He Loves Me...He Loves You Not (12 page)

After lying in bed awake for a while, I
decide I can’t lie there and listen to Rosa’s light snoring
anymore. I get up and go downstairs.

Metal gleams from the kitchen and casts a
dancing light along the walls of the hallway. Our stainless steel
refrigerator comes into view and a white piece of paper is hanging
on the top by potato chip magnet.

I’m still freezing and I read the note as I
rub the warmth back into my arms.

Riley,

Had to go into the office. I’ll be home a
little later.

Love you, Mom.

I’m glad she’s not home. She’d notice that
I’m upset and she’d want to know what’s wrong with me. I don’t feel
like explaining nor do I want to.

Rosa grunts behind me. I look over my
shoulder and she’s stretching. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

She laughs and runs her fingers through her
bed-head hair. “I know.”

I turn back around, tug on the fridge door,
and examine our options for breakfast. “You hungry?”

“Meh. I usually just have coffee.”

I pull out the milk and grab the frosted
flakes from the top of the fridge. “Okay, I’ll make a pot.”

Rosa nurses her cup of coffee and I sit down
across from her with my bowl of cereal. A lawnmower buzzes and I
catch a glimpse of my neighbor riding around his yard. I can
practically smell the musty fresh cut grass from where I’m sitting
and my heart feels heavy.

Rosa cuts into my thoughts. “Has he
called?”

I stir my cereal. “No.”

I wish it wasn’t sunny outside because
there’s a thunderstorm going on inside of me.

She takes a sip from the number one mom mug I
gave her and I lift my head. “How are you feeling? Are you
okay?”

“I feel destroyed and I’m not okay, but I’m
sure I will be eventually.” The problem is I don’t know when that
will be.

Rosa sets her cup down and squeezes my hand.
“If you need me to stay for the next week, I will.”

I smile. “Thanks.”

She lets go of my hand. “But, I’m going to
teach you how to make a decent cup of coffee. This tastes like
liquid tree bark.”

I laugh. “Then why are you drinking it?”

She shrugs and crooks me a smile. “I figure
you’re have a hard enough time, why make it worse.”

****

An hour later, I stand with Rosa at the front
door. She props the screen door open with her foot. “Are you sure
you don’t want to do something fun today? A random adventure might
take your mind off of things.”

“I’ll consider it, but I really think I just
need some time alone.”

She tosses her purse over her shoulder.
“Well, if you need me you know how to get ahold of me.”

“I’ll text you later anyway.”

She points her finger at me. “You better.
I’ll worry if you don’t.”

Rosa walks out the door and I stand on my
porch, watching as she treks down my driveway to the booger.
“Later!” I call.

My gaze shifts to the oak tree in front of
house, yellow and orange spots are forming on the jungle green
leaves. The dulling colors blind me and a hollowed out hole in the
trunk reminds me of how empty I feel inside. I’m a bottomless pit
of despair.

After a minute I walk back inside and into
the kitchen. I grab my empty cereal bowl and Rosa’s empty coffee
cup.
Empty. Empty. Empty.
Why does everything have to remind
me of how I feel?

At the sink, I rinse out my bowl and her
coffee cup. Then the doorbell chimes ringing out like church bells
on Sunday. I glance at the clock. Rosa must have forgotten
something. She’s only been gone for two minutes.

I jog down the hall. “Coming!”

Sometimes I swear Rosa has dementia. She’s
always forgetting stuff—always in a rush. I yank the door open and
shake my head. “What did you forget, now?”

As I turn my head my breathing stops. My
lungs constrict fighting to release the oxygen. “Henry,” I gasp. My
stomach is a hive of bumblebees, buzzing and flitting their
translucent wings. Swarms of yellow and black making honey. “What
are you doing here?”

Tears glisten in his eyes. “I need you,” he
tells me.

For a moment time stops. I’m fighting for
control between my head and my heart. My head tells me he’s hurt me
enough. It tells me not to fall prey to whatever he has up his
sleeve. A spider, always managing to lure back into his web of
lies, but my heart, my hearts swells and pounds so loud I can feel
it my ears. The sight of his tears thrust into me like a spear
through the side.

He wipes his eyes. “Can I come in?”

