Hearsay (15 page)

Roman pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose and drew in a steadying breath, lest he open his mouth and admit Derrick was right.

"You know why," Roman grunted. "I need to get back to work, so, if you'll excuse me..."

"You wanted to be near me, and then—" Derrick repeated.

"Please close the door on your way out."

"…you got jealous of Tyler, and that's why you took me off the case."

Roman closed the drawer, gripped the edge of the file cabinet with both his hands, and focused his vision on the wall. "I never knew you to be an assuming kind of man," he said as calmly as he could.
 

"And I never imagined you would be such an insensitive prick," Derrick shot back. "You left me with nothing to go on but gossip and assumptions when you stopped talking to me. That isn't right, Roman, especially when I can tell you're still attracted to me."

Roman rubbed the back of his neck and shoved his hands in his pockets. He turned around, determined to apologize for not telling Derrick he had changed his mind about them seeing each other. It was time to end this torture once and for all, but something entirely different came out of his mouth.

"Oh, I bet you spent a lot of time agonizing over my reasons to stop seeing you in between rounds of 'getting sucked off' and 'fucked through the mattress' by other men."

Roman froze at the sound of his own words. Derrick's eyes seemed to brighten. At the same time, some kind of invisible energy cracked in the air.

Damn it.

What the hell was he doing, letting his pent-up emotions do the talking? He should've never let Derrick step into his office.
 

"Tyler and I—"

"That was out of line," Roman interrupted him, shaking his head. "I apologize."

Derrick gulped visibly, but he held his ground and didn't look away. "It isn't what you think."

"I really don't want to hear this." The movement of Derrick's Adam's apple caught his attention. Roman's mouth watered at the prospect of sending caution to hell and biting Derrick's neck. "It's none of my business."

"But you want it to be, don't you?"

Derrick's voice sounded strangled, but he looked unmistakably smug when Roman managed to tear his gaze away from his long, tempting neck and stared at his face.

"I have no interest in knowing who you go out with or what you do with them," he said in a desperate attempt to gain control of the conversation.
 

"That's bullsh—" Derrick wrung the folder he was carrying in his hands and shut his mouth for two seconds before trying again. "Don't lie to me about this, please."

Pressure built up in Roman's chest at Derrick's words. All intentions of feigning indifference abandoned him faster than he could think or reason his way back to more proper behavior.

Before he could stop himself, he asked, "You mean not lie to you the same way you lied to me about Tyler Coleman?"

They stared at each other for what felt like a long time. Derrick appeared energized by their argument, whereas Roman felt mentally and physically drained.

One year was too long a time to fight this overwhelming desire. To wonder how badly Derrick would react if Roman opened up about what that son-of-a-bitch James had done to him and whether he should take the risk. To second-guess every decision he'd made concerning Derrick and lie in bed every night cross-examining his own logic. To dream about a future that could never be. Not the way Derrick had envisioned it, anyway, and even though Roman knew it was better to keep the status quo, that didn't mean doing so would be easier any time soon.

You don't know that it is better
, he corrected himself.
You think it is, but you don't know. That's a big difference.
 

"I didn't lie to you," Derrick said vehemently, recovering from the shock faster than Roman.

"I did not imagine the intimacy between the two of you," Roman spat. "I would appreciate it if you stopped treating me like I was born yesterday."

"You mistook camaraderie for intimacy," Derrick argued. "Tyler is going through a difficult time. I was being supportive."

"The man was practically sitting on your lap!" Roman roared, incapable of holding back his resentment for another second. "He kept looking at you like you're his knight in shining armor, and you looked right back at him like you
are
."
 

Derrick's golden eyes focused on him like laser beams. "Why do you care so much?"

"I told you already, but how's this for another reason? You may very well be under investigation. I won't have you as second chair when there's a chance I'll have to defend you as well."

"I'm not under investigation," Derrick denied with a shaky voice.

"We don't know that." It took great effort, but Roman managed to not yell again. He couldn't afford to lose his composure more than he already had. "And this conversation is over."

