Healed (25 page)

Emily

THE DAY SEEMED TO DRAG
by, my eyes continuously falling to the clock on my desk, hoping to make it speed up. There had been something in Andrew’s eyes earlier that had me worried. Whatever conversation he’d had with his dad was weighing on him, and it was my fault. I was the one who’d pushed him into talking to his dad. Obviously it hadn’t helped. I just wasn’t sure how much damage it actually did.

The numbers on the clock continued to slowly tick by. I must have reached for the phone every fifteen minutes, only to peel my hand back and remind myself that Andrew was at work, and he wouldn’t open up over the phone. I had to wait until we got home and even then I wasn’t sure he’d want to share. It was all about hope.

By the end of the day, my nerves were worn thin. It was so bad that I had all my stuff packed up and ready to go fifteen minutes early. It was the first time since starting the job that I’d left right on time. Usually, I stayed late to get things done, but Andrew was more important. All of the rest of it could wait.

The drive home seemed longer than normal. It was even more of a letdown when I drove into the lot and Andrew’s car wasn’t there. It never even occurred to me that he might stay at work late, since he’d gone in an hour later. Walking up the steps I heard footsteps behind me. I turned, hoping to see Andrew, only to find Nick standing there with a smile.

“You’re home early,” he said, reaching around me to put the key in the lock.

“I was worried about Andrew after last night and this morning.”

“He didn’t look good.”

We walked into the apartment, Nick setting his keys down on the table.

“I’m not sure what his dad said to him last night, but he didn’t seem happy about it.”

“Maybe he’ll talk to you about it when he gets home.” Nick walked down the hall to his room.

“That’s what I’m hoping for,” I said to myself and followed him down the hall.

The minute I stepped through our bedroom door I knew something was wrong. It was empty. Not totally empty—the bed and furniture were still there—but all of Andrew’s stuff was missing.

Grabbing the closet door, I ripped it open. Everything belonging to Andrew was gone. Turning, I tried to figure out what the hell was going on. That’s when I saw the envelope on the top of Andrew’s dresser. With shaking hands, I picked it up and pulled open the top flap. It was simple lined paper, yet the churning in my stomach told me that I didn’t want to read what it said.

I opened it anyway.

“What the fuck?”

Storming down the hall, I went to Nick’s room and practically beat down the door in front of me.

“What the hell, Em?” Nick flung open the door and I stumble forward into his arms. That’s when I felt the wetness on my cheeks. “What happened?”

Without a word I handed him the letter. Taking it from my hands, he stepped back and I fell to my knees.

“Em!” he shouted and dropped down next me, reading the contents of the letter himself.

“What the hell is he thinking?” Nick pulled out his phone and put it to his ear. “Damn it. He’s got it shut off.”

Placing his arms under mine, Nick lifted me from the floor. “Come on, you can’t stay down there. I’m gonna make a few phone calls.” I was crying in earnest as he led me to the couch then walked off toward the kitchen.

What the hell just happened? Andrew couldn’t have left me. He wouldn’t. We had so many plans. It had to be a mistake.

Nick came back a few minutes later with a glass of water. “Angie’s on her way.”

“Why would he do this?” I cried.

Nick sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms. “I don’t know. He always listened to his dad, but this time he should have known better. His dad’s still grieving.”

It was taking everything I had to keep myself from falling to the floor sobbing. That didn’t mean I could stop the tears. My chest constricted with each breath and it felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. The more I thought about Andrew leaving, the harder it became to pull air into my lungs. The moment I started to hyperventilate, Nick got off the couch and knelt before me, taking my hands in his.

“Deep breaths. Watch my breathing. In . . . out . . . in . . . out. We’re going to figure this out, Em.”

Somewhere in the back of my mind, through all my misery, I heard the knock on the door. Nick watched me for a minute, before calling out, “Come in. It’s open.”

Angie came rushing into the room, Caleb following closely behind. She looked at me and joined Nick on the floor. “What happened?”

