Happily Ever Never (11 page)

“Do you hate me, Vince?”

“Of course not. I mean, I gave you a hard time because you were with my buddy. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

I took a few deep breaths and silently asked the lord for strength. “You’re not going to go through this alone anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll be there. I’ll pick up where Major left off. After your surgery you can come stay with me.”

He shook his head. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“I’m not offering, I’m telling. You’re coming to stay with me after your surgery. You’re not going to go to some little apartment and care for yourself. Besides, I could use the company.”

I hated seeing a man cry, especially when I knew they were scared. His lips trembled as he replied. “It would mean a lot to me.”

Before I walked out of the room that afternoon Vince made one request. “Please don’t tell the family. I don’t want them worrying about me. They’ve had enough loss. I’d rather they all think I’m out exploring the world. If I had to pick a way to go it would be that anyway.”

“Your secret is safe with me, even if my opinion differs. I think they’d want to be here for you. I hope in time you’ll let them in.”

Going there had opened my eyes to a man I never really knew. He needed my help, and I was going to give it to him, not just because I knew Major would want me to, but because seeing Vince like this only told me how special he was to him. It made me feel close to him again. Vince and I weren’t friends, but I would make him comfortable and do my best to see what I couldn’t before.

Chapter 17

It was difficult going home with such a big secret I knew the family would want to know about.

What was harder was being at Sunday dinner and trying to keep my mouth shut, especially when I knew they all cared so much about Vince. I think what made it more horrible was hearing that Tony Jr.’s news was the fact that he’d bought Vince’s other gym. I wondered to myself if he knew the reason why the guy had picked up and left everything behind. Then I figured they all assumed it was because he’d lost Major.

I tried to check on him daily, though most times he was withdrawn. I wasn’t sure if it was because he’d given up, or he just didn’t find my friendship genuine. It wasn’t like I was faking it. Out of nowhere I found it necessary to be there for whatever he needed. I found myself picking up extra things from the grocery store that I knew he liked. I even changed the bedding in the guest room and rearranged some things so it would be easier for him to maneuver around.

On the day of his surgery I took off work and made the long trip to Pennsylvania. He was pretty nervous, and I had to admit I’d never seen this side of him. His spirits weren’t good, and I doubted there was anything to change that. Then, while I was sifting through my purse to find a little book of crosswords I spotted the picture of my sonogram. Before they came in to wheel Vince back, I placed it in his hands. “You say you have nothing left to fight for, but I think you do. Your nephew is going to need his uncle to tell him about his father. He’s going to need him to show him how to play ball, and how to catch bugs. Don’t you dare give up, Vince. Do you hear me? You can’t give up.”

Before I could turn away I felt him grab my arm. I turned and saw that his eyes were full of fluid. “Why are you doing this for me? Why would you want to give me hope?”

A nurse came into the room, making me feel uncomfortable about the conversation we were having. I leaned down until I was close to his ear and whispered my answer. “Because it’s all I have left to offer.”

Vince took my hand briefly as they carted him away.  I knew he was nervous. What man wants to have his testicles removed? He’d never have children. He might not even ever find someone that would love him, but I at least wanted to help him get back on his feet. He’d sold everything, and since I could only imagine how much a facility like this cost, I knew he wouldn’t have much remaining.

Since Major had left me his home, which was also paid for, I’d be able to afford everything. If or when Vince recovered, he could take his time venturing out to start over again. I had a feeling the old obnoxious guy I loved to hate was long gone. In just a short time he’d lost everything. It was certainly means for a new perspective on life.

While in surgery I remained in his room looking around at the empty walls and tables. He’d had no visitors except for me. It made me feel incredibly sorry for him. There weren’t get well cards, or flowers. It was empty, reminding me much of how Vince lived his life. The only constant had been Major. The women were always a temporary fix probably because he feared being alone. I felt sorry for him. It was a shame he hadn’t experienced a special connection with a woman. He’d never been able to share his soul, or live toward the future. Vince had lost his parents, then his best friend. On top of it all his body was riddled with cancer. I couldn’t handle the idea of him dying so young; never being able to see how much potential he had if he’d only been a better person.

