Authors: Leanne Banks
“Do you have much preparation for your trip?” she asked.
“Lots of emails, scanned documents zipping back and forth. I've met the team through video conferencing. There will be more of that this week, but I really don't want to talk about that. Do you?”
No, she didn't. Her hunger for Adam seemed to exceed everything else in her life. That was so unusual, and it scared her sometimes.
When Adam lowered his head to kiss her, she was eager for it. His tongue immediately played across her lips, seeking entrance. She responded to his foray, feeling transported as she always did. His tongue found the inside of her cheek, explored a bit, and repetitively stroked against her. Her knees began to wobble, and her whole body trembled.
Adam had taught her what passion was really about. He'd taught her how two people could want and need and satisfy. Yet not really satisfy. Not ever. Not unless there was a lifetime of passion and a lifetime of joining hearts. She wanted to do more than join her body to his. She wanted to join their hearts.
Their kisses became more fevered. He broke away, saying, “The bedroom is always so far away.”
“Why do we need the bedroom?” she asked provocatively. “Don't you always carry a condom in your pocket for our fast-food lunches?”
Their quickies at her place were exciting, a bit forbidden and altogether fulfilling. So fulfilling, in fact, that the receptionist at the office had asked her what new makeup she was using to give her that glow.
Adam's lovemaking gave her that glow.
Adam breathed into her neck, inhaling her fragrance, as his hand went to the edge of her top. But after he had it up and over her head and tossed it to the floor, he took her face between his palms and kissed her deeply. Kaitlyn didn't even care about his shirt. Her fingers pulled at the recalcitrant leather of his belt and undid it.
“Eager, aren't we?” he asked with a chuckle.
She answered by unzipping his fly and caressing him.
He groaned. “You do know how to get a man revved up. Let's see if I can do the same thing to you.”
Sliding his hand to her waist, he unfastened her jeans, pushed them down and cupped her bottom. He kissed between her cleavage, unfastened her bra and bent his head to her breasts.
But then he said, “Let's make this easier. Take off your jeans and I'll do the same.”
Easier? She wasn't sure about that, but she wanted to get her clothes off as much as he did his. He was already done until she slipped out of her jeans. Taking her by the waist, he lifted her up on the table.
“Better access,” he muttered, as he bent to her breasts again and explored one nipple while he flicked the other.
She was wriggling and restless now, ready for him. But he seemed to have more pleasure planned for her. He stroked her thighs apart until she was panting and reaching for him. He just laughed and kept on, using his fingers to flutter against her...using his fingertips in inventive ways that made her breath catch.
“Adam...”
“Soon,” he crooned, his voice deep and husky, alerting her he was almost ready, too.
He touched her where he knew she'd feel sparks and sensations that would throw her into climax. She didn't want to go without him. Yet, everything he was doing was so deliciously wonderful. She said his name again, and this time he must have agreed that both of them were more than ready.
She opened her eyes when she heard the foil packet tear. She reached out and took it from him, and smoothed it over him, making him groan. Holding her hips, he brought her closer to the edge of the table and then he thrust in, once, twice, three times, until the pleasure was so great she didn't know if she could stand it. Each time they made love, it got better. Each time they made love, she fell deeper in love with him. Each time they made love, she dreamed of a future. His drives into her increased in speed and intensity until she was at the breaking point and so was he.
“Come with me,” he commanded Kaitlyn, and she easily obeyed the command. Adam's loving took her over the highest crest she'd ever experienced. She wanted to stay on top of that pleasurable wave and ride it forever.
She wanted to love Adam forever.
He held on to her and she held on to him. When their hearts had fallen to a more normal rhythm, he looked down at her, kissed her forehead, wrapped his arms around her and sighed.
“After that fantastic expenditure of energy, we can do one of two things,” he advised her.
“What two are you thinking of?”
“We can make omelets for supper, or we can get a shower together.”
They'd never done that, and every first with Adam was spectacular.
“I suppose this just wouldn't be a normal shower?”
“Not if I have anything to say about it.” He wriggled his brows.
She laughed, but the laughter faded as she thought about the package in her duffel bag. Tomorrow morning would be time enough to think about that.
