He Loves Me...He Loves You Not (13 page)

She laughs. “Oh, I know you do. And I will
collect.”

Before she can get another word out, I dash
out of the bathroom, hoping that when and if I find Henry, that
he’ll forgive me.

Chapter 18

“
Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes
out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all
fear of an end.” ~ Author Unknown ~

I drive past the only funeral home our town
has. There are no cars.

I’m flustered and in a panic. Heat sears
through me and I start sweating. I have to find him. I need to find
him. I turn on the air. Relief swirls through me as the coldness
wafts over me, drying up the perspiration.

Henry, where are you?

Traffic whizzes by me and it seems like
everyone on the road today wants to drive ten miles an hour. I honk
my horn. The car in front of me is still stopped for at least
thirty seconds at the stop sign.

Every second that passes is one second less
that I have to find Henry. One second less of his time. And one
second less that I have to ask for his forgiveness.

Next I pull into the cemetery parking lot. A
vacant, newly paved parking lot. Only one car, a rusty old truck
that’s paint job almost matches the rust around its edges. If Henry
isn’t at the funeral home or cemetery, there’s only one place left
to look. His house.

I park down the street, taking in the line of
cars in his driveway. Should I or shouldn’t I? Would I be
intruding? The last thing I want to do is upset him more than I
already have.

The haunting image of the look on his face on
Saturday resurfaces. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I see
there was more going on with him than our complicated relationship?
Because I was being a jealous moron. I let my emotions consume
me.

My fingers inch back toward the ignition. I
shouldn’t be here. He needs to spend time with his family. He
wouldn’t want me here.

A fist pounds on my window. I turn and jump.
Henry leans down and looks inside the car. We gaze at each other
for a moment. Our eyes locked intensely. Deeply. Separated by the
thin strip of glass. I feel my eyes watering, but I can’t look
away. I place my hand on the glass and it’s like I’m reaching
through the closed window, feeling his skin on mine.

Henry breaks first and steps away from the
window. My heart plummets from its cavity to my stomach. I feel the
red fleshy organ beating everywhere. In my head. In my ears. Even
my toes. “Come back,” I whisper. “Stay.”

A second later, my door opens and Henry
stands on the end. He motions for me to get out and I do. I get
out, close the door, and lean up against the car.

An unsettling silence fills the air. I feel
Henry’s eyes on me so I look up, then I look at the ground. Neither
one of us knows what to say.

Henry shoves his hands in his pockets and
rocks on his heels. “So.”

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. “So sorry.” And
before he realizes what’s happening I lunge at him, wrapping my
arms around him, clutching the back of his shirt, grazing my
fingertips over the smooth flesh on his back. I’m glued to him and
I hope I stay like this forever.

He hesitates and a nervous sensation courses
through me.
Touch me. Henry, please touch me.
“Please
forgive me,” I tell him.

His hands trail down my back and he grips me
tightly. Then he plants a soft kiss on the top of my head. “You’re
forgiven.”

A sob full of relief whooshes from my lips.
The hurt and fear inside of me evaporates and is replaced with
unrequited joy. “Thank you. I’m so glad. I felt so terrible after
our fight.”

“So did I. I’m sorry for what I said
too.”

“I didn’t think you’d ever forgive me.”

I lift my head and he releases me and takes
my face in his hands. He’s gazing through my eyes, searching.
Searching for my soul. “How can you say that?”

“I was harsh. And selfish. I didn’t even
consider—”

“Shhh, he interrupts me. He brushes the tips
of his thumbs over my cheeks. “You don’t need to say anything.”

“But I do.”

Henry places his forehead against mine. His
needy desperate hands pull me closer. “No you don’t. No matter what
happens between us. No matter what kind of fights we have in the
future. I just need you to know something.”

Our mouths collide. My breaths hike as my
fingers swirl through his hair. He cups my neck kissing me harder.
He pushes me into my car and his hand goes up my shirt and his
fingertips brush against my bare midriff. Inside I’m a forest fire.
Don’t put me out.

