Hearsay (16 page)

"You have to," Roman urged him, even though it killed him a little to say those words.

"I've
tried.
" Derrick gave him butterfly kisses that left Roman hurting for more. "I can't tell you how hard I've tried, and now that I know you feel the same way—"

"There can never be anything between us, Derrick," Roman interrupted with a strained voice. He couldn't listen to any of this. It was killing him.

"Are you seeing anyone? Do you have a new boyfriend?"

"I'm still single."

Roman snatched his hand away from Derrick's cock as if he'd been burned, and grabbed Derrick's arms to stop him from reaching for Roman again. But even though he knew he needed to put an end to this madness, he was incapable of severing all contact. Roman slid his hands up and down Derrick's arms, trying to prepare him for what was coming as he did his best to recover from the most amazing kiss of his entire life.
 

"You have to tell me what's going through your mind," Derrick begged. "Why have you stayed away? You want me as much as I want you, Roman. We both know you do." Amber eyes stared up into Roman's. Soft, delicate fingers caressed his face. "We could've been together all this time."

"No, we could not have." Roman grabbed Derrick's hands and moved them away from his face. "You
have
to forget about this."

"After that kiss?" Derrick smiled dreamily. "Not a chance."

"Look, I—"

"Are you leaving the firm?"

"What?" Roman frowned, the question interrupting his train of thought. "Why would I leave the firm?"

"There are rumors." Derrick reached up and resumed his gentle caress of Roman's face. Roman put his hands on both sides of the man's waist and did nothing to stop him. "I've heard that you had a falling out with your partners. That you're getting married…" His voice faltered, and even a blind man would've been able to see how much those rumors had hurt him. Roman was ashamed to admit to it, but he felt elated at Derrick's reaction. "I even heard you're moving to Sweden to get treatment."

"Treatment for
what
?" Roman demanded, alarm replacing the pleasure haze.
 

That was the last thing he expected to hear. He knew ABC had what was probably the mother of all grapevines, but it never occurred to Roman he'd be the source of such gossip.

"…your addiction to opiates," Derrick finished with a cautious tone. "Are you okay? I noticed you've lost weight, and, frankly, you look miserable. What's going on?"
 

Roman took several steps away from Derrick and rubbed his face. He was shaken to his core by what he'd just heard, but he was also grateful for it. It was the wake-up call he needed to put an end to this madness.

"I'm perfectly fine," he mumbled, reaching for his glasses and putting them on.

You're such a goddamn liar!

"Thank goodness." Derrick took a step forward. "I'm glad to hear you're okay."

Roman walked over to the door and opened it. "I need you to leave my office," he said in a tone that left no room for argument.

Derrick's face crumbled. "Don't do this."
 

"We cannot be together," Roman said softly without looking at Derrick. "Whether you like it or not, you must accept it."

"Accept it?" Derrick sounded so hurt and uncertain that Roman couldn't resist glancing at him. "I can't even understand it."

"I know you don't, but I can assure you it's better if we continue to stay away from each other."

Derrick shook his head and snorted. "Better for whom?" He readjusted himself and buckled his belt.

"Both of—"

"Are you almost ready to go?" Roman shut his mouth and snapped his head to the right to look at Alan. He'd been so engrossed in his conversation with Derrick that he hadn't heard his friend approach him. "Roman?"

"Go where?" Honest to God, he couldn't remember. He couldn't think of anything but the reason why he had to reject Derrick and turn his back on happiness.

"Dinner?" Alan's eyes darted from Roman to Derrick and back. "Dani's already waiting for us in the restaurant to discuss crisis readiness for the firm, and what to do about that asshole trying to take Georgia away from us."

"Right…" He rubbed his face tiredly. "Dinner with Dani…"

"Want me to come back later?" Alan asked, taking a tentative step into the office and backing out again after giving Roman a glance over. "I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

Roman rubbed his face again and wondered how much of his conversation with Derrick Alan had heard. Not that it mattered. He was still half-hard, and he could tell Alan hadn't missed that.