* * *
Kaitlyn slipped out of Adam's bed the next morning and grabbed her nightgown from the floor beside the bed, knowing what she had to do. If Adam came in and saw what she was doing, so be it. Then that was meant to be. She'd put her duffel in the bathroom the night before, so she could easily access the package. Now she took it from its wrappings, read the instructions, which she was already familiar with, and went about the task of finding out whether or not she was pregnant. Five minutes later, her nightgown on and her teeth brushed, she stared at the wand in her hand, disbelieving.
Oh, she'd known pregnancy was a possibility, but really, what were the odds?
Apparently the odds were 100 percent that she and Adam had created a baby. But now what was she going to do? Tell him right away? Wait and see if he expressed what he was feeling before he left for Thailand? Would that make a difference?
Of course it would. She wouldn't trap him in something he didn't want. After one failed marriage, she knew everything would have to be right to enter into one again. Marriage might not even be in the cards. Did Adam feel for her what she felt for him?
She was still debating what she should do when Adam called in from the bedroom. “Kaitlyn, your cell's ringing. Do you want me to get it?”
“I'm coming.”
Hurriedly she pushed everything about the pregnancy test back into the bag and stuffed it into her duffel. This early on Monday morning it could be the hospital calling, or even another doctor in her practice. Hurrying into the bedroom, she reached for her phone on the nightstand and answered the call.
“Dr. Foster here.”
As she glanced around Adam's room, she noticed something she hadn't noticed last night. He had a pile of clothes stacked on top of the chest. It looked like a stack of work clothesâkhakis and cargo pants, sweatshirts, T-shirts, and on the floor beside the chest stood sturdy boots. She guessed he was assembling his wardrobe to take to Thailand. She hadn't caught sight of it last night because she'd been so mesmerized with him and what they were doing...the pleasure they could give each other. But now in the light of day, she could see the truth more clearly. He
was
going to leave.
When the voice on the other end of the line said, “Dr. Foster, I'm sorry to call so early, but I wanted to make sure I got you. My name is Bernadette Mathis. I'm with The Mommy Club Foundation in San Jose.”
The post office box Marissa sent the money to had an address in San Jose.
“I see,” Kaitlyn said, not seeing at all. “Is there some way I can help you?”
“Yes, indeed there is. We saw the interview you did with Tanya Edwards.”
Kaitlyn wondered who the “we” was. “Yes?”
“You did a wonderful job with it. The viewing public was obviously touched by your story because donations are rolling in.”
“I'm happy about that. That means we can help more families.”
“Exactly, and that's my point. Up until now, The Mommy Club has been kept to a local level in Fawn Grove. But the founder is thinking about expanding statewide. After all, as you said, every community could use a Mommy Club. So we have a question for you. Would you consider being our spokesperson, letting a PR consultant find you spots on statewide talk shows and the like?”
The offer threw Kaitlyn completely off balance. “I don't know,” she said.
“I'd like you to come to San Jose and meet with me about it. I know you're a busy woman, and you have a practice, but we can be flexible in our time frame. What do you think?”
Kaitlyn wasn't sure exactly what to think. After all, she just found out she was pregnant. “Can I have twenty-four hours to think about it?”
“Sure, you can. You have my number on your phone now?”
“I'll send it to my contact list.”
“All right, then I expect to hear from you in a day or so.”
After Kaitlyn said a goodbye, she saw Adam was watching her. He was naked and rumpled and oh, so sexy.
She gave a little shrug. “That was unexpected.”
“Something you have to think about for twenty-four hours?”
“The Mommy Club Foundation representative wants me to go to San Jose and meet with her. She thinks I'd be a good spokesperson. They want to book me on some talk shows.”
“You can't
seriously
be thinking about it.”
“Of course I'm seriously thinking about it. This could be important for The Mommy Club.”
“I can't believe you want to take on something else.”
She heard judgment in his tone, just as she'd once heard it with Tom. She said simply, “You've no right to judge my life when you're going to be leaving.”
“That sounds like a judgment of
my
life.”
“Then maybe we both ought to back off,” she said, hurt he couldn't express his feelings toward her, worried most that he didn't want to be a husband or life partner, let alone a dad.
“Maybe we should,” he agreed, going to the bedside chair and gathering up a pair of running shorts. He stepped into them. They rode low, just under his navel. “It looks as if you're going to be busy with two careers, and I'm not going to be in the country,” he added in a measured tone.