Nick handed over the letter. “Apparently, Andrew had some fucked up conversation with his dad last night and packed up and left this morning.”

Angie scanned the letter, her eyes wide, then handed it over her shoulder to Caleb.

“Fuck,” Caleb muttered. “I was out of the office all day today so I didn’t see him.”

Angie switched places with Nick. “Em, look at me.”

I raised my face to hers, unable to control the emotion written across mine. “Oh, sweetie.” She pulled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry, but I need Em the fighter if we’re going to find a way to fix this.

“I don’t think I can find her.”

“Oh yes you can. She’s there, just waiting for you to realize that you can’t give up this easily.”

“Em, this isn’t like Andrew at all. He loves you,” Caleb said from behind Angie.

Brushing furiously at my eyes, I looked up at him. “Yeah, well, right now it doesn’t feel like it.”

“That’s it,” Angie coaxed. “And why doesn’t it feel like it?”

I jumped off the couch and started pacing. Anger became the overriding emotion. “Because the fucker left me a note instead of telling me to my face.”

There was another knock at the door, but the jumble of emotions warring for control in me didn’t really give a shit.

“What happened?” Josh asked the moment he walked through the door.

Caleb handed Josh the letter. “Asshole’s gone and lost his mind.”

Josh read through it, wincing. “What is he doing?” he asked the room, handing the letter to Lauren, who’d walked in behind him.

Watching the note pass from hand to hand made me cringe. Here was Andrew’s abandonment, on display for all to see.

“Okay, okay. We’ve determined that Andrew has lost his mind, but we need to figure out a way to help Em fix it,” Angie said.

“I already tried calling him, but his phone is off,” Nick said.

Josh ran his hands through his hair. “This is just part of him grieving. Maybe he’ll come back on his own?”

“I don’t think so,” Caleb said. “It sounds like he thinks this is the only way.”

Angie sat on the couch and began to fidget. “Why would he listen to his dad when he’s been drinking every day?”

I stopped. “It’s my fault.”

Angie’s head snapped up. “No it isn’t.”

Caleb rubbed his hand over his face. “No. I’m the one who told you to have him talk to his dad.”

“Unfortunately, it
is
my fault.” I sighed. “I’m the one who convinced him that talking to his dad was a good idea. Even if you suggested it, I still made the decision.”

“That doesn’t mean he had to listen,” Angie argued, her experience with drunk fathers shining through.

“I don’t mean to play devil’s advocate here, but why
wouldn’t
he listen to his dad,” Lauren said.

Angie’s head snapped around. “Because, apparently, all of the shit coming out of his dad’s mouth is ridiculous.”

Caleb went over and wrapped his arms around Angie. “Love, this isn’t your dad we’re talking about.”

She jerked out of his grasp. “You think I don’t know that? Doesn’t make it any less stupid.”

Their brewing fight helped me to forget some of my own pain for a minute, especially with Nick and Josh looking like they wanted to run screaming in the other direction, just to avoid the fall out. Even though none of this was funny, I couldn’t help but start to laugh. How had my life turn to such shit in just a matter of a few weeks? At graduation, things had seemed so promising. We were done with school, we’d secured jobs, and were getting married in less than a year. Now, here I was, left alone while my friends stood around arguing.

When I looked up everyone was staring at me. Josh came over, his forehead wrinkling.

“Em, are you okay?” He held out his hands, like he was waiting for me to fall.

With an effort, I reined in the giggles. “No, but I’m not going crazy either. My life is a mess right now and I need to find a way to fix it.”

Everyone started talking at once about different ideas. “Stop!” I yelled. “One at a time.”

Nick looked over at me. “I think you just need to talk to him.”

Lauren came over and took my hand, leading me to couch. “Nick’s right. He obviously couldn’t tell you in person so there is a part of him that knows this is a bad idea. If he sees you, he might realize that.”