"You're jealous, Roman." Derrick stepped closer still, crowding Roman with his powerful presence and that scent of his that smelled a little citrusy and a whole lot like forbidden paradise. "You're so jealous you can't think clearly."

Roman glanced at the door, seriously considering running for it before repressed desires swallowed him whole and he did something that might not end well. Like kissing Derrick, for example, or asking if he would consider going to bed with Roman and take turns fucking each other only to say goodbye forever in the morning.
 

"Go on and deny it," Derrick taunted, eyes sparkling dangerously. "I dare you."

Roman curled his hands into fists and took a step back, only to be stopped by the filing cabinet. "Get out of my office, Derrick," he said, grasping for what little self-control and common sense he had left.

Derrick shook his head. "You can't expect me to walk away after hearing the things you just said."

"I want you out of my office," Roman rumbled. "
Now
."

Derrick closed the space between them and tightened his fingers around Roman's forearm before mouthing a single word: "
Why
?"

At a little over six feet, Derrick was tall enough to look Roman straight in the eye, and, just like it always happened when they were together, Roman fell under the spell of that wolf-like stare.
 

They were a mere five inches apart, but Roman didn't retreat, certain that he couldn't have moved a muscle even if he tried. He was held in place by the minty warm breath fanning across his face. Captivated by Derrick's exotic eyes, by the adorable faint freckles scattered over his chiseled cheekbones and straight nose, and by the full lips Derrick had once said he inherited from his dad.

"Why?" Derrick asked again in a smaller voice, as if he was starting to feel less sure about his decision of confronting Roman.
 

Roman should've taken advantage of that. He couldn't think of a better way of getting Derrick to back off than to remind him that pulling this kind of stunt with one of his bosses wasn't exactly a smart career move. But Roman had never been fond of throwing his weight around, and Derrick was damned well entitled to ask as many questions as he wanted. This wasn't a dispute between boss and employee. It was a personal matter. It had started the day he told Derrick the time and exact spot in Central Park where he was planning on eating his lunch. Roman had made the first move, and Derrick's job at ABC would never be on the line because he'd followed Roman's lead.

He lowered his eyes and said, "Because I can do whatever the hell I want, Mr. Swain."

There.

Better to sound like a petulant child than to let Derrick know Roman needed him gone because Derrick was everything Roman wanted. He could only fight his altruism for so long.
 

But Roman's attempt to get them back on more professional territory flew right over Derrick's head. He straightened his back and cleared his throat before asking, "Are you seriously not going to own up to the fact that your inability to stop wondering if I've slept with Tyler was the reason you took me off the case?"

He sounded deeply disappointed. Roman didn't like it. Having Derrick think less of him wasn't something he wanted.

Roman snatched his arm from Derrick's burning grip and swallowed past the questions and explanations that were almost suffocating him.
 

His gaze locked on Derrick's and he thought of the primary reason the relationship he'd hoped they could have had been doomed long before Roman made his first move. Roman mentally revisited his daily morning routine and reminded himself that, regardless of how well he felt at the moment, things would eventually get worse. Maybe not in the next five years, or even ten, but they would get worse. Then there was the risk and the accompanying anxiety; the constant fear and the stress.

Things have changed incredibly, Roman. You know this. It doesn't have to be that way…
 

He shook his head and rubbed the area where Derrick had touched him. He knew his repetitive musings and introspection wouldn't change a thing, and his decision of nipping things in the bud stood firm. But he had to know. God, he
had
to know.

No.

Don't ask, Roman. Don't—

"Is Tyler Coleman the ex-boyfriend?" he asked quietly. "Is he the man you went to see the other night?"

Shit.

Roman closed his eyes and moved swiftly to the left. He needed to get away. Stay as far as possible from Derrick until he'd collected himself and the cool, uninterested façade he had perfected in the past months was firmly back in place.

Derrick grabbed Roman's shoulder, effectively halting his escape, and Roman had no option but to open his eyes. Derrick's gorgeous face reflected a myriad of emotions. He looked cautious, frustrated, confused, and hopeful at the same time. It was a facial expression Roman would remember for the rest of his life.