The doctor came into the room after a couple hours. He said the surgery had been a success, and that depending on his recovery, they’d start him on a second round of serious radiation to shrink the other areas it had spread to.

I thanked God as soon as the man left the room, and then I did something I hadn’t done in a while. I spoke to Major.

“I’m not really good at talking to people who I can’t see, but I’ll make an exception for you. I know you’re out there somewhere. I hope you’re in that room with your friend keeping him company while he’s going through this tough ordeal. I’m not mad at you for keeping it from me. I wouldn’t have cared before. You’re probably laughing at me, thinking to yourself that I’ve lost my mind. Maybe in some ways you were right. There was a part of Vince I never knew. Now I’m worried about him. I’ve already lost you. We all have. I don’t think we can take another death. I’ve agreed to take care of him for as long as he needs me to. I hope you know I’m not just doing it for you. Being around Vince has made me feel close to you again. I’d like to think that my being here has been the same for him, but I’m sure it’s the little guy who’s growing inside of me. I told him he has to stick around to help me out. I’m fully aware I have the whole family, but our son will need to know his father the way Vince knew you. I wish you were here. Maybe you could tell me if I’m making bad decisions. Just know I love you. I won’t let the love you left behind be forgotten. I’ll keep your memory strong, and I’ll do whatever it takes to help Vince, even if things get worse. I’ll take care of him. Just do me a favor and look out for us. Keep me calm and watch out for everyone.” It was strange, but as soon as I finished speaking I felt my son moving around inside of my belly. I placed my hand there and smiled. It felt like he knew who I was talking to, and wanted to say hello. Right before I could get emotional I saw them wheeling Vince into the room. He was still unconscious, so I stayed quiet to let him rest. The nurse told me she’d be in to check on him later, and if he woke and needed anything to call her.

Vince took a while to wake up. When he did he was pretty out of it. He talked about some adventure he’d gone on, but I knew it was just the medicine they’d pumped into him.

After a few hours he started to come out of it. I called the nurse so she could make sure he was comfortable, and helped him take some sips of water. In doing so Vince grabbed my wrist. I pulled the drink away from his mouth and looked into his eyes. “You’re an angel.”

“You have me mistaken for someone else.”

He shook his head. “No,” he replied feebly. “For a second I thought I died and went to heaven.” When a smile formed in the corner of his lips I realized he was teasing me.

I lightly slapped his arm. “I thought you were delirious.”

“Just trying to make light of the situation. How did I do? Is my voice higher?”

I sighed, understanding how hard this must be for him to talk about. “It’s deeper. You’re back to sounding like an asshole. Congrats.”

He tried to laugh and I could tell it hurt him. He scrunched up his face and stilled his movements. “I couldn’t help it. I know you were missing our old relationship.”

“How are you feeling?” I changed the subject. “They said everything went well. You’re going to have to stay for a little while longer to do a serious batch of radiation, but then you’ll be able to come home.”

“Home? Where would that be exactly? If you haven’t been paying attention I sold everything to pay for my medical treatment. It’s not like I’m going to need a place for long anyway. It’s only a matter of time before this cancer eats up all my insides.”

“Don’t say that, Vince. People survive this all the time. You’re in the best hands. As far as you having a place, well I already told you I’d be there for you. I’ve already set up the guestroom downstairs so you won’t have to use the stairs. I know the half bath isn’t huge, but I never use it anyway. I’ve got plenty of room.”

“I’m not moving in with you. I know you mentioned it before, but I thought you were being nice. I can’t impose. You being here, it means everything.” Vince took my hand and in that moment I knew how much he meant what he was saying to me.

“I insist. In fact, I’ve already had the nurse put the address change on your file. When you get better, and you will get better, you’re coming home with me.”

“I’ll drive you crazy.”

“I can handle it.”

“I’m not staying with you. I’ve thought it over and it’s a bad idea. You’re getting ready to birth a kid. There’s going to be a screaming baby in the house keeping me up at night. No thank you.”