I look over my shoulder into my empty
hallway. No mom. No Rosa. And there is no chance I’ll be able to
resist him If I do let him in. “No,” I say and step onto my porch,
closing the door behind me. “What do you want, Henry?”

He reaches for my hand, but I fold my arms
across my chest. “I need someone to talk to.”

I shrug. “So talk.”

His hair is messy and he scratches the back
of his head then looks at me, confused. “Did I do something
wrong?”

As if he doesn’t know. I’m perplexed by the
sincerity in his voice. “Shouldn’t you be over Callie’s, talking to
her?” My eyes burn into his. I feel like I’m in a coma. How am I
ever supposed to recover if he won’t let me?

“Why would I talk to her?”

“Because she’s your girlfriend.”

“No she’s not.”

I scowl. “You’re lying.” The conversation I
overheard yesterday sounds off in my head like an over-played song
on the radio. “Two guys heard you guys getting it on last night
while I was outside.”

A wide range of emotions pass over his
features. He clenches his jaw. “I don’t know what you’re talking
about. I didn’t hook up with her. I dumped her; she threw a lamp at
my head, and then trashed my room.”

I roll my eyes. “Right.” I’m trying to keep
my emotions in check because I don’t know what to believe. “After
all that you’ve put me through you expect me to believe that?”

“Believe it because it’s true.” There’s no
warmth to his voice. It’s ice cold. “I just threw away a four year
relationship for you and you’re acting like a heartless bitch”

My mouth drops open and I shove him. “I
thought you didn’t love her! I thought that four year relationship
was long gone anyways! What? Did you give a pity screw? One last
romp with Henry Garner?”

I’m in his face and he leans down, a cold
calculating look on his face. “You’re unbelievable!” His teeth are
gritted and he’s breathing heavy.

“No, you’re unbelievable! Coming over here
trying to spout all the same pathetic lines that I’ve been falling
for months and after last night expecting me to still believe them!
You’re the heartless one! How many times have you ripped out my
heart and stomped on it? Huh, Henry? How freaking many?” I sound
crazy, but I don’t care. “You didn’t even call me to tell me you
dumped her. You let me believe that you chose her over me!”

“There’s a damn reason why I didn’t
call!”

“And what’s the reason? Come on. Feed me
another lie. I’m waiting for it.”

He scowls. “You know what, forget it.” He
turns around and walks down the porch steps.

“Forget you!” I shout as he struts down my
sidewalk.

“You should be saying that to yourself!” he
booms. “Because I already did!”

I watch Henry Garner, the love of my life run
down my driveway and his words haunt me.
Because I already
did.

Then I hit my knees and bury my head in my
hands and that’s when my whole world comes crashing down.

Chapter 17

“
Better to have loved and lost, than to
have never loved at all.” ~ St. Augustine ~

I stay in bed for the rest of the weekend
with thoughts of Henry’s last words looming in the back of my mind.
Because I already did.

How can you forget someone you love just like
that? How can you say something like that to someone you love?

Maybe I was being a heartless bitch. Maybe I
was too harsh on him. Maybe he was telling the truth.

I’m not sure if he’ll ever talk to me again,
so I don’t know if I’ll ever find out the answers.

Rosa calls. I don’t answer. She texts.

Ry, R U ok? I’ve been callin.

I text back.

I’m fine.

The only reason I text her back at all is
because I know she won’t leave me alone until I do.

Mom cracks my door open. “Riley, sweetie,
dinner is ready.”

“I’m not hungry,” I force out. Food is the
last thing on my mind. I bury myself deeper into my down comforter.
“I’m tired.”

Mom walks over to the edge of my bed and sits
down. “Are you feeling okay sweetheart?”

Inside I’m screaming just leave me alone, but
I know she’s concerned and I don’t want to worry her. “I’m just
feeling a little under the weather. I think I just need to sleep it
off.”

She peels back my covers, leans down and
kisses my forehead. “Okay sweetie.” She walks to the door. “I’ll
put your plate in the fridge in case you’re hungry later.”

“Thanks Mom.”

I wait until she’s out my door before I
snatch my cell from the nightstand, and I know I shouldn’t do it,
but I send Henry a text.