I arch my back as his lips trail from mouth
to my neck. I close my eyes and hot tears, like fresh precipitation
on a windshield rain down my cheeks. I turn my head and he stops
kissing me. Warm air leaves his lungs and caresses my ear. “You
just have to know,” he says in between breaths.

“Know what?”

He’s cupping my face. His eyes are full of
emotion and I can’t think of anything, but how bad I want him to
kiss me again and how bad I want to live this moment, entrapped,
like we’re snow people in a holiday globe, surrounded by glass and
fake snowflakes.

“That you are my heaven.”

I cup his face and kiss him softly. “And
you’re mine.”

Epilogue

“
Whatever our souls are made of. His and
mine are the same.”~ Emily Bronte ~

I lie in my bed listening to the soft pelting
of raindrops against the side of my house. I try to sleep, but I
can’t because I know he’ll be here any minute, to embrace me. wake
up with me, and love me.

A giddy feeling of excitement circulates
through me and makes my heart pound, beat and flutter. I’ve only
been away from him for hours and I already miss him like crazy.

Soft footsteps. I sit up. Henry closes my
window. I beam radiantly, so consumed by my love for him that I do
think there’s room in my body for any other emotion. He gives me an
enchanting smile and walks quietly to the bed.

I back up, closer to the wall, roll over and
he slides in next to me. He touches me outside, his hand slides up
my bare thigh. He touches me on the inside too. My soul mate.

He kisses my hair. “I love you.”

The simple phrase fills me up with so much
delight that when I croak out the same phrase, “I love you.” I’m
certain my voice is trembling.

I back up, closer to the wall, roll over and
he slides in next to me. He touches me outside, his hand slides up
my bare thigh. He touches me on the inside too, caressing my heart,
caressing my soul. He’s the other half of me. He’s my soul
mate.

He kisses my hair. “I love you.” The words
blast off in my head like an amp at a rock concert, so loud and so
beautiful that I don’t care if I lose my hearing over it.

The simple phrase fills me up with so much
delight that when I croak out the same phrase, “I love you.” I’m
certain my voice is trembling.

His teeth graze against my jawline and my
heart leaps and soars. I’m flying. I’m a kite. He pulls away from
me. I reach out to him. “Stay,” I whisper.

Henry smiles. “Always,” he tells me. “I’m
never leaving.”

“Why did you pull away?” I ask. There’s
sadness in my voice. I want him to touch me. I need him to touch
me.

“It’s pouring outside,” he says. “I got my
socks all wet.”

A hushed laugh leaves my throat and he’s next
to me in a second, lacing his arm through mine and resting it on my
hip. He nestles in closer to me, until he’s so close I feel his
warm breath against my ear. He’s at home, with me, our body parts
entwinted.

Some women settle. They give up their search
for their one true thing. The kind of love that makes you weep. The
kind of love that fills you up with so much joy that you feel like
a balloon about to bust. The kind of love that leaves you
breathless and starving at the same time. But now I know that kind
of love is out there. Waiting patiently for the right person to
come along. All you have to do is find it. And every person in the
world deserves a chance at finding it.

I’ve come to the conclusion that nothing is
fair when it comes to love, lust, and heartbreak. Love can be many
things. The intense emotion can be beautiful, fleeting, and joyous.
Yet at the same time it can be wicked, deceitful, and
gut-wrenching.

Even though love has its ups and downs, for
most there is a happily ever after and I’m so lucky that I found
mine.

Lauren Hammond knew from a young age that she
was born to be a writer. After publishing her first novel in 2007,
she then went on to write several screenplays and a few award
winning poems. She aspires to be a positive role model for young
people who have a pencil, a piece of paper, and a dream. Never give
up on your dreams, you might wake up one day and regret not
pursuing them. She currently serves as the Executive Literary
Manager for ADA Management Group, has twelve novels slated for
release between 2011 & 2012, and resides in Ohio.