He was frustrating me. It took a lot for me to change my opinion about someone. Much like Major, I couldn’t let Vince win. “I’ll have you declared unfit,” I threatened. Honestly, I didn’t know if I could, but it was worth it to see his face when I said it.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.”

Vince shook his head and smiled. “Fine. You win. I’ll stay with you temporarily, just until I can figure something else out.”

“It’s a deal.” We shook on it like old mates. “And Vince, just so you know, I don’t do sponge baths.”

He chuckled until it hurt him again. “Yeah, I figured.”

My long drive home that night gave me time to think about the recent decisions I’d made. I still had a ton to do to prepare for my son being born, but I knew it was important to make sure Vince was comfortable and in good hands.  There was still no certainty if he could survive this and live a long life, but I wanted him to at least want to get better. I think for a while there he’d become okay with the fact that he was going to die. I couldn’t do much for him, but I’d make his life easier, even if it was temporary.

Chapter 18

Due to some unforeseen complications, Vince wasn’t released from the hospital for another two months.

In that time I’d spent my weekends traveling to check in on him and cheer him up. His health remained the same, and when it came to his newest batch of tests he didn’t get the results we were hoping for. The cancer that had spread to his prostate wasn’t getting better. It wasn’t worse, but about the same as before the radiation treatment had started.

With little else they could do in between another bout of chemo, they were going to let him come home to rest. The room had been ready for him for months, but I wouldn’t know what I’d signed up for until I brought him home.

Luckily, he’d been up and walking around for a couple days. It seemed like he was at his weakest during chemo treatment. Vince was in good spirits as I drove us back to Maryland. He talked about Major, which in turn comforted me and made the ride interesting. It wasn’t until we pulled up at the house when things became uncomfortable.

Vince refused to get out of my car. He put his head into his hands and lost it in the driveway. I rushed to his side of the vehicle, as fast as an almost seven months pregnant woman was able to. “What’s wrong?” I asked in a panic.

“I don’t know if I can go inside.”

I grabbed him by the arm and gave him a tug. “Come on. If I can do it every day, so can you.”

Vince finally climbed out of the vehicle. He got his bag out of the back and entered the home. I tossed my keys in the tray by the door and kicked off my shoes just like it was a normal day. When I noticed he hadn’t followed me I turned to see what was going on with him. Vince stood there in the foyer looking around at the walls of pictures that still hung. He was in some of them, with Major of course. I knew it was memories he’d struggled with. During my visits while he was in the hospital he talked about coming to grips with the accident, and accepting that he might have died alone. It honestly broke my heart. Every single day I mentioned telling the family, but he just kept refusing, saying he didn’t want to burden them.

After showing him to his room, I headed upstairs to mine. I was tired from driving and wanted to put on some pajamas and relax. I knew it was up to me to make sure he took his medications and ate regularly. It was kind of nice, because I was forever forgetting to have meals. Now I’d be reminded each and every day.

While in my room pulling out some clothes to change into, I heard a man’s voice and got startled. Holding my heart, I turned around to see Vince standing in my doorway. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I was being nosey and didn’t want you to freak out if you saw me upstairs. How come you don’t have the baby’s room done yet?”

I shrugged and sank down on my mattress. “I haven’t had much time. If you’ve not noticed, I’ve been spending my weekends away.”

He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “This needs to be rectified. Have you picked out colors or anything?”

“No.” I felt sad to admit it. “Every time I think about doing it I get upset. I guess I just always pictured Major doing the room for me. I wasn’t worried about it. The baby will be with me at first anyway.”

“Let me do it.” His offer shocked me.

“What? No! You need to take it easy.”

“I’m not bedridden, Bails. You’ve been taking care of me for months, and now I’m staying at your house. Let me do this for you. I won’t overstep. You can choose everything. I’ll just take care of painting and putting it all together.”

How was I to tell him no when I knew I couldn’t do it myself? “How about we do it together? If I see you getting tired you’re stopping. I don’t want you working on it when I’m not here. I can’t come home and have you passed out.”