What R U doing?

Minutes pass. Then an hour. No response. So I
send him another one.

Henry? R U still mad at me?

The rest of the night passes by and I don’t
hear anything back from him.

****

Monday morning, at school I make it my
mission to find him. I have to talk to him.

But school is weird. Something about it seems
off. The halls are quiet even though it’s filled with students.

Instinctively, I peer at Callie’s locker.
She’s there hunching over, grabbing a book from the bottom, but
Henry’s not there. I scan the hall as students brush past me. I
don’t think Henry is even in school.

He’s always hanging out in the halls before,
after, and sometimes during class. I look to my left as Rosa struts
toward me. “Hey,” she greets me with a smile. “You look
better.”

“Thanks, I guess.” I’m not going to tell her
I feel better because in reality, I don’t.

“So have you heard?”

I close my locker door and my eyes widen.
“Heard what?”

“Henry Garner is officially back on the
market.”

“What?” I squawk and cover my mouth.
“No.”

I’m too shocked to even think straight.
Happiness flourishes throughout me and I do the best I can to keep
myself calm, but it’s difficult. All I really want to do is jump up
and down and find Henry and smother him with my kisses.

I’m not a fling. He cares. He loves me.

I see him so clearly in my mind.
I did
this for you, Riley. All for you.
Just like he said.

My heart races. Palpitates. Flutters. I’m
going through withdrawals. That’s how bad I want him to touch me
right now.

“Yup. I guess he dumped her at that party he
had. And from what I heard, Callie went berserk. Like psycho bitch
berserk. I guess she threw some stuff at his head and slapped
him.”

“Who told you this?”

“I overheard one of the cheerleaders talking.
I guess she was Callie’s ride home and Callie told her
everything.”

Three sophomore girls pass us whispering
‘Henry Garner’ then they giggle amongst each other.

My stomach churns and twists and acid bounces
against the lining like choppy water in the ocean. I feel sick and
I’m mad at myself because he was telling me the truth. I need to
find him. He needs to hear me out.

In a panic I stifle a look around the hall.
“Well, where is he?”

“It gets worse.” Rosa lowers her voice.

“What do you mean it gets worse? Did they get
back together?”

She clears her throat and looks down. “His
Mom died.”

I let out a sob caught in my throat. “What?”
The sound of her voice fades away and the hall blurs around me.
“When?”

“Friday night.”

I want to punch myself in the face. No. The
self-inflicted pain won’t even come close to the pain he’s feeling
now. He really did need me. He came to me for support and I turned
him away when he needed me the most. And I hate myself for it.

“He came to my house right after you left on
Saturday. He told me he needed me. We got in a huge fight because I
thought he was just playing games with me. He was crying. Rosa,
what should I do?”

We walk down the hall. “Did you call
him?”

I nod. “And texted. He won’t call me or text
me back.”

“Well, if I were you, I’d go find him.”

“Rosa, I can’t barge in on a funeral. Plus
based on our last conversation, I’m pretty sure he never wants to
see me again.”

She reaches over and snatches the stack of
books in my hand. “Go.” There’s an urgent undertone in her
voice.

“What if I get in trouble?”

She smirks. “I’ll take care of that.” She
grabs me by the arm and we duck into the girl’s bathroom.

“What are you doing?”

Reaching into her pocket she whips out her
cell. She hands me the pile of books. “Riley Davis,” she begins,
“this is your first lesson on devious behavior. Well, technically
your second. I’d say your scandalous affair with Henry was your
first. Rosa clears her throat, lowers her voice, and dials a number
on her phone. A second passes. Then I hear the voice of Mrs.
Gephart. “Mrs. Gephart,” says Rosa in her new huskier voice. “This
is Riley Davis’s mother. I’m fine and you? Good. Good. She needs to
come home right away. There is a family emergency. Yes. Thank
you.”

Another second later that PA sounds off.

Riley Davis report to the office please.

I shake my head. “I can’t believe you just
did that! What if I get caught?”

“Will you grow a pair and quit worrying about
getting caught?” A devilish grin spreads across her lips. “Now get
out of here. Go get lover boy.”

I unload the pile of books in my hand into
hers. “I owe you.”