wonders of married life. I can see she is elated, and this makes me so happy. If only nothing would change from this day forward, I think.

“Cam is so wonderful to me, Susie. I can’t believe what a catch I have,” she is bubbling over. I can see the love in her happy eyes.

“Of course, Milly. Nothing but the best for you!”

Her eyes lower for a moment.

“What?” I ask, dreading what I know is coming.

“Cam says now that my mother is no longer calling the shots, we are going to have me tested. For risk of possible recurrence, I mean.”

Yes, that is exactly what I expected. I had a feeling that Cam would insist on this, and I can hardly blame him. He is married to Milly, he deserves to know what the future will hold. My heart aches for her, though. I am not sure how I can prepare her for the truth, but I must do something. I will talk to Bryce and ask him to talk to Cam before she gets the news from the doctor personally.

“Okay, now spill. Whose house is this and what in the world is going on?”

I smile and take her hands in mine. “First let me ask you a question,” I begin.

“Go ahead,” she says.

I clear my throat and look her straight in the eyes. “Will you be my Matron of Honor?”

“What? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, Susie, Bryce asked you to marry him?” She is beside herself, laughing and hugging me at the same time.

“Well, did you think I was not marriage material?” I tease her.

“Oh, I’m so happy for you! Of course, I will! I would love to be your matron of honor! Oh, Susie, I can hardly believe it. Both of us! Old married women!”

I’m laughing and nodding, accepting her hugs and hugging back. “There’s more,” I add.

“More? What more could there be?” she inquires, her mouth open as she waits for the next response.

“This is my house,” I say simply.

She is looking at me, trying to absorb what I’m saying. Finally, she shakes her head a bit and says, “
Your
house? How can that be? Susie, you haven’t done something silly and gone out and bought a house you can’t afford, have you? What about your apartment?”

“It’s mine, all right. No, I didn’t buy it, you silly. I’m not that brave. Bryce bought it for me—a sort of early wedding present.” I wait for her reaction.

“This?” She looks around. She stands up and goes to the windows overlooking the pool and back gardens. “This is yours?” she asks incredulously.

I nod. “Yes, and there’s a brand new red convertible waiting for me in the garage, too,” I add.

“Susie…how can this be? Bryce doesn’t make enough money to afford this… What’s going on?”

“You’re starting to sound repetitive, Milly, but I will admit I was every bit as blown away as you are being right now. Here, sit down, and let me tell you the story,” I guide her back to the sofa. “What I didn’t know is that Bryce had a very wealthy grandfather. No one really knows it because his father didn’t want anything to do with the money so Bryce was raised on his much more conservative income. The grandfather has left his money to Bryce, and he is very, very wealthy…apparently.”

Milly is shaking her head. “I can hardly believe what I’m hearing. You didn’t know?”

I shake my head. “Not until he brought me here, handed me the keys to the house, the car, and then to his heart. He gave me this.” I lift my hand and show her the huge engagement ring.

“Oh, my God, Suze, I think I might faint. I am so relieved that you are going to have a wonderful life! I was afraid you and I might stray from one another—that you might resent that I married a rich guy and not be my friend any longer. This makes us equal!” She is glowing with joy.

“Well, it’s kind of weird for me, to be honest.” I’m dreading the next news I have to share with her and in my cowardly way, considering whether I might hold off on this part.

Just then, Mrs. Hansen enters with a huge tray, and her husband carries in a white wicker table, then returns to set two white wooden chairs before it. Mrs. Hansen spreads a checked tablecloth and proceeds to add on place settings and small plates of finger foods.

“Your picnic, Miss Suzanna.” She smiles and leaves the room.

Milly laughs in that practiced, although familiar, sound, and we move to sit and enjoy our picnic.

“I just cannot believe this, Susie. Wait until Cam hears about this. He is going to go to the moon! He loves Bryce like a brother, and this means we will be able to do things together like old married couples—the four of us. I can’t think of anything that sounds like more fun!”

I decide to go for it. “There’s something else,” I begin, and Milly drops her little sandwich onto her plate and stares at me.

“What else could there be?” she asks, holding her breath.

I just jump in with both feet. “I’m going to have a baby,” I whisper.

Her face grows even paler, and her eyes fill with tears. “A baby,” she says in wonderment, and suddenly I am overcome with remorse. Why did I tell her now? Why not wait? “Oh, Susie, this
is
a wonderful day.” She thinks a few moments and then asks, “Is that the reason for all this?” She spreads her arms open and indicates the house.

“No, although I admit it looks like it. When Bryce asked me to marry him, I sort of fainted, and when I woke up, I was in the emergency room. They did some tests and voilà, we find out about the baby.”

Milly is looking at me with a mixture of emotions. I see sadness, happiness, wonder, and even a bit of chastisement.

“Oh, don’t look at me that way. It’s not like you never did anything before you married Cam!” I shoot at her. “It was our first time, and we didn’t expect it to happen…it just did. I’m due in about seven months, but my blood pressure was having trouble stabilizing, and until yesterday, I was confined to bed-rest. It’s fine now, and I’m the picture of health!”

Milly is smiling, and then suddenly, her face changes. She has an odd look and abruptly she stands. “I…I have some news too, Suze,” she says.

“What? What’s wrong? You look funny? What’s going on?” I am filled with questions.

Milly has turned positively green, and her hand is halfway to her face.

“Milly! What is it?” I am alarmed and reach out for her.

She sits back down and dips her napkin into her glass of ice water, wiping her forehead. “It seems, sweet Susie, that you are not the only one here who is expecting. Cam and I are to become parents as well.” She steadies herself for the outburst she knows is coming from me.

“What? Milly? That’s great, but I thought there was a high risk of infertility for you, with all that chemo you had?” I burst before I can stop myself.

How is this possible? Maybe all of that Sabrina’s testing when Milly was a teenager was wrong. Or maybe Milly’s reproductive health has recovered. So many questions, but I feel elated for my best friend. There is hope for her after all.

“Susie, don’t be mad, please don’t be mad. I was pregnant, too, and didn’t know it until just before the wedding. I couldn’t tell anyone, not even you.”

I am flabbergasted at the possibilities. I resolve now, more than ever, that should anything ever happen to Milly—and now I’m hoping that Sabrina’s testing was
entirely
wrong—I will take care of Milly…and even her baby, if I have to.