Can You Say Catastrophe?

Saturday, April 20, 11:45 p.m.
My 13
^th
birthday
(Unfortunately)

Here's the good news: My instincts were right.

Here's the bad news: My birthday party was so much worse than I could have ever imagined.

 

April Sinclair just wants what any normal thirteen-year-old would want: to disown her parents and obnoxious little sisters; to escape to summer camp ASAP with her two best friends, Billy and Brynn; and to make a good impression on Matt Parker, the hot new boy next door.

Unfortunately, Matt witnesses April's utter humiliation at her birthday party. Then Billy kisses her. Just as April is trying to figure things out, her parents cancel her camp plans in lieu of a family RV trip. A summer of babysitting her sisters and “re-bonding” with her family isn't how she imagined life as a teenager. And it certainly won't help her straighten out her feelings about Billy or Matt. Is there any silver lining to a road trip in The Clunker with her family of misfits?

© 2013 by Laurie Friedman

All rights reserved. International copyright secured. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of Lerner Publishing Group, Inc., except for the inclusion of brief quotations in an acknowledged review.

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Main body text set in Janson Text LT Std 12/17.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Friedman, Laurie B., 1964–

Can you say catastrophe? / by Laurie Friedman.

pages cm. — (The mostly miserable life of April Sinclair, #1)

ISBN 978–1–4677–0925–5 (trade hard cover : alk. paper)
ISBN 978–1–4677–1620–8 (eBook)
[1. Family life—Fiction. 2. Dating (Social customs)—Fiction.] I. Title.

PZ7.F89773Cao 2013

[Fic]—dc23

2012048867

Manufactured in the United States of America
1 – BP – 7/15/13

eISBN: 978-1-4677-1620-8 (pdf)

eISBN: 978-1-4677-3326-7 (ePub)

eISBN: 978-1-4677-3325-0 (mobi)

For my parents and my sisters.

My story began at home.

Home is where your story begins.

Saturday, April 20, 11:45 P.M.
My 13th birthday
(Unfortunately)

Here's the good news: my instincts were right.

Here's the bad news: The party was so much worse than I could have ever imagined. It was the most embarrassing day of my entire life.

It started when I woke up this morning, but it went from bad to catastrophic when Dad made May, June, and me all make a wish and blow out our candles. I wished for a downpour so the party would be over, but the sky stayed light blue with little puffy white clouds, and I knew my wish wasn't coming true. It's too bad, because what happened after everyone ate birthday pie was like one of those moments in a movie that's so awful, you can't believe the filmmaker thought it up because it would never happen in real life. But in this case, it did.

I was talking to Billy and Brynn, and May walked over. “You want me to pick you up?” she asked Billy. He laughed and told May he'd love to see her try. So May grabbed Billy by the legs and lifted him up (pretty easily, actually) and held him in the air long enough to get the attention of her friends, who walked over to see what was going on.

“Who else wants to be picked up?” she asked.

Before I knew it, there was a lineup of ten-year-olds who wanted to see if May could pick them up. One by one, she picked up everyone in the line and held them in the air for a few seconds. Her friends were cheering. May was grinning.

“I bet you can't pick up somebody really big,” one of her friends said.

May nodded her head like she accepted the dare, and then she looked around the backyard. Her eyes stopped on the tallest kid at the party—Matt Parker.

She started across the yard to where he was standing. I didn't like where this was going. “Don't!” I yelled. I tried to grab May and stop her, but before I could, she had her arms wrapped around Matt's legs. The next thing I knew, he was hovering five inches above the ground.

Matt looked like he couldn't believe some little kid was lifting him off the ground. I couldn't either. Everyone crowded around and watched as May held Matt up for what felt like forever. There was clapping and whistling. Matt looked like he was in shock.

“Who are you?” asked May when she finally put him down.

Matt regained his composure and smiled.

He has the whitest teeth and the cutest smile. My heart stopped.

“Matt Parker. I just moved in next door.”

For a brief second, I thought maybe the worst was over, but that's when June decided to chime in. She looked right at Matt. “April said you're hot and that she doesn't even know you yet but she already has a crush on you.”

I couldn't believe what I heard—what everyone over the age of six and under fourteen in Faraway, Alabama, heard too. I had to do some damage control. “What are you talking about?” I made a face like no one should believe a word that was coming out of June's mouth.

But June was nodding her head like she knew exactly what she was talking about. She pointed at me. “I heard you say those
exact
words to Brynn just a few minutes ago.”

Everyone looked at Brynn. I tried to send a message to her brain to be a good best friend and tell everyone that my sister was a pathological liar. But unfortunately, that's not what Brynn did. She just stood there and grinned, like she thought the whole thing was funny.

Later, Brynn tried to explain that all she did was smile and that she didn't confirm that what June said was true. But here's the problem: she didn't say it wasn't true either!

Everyone was looking at me. I heard whispers and laughter. And just like that, I was stuck in the middle of the worst moment of my life. Matt raised his eyebrows at me, shook his head without saying anything, and then walked off. But his face said it all, and what it said was,
get me out of here!

All I can say is, Matt Parker, take me with you! Take me somewhere far away. But wait! The joke's on me—I'm already in Faraway.

Sunday, April 21, 9:14 A.M.
In bed
Where I plan to stay
For a very long time

I don't know if it's because as a teenager, my brain is capable of more complex thought or if what I'm about to write is just blatantly obvious, but there are ten very clear reasons why my life is miserable.

Ten more reasons …

Ha! Just kidding. I could go on like this all day.

I really could.

3:42 P.M.
Still stuck on yesterday

I don't want to think about my birthday party, but it's all my brain will let me think about. And what I keep thinking is that I should have known it was going to be a disaster. There were so many signs, from the moment I opened my eyes, and I ignored them all.

I should have known when May and June woke me up wearing matching floral patchwork pants and T-shirts that Mom had obviously made and sneakers with sunflowers glued on them, and Mom handed me a third matching outfit.

I should have known when June started rambling about a birthday party for the three of us with a “Spring Has Sprung” theme, and a sign that Mom hung in the backyard that said “Celebrate Our Spring Flowers, April, May, and June,” and a Pin the Stem on the Rose game that Dad set up.

I should have known when I reminded Mom that I wanted to have a skating party and she said, “April, everyone has skating parties. Dare to be different. Your father and I have put a lot of time and thought into all of your birthdays this year. Today will be unique!”

I should have known when Billy and Brynn showed up—my best friends, the ones who are supposed to love me more than anyone (except maybe my family who doesn't really count)—and couldn't stop laughing at what I was wearing.

I should have known when I saw that the party was catered by Dad's new restaurant. Dad stuck signs in all the food saying “From the Love Doctor Diner—Grand opening Friday, May 3!” It was like half party, half promotional event.

And I definitely should have known it was going to be a disaster when Matt Parker, world's hottest new boy next door, showed up and introduced himself, to which I replied “Welcome to the neighborhood!” like an old lady. And then, of course, I told Brynn—apparently too loudly—“He's so hot. I don't even know him, and I already have a crush on him.”

The rest is history.

I read this quote once that said, “The past is history. The future is a mystery. All we have is the present.” That might be true, but what I know at present is that I should have seen the signs and spent my thirteenth birthday in bed. I'm not blaming myself entirely, though. I blame my parents. I wasn't part of the planning that went into having three daughters born in the spring and naming them all after their birth months, and I certainly didn't ask to have a party with my sisters where we all wore matching outfits.

I hate my birthday. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true. I've been scarred for life. And I'm only thirteen.