Heart Lies & Alibis (10 page)

I let the door go for a moment, allowing him to push it fully open and looked up at him, willing my emotions to stay in check. "Home. I'm going home. I think I just need to be alone tonight. I'm sorry Declan. I shouldn't have come here. I need some time to think about my life. Things are moving so quickly between us." I babbled on while he watched me, his confusion growing with each thing I said. I couldn't blame him – I sounded like a crazy woman.

I continued my rant. "I mean I just kicked my husband out of the house a few days ago. My marriage of ten years is in a shambles. We barely know each other. Even less than I thought we did I realize now. And everything is happening so fast I need some time to think about things. Please leave me alone. I just need to go." I grabbed for the door, feeling the wall of tears threatening to shatter at any moment.

Without another word of argument, he stepped back lifting his hands in defeat, as I slammed the door shut. I started the car and squealed the tires as I accelerated out of the parking lot. Luckily the tears only started to fall as I bumped out of the lot onto the main road and headed away from the bar. I looked in my rear-view mirror and could see Declan still standing where I had left him, a pained and confused expression on his face as he watched me drive away. I looked away from the mirror shaking my head ruefully. I just couldn't deal with anymore of this tonight.

Chapter 7

Clouds rolled across the dark night sky leaving the few trails of moonlight as fractured as my thoughts. I was awake and sitting on the balcony off my master bedroom trying to untangle my life. Thoughts of Declan and Thad and the past few weeks swirled through my mind in a whirlwind of emotions and questions, regrets and pain. A few hours had passed since I left the bar when I heard a familiar sound approaching my house. Declan's motorcycle pulled into my driveway just as I looked over the side of the balcony wall. He jumped off the bike, ripped his helmet off and stalked across the grass to the door. I heard him pounding on my door but my body refused to move downstairs to answer it. I stood clutching the wall and wishing him to go away because I knew if I opened the door I would be lost forever because in spite of everything I was feeling, all I wanted was to be in his arms again.

Finally, when it sounded like my door would fall off its hinges if he hit it one more time, I leaned over the balcony and called to him. "Hey. You don't need to break my door down. I told you I wanted to be left alone. What are you doing here?"

He looked around trying to figure out where my voice was coming from before stepping into the grass. When he spotted me leaning over the balcony, he scowled at me. "I came to talk to you. Open the damn door Reagan. I think I deserve some explanation for your crazy behavior tonight and I'm not leaving until I hear it."

I was shaking my head. "No. I'm not opening the door and no I'm not giving you an explanation tonight. Go home Declan. Please. Just leave me alone. I need some space to think." I said stepping away from the edge and turning to go inside the house.

When I heard him growl from below "Like hell I will", I stopped. I wasn't prepared when moments later I heard the tree next to the balcony rustle loudly. I turned around and watched in astonishment as he hoisted himself first onto a lower branch of the tree before climbing to the higher branches that stretched towards the house. When he reached the branch closest to the house, he leaped across to the balcony wall. Hoisting himself easily onto the wall, he swung his legs over and dropped to his feet before he stalked toward me.

I stepped back from him as he approached, the anger radiating off his face making me hesitate to respond right away. And I hated to admit it but I was also kinda turned on by his pursuit of me. This was definitely a new experience. I pushed the thought away as he came to an abrupt stop in front of me. Dropping his helmet on a chair, he put his hands on his hips leaning in to look me in the face as he spoke. "We are going to talk Reagan. Right now. You owe me that." He barked.

No longer intimidated or attracted to his macho behavior it was my turn to get angry. Who did this guy think he was showing up uninvited and barking orders and demands at me? He was acting like a damn Neanderthal who had come to drag his woman back to his cave and I was having none of it. There was no way in hell I was going to let another man control my life. For thirteen years I had a man try to tell me what to do and how to behave and it wasn't going to happen again.

My eyes narrowed and I snapped back at him. "I owe you? What exactly are you going to do tough guy if I tell you to get the hell off my balcony? Who the fuck are you to come to my home and behave like this anyway? For your information, I don't owe you a damn thing." I glared at him with my arms folded across my chest.

He softened a bit, backing away and looking more upset. His eyes turned down and his shoulders deflated. "I'm sorry. You're right Reagan. You don't owe me anything. And I don't have a right to be here acting like a giant asshole. I just lost it when you left the bar like that tonight. I was so confused. I thought we had an amazing day together, after a few other incredible days together before that, and then poof, you disappear without an explanation. I tried to stay away, like you asked, but I was going crazy. I had to see you." He looked like he was about to approach me but instead threw his hands up in the air. "I just need to know what I did, how I hurt you or whatever happened to upset you so bad you left. Let me try to fix it. Please Reagan, please talk to me." His eyes pleaded with me to give him some answers and I felt my resolve to distance myself from him weakening.

He looked really hurt, and so young, as he stood in front of me. My heart was totally melting and my ability to be mad was quickly fading as the moments passed. He was right, I did need to talk to him and I knew the truth was the only thing that might save our relationship, or whatever this was we had going on, from ending before it really began. And he did have the right to at least defend himself.

I sighed loudly. "Okay Declan. You want to talk? Fine. We can talk. I really only have one question for you. Why did you lie to me about who you really are?" The words came with little emotion. I didn't want him to think I was becoming hysterical or overly emotional even though that was exactly what was happening to me inside.

He stepped back like I had punched him in the gut. "What do you mean?" His eyes grew wide with confusion and pain.

I exhaled a second time, dropping my arms as I shook my head. "Let's go inside and I will explain exactly what I mean. I think my neighbors have had enough of a show for one night." I led the way into my bedroom but immediately headed downstairs to the living room. I didn't want any distractions during this conversation and the two of us in a room with a bed was a dangerous combination.

