Haunted Heart (8 page)

“No.” Duncan kept stroking Ruben’s hair softly, and if Ruben could have purred, he would have. “To quote a crass saying, I don’t shit where I eat.” Ruben snickered at that, and Duncan held him tighter to his chest. A mellow affection heated his heart, and he wished for time to stand still so he could remain here forever. “Besides, it’s hard to settle for candles when you’ve basked in the sun for so long.” He whispered against Ruben’s temple, “You’re incandescent.”

Duncan was talking about Ruben?
Oh my God
. Ruben was sure he had died and gone to heaven. “H-how do you know…?” Duncan said nothing, waiting for Ruben to say what he meant. That trust was wonderful to feel. “How do you know there’s a connection between us? You said we had one but…. What makes you so sure?”
And what do you want from me?
But that last part Ruben didn’t say out loud.

Then Duncan wrapped his other hand around Ruben too, embracing him with serious intent. “From the first moment I saw you I knew I had to get to know you better. I saw your use of colors, shapes, and imagination. I knew right away you were the most beautiful—”

“Wait.” Ruben pulled out of Duncan’s arms, studying him, incredulous. “Y-you mean the
cover
I sent you? You’re talking about my art…?”

Duncan grinned, a self-confident, sexy gesture that made Ruben weak in the knees. “Yes. I saw you. I saw more than your gift as an artist. The wide star fields, the lush meadows, the serene beauty of life around you. I could see you, Ruben, behind that picture. The lovely soul who could conjure up new worlds with his paintbrush and pencil. The beauty who longed to see and be a part of the outside world. Isn’t that what you wanted, Ruben? For someone to see you?” Duncan cupped Ruben’s jaw, caressing his cheekbone with his thumb. “Well, I see you, Ruben. And I adore what I see.”

Breath hitched in Ruben’s throat, and his heart beat a rapid staccato. He didn’t know what to say. His entire focus rested in Duncan’s eyes, so deep and profound, so full of passion and light that it left Ruben’s head spinning. And this time it wasn’t because of any panic attacks.

The doubts flooded in a second later. “I… I don’t know how to be with you….”

Duncan cocked his head to the side as if pausing for thought. “You mean physically or emotionally, or in general in a relationship, or even in the same room?” Duncan smiled tenderly, and it went a long way in calming down Ruben’s anxieties. “We’ll work on it. We don’t need to have all the answers right away, do we? We’ve got time.”

We…?
Ruben was flabbergasted with Duncan’s words, his reassurances that he wanted Ruben no matter how difficult it would be between them. In fact, this was the first time a person not blood related to him had held him so close. The rapist sure didn’t count. Duncan had come to Ruben and taken charge of the situation with his kindness, not giving his comfort a second thought, not once hesitating, simply giving. Ruben envied that confidence and strength.

“I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do, Ruben,” Duncan said gently, his touch soothing. “We’ll take this at your pace, whatever you set. Even if we never do anything beyond this—” Duncan slowly surrounded Ruben with his arms again. “—it’ll be all right.”

Ruben was certain no man in his sexual prime, spending time with his object of desire, could show such restraint and serenity in the face of temptation. Even if that fictional man was a perfect gentleman like Duncan.

“Ruben?” God, how nice and considerate Duncan sounded, a veritable dream come true. To his surprise, Ruben found himself burrowing deeper into the man’s hug. “Your condition, does it, um, prevent you from…?” Duncan’s voice faded, and Ruben could feel his awkwardness, in spite of his earlier declarations. He was obviously referring to sex.

Pushing away from Duncan, Ruben shifted on the couch until there was space between them and they were no longer touching. He didn’t risk glancing at his guest, anticipating frustration or disappointment. Still, he felt no urge to run away, hide, and cry. Then again, neither did he feel a compelling drive to throw himself at Duncan and yield to his desires.

In the back of his mind, though, he wished he were one of those people who could do the latter without hesitation, to be reckless, to surrender to another man.

But those times were long gone. He’d never really known them.

Ruben cleared his throat. “I… I can’t do that.”

“Wait a second.” Duncan lifted his hand in the stop gesture. “What do you mean?”

Now Ruben had to look at Duncan, frowning with bafflement. “What do
you
mean?”

Duncan gave Ruben a lopsided smile, with a hint of self-deprecation, his cheeks pink. “Well, there’s more to sensuality than going straight to the, um, to the bottom, as it were.”