Suddenly she felt like crying. That couldn't be hormones already, could it? And she certainly wouldn't cry in front of
him.
She'd hung her outfit for today in his closet, and now she went for it. “I have to get going. I have to make rounds.”
He caught her arm. “Does this mean I won't be seeing you again before I leave?”
Oh, how she wanted to keep seeing him. She wanted more nights like last night in his arms, in his condo, in his life. But she wasn't in his life if he was going to leave expecting to return to an affair.
“Would there be any point?” she asked sadly.
His mouth tightened and his jaw set. He released her arm. “Maybe not.”
Avoiding his gaze, she took her clothes into the bathroom and shut the door.
She was in shock, that was all. Learning she was pregnant was enough to do that. Figuring out what to do about Adam was the rest of it. She was so confused.
And as far as the job as spokesperson?
She'd figure that out after she absorbed the fact she was going to be a mom and her baby's dad would be a world away.
Chapter Thirteen
O
n one hand, Kaitlyn felt the joy of new life growing inside of her. She was going to pay attention to every detail this time. She'd understand every change in her body, eat right, exercise and somehow make sure she didn't overdo.
But her heart hurt because Adam was flying away from Fawn Grove tomorrow. He was flying away from the two of them. While he was gone, she'd figure out how to tell him about the baby. She'd figure out if she could handle him being in her life only sometimes. That wasn't what she wanted, but she'd learned a long time ago, a girl couldn't always get what she wanted.
Sara was arranging her notes on the podium. This was a workshop about volunteering to help in The Mommy Club, and Sara would be talking about the strength and scope of their work, too.
Kaitlyn was sitting at the table beside the podium, her notes, a list of Mommy Club services, and handouts spread out in front of her. As the group trickled in the door, she noticed mostly women taking seats. Dads could use help, too. Like Adam.
Adam.
“What's the matter?” Sara asked, as she went to stand beside Kaitlyn. “You look so sad.”
Suddenly Kaitlyn found it hard to speak and she swallowed hard. “I'm going to miss him.”
“Of course you are. How did you leave it?” Sara asked in a low voice.
“We sort of had an argument, then we just left it. But Iâ”
She almost said she was pregnant, but she couldn't tell anybody about that, not until Adam knew. It wouldn't be fair.
“So you didn't tell him how you feel?”
“No, for lots of reasons.”
“You really should consider if any of them are good enough. I mean it, Kaitlyn.”
“But what if he doesn't feel anything back?” Kaitlyn asked in almost a whisper.
“Then you'll know. Isn't that better than second-guessing? Isn't that better than worrying about what's going to happen when he comes back?”
She still had time. Adam wasn't leaving until tomorrow. She could go to him this afternoon after the workshop. She could tell him he didn't have to say anything. She could tell him he could think about everything while he was gone. She could tell himâ
She loved him.
Turning, she looked up at Sara.
“Maybe you're right. Maybe that's exactly what I should do. I've been so torn by doubts all week. I'm still afraid, though. How do you prepare yourself for taking that kind of risk?”
“There's no preparation. All you can do is listen to your heart and follow it.”
Follow your heart. She'd followed her heart into medicine. She'd followed her heart into The Mommy Club. Now could she follow her heart to Adam?
About fifteen women had come into the room and were now seated in the folding chairs.
“We should get started,” Kaitlyn said. She'd dropped her tote bag with handouts, name tags and the like under the table at her feet. But it had gotten pushed down out of her reach. She stood quickly then stooped over to retrieve it. When she did, she suddenly felt light-headed. Black dots swam before her eyes. She felt so odd, so...
The gray dots became a gray veil that took her down to the floor.
* * *
Adam watched Tina change Erica into a Onesie embroidered with two kittens. She did it easily with a tickle at her baby's tummy and a finger rub along the side of her daughter's cheek.
Glancing at the walls of the baby's room in the guesthouse at Raintree Winery, he saw there were large decals of baby ducks and young horses, puppies and cats arranged on them.
“It looks as if you've settled in.”
“I have, and everyone's been so helpful. I never knew there was a network like this. Maybe if I had...”
“You wouldn't have felt so alone?”
Her straight blond hair slipping over her shoulder, she gazed at him with wide gray eyes. “You do understand, don't you?”