"You didn't, Alan," Derrick said quietly. "I was about to leave."

Roman saw Derrick smile a little, but he was obviously mortified. He'd like to believe it was Alan's unexpected appearance that had their employee blushing and shifting his weight from one foot to another, but Roman knew better than that.

"Are you sure I'm not running you out?" Alan shook Derrick's hand and smiled at him. Most likely he'd picked up on Derrick's tension and was trying to put him at ease.

"Positive." Derrick grabbed the folder he'd brought with him from the floor and walked over to Roman's desk. "I just came to drop this off. For a case, you know? Thought Roman could use it." He rubbed his hands over his dark gray pants and smiled at Alan. "I better get going now."

"You don't have to." Alan glanced at Roman for only a second, a clear sign he was about to say something he knew Roman wouldn't like. "Do you like sushi? We're having dinner with my wife, and I'd be happy to have you join us."

"I thought we were discussing that
private
situation you and Dani are going through," Roman barked, causing Alan and Derrick to look at him in total surprise.
 

Well, Alan looked surprised and disappointed. He probably thought that he could use Roman's usual unwillingness to be rude to others to force him into a social situation he wasn't ready for. Derrick on the other hand… God... he looked as if he'd been slapped in the face.

"I appreciate the invitation, but I must decline." Derrick's strained smile didn't reach his eyes, and his voice was flat, as if Roman's words had sucked the life out of him. "Good night, Alan."

"Nice seeing you, Derrick."

The moment Derrick turned toward the door, Alan glared at Roman, disapproval written all over his face. Roman barely registered it, though. He was too busy noticing how Derrick refused to look at him.

"Goodbye, Mr. Bradford," Derrick mumbled on his way out.

The finality of Derrick's words hit Roman like a ton of bricks.

What did he mean by 'goodbye'? Why did he sound like he was never coming back? Why, even though Roman knew he was doing the right thing, did he feel as if he was making the biggest mistake of his life?

"You're making the biggest mistake of your life," Alan said, voicing Roman's thoughts.
 

His friend's words were accompanied by a jab to Roman's stomach. Roman didn't react. It wasn't the first time either Alan or Sergio voiced thoughts he was too much of a coward to confront.

"I can't believe you asked him to join us knowing we're going to talk about Georgia," Roman deflected, keeping with the cowardly theme.

"He's a damn good family law attorney," Alan retorted. "We could use his input."

"You want one of our employees to know about your custody battle?"

"He could be more than an employee if you'd only pull your head out of your ass."
 

Roman watched from his door as Derrick stabbed the elevator button repeatedly. His eyes were fixed on the silver doors and, even though Roman couldn't see his expression from where he was standing, he could almost feel Derrick beckoning the elevator to move faster.

If you let him walk away now, he'll be lost to you forever.

Roman rubbed his churning stomach, then squeezed his eyes shut, slouched a little, and rested his hands on his knees.

Are you ready to do this? Are you sure you don't want to try and change his mind?

For months he'd avoided being alone with Derrick. For months he'd settled for faraway glances and stolen moments in the middle of a crowd. That was safe. If they were surrounded by their colleagues, Roman wouldn't be tempted to overlook the risks involved and beg Derrick to forget how he felt about being with a person that wasn't totally healthy. He wouldn't be tempted to beg Derrick to be in a relationship with him.

"Shit..."

Roman tugged his hair and rocked back and forth.

For months he'd felt angry, scared, and overwhelmed. He'd forced himself to accept his new reality and settle for what little pleasure he could get in his life. But, now that he'd tasted Derrick's mouth, held him in his arms, and heard him almost beg Roman to give them a chance, Roman didn't care about saving himself the heartache of getting rejected or doing the honorable thing anymore.

And by God, he didn't want to hear Derrick call him Mr. Bradford ever again.

The ding of the elevator snapped him out of his thoughts. He ran down the corridor and stuck his arm between the elevator doors. Derrick was leaning against the far wall, his face an expressionless mask. He didn't say a word.