Ruben gasped and felt his skin light on fire, half embarrassment and half arousal. He wanted to bristle and get angry at the insinuation he was a total newbie—but he
was
for all intents and purposes a virgin. And still… he wanted Duncan. The man spoke to his body and mind, giving him hot flashes and erotic imagery, neither of which he could refute. If he did, it would be a lie.

“I’ve never done anything. Why would you want to be with someone—”

“You’d better not finish that sentence, Ruben,” Duncan interjected, growling.

Considering his past, Ruben should have been afraid, but the thrill that shot through his body and sent all the blood in his brain boiling lightning fast toward his dick laid waste to any dread he might have felt. How one sound could make him so horny was beyond him.

Carefully, as if unsure of his welcome, Duncan took a gentle hold of Ruben’s hands with his own, and gave a tentative squeeze. “I don’t want to rush you, Ruben. Please believe that. I asked merely to ascertain how much sexual experience you have and what level of intimacy you’re comfortable with so that we can figure out what the next step is—if you are okay with there being one.”

Ruben felt his hands shake, just like the rest of him. As nervous as he was about this whole topic, a part of him—the young male part—longed to feel the caress of another man, to kiss for the first time, to be held and loved, to physically join with someone.

He chuckled at that. How could he miss so badly something he had never known?

“As I said,” he started slowly, his voice frail and soft, “I have never done anything, not with a guy or a girl. I knew I was gay when I was fifteen or so, when all my fantasies….” Blushing, he steered clear of that subject. He was gratified to see Duncan’s knowing smile.
Oh, so sexy
. “What that man did to me, it was my first and only experience with sex.”

“Oh, Ruben.” Duncan shook his head, but Ruben could sense the anger wasn’t directed at him. “That wasn’t sex. That was… something else. Violence, pain, abuse, cruelty. Not sex.”

Ruben smiled, his heart light as a feather. He was certain he had never felt so good in his life. “I know. Even if it’s called a sex crime.”

Duncan nodded, his expression grim at first, but soon calming. “Tell me, Ruben. How do you feel about the possibility of being with me? In a relationship, I mean.”

Ruben looked down at their joined hands, conflicted. “I don’t know. Scared.” Duncan’s grip tightened and then eased almost to the point of letting Ruben go. “But… kind of hopeful too, I guess.” Ruben didn’t have to watch Duncan directly to be aware of the tension that left him and the long breath he released. “I need time. Can you—”

“Yes, of course. Absolutely. As much time as you need, Ruben, I swear.” Duncan’s practically rapid-fire reassurances made Ruben smile—such hasty words, spoken with serious intent.

It was funny how close Ruben felt to this virtual stranger, as if they had known each other far longer than a few weeks. Yet there was a connection, the one Duncan had mentioned and the one Ruben couldn’t exactly deny feeling as well.

He felt adventurous. He wanted to try new things.

With Duncan, Ruben could have those things from the safety of the four walls around him. He was home, and he could let himself be free for the first time ever.

And he knew exactly what he wanted to experience right now.

“Could we, um…? Would you kiss me?” Ruben held his breath waiting for an answer.

Then he saw the oddest thing, like a touch of magic. Duncan’s sky-blue eyes darkened to midnight blue. The colorful ring of his iris seemed to vanish as the black pupil pushed the color aside, leaving only darkness in its wake. Ruben had never seen that reaction before, but it excited him. Briefly, he wondered if his own eyes mirrored the look that spoke of a hunger new to him.

But Duncan still held himself in check, it seemed. With a hoarse voice he asked, “Are you sure, Ruben? We don’t have to rush into anything you’re not comfortable with.” Then his eyes flashed intently. “Just don’t go interpreting that as lack of desire because, God, how I want you.”

Ruben gasped, his eyes widening in shock, his body amped and fired up like never before. Being the object of Duncan’s desire was heady, amazing and frightening at the same time.

“I… I think I want you too…,” he confessed quietly. “I just don’t know what to….” He couldn’t go on. His mouth was dry while his hands were hot and sweaty.

Duncan shifted on the couch, inching nearer until their knees brushed. “Well, we start by getting closer to each other.” Duncan’s voice was raspy now, as if he smoked a pack a day. The idea that he was the cause made Ruben’s heart and cock jump.