“After caring for Erica when I didn't know what I was doing, I understand. If it hadn't been for Kaitlynâ” As soon as he said it, he buried the thought and any others that came with it.
Tina lifted her baby into her arms, cooed into her neck and settled her on her shoulder. “Kaitlyn called me yesterday to check in.”
“Did she?” The tone of his voice said he didn't want to go on with the conversation.
His sister must have understood that, because she said, “George called, too. He and Iris are honeymooning by playing roulette and taking in shows, but they're flying back from Vegas next week.”
His father hadn't told him that.
Tina went on, “He said he and Iris want to take me to dinner and he asked to spend a little time with Erica.”
Had his father taken his words to heart? “How do you feel about that?”
Tina shrugged. “I've always liked George. He used to show me his coin collection, explaining where each one came from, and sometimes how they were made. The gold ones fascinated me and he told me those are the ones I should keep.”
Adam laughed. “
That's
true enough.”
With a little shrug, Tina commented, “I came to understand my mom wanted a homebody, and he wasn't. He always wanted to be on the move and traveling, seeing new things and going new places.”
“Jade wanted security and stability for you.”
Looking down at her daughter lovingly, Tina rubbed her back. “I suppose so. And we had it for a few years. That's better than not at all. They were so different. I don't know what they saw in each other from the beginning, but who can explain chemistry?”
Adam thought about the bags packed at the door of his condo, about his flight tomorrow, about everything but the feelings rolling around inside of him.
“So are you and Kaitlyn going to keep in touch while you're gone?” Tina asked.
Not the way they'd left it last weekend. “I don't know,” he muttered.
“With video conferencing you could have virtual sex long-distance.”
“Tina.”
His sister laughed. “I know the score, Adam. You and Kaitlyn sizzle when you're in the same room. There's no reason you can't keep the fire sizzling while you're gone. Then when you come backâ”
“That's not what Kaitlyn wants.”
“Do you
know
what she wants?”
He knew what Kaitlyn
didn't
want. She didn't want an on-again, off-again relationship. She didn't simply want a hot affairâwhich is what they'd had. It was the “had” that bothered him. It was the “had” that had kept him awake every night. It was the “had” that was making him reevaluate how he was living and what he wanted going forward.
He'd told Jase that he loved the work but that traveling was getting old. What if he
did
make a change? What if he took that professorship at Wilson and maybe did consulting work on the side?
As he and Tina went to the living room, he mulled it all over.
“Do you want to hold her for a few minutes while I get her bottle ready?” she asked.
“Of course,” he responded with a wide smile, naturally scooping his niece into his arms. He was going to miss
this,
too.
Adam's cell phone beeped from his belt. Transferring Erica to the crook of his arm, he reached for it, knowing this could be about his trip...or the project. But when he checked caller ID, he saw Sara Cramer's number.
Tina had finished preparing Erica's bottle. Crossing to Adam, she took Erica from him and sat on the sofa to feed her.
Adam answered the call. “Hi, Sara,” he said, wondering if she was over at the house.
“Kaitlyn doesn't know I'm calling. She passed out while she was giving a workshop.”
“Passed out?” he almost shouted. “Where are you?”
“Fortunately this place is crawling with doctors. Her gynecologist is seeing her now.”
“Her gynecologist?”
“That's the doctor she asked me to call. I was ready to dial 9-1-1, but when she came to, she said she wanted to see Dr. Morelli.”
A tightening began in Adam's chest and spread through his body. “How long was she out?”
“She says she wasn't, and everything just got fuzzy and she was dizzy.”
“She's in the building where her practice is?”
“Suite 201.”
“I'll be there in ten minutes. Don't let her leave.”
“This is Kaitlyn, Adam.”
He shook his head. “Yes, I know. But maybe she'll be shaken up enough to listen to reason.”
He ended the call, shut his phone and said to Tina, “I've got to go. Kaitlyn passed out when she was giving a workshop.”
“If you need moral support, I can come along. Erica's portable.”
He almost smiled. “I know she is, and thank you for offering. This, I've got to do on my own.”
“What's âthis'?” Tina asked.
“This” was taking shape in his mind. “This” was a feeling for Kaitlyn that couldn't be denied. “This” was concern and worry and the urge to wrap his arms around her and protect her forever. “This” was what he was going to explain to her and hope she felt the same way.