“It’s a deal.”

I pointed toward the steps. “Now go downstairs so I can get changed.”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen a woman before,” he teased.

“You’ve never seen this woman, and you’re not going to, now get.”

Vince left me alone, and even shut the door so I had privacy. Before I would have probably felt uncomfortable being alone in a house with him, but now things were different. Vince depended on me, and I kind of liked the idea of not being alone anymore.

After I’d changed I retreated downstairs to find him on the couch watching the sport’s channel. It brought back so many memories of seeing Major sitting in that exact position. After getting us two drinks, I sat down on the opposite end of the sofa and remained quiet. It never failed, as soon as I settled down at night my stomach would start jumping all over the place. With my hand to my belly I began laughing. Sporadic kicks were making it jump, and it was very visible.

I turned to look at Vince and noticed he was watching. “Is the baby moving around again?”

“Yeah. Would you like to feel?”

At first he shook his head. “No. It’s weird.”

I scooted over and took his hand, putting it over the fabric of my shirt. Vince’s eyes lit up when he felt my strong little guy kicking from inside. “Wow, that’s crazy.”

“Isn’t it? He likes to be active at night. Usually I lay in bed with my hands on my stomach just feeling him moving around in there. Sometimes I do it until I end up crying because I know Major will never get to experience it.” I hated admitting that to Vince, but in the last couple months we’d found solace in talking about Major to each other. It wasn’t like Vicki, who loved her son, but knew she had to remain strong for everyone else. Vince and I didn’t have anyone else to go home to, not until now.
“I know how much he wanted kids, Bails. I’m sorry he never got to be here for it.”

“Yeah, me too. At first I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it, but I’m still here.”

“That’s the thing about life. We never know when our time is up. Look at my life. I’ve lived to the fullest, feeling like I was invincible. I got what I deserved I suppose.”

“Don’t say that, Vince.”

He moved away and withdrew his hand from my stomach. “You know it’s true. How many times do you think Major had to give me shit for pissing you off?”

“He did?” I was sort of shocked.

“Basically every single time I acted like a fool, he threatened to kick my ass a couple times. I think the last time was when we got to Sicily. I would have deserved it.”

“You were dealing with things. You had a reason to be bitter.”

“It’s no excuse. Look at what I have to show for. I have nothing. Shit, I’m living in my dead best friend’s house with his pregnant wife who hated me up until she found out I might be dying.”

He was right, but in the time I’d been visiting him our relationship had changed. I cared about Vince, not just because he was Major’s friend. I considered him my friend too now, and it hurt my heart to think he wasn’t going to beat the cancer. “Whatever happened in the past has been left there. I wouldn’t have invited you to stay with me if I hated you. Yeah, you were a dick for a long time, but life is too short to hold grudges. The Vince I used to know isn’t the one sitting in front of me right now.”

“Yeah, well I have to repent somehow. If I ever want to see Major again, I knew I had to straighten my act up.”

I smiled, even though it was a bit morbid. “I want us to be friends, Vince. I think Major would want it too.”

“Yeah, well I never could turn down a beautiful woman. Just so you know, I’ve never not considered you a friend. You were the one with the problem.”

I tossed a pillow at him. “I had my reasons.”

“Fair enough,” he chuckled. He extended his hand out to me. “Let’s start over. I’m Vince Gallo. I’m thirty five years old. I’ve recently had my balls removed, and I prefer two percent over whole milk.”

I shook his hand while laughing. “I’m Bailey. I’m thirty one years old. I recently lost my fiancé to a tragic accident. I’m pregnant, and I only buy two percent milk.”

If I’d worried about our new living situation being awkward Vince had put my mind at ease. He’d shown me a side of him that few people knew. I appreciated his sense of humor, and also the fact that he missed Major just as much as I did. If he wanted to talk about him, I’d be there, and I knew he’d do the same for me. Now I just had to make sure I was prepared for the worst, because if I let him into my life and became friends with him, it would hurt even more if I lost him too.