“How am I supposed to go and talk to him when I don’t even know where he went?”

“My guess is that he went right to his dad’s house from here. Where else would he go?” Josh said. Caleb and Angie were still locked in a tense conversation in the corner.

There was nowhere else he would go, except maybe to his sister’s, but she lived on campus and that just didn’t seem likely. “You’re right. He’s probably there.”

Angie and Caleb finally stepped away from the corner, a slight scowl, marring Angie’s face when she looked in Caleb’s direction. “You should call him first. Even if his phone’s off, leave him a message. Maybe he’ll come back tonight if he hears your voice. It’s worth a shot, before you drive over there.”

“Maybe.”

What kind of message could I possibly leave him?
Oh, hey, I know you don’t want to see me, but can you come back so we can get married?
I doubted that would go over well.

“You have to try.” Angie’s eyes filled. Caleb came up from behind her and placed his hands over her shoulders to try and offer her some comfort.

“She’s not going to give up without a fight,” he whispered to her.

“No I’m not, but I think I need some time alone to figure out what to do. Andrew doesn’t make decisions lightly, and I need to remember that if I’m going to bring him back to me.”

Everyone took that as their cue to leave. It wasn’t that I was trying to be rude, but I knew Andrew better than anyone, almost as well as I knew myself. To figure this out I needed time.

Angie stepped in front of me. “You know we’re here if you need us, right?”

“I know. And thank you for coming over to try and help.” Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her into a hug.

Josh and Lauren waved on their way out the door. They were soon followed by Caleb and Angie. The apartment seemed so quiet now that everyone was gone. Everyone except Nick and me. Walking over, I dropped down onto the seat next to him.

“Do you want some time alone?” he asked.

I looked up into his eyes. “Yes . . . no. Everyone else was starting to make me crazy. But maybe you can help me figure out what to say if I call him.”

“Just tell him how you feel. That’s the most you can do and, honestly, it’s what he needs to hear.”

“Okay. Let me do this now, before I get pissed again and freak-out instead.”

Pulling my phone out, I took a deep breath before dialing Andrew’s number. When it started to ring I reached over and took a hold of Nick’s hand, needing his strength and comfort. Just like Nick had said earlier, the call went almost immediately to voicemail. Hearing his voice as the message played caused my hands to shake.

“Hi, honey. I wish I could say something sweet and fun, but right now my heart is broken. You didn’t need to leave. Couples are supposed to be there for each other, no matter what. We can work through this together if you would just come home. I love you and I miss you.”

Hanging up the phone, I took a deep breath. “We’ll see if that works.”

Nick squeezed my hand. Once again we let the silence fill the apartment, at least, until Nick’s stomach started growling. He looked at me apologetically. “Are you hungry?”

Was I hungry? No. My stomach had been a rolling mess since walking into my bedroom earlier. “Not right now.”

He gave me a sad smile. “All right. I’m gonna get a pizza. If you change your mind there should be some left. I’ll leave it in the fridge for you.”

I nodded as he got up and left the room. A little while later Nick came back with the food and convinced me to eat one slice, but it sat like a brick in my stomach.

All I could do throughout the rest of the night was to check my phone, turning up the volume and never letting it out of my sight for a moment, afraid I would miss it if he called.

The next day wasn’t much better. I trudged through work, thankful it was nearly the weekend. Once again my cell phone wasn’t more than a foot away from me at any time.

Waiting.

Just waiting.

By the next morning I was determined that I needed to talk to Andrew face-to-face. I wasn’t going to let him get rid of me without a fight. If I went to his dad’s place he could choose to not answer the door and I couldn’t risk that, so I convinced Nick to send him a text saying that he’d left some of his stuff in the apartment and to come get it, promising I wouldn’t be home. The plan was to display all kinds of pictures and other memories from our time together. Nick would then convince him to meet me where we’d gotten engaged. Then I would be waiting for him at the park where he proposed, if and when he was ready to talk to me.