* * *
Adam rushed to Suite 201, unmindful of bystanders and other patients he passed when he jogged through the hall. All he cared about was getting to Kaitlyn. All he cared about was finding out if she was okay. All he cared about was telling herâ
That he didn't want on-again, off-again. He was thinking about forever instead of a trip to Thailand. Just how was she going to react to that? Especially after the way they'd left it. Would she trust him? Would she believe in
them?
Sara met Adam in the waiting room of the gynecologist's office suite.
“Where is she?”
“She's talking with her doctor. She's probably going to be angry I called you.”
“I don't care how angry she is. I want to go back there.”
Fortunately, he didn't have to storm the doctor's office. Kaitlyn was walking down the hall toward him, looking a little paler than she usually did. But other than that, she seemed to be moving on her own steam, and he wondered if she
should
be.
Adam met her at the reception window. There wasn't anyone there.
Kaitlyn eyed him, looking surprised. “What are you doing here?”
“I called him,” Sara confessed, not looking sorry at all.
Still, Kaitlyn gave her a scolding look.
But Sara just waved her hand. “I'm going back to Raintree. The workshop is canceled for today. We'll reschedule it. Everybody understands that things happen.”
“What
thing
happened?” Adam asked.
Kaitlyn gave Sara a hug. “I'll talk to you soon.”
Without another word, Sara simply gave Adam a wink. He didn't know what that was supposed to mean, but he took that it meant she approved of him being here.
Taking Kaitlyn by the arm, he guided her toward one of the chairs in the reception area. “Sit,” he commanded.
For once she didn't argue with him.
“The workshop?” he prompted. “Why did you end up here?”
She waved her hand. “Low blood pressure. It sometimes happens whenâ Adam, I have something to tell you.”
“I have something to tell
you
first.” Sitting down beside her, he took her hands into his.
“I've been doing a lot of thinking this past week on a lot of fronts. Actually I've been doing a lot of thinking the past month.”
“Because of Tina disappearing?”
“Tina disappearing...and meeting
you.
Whether you know it or not, Kaitlyn, you've changed the way I look at the world. I see it through maybe kinder eyes. Sure, my profession and work helps people, but certainly not the way you do. Your one-on-one caring has affected me in ways I never imagined. And to top it all off, when Dad came back, he made me realize I want to be different than he is. I don't want five marriages. I only want
one.
”
Kaitlyn's eyes were wide now with astonishment, and maybe with hope. He was praying he saw hope.
“I love you, Kaitlyn. I may have been slow coming to realize it. I may have called it passion instead of love, but it's so much more than desire.”
“Adam...”
He didn't know what she was going to say, but he had to finish. He had to lay it all on the table. He had to bare his heart and soul and hope that vulnerability would be enough.
“I not only love you, Kaitlyn, I want to marry you. I want to have a life with you. With Erica, I've seen that I can be a good dad. I'm bringing all my newly learned skills to the table,” he joked, though he didn't feel like joking. “Will you marry me?”
He could see the tears in Kaitlyn's eyes, and the emotion she was trying to contain. He wasn't sure exactly why she was trying to contain it. He waited for her answer but one didn't come.
Instead, she squeezed his hands. “There's something I have to tell you.”
She'd said that once before, and now he listened, suddenly afraid. What if she was going to tell him she was going back to her ex-husband? She'd said that was over, butâ
Looking directly into his eyes, as if she was trying to see to the bottom of his soul, she said, “Adam, I'm pregnant.”
It only took a second for him to absorb what she'd said. It was so different from what he'd almost expected. But he gave out a whoop, stood and then swung her up into his arms. “You're pregnant?”
“Yes,” she said shakily. “I just found out last Sunday. But then we had that sort of argument, and I thought you just wanted to fly away.”
He held her tighter. “I don't want to fly away. That's the whole point. Wilson University offered me that professorship anytime I wanted it. I'm going to accept it. I'm going to do some scrambling to find someone to take over for me in Thailand, but I can do it because I want to stay here and make a life. I want to stay here and be an uncle to Erica and a brother to Tina. I want the connections I've run away from all my life. But most of all, I want to settle down with the woman I love. With you...and a baby.”