Roman didn't have any idea what Derrick's reaction would be once he found out why they shouldn't be involved, but Sergio and Alan had been right every time they told Roman he had to at least try.

Fighting his feelings had been easier when he could pretend Derrick didn't want him, but after their conversation and subsequent kiss, he couldn't deny that option was off the table. He had no choice but to move forward and take a chance.
 

"I have a couple of court appearances and a lunch meeting tomorrow, but I'll be in the conference room working on the Coleman case later on," Roman said when the elevator doors tried to close on his arm for the fifth time. "Come over around three o'clock if you can clear your schedule, okay?"

Derrick's bright smile was the last thing he saw when the doors finally closed, and all of a sudden, there was nothing wrong in Roman's world.

Chapter Eleven

When Roman told him they would be working on the Coleman case, Derrick was so elated, it never occurred to him that, since it was a work meeting, other people might be in attendance.

He'd floated home on cloud nine thinking he and Roman would be
together
, visually undressing each other and fighting the urge to have crazy passionate sex on the conference table.

No such luck, of course.
 

A paralegal and an investigator on ABC's payroll had been hard at work with Roman when Derrick arrived at almost four o'clock after a hellish day in court. They'd been so busy, they barely acknowledged him, and after a brief pause to tell him what to do, Roman had basically ignored his presence. Even though he was sitting right across from Derrick, the man hadn't spared a single look in his direction, and, to Derrick's eternal disappointment, Roman hadn't tried to play footsie under the table.

The thought that Roman may have changed his mind about having him on board was extremely worrisome, but Derrick chose to believe his boss was probably being cautious. Roman would want to avoid getting caught in ABC's grapevine, and Derrick was fine with keeping his distance in public. Not to mention, he'd taken a chance by defying Roman's stance both in his pretended lack of interest and letting Derrick second chair on the case. By some miracle, he hadn't gotten himself fired, but he didn't want to push his luck. He could wait until later to find out what was going on.

For the past few hours, the four of them had been reading employee interviews that Leah—the investigator—had conducted earlier that day. She'd talked to six employees so far, including Brandon McCarthy, the social worker Robbie Yates had "opened up" to. Each employee had stated the kid had continuously behaved in a vindictive way, and, if needed, all of them would gladly testify to it.

They had also watched footage from the Coleman Safe House. Security cameras installed in the dorm rooms, corridors, and common and administrative areas recorded all activity twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. There was no sound, but they had crystal clear images of Robbie Yates going through other kids' possessions, pocketing their money, vandalizing the kitchen, and even punching Tyler square in the face. That particular altercation had taken place the last time Robbie Yates was denied admission to the house. Most likely it was the incident that had prompted Robbie to report claims of indecent exposure and child molestation against Tyler, and only God knew who else.

If Derrick could kick that little bastard's ass from here to kingdom come without getting arrested, he totally would.
 

He shook his head in a futile attempt to dissipate visions of himself wearing a Rikers Island's inmate uniform. White and orange stripes would look dreadful on him, plus, rumor had it, child molesters were the most hated people in prison. Ever since Tyler told him about Robbie Yates' accusations, Derrick had been alternately reassuring his inner worrywart that nothing would come out of this mess and having nightmares about being abused by a pack of seven-foot tall gang members if he went to jail. He couldn't even think, without getting heart palpitations, about what would happen if Roman didn't manage to resolve this nonsense.

What would he do if his professional reputation was tarnished, thanks to Robbie Yates' bullshit? What would he do if everything he'd worked so hard for went down the drain?
 

Stop it
, he ordered himself.
Nothing has changed since yesterday. There's no reason to fret.
 

Only that, there was.

He really wanted to work on Tyler's case. He wanted to be there for his friend, see Roman in action, and learn everything he could from him. But doing actual work on the case had made him hyperaware of the fact that he, too, could be facing charges, and all he wanted was to bury his head in the sand. It was
so
much easier to pretend everything was fine. Under the current circumstances, denial was his new best friend.