He slid a bit closer to Duncan, but still kept far away from any full-body contact that might make his panic awake from slumber. Gosh, but Duncan smelled good. Spicy aftershave and a male scent unique to him. The scent drove Ruben’s senses into overdrive.

When Duncan lifted a hand and cupped Ruben’s face, slowly bringing him forward, Ruben’s vision blurred, as if a gray veil in the wind were blocking his sight.
Please, God, don’t let me faint before my first kiss
. He licked his lips in anticipation. Duncan’s hot, coffee-scented breath wafted over Ruben’s face. Ruben could see Duncan’s blond stubble, the slight indentations on his cheeks, a small scattering of freckles just around his nose and under his eyes, which Ruben had assumed were shadows. Duncan was real, and he was here.

Frantic questions fired randomly inside Ruben’s brain. Did his breath or his skin smell bad? Did he have pimples or blemishes? Was his hair a lifeless mop and a total turn-off?

Right then, Duncan ran his fingers over Ruben’s lips, the touch barely there. “You’re thinking about this too much. I can practically see the gears turning in your head.” He was teasing, and Ruben liked the lightening of the mood.

“I’ve just never been this close to anyone,” he admitted timidly. “With someone who wasn’t related to me, that is.”

Duncan smiled. “You’ll do fine, Ruben. Follow my lead. And then… if you wish, by all means take charge.”

Overwhelmed with bubbly happiness that he was given the choice, Ruben smiled back and nodded. “Okay.”

Without further ado, Duncan closed the gap between them, and his lips pressed softly against Ruben’s. More than a brush but far from a deep mouth-to-mouth action. Ruben quivered as Duncan caressed his lips with his own. It was sensual, skin on skin, heat and moisture that weren’t his own.

Before Ruben could get lost in the sensation of his first kiss, Duncan pulled back, and his gaze swept over Ruben with careful scrutiny. “How are you feeling?” A hint of trepidation made Duncan’s voice quiver.

Ruben did as he had been taught. He analyzed his body’s reactions. His heart pounded hard and fast, but it felt good, a warm mellow bath of pleasure rather than an icy fist of panic. His skin itched and his muscles trembled, but the urge to run away wasn’t there. Instead, Ruben felt like crawling in Duncan’s lap and kissing him again, maybe all night.

This handsome, kind, and down-to-earth man made Ruben want so much he was damn near bursting with need.

“I’m… I’m fine.” And he meant it too. Gosh, he was happy about that. For a while he had worried he might have developed a phobia about people too, especially men, attraction, and the mere idea of making love. “That was nice.”

The amazed, borderline smug grin that rose on Duncan’s lips reminded Ruben of the day they had met, when the gorgeous art director had flashed him that charming smile and captured his heart in the process. “Thanks. It sure was.”

Ruben decided to throw caution to the wind. “C-can we do that again…?”

“Y
OU
LOOK
disgustingly blissful,” Maggie noted as she came into Duncan’s office.

“Yeah….” Sighing, Duncan could hardly deny the truth. For the better part of two weeks now he had been walking on clouds, a permanent grin gracing his lips. He and Ruben had spent time together at Ruben’s house—and they’d been kissing a lot.

Every day after he got off work, Duncan hurried to Ruben’s place, unable to contain his enthusiasm and swimming in delight as Ruben allowed Duncan to kiss and plunder his lips for endless hours. At the end of their kissing sessions, Ruben’s nipped, licked, and sucked lips were plump, swollen, and red like ripe apples.

The first time Ruben had let Duncan touch him with his tongue, caressing the shape of his bottom lip, Duncan had come close to having a teenage moment of premature ejaculation in his pants. With great difficulty, he had reined in his instinct and savored every kiss with Ruben. And apart from those tentative brushes of hot, slick tongues, they hadn’t gone deeper.

They hadn’t yet had even a single full-body embrace. Every kiss had taken place on the couch, chaste and fully clothed.

Still… it was definitely making out. And Duncan loved every torturous moment of it, his insides melting into a hot pool of desire that gave his dreams and daydreams endless inspiration. It was bittersweet—to be so close to Ruben yet always holding back.

But there was no way Duncan was going to scare Ruben off.

“Boss? C’mon, snap out of it. You’ve got tons of work to do.” Maggie snapped her fingers right in front of Duncan’s face, actually managing to brush the tip of his nose.