Once in the living room, I walked to the bar and poured a bourbon. "Want one?" I asked holding up the glass and looking at him.

He shook his head. "Reagan, what do you mean, why did I lie to you? What are you talking about? What do you think I lied to you about?" He walked further into the room towards me but I turned from his approach and walked to a chair across the room. I couldn't have him touching me right now. I needed a clear head and his touch did not make that possible. I sat in the chair, tucking my feet under me, and holding the glass of bourbon like a shield in front of my body. Declan sat on the sofa across from me, leaning forward, his face a cloud of confused concern while he waited for me to explain.

I wasn't sure where to begin. In order to ask about the picture I had to tell him how I found the box and opened it. I knew I had crossed a line of trust by looking through his private things and I still could not explain what had driven me to do it. But now that I had crossed the line, I was relieved we ended up here. It was better to get whatever this was out in the open before I fell completely in love with him. At least that was the lie I kept telling myself. "You lied about who you really are, about your past, and who knows what else." I took another drink and let my words sink in.

He shook his head. "I still don't understand Reagan. What happened to make you think this?"

I twirled my glass and kept my eyes on the ice cubes while I spoke so I didn't have to meet his gaze right away. "Before I left your house today, I decided to change your sheets and make the bed. I found your linen closet but when I pulled the sheets off the shelf a box of pictures fell and spilled on the floor." His face paled a bit at this information and his eyes narrowed but he remained silent. I rushed on. "I apologize for invading your privacy but I looked through the pictures as I was picking them up. One of the ones I saw was of you in a military uniform. Only I knew something about it looked wrong." I paused again as his face looked graver. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

After a few moments of silence I asked "Aren't you going to ask me what was wrong with the photo Declan?

His face was solid stone by this point when he answered "No."

I stared at him in shock for a moment before I began to speak again. "Okay. I will tell you anyway. You were in an Army uniform in the picture and I distinctly remember you telling me you had served in the Air Force. I was very confused for a moment but I reasoned maybe I just heard you wrong the other night although I knew I had not. I start examining the picture closer and something else caught my eye. The name tag you wore clearly did not say O'Shea but a name beginning with D." We looked at each other for a moment and I could feel the tears at the back of my eyes. I swallowed down the lump of emotion and pushed on. "I also found a picture of you at your high school graduation. Where it showed you in front of a high school in Boston and not Philadelphia. So my question, Declan, is why did you lie to me about your military experience and your last name and your hometown and who knows what else? But maybe my real question is who the hell are you?" I was breathing hard when I finished. The tears pooled in my eyes and a few strays trickled down in spite of my best efforts to hold them at bay. I was barely keeping it together.

He leaned back, his hands rising to scrape across his face before a look of resignation settled on it. I sipped at my drink to steady my shaking hands and quell the tears that prickled the back of my eyes while I waited for him to respond. He had to say something soon or my best efforts at remaining unemotional would all be for naught.

He sat forward and looked at me, his eyes never wavering from mine before he finally spoke. "That box is usually hidden but I was in hurry the other day and didn't put it back when I was finished with it. Then you came over and so I shoved it in the closet and forgot about it like a complete idiot. But it doesn't matter how you found it. What matters is the question you asked me." Our eyes locked in an intense gaze, filled with apprehension, questions, and fear on both sides. "Before I tell you why I lied I need you to understand something. What I am about to say to you is very important and I need you to really listen. But you must understand the information I tell you next can go no further than this room. You can't tell anyone Reagan. Not even Grace. Do you understand?" He waited for my agreement before continuing.

All I could do was nod because he was really scaring me and I didn't trust myself to answer with words.

"By telling you this information, I am essentially putting my life and others, including yours, at potential risk. This is not an exaggeration or a joke. It is a life or death reality. But I want to tell you because I need you to know who I am. Really know who I am before we take this relationship any further. I can only do that if I'm honest right here and now." He paused. Perhaps he wanted to see if I turned and bolted or if I said I didn't want to know who he was before he continued. The truth was both thoughts crossed my mind but I couldn't bring myself to do either.

I stared at him, now afraid and more confused than before. I just wanted so much for this to be a bad dream I would wake from at any moment. But it was also in that instant I was hit with the realization I had fallen so hard for this man that whatever he was about to tell me could destroy us but I would not walk away. While my heart thudded and I tried to calm my racing breath, I put on my lawyer mask and spoke like I was talking to a client. I needed the truth and I needed to hear it now. "Continue please. Whatever you have to tell me Declan will be kept in the strictest confidence. You have my word." I was surprised at how calm my voice sounded in spite of everything. I tried to prepare myself for whatever was going to happen next.

Declan stood and walked toward me. Sitting on the edge of the coffee table in front of my chair, he took my drink and set it on the side table. Then he took my hands in his and looked into my eyes. After a few deep breaths, he began, his voice so controlled and quiet in the room I had to strain to hear it above my pounding heart.

"Reagan, you're right. I did lie to you about my past but only because I had no choice. I wasn't in the Air Force. I was a sniper in the Army, stationed in Iraq for two years. You were also right when you noticed the name tag discrepancy. My name is not Declan O'Shea. It's Michael Donnelly Jr. Or Mikey to my friends and enemies alike." As he spoke his accent faded from an Irish brogue to a Boston dialect. My eyes shot up in question but I remained silent. "And I am not a bartender from Ireland but a former security expert from Boston. I am in the Witness Protection Program because almost two years ago I saw the son of a well-known mob boss shoot and kill my father. My father was having an affair with the crime boss's wife, who it turned out was also sleeping with her step-son at the same time she was seeing my dad. She was a class act for sure. Needless to say the step-son, Reilly, didn't like to share with anyone but his dad and so he went after my dad and things didn't turn out well. "He shook his head in disgust but I could also see a slash of pain streak across his eyes.