Roman steeled himself against whatever Derrick was getting ready to say. Then it occurred to him he wasn't ready to hear Derrick's confirmation of his affair with Coleman, or the thousand questions that would surely follow now that Roman had so foolishly opened his mouth. Silence prevailed, though. Seconds… minutes… maybe hours later, their labored breathing was still the only sound rippling through the quietness of the office space.

"You know what?" Roman rasped. "Forget I asked."

"I didn't go to his place." Derrick's voice was husky and slightly hesitant when he finally spoke. "I admit I was going to. We're both single, under a lot of stress… It seemed like a good idea at the time." He closed his eyes briefly while he considered what to say next. Roman could almost see the wheels turning in his head. "I wouldn't say we dated. We kept things casual, but we did go out a few times." He raked his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. "Tyler is a great guy, but it didn't take me long to decide we were better off as friends. I'm extremely happy that we are, too. He's a pretty smart guy, has a good heart, is fun to hang out with, and always has good advice. I won't pretend that I don't enjoy his company." He let out a long sigh. "But that's all. A romantic relationship would have never worked out between us."

Don't ask. Don't you dare ask him.

"Why not?" Roman asked anyway, taking off his glasses and putting them on top of the file cabinet.

Fuck
.

"Same reason it hasn't worked with anyone I've seen in the past few years," Derrick whispered, a bittersweet smile on his face. "He isn't you."

Roman's legs trembled. His heart quaked. He gripped one of Derrick's hips with one hand and put the other on his chest. He intended to push him away. To put some distance between them so Roman could breathe again… think again. Instead, he pulled Derrick by his pretty tie, and slammed their lips together in a kiss that was rough and raw and five fucking years overdue.

There was an explosion of sensation caused by one hard chest bumping against another… by scraping lips and raspy tongues twirling in heated harmony… by lean but strong arms tightly wrapped around Roman's shoulders.
 

It was heaven.

It felt so good… so goddamn
right
… Roman almost wept because it was so perfect.

Had Roman had an ounce of decency, he never would have kissed Derrick. But he had kissed him, and now he couldn't stop. He wouldn't stop until he'd taken enough to create memories that would hold him over for years to come.

He leaned against the file cabinet and wrapped his arms around Derrick's waist. Five seconds later, Roman slid one hand up the center of Derrick's back and didn't stop until he was able to bury it in soft, light brown hair.

Roman held Derrick in place and ravished his lips and tongue with his own. He wanted to crawl inside Derrick's skin. Kiss him harder and deeper. Drink him in until he felt intoxicated. Touch every part of his body and taste him everywhere.

Derrick moaned against his lips, sliding his hands down Roman's back and planting them firmly over his ass. He didn't grab or squeeze his glutes, but he writhed until Roman shifted to accommodate the hard thigh pressing between his legs.

There was no thinking after that.

Roman ground his hard cock against Derrick's thigh at the same time he sucked on Derrick's tongue. God help him, he was dying for this man. Never before had he known such a powerful drive to possess someone and never let him go.

Held in a vise of pure sexual pleasure, he threw his head back when Derrick finally grabbed his ass like he meant business and humped his own cock against Roman's hip. A torrential downpour of sensations flooded his body. Warmth gave way to heat, and the tingling in his skin became such a powerful current of energy that Roman felt as if he was being electrocuted.

He moved his hand from Derrick's hip to his groin, grazing the hardness he found there with the back of his fingers before unfastening Derrick's belt and pulling down the zipper.

"Roman," Derrick moaned, kissing Roman's cheek, his nose, his ear, his jaw. "I've waited so long…" He licked Roman's parted lips. "Please, tell me this isn't a dream…" He pressed his forehead against Roman's as his lips stretched into the loveliest smile he'd given Roman thus far. "Having lunch with you…" Derrick's voice was a mere whisper. "Talking to you about a hundred different things meant more to me than anything I've ever done with other guys I've been with." He cradled Roman's cheeks with shaking hands and rubbed a thumb over his lips before continuing. "It was deeper… better… I haven't